Changing Thoughts

" Ajabde." Jaivanta Bai hugged her as Kunwar Pratap unknowingly smiled at the duo. He didn't realise he was not feeling jealous of Ranima's affection for her anymore.

" It's so good that you are back." Sajja smiled. " Now you will help us with the Teej preparations." Ajabde smiled nodding as Kunwar Pratap said " I will go to the arena, I will be there after... I mean....at Lunch." He left in haste as Jaivanta Bai stared at Ajabde who had a little pink blush on her cheeks. Jaivanta Bai smiled as she was not sure if Pratap said that to her or his wife.

 

All through the day, Ajabde helped by going through the smallest details of the Teej Preparations until lunchtime. All the Ranis were impressed by how she knew everything so easily. She walked into her room post lunch and gasped at the scene. The maps, the books, and his things were all scattered where they were not meant to be. The Daasis were apparently too scared to touch his important things. She dispersed them after opening her trunks and started gathering his books and papers.

" I was not here for a few days and the room has become a crow's nest." She was telling herself aloud.

 

" You said something?" His voice from behind made her stop wide-eyed before she said.

" No Nothing!" He looked at the new Ramayana left unattended at the table as he picked it up after removing his pagri and placing it on the table.

" Aree you didn't place it on the puja Ghar table?" He was about to when she stopped him.

" Wait! It needs to be purified." A confused Kunwar Pratap stopped with the book in hand and Ajabde walked up and sprinkled some water of the Ganges on it uttering some mantras.

" Now you can." She nodded. He placed the Ramayana replacing the old one and sat down at the side of the table. She was walking back to the unattended scattered maps when he stopped her.

 

" I thought we would be reading some Ramayana." She turned back to see him turn the pages.

" The... maps...."

" They can wait." He patted her seat as he opened a page. " Here, read this part and say what you think."

She sat down to read. He was ready to listen.

 

" Tell me, everyone says oh Ram, that Kaikeyi is your father's favourite. But you say he loves Maata Kausalya more. Why?" Ajabde read the excerpts out loud as he sat hearing, staring at the book.

" Ram says, Kaikeyi is his favourite queen, but my mother is his wife."

" What does Lord Ram mean by that?" Kunwar Pratap looked up from the book at her face.

" With Kaikeyi he ruled the kingdom as a king. She was known for her political knowledge. With Kausalya, he stayed as a husband, she was his wife, the only one who had half the right in everything, his puja, his charity, his children, and his life. The others were queens. they shared the kingdom as coregent and not the vows." Ajabde explained in simple words what was written.

 

" Wives and Queens are different?" He asked, a little surprised.

" Yes, Lord Ram says that the wife he respects and loves. The queen he... loves and lusts..." She sounded a little embarrassed with the explanation.

He was absent-minded. She continued, " Maata Sita asked, were alliances important?" Kunwar Pratap was eager to know the answer.

" He said they were needed, not a necessity. He said he believed in marriages, not alliances made out of weddings."

" He's right, I think." Kunwar Pratap shrugged as Ajabde smiled. " He is always right, he is Lord Ram."

" You know what that means?" He asked, his eyes twinkling.

" What?" She asked surprised.

" Ranima is Daajiraj's wife and Chotima is his queen. It's different." The moment Kunwar Pratap said that he felt uneasy. He had never shared with anyone how much it bothered him when everyone addressed Chotima as his father's favourite. And today, how easily he had expressed that to her. Ajabde understood his feelings. She nodded, adding " Ranaji respects Ranima a lot." That made him smile as she resumed with the book.

 

She was making garlands for the Sandhipuja when he was leaving and he said " Kunwaraniji, I forgot to tell you, there is a trip to Jalore next week."

" When are you leaving?"

" I... we are going three days after Teej for my sister's wedding. Ranima will tell you." He left her smiling to herself.

Ranima had called to select gifts for the bride and also gifted Ajabde a red Jora and jewellery for her first Teej. She smiled and took Ranima's blessings.

