“So you finally wore a saree?” Ajabdeh turned at the voice that greeted her. Hansa seemed to admire her as she smiled. “You draped it well.”
“YouTube helped.” She said monotonously, clutching her purse as though her nails would piece through it.
“You look beautiful beta.” Hansa tried to come closer as Ajabdeh moved back a step making her stop.
“Can I go now?” She asked inhaling. “I am only talking to you because you would otherwise call up my father and blame him for his upbringing.”
“Ajabdeh…” Hansa protested softly as she turned to leave.
“Have you thought of settling down?” Hansa’s question made her stop from leaving. She turned back with a frown.
“Settling down?” She asked raising an eyebrow. “I am settled. With a job, a roof over my head, friends who stayed and a parent who protects me.” Hansa seemed unfazed by her words.
“You know what I mean, a marriage, kids and all that?” Hansa sounded serious. “I can introduce you to some …” She looked around making Ajabdeh smile amused.
“So that they can abandon me when I need them the most? Or I can leave them?” Hansa looked at her daughter as her eyes twinkled a little.
“Ajabdeh, I never wanted to …”
“Please leave me alone. If I ever want to settle down my father will help. You and your world are not mine.” She shook her head and walked away. Settle down? Mrs Chauhan has no clue what I feel about relationships. She doesn’t know my therapy sessions, my insecurities and my fear of losing people. Ajabdeh blinked hoping to control her tears. The nerve of the woman to talk of marriage like she has a right to in my life.
The Andhi had disrupted the expressways leading to the venue and everyone was talking of it. Ajabdeh looked worried as she checked the cab services were also disrupted. She was not going to ask Mrs Chauhan for help. Her father called, asking her to stay back, which seemed to be the more feasible idea. Only…she looked around and there was no sign of him. Perhaps it was her luck that he gave the event a miss. She greeted the hosts and Asha’s parents immediately asked her to stay back. They had extra guest suites in the hotel and she had to oblige. She greeted Asha and congratulated her before she joined her husband for the rituals and found one of the bridesmaids to stick with. The girl insisted they watch the rituals and although disinterested Ajabdeh followed, unaware of where Pratap was. She had not caught a glimpse of him since she arrived. They found two empty seats on the bride’s side and settled down.
“Antarpat gira diya jaaye.” The priest instructed.
“I always love to see someone’s reaction in this ritual.” The bridesmaid beside her gushed, drawing her attention to the mandap as she looked up at the veil in between the bride and groom being dropped and the groom seeing the bride for the first time in her wedding attire.
Pratap’s eyes fell on her the moment the veil parted and he smiled involuntarily as he stood behind the groom. There was something about women in sarees. They looked intimidatingly beautiful. Like mothers. Pratap narrowed his brows at his thought and looked away at the fire in the alter. Ajabdeh inhaled as eyes met for the first time briefly. He was back in his suit and something told her his traditional choice had nothing to do with her words. She was living in a bubble. Her jaws stiffened as a sudden feeling of claustrophobia crept in. What was wrong with her? She excused herself to find someone else away from the rituals and her view of him. He kept staring, making her conscious of the surroundings. She did not like what it did to her. She found some empty spaces out in the open-air balcony and stood there a little further from a group of ladies who sat gossiping.
“Did you see the audacity of Udai to attend the wedding?” Someone asked.
“Yes. why did these people invite him in the first place?” Another woman sneered. “Did he bring his new wife?”
“Technically a ten-year-old wife is not new.” Another chuckled.
“Poor Pratap and Shakti, this is embarrassing, right?” Another suggested. “My daughter was saying she was talking to Shakti and he was avoiding even looking at his father.”
“Heard Jaivanta and he had a child marriage or something.” Another whispered. “No wonder they did not get along.”
“Oh stop that, it's not true, their fathers had business associations.”
Ajabdeh suddenly felt that what Pratap was looking for was perhaps a distraction like she was from her mother. Not what she thought it to be. It was never about giving her any attention like he said bluntly. The Pratap she knew before never lied.
“So you don’t like weddings?” Chetna sounded surprised as Pratap smiled. They were on the lawn, sharing a smoke as she looked at him keenly waiting for the answer. A storm had passed over an hour ago and the weather now seemed pleasant. He needed to get out as soon as he saw his father there and Chetna seemed to be a good excuse at the moment.
“It is not about like or hate.” He shrugged as the wind seemed to gain speed and decrease now and then. “Nowadays everyone seems to be bothered about the wedding and not the marriage.” He adjusted his messy hair as she watched him.
“As in?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.
“The marriage is not about all of this, how many people you invite or how much you show off and spend. It is more than that. And what is the use of this if the marriage doesn’t work out?” he looked at her with his peripheral vision and puffed his smoke.
“My god, you think so pessimistically.” Chetna sounded alarmed. “So you want a marriage, not a wedding?”
“I want neither.” He said immediately. “I am not cut out for such stuff.”
“Co-existence comes naturally to humans.” Chetna shrugged. “Only the pressure of the name of the relationships makes the expectations different.”
“So does your morality, ideas of life, experience and everything that you feel differently than others.” Pratap tossed the cigarette butt as he spoke with his hands in his pocket. “Thanks for the company.”
“So that is your final call? Nobody can change your mind?” He stopped as Chetna asked the question from behind him, his eyes freezing at the glass door at the threshold of which Ajabdeh stood in her midnight blue saree. Eyes met as she looked past him and inhaled before turning back and stepping inside. He had a strong impulse to follow her in but he stopped.
“Nobody can change my mind.” He glanced back at Chetna with a faint smile but firm words before he headed in.
“Hold the elevator.” He said at the man in front of him as Ajabdeh looked a little wide-eyed at him running for the elevator. She prayed that the door closed but it was not to be, as the man heard him. Pratap thanked him briefly and stood a little to take a deep breath before he spoke to her.
“What were you doing here?” She glanced at him pretending to be surprised.
“I am invited.”
“I mean at the lawn.”
“I was taking my room card from the reception.” She looked away, fidgeting with her purse. “The Andhi disrupted the roadways so Asha told me to stay the night.”
“So you have a room?” He asked. She did not answer him. He suddenly felt like the elevator was burning up like the earth before a summer storm quenched it. He inhaled with his hand in his pocket, tapping his foot as the elevator went up.
The elevator stopped as the man walked out. Pratap’s eyes travelled to her locks tangled in her earrings and the exposed skin on her waistline. She seemed to breathe heavier than usual as the neckline plunge made her breathing evitable to his eyes. He noticed the small mole in her cleavage that was barely visible.
“Fuck it,” Pratap grunted inwardly. Before Ajabdeh could react she found herself in Pratap’s arms, his mouth on hers, savouring her passionately. How did we end up here? His hand stopped below her waist and rested on her hip while the other one cupped her mouth, angling it to fit into his like a piece of missing puzzle. He breathed in against her lips. “Fuck you.” She moaned against his lips. That was when the elevator stopped and the door opened with a sound forcing them to move apart. A group of foreign tourists walked in as they were pushed to either side of the elevator between them. Ajabdeh could sense his glance piercing through her as her heart raced. She grabbed the key card from her bag as her floor blinked on the elevator board. His eyes observed her like he had never seen her before. Ajabdeh gulped.
“Excuse me.” She stepped out of the door to reach the room. She could feel him follow her maintaining a distance from the witnesses if any. She swiped the card and entered her room, keeping the door slightly open. Pratap looked around discreetly before sliding in after her and closing the door behind him noiselessly. She now turned towards him and the sudden passion in her eyes had turned into amusement as if they challenged him. He pulled her by the end of her drape as she crashed into him and his lips found hers. This time he was slow to taste her upper lips first then the lower ones as if to savour the moment. His hand found her still holding on to her purse as he pulled it out of her hand and threw it on the table. His hand clasped hers as eyes met. Ajabdeh inhaled as he pushed her between his arms and the wall. She pushed at his suit as it fell on the floor in a puddle near their legs and her hands found their way to the buttons of his shirt. He tucked at the drape making her gasp alarmed against his lips.
“Pins!” She exclaimed as he looked confused. “Have you never seen a saree before?” She narrowed her eyes at him as he stopped with a smile.
“Never had to undo one.” He watched as she undid the pin.
“What?” She asked as he looked amused.
“Just… You can’t deny you also want this as much as I do.” Before Ajabdeh could protest he tucked at the drape that exposed her blouse and his hand found a way to undo the blouse making her gasp.
Ajabdeh found herself pulling him in as she lay on the bed and he came over her, she could feel every feature of his body moving with hers as they undid the rest of their clothes in a hurry. Her hands travelled to his pants as he stopped and grunted.
“Shit, I don’t have protection.” He spoke in between breaths.
“I have after pills.” She pulled him closer by his neck as he narrowed his eyes at her.
“Are you sure?” She nodded as she rolled him over and was on top of him. He had never been less careful, but tonight the urges were more than he could care to think of technicalities. Pratap admired the view and suddenly felt like he should take the night slow. No primitive urges could make him hurry through the night. He wanted to live every moment.