 

" Kunwarsa!" Sajja stopped Pratap on his way, a day before Teej. He turned around as she walked up to him, " What gift did you buy?"She asked in a teasing tone.

" Gift? For whom?" He was confused.

" Ohho! You are so naive! Kunwar Sa!" Sajja Bai scolded. " You need to give something to Kuwaranisa as she will fast for you, remember?" She left an utterly confused Kunwar Pratap who had never given so many gifts in his life as he was giving in the past month.

 

Teej was here and all the ladies woke before dawn for the Sargi. Before leaving the room, Ajabde made sure that the pillow between them was removed as he still slept at his side. She then left for the Sargi.

His sleep broke with her cough. She was coughing due to the excess smoke from the Dhuna that had filled the puja room. He sat up looking worried as she coughed.

" Kunwaraniji, have some water." He suggested.

" I ... Ss... Shama kijiye .... you woke from my..." She managed in between the coughs.

" Water..."

" I can't... Vrat hai..." She managed before coughing some more and then walking out for some fresh air. But Kunwar Pratap could read her mind, she walked out thinking her cough disturbed him. He shook his head trying to shake off a guilty feeling.

 

First thing in the morning he took Chakrapani to the jeweller and ordered something because he was too shy to go by himself, in case someone saw him, in a jeweller's shop on Teej they would know. Then he and Shakti were at the arena like usual. He had warned Chakrapani not to spill a word to his brother. Padmavati was in the garden when both the brothers were walking back into the Ranimahal. Seeing their sister sulk, they walked up to her.

 

" What happened now?" Shakti was fed up with his sibling.

" Ranima has told me to fast for... " She stopped.

" Kunwar Aditya Narayan. He is your husband." Shakti's tone was indifferent.

" He is not, he will be, why will I fast now?"

" So that he doesn't run away changing his mind." Shakti chuckled. " He won't know the trouble he is getting into."

" Dadabhai Pratap! See he is teasing me." She complained.

" Ohho! Bhai Shakti. Don't say that." Padmavati smiled as Kunwar Pratap spoke.

" He can run away after the wedding too." Kunwar Pratap chuckled as Kunwar Shakti laughed along and Padmavati fumed.

" Bhabisa. Bhabisaa!"

 

To Kunwar Pratap and Kunwar Shakti's utter shock now Padmavati was shouting for support from Ajabde. They didn't know she was in the garden, her face covered as she came out from one of the bushes with her flower basket.

" What happened, Rajkumarisa?" She asked in a soft calm voice as Kunwar Pratap and Kunwar Shakti turned to spot her and then stared at each other.

" Ohho! I have said this so many times, call me Padma! Bhabisa, they are teasing me!"

" No, we are not," Shakti spoke seriously. Kunwar Pratap was quiet.

" I won't keep the vrat for someone. Why will I harm myself?" She spoke.

" Who said you are fasting for him? It's for your good." Ajabde's words made Padmavati and Shakti stare at her shocked as Kunwar Pratap waited for her rational logic.

" You see... When we fast, our soul gets purified and we ... umm... the skin glows..."

" It does?" Padmavati asked.

" Yes it does, it helps our system only, so you are helping yourself and not fasting for someone."

" You know so much!" Padmavati exclaimed as Shakti added, " Still he is going to escape from the Mandap." That made Padmavati chase him as Kunwar Pratap warned " Dheere..." and Ajabde smiled at the duo.

 

She was about to leave when he said " Dhanyavaad." She turned around to ask " Who..."

" Kunwar Aditya Narayan, Prince of Bikaner." She nodded and was leaving when he added " I almost forgot, I am going to the village with Raoji for some work, I can be late, can you tell Ranima?"

" All right." She nodded before leaving. Kunwar Pratap had no idea how Teej worked or the fact that he needed to break her fast. Ajabde, knowing that, decided not to come between his work and motherland, as she promised.

 

It was very late at night when Ranima saw Ajabde waiting with her puja thali still in her room and sighed. She walked across to the Map room, surprised to find Kunwar Pratap lost at work.

" Kunwar Pratap!" Her tone made him sure that he was in for some scolding.

" Ji?"

" How irresponsible are you towards Ajabde? Your responsibility towards her is as much as it is towards Mewar or me. She is fasting all day and waiting for you to break her fast and you are too busy till so late..." Ranima was clearly angry as he reassured her and rushed to the room.

 

Ajabde was feeling tired. She was not hungry or sleepy, just tired of the heavy jewellery and Jora when he walked in. She smiled at him faintly asking " Can I get you some water?"

" Why didn't you tell me?" Came a question full of guilt.

" Tell you what Kunwar Sa?"

" What is needed for breaking this fast?"

" You had work, and telling that would make me break my vow of not coming between you and your work." She said it so firmly that it amazed him. Her ideals were so high. He stepped up to her saying " Do what you have to do first."

She nodded in silence and did the puja, his aarti and then washed his feet. He was a little uncomfortable as she took his blessings and he added " You don't need to do that..."

She said " Paani."

" Ji?" He was clueless.

" You have to make me drink the..."

He held the lota as she took a sip and she indicated the sweet. This time he gave it in her hand and she ate it herself and she pointed at the thaali with her eyes. What? His eyes asked.

" Sindoor." She spoke up. He was still clueless so she removed the maangtika from her hairline.

" Ohh." He took a small amount and put it over the sindoor that was already there.

" Now can I bring you water?" She asked me to put down her thaal.

 

" Daasi." He called as she looked confused. " Bring our dinner in the room today, it's too late for the hall.." He added looking at her as she nodded. They discarded the Daasis after they brought food and she served him. He looked at her empty plate as she sat in front waiting for him to finish his food.

" You should eat too, it's late." He spoke up.

" I... will... later... after I serve you." She was in slight discomfort eating in front of him.

" You are the one who was fasting so I should serve you." His logic made her laugh as he looked shocked.

" Why? What was funny?" He frowned as she stopped, scared.

" I... mean.." She became serious. " I have never heard someone tell he will serve his..." She stopped looking away.

" Kunwaraniji. Does the whole of Rajputana tell you what happens in their homes that you know no one tells?" He asked amused. " Have you seen Chakrapani?" That made her laugh as he laughed too.

" He is very scared of Bhago." She concluded. " She has changed so much."

" Changed?" He asked as he put the daal in her empty bowl.

" Yes, when we were children, I used to order her around, and she used to listen sheepishly." She smiled at the memories.

" Chakrapani is always scared of everyone since we were in Gurukul." He added.

" I have never been scared of anyone." She said while eating.

" Accha?" He smiled amused with a hint of taunt in his voice that made her stop chewing her food as she looked up.

" I... was scared once.... when Bijolia was attacked by the Afghans." She shivered at the memory. " We were stuck in a room for three days, Maa Sa, Ratan and me."

" Which Afghan?" He frowned, displeased at her experience.

" Shams Khan."

" My first war was..."

" With him, before you killed him. I know." He looked at her pleased as she quickly added " The whole Rajputana knows" making him smile.

 

After dinner, while he was getting ready for bed he remembered he had forgotten to give her the... she was already fast asleep and he didn't want to wake her. Ajabde woke up to spot a pair of silver three-stranded Payal neatly kept over the pillow in between with a small paper that read " For Teej." She smiled at his sleeping figure before taking it.

Kunwar Pratap woke up with her Bhajan and as he was putting on his pagri, he heard an unfamiliar noise from Payal, when he turned around and saw his gift on her feet. She handed him the prasad as he said " Chalte hai." He was at the door when she thought she should thank him and walked out behind him.

 

Dheer Bai saw them walk out as she spoke to Kunwar Pratap. " Kunwarsa, I know you care for no one except your Matribhumi but this was not right, I heard you made Kuwaraniji wait for such a long time..." Kunwar Pratap was feeling guilty and that showed on his face as Ajabde interrupted.