“What about your three-night rule?” Ajabdeh asked, clearing his view of her features by swiping her hair away from her face. She had a hint of amusement in her voice as he inhaled.
“Shut up.” He sat up, dragging her onto his lap. Ajabdeh moaned as they moved in rhythm as Pratap whispered into her ears. “Look at me.” Ajabdeh narrowed her eyes at his request but suddenly felt captivated by his gaze. She could not look away. His brown pupils seemed to sparkle in the reflection of her on them, she barely blinked as he groaned in pleasure. There was something different that she could not place her fingers on.
“Stop thinking.” He urged as though he could hear her think. He pushed in further, pulling her into an embrace as she could now feel his heavy breath on the bare nape of her neck. She moaned as he kissed her there and caressed her features gently. He moaned her name and Ajabdeh suddenly felt like she lost all control of her being.
“Say that again.” Her voice was urgent and commanding. He looked at her confused, stopping briefly as she seemed to be in a hurry.
“Say my name again.” She said, “Don’t you dare stop.” Pratap had no hurry yet he could sense the urgency in her.
“Slow down.” He managed before moaning her name again. Ajabdeh’s hands travelled through his lean bare back to his hair as she held on to him reaching the highs of the ride.
“Oh, Pratap.” He could sense her exhilarating as he suddenly froze at his name. Watching him stop made her breathless and confused as he moved away.
“What happened? What's wrong?” She asked as he turned his back to her.
“Nothing.” He shook his head.
“Is it because I was first? We can …” Ajabdeh looked confused.
“No I… I need to go.” He said in a hurry as Ajabdeh held him back by his wrist in a reflex.
“You are not leaving until you tell me what is wrong. I deserve to know.” She said firmly almost commanding him. “You have no right to make me feel bad about myself.” She watched him inhale as he hid his face with his hands.
“It is not about you.” He said firmly, “Let me go. This was a mistake.”
“Too late for that.” She frowned. “What is it about then?”
“You really want to get into that?” He sounded irked as he glanced over his shoulder at her as she nodded. “I really want to know. Whatever it is.”
“Fine, I found my father in bed with a woman I didn’t know when I was barely eleven. He had given the woman a false name. My name. I found him cheating on my mother as she moaned the name in my bedroom. Do you know how twisted that is? I still wonder if I had not told her that day maybe… they would just be… you know…” He stopped as Ajabdeh hugged him from behind. “Don’t go there. It is a dark place to be in. You have no fault.” Pratap expected himself to repel from the hug. Instead, he felt his strength weaken as he turned to embrace her. Ajabdeh patted his hair as she whispered “I am sorry, I did not know. I had no intention of triggering you.”
“I know.” He nodded hiding his face in her chest.
“I really do understand what you feel. But if you go to that darkness it is impossible to return as your old self.” She said softly as he looked up at her with a frown.
“Why do you sound like my therapist?” He asked as she suddenly shot her brows up.
“I learnt that from my therapist.” In the moment they were suddenly amused and shared a faint smile.
“Do they all say the same thing?” He asked. She nodded. “I guess so.”
Pratap pulled out of the embrace as Ajabdeh pulled the sheet over her bare body.
“If you want to leave, you can,” Ajabdeh said unsurely biting her lips. Pratap inhaled.
“ I think I will stay. Have a drink.” He suggested. Ajabdeh smiled with a nod.
“Whiskey?” Her words made him smile.
“What about Champagne?” He asked as she shrugged. “What are we celebrating?” She asked adjusting her hair.
“Umm… I guess somebody’s wedding.” He made her laugh as he dialled for the order.
“Umm… Pratap… thank you for trusting me with your issue…” Ajabdeh inhaled as he lay on the bed beside her and inhaled.
“Why do you see a therapist?” he asked, holding her hand in his. Her hand felt cold and he now noticed the nailpaint and ring on her index finger. He played with it as she inhaled.
“Abandonment issues.” She said. “Nobody knows about it.” He kissed her palm as if to soothe her.
“Your secret is safe with me,” he reassured her. “Along with my commitment phobia, I will make sure they are also buried somewhere deep in me.” She chuckled at his words.
“Funny how we joke about our traumas.” She exclaimed.
“Because it is the only way to not reach the darkness and embrace our true selves.” His words made her gasp. “So our therapists do say the same thing!” She exclaimed as he chuckled amused.
“I think it's time we share contacts” he suggested eyeing her reaction to how she takes it. Ajabdeh inhaled with a smile.
“ that is better. If we keep meeting like this I would start believing in destiny.” She tossed her hair aside with a chuckle.
“Right, that won’t be good.” He agreed watching her smile as he handed her the phone. “Here you go, fill it in.”
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