" Ranisa, It was my fault, I didn't tell him the rituals as I didn't want to interrupt his work." Kunwar Pratap looked pleased as he added " Chalte hai Chotima." He then stopped and suddenly turned around and spoke to Ajabde, in front of the Bhatiyani Queen, shocking them both.

" Kuwaraniji, why do you call Chotima Ranisa? I don't think she would mind if you called her Chotima instead."

" No, why will I..." Came a soft voice, her face showing otherwise as Dheerbai walked away. Ajabde was too shocked to react as she saw him walk away as she murmured " Dhanyavad Kunwarsa." To herself.

 

Two days later, they were on the way to Jalore as his horse rode beside her palanquin he asked " Do you want to stop to rest here for some time Kuwaraniji?"

" Whatever You decide." A reply came.

" I thought you made your decisions." He taunted.

" Only important ones." There was a hint of amusement in her voice as he shook his head with a smile and ordered " We rest here before going the rest of the way.

She was cleaning her face in the water of the pond as he stood at a distance and remembered their first meeting. She seemed happy that day. He thought absentmindedly as he saw her smile at a Daasi saying something.

 

They were welcomed to Jalore in all grandeur as Princesses flocked around Kunwarani Ajabde wanting to know the luckiest girl in Rajputana. Some were looking at her simple ways with hints of jealousy as well. Ajabde didn't enjoy the attention. She kept staring at the men's end from behind her veil as she spotted him talking to people. The wedding started and she stood right across from him at the mandap. He knew she was looking at him, even from behind that veil, how he didn't know. The Kanyadaan was being done, and the couple sat hand in hand smiling at each other, Ajabde's mind travelled back to her wedding when he actually didn't touch her hand. As she looked up at him, her heart skipped a beat as he was looking straight at her, and something told her he was thinking the same. They both looked away.

 

The Pheras were on as the Panditji read out the vows " I as a wife promise to give you a family and protect your happiness..." " I as a husband will love and honour you..." Ajabde suddenly felt a lump in her throat as she walked away from the scene unnoticed and into the open roof for some fresh air. She gulped down a glass of water and quickly wiped away the traces of tears that had come before she took a deep breath, smiled and walked back in. Kunwar Pratap had seen her leave and in his heart, he knew why. He didn't have the bravery he needed to face her and decided to leave her alone. He was happy that she returned before the pheras were over.

 

Once they were in the hall for the remaining rasms, he came and stood beside her as Ajabde spotted that most of the eyes in the room were on them instead of the newlywed. She looked at him, aware but not bothered by the attention. The youngest princess asked her mother, " Why does the bride sit on the left Maasa?"

" Why don't you ask Dadabhai Pratap? He's newly married." His Mamisa replied as his eyes widened.

" Bataiye naa." The young girl urged as all eyes were on him, he seemed clueless.

" I... Ummm.... why... left..." He murmured. Smiling inwardly, Ajabde softly said " Heart!"

He heard her as he said " Ummm... yes... heart... the heart is on the left and it pumps blood and gives us life, similarly ... Ummm.... the bride is on the left because.... because ... " He stopped and took a breath. " Like the heart, the wife gives you life, saves you, protects you, purifies your soul and life." He didn't fumble on it surprising himself and Ajabde as his Mamisa teased

" Aree wah, Kunwaraniji, people don't tell you are the luckiest girl in Rajputana, without a reason! Kunwar Pratap proved that today."

Ajabde blushed, smiling as a guilty feeling crept into Pratap's heart as he studied her pretentious happy face and then his sister's happy one.

 

As they were leaving, before she went into the palanquin he asked

" Kunwaraniji... are you alright?"

" Yes, I am just tired. " She knew what he was asking but pretended not to. This made her appear stronger to him. Her strong self made him more guilty inside. Maybe I am wrong about what I think of wives, or maybe like Ranima said she is not like the others. He was lost in thoughts as he rode home silently. He stared at the semi-transparent purdah and watched her admire the ring he gave absentmindedly.

READ STORY HERE