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Her Shadow

Rui bankar kanpti hun

Chaaro taraf hai sholay


Bondita was very excited to arrange for Asha’s Sadh Puron before she left. Traditionally Roy Chowdhurys held one such event, while the daughter-in-law’s parents held the rest. She instructed Munshi to check the decorations, ordered the best flowers and even picked up new sarees, jewellery and gifts for Ashapurna herself. She went to the house of the Mukhopadhyays and to every villager personally to invite the married ladies to the occasion. She wanted to outdo her best for Ashapurna before she left. Bondita couldn’t help but feel guilty for leaving her in such a state, alone.

“Why is it called Sadh Puron?” Bondita wondered aloud as she went through the grocery list while Koeli checked the vegetables. Koeli looked up at her as her face turned grim. Bondita frowned “Do you know Koeli Didi?”

“I…” Koeli smiled awkwardly “Choto Malkin there is so much left to be done, I will tell you some other day.”

“Koeli Didi.” Bondita stopped her. “I command you, tell me now.” Koeli stopped her hands from sorting out the vegetables and looked up at Bondita.

“Umm… a lot of women die while …. pregnant or at childbirth…” She stopped to chant a few mantras to ward off the evil eyes from Asha as Bondita looked pale “Or even after giving birth… so, all their desires to eat good food or wear good clothes are fulfilled through…” Koeli stopped. Bondita inhaled. 

“Strange, isn’t it Koeli Didi?” She spoke looking at the clueless house help “A woman has to instil the fear of her death in her own loved ones to get her desires fulfilled. Simple desires, of food and clothes.” Bondita shrugged, “I never knew.” She sighed, got up, and addressed one of the house helpers to help check on the Alpanas.


It was almost midnight when Bondita walked into the room in a hurry and started looking for something on the dressing table. Aniruddha was busy reading a book, and he had to stop in between as she made a lot of noise distracting his attention and murmured something to himself.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked at last.

“Yes. Kakababu gave me a pair of anklets for Jagatdhatri Pujo. They are stone studded, I kept them somewhere, but I can’t find one of the pairs. I have to wear them at the Sadh Puron.” She looked perplexed “I even checked the lockers. Where did I keep it? Kakababu will scold me if I lose it!”

Aniruddha closed his book, amused. 

“Do you know where you kept it?” He asked, folding his arms across his chest. She shook her head.

“What kind of a Barrister are you? Not a good one for sure.” She taunted “If I knew where I kept it, I would find it!” She shrugged.

“Hmm.” He walked across the room, closer to her and asked almost in her ears “Do you know the last time you wore it?” 

“Yes, I…” Bondita’s eyes widened. She wore it on the day it rained. She looked at him with questioning eyes. Still amused, Aniruddha opened the drawer of his writing desk and took out the anklet. 

“I found it the morning after.” He said as she tried hard not to blush.

“Why did you keep it? I had been looking all over for it.” She said trying to snatch the anklet from him as he held it up amused, as she couldn’t reach it.

“You never said you are looking for it.”

“So you will keep it?” She narrowed her eyes at him “Do you know who keeps things that don’t belong to them? Thieves and dacoits. Are you one, Barrister Babu?” She asked, still trying to get the anklet from him.

“Hush.” He placed his finger over her lips. “You tend to speak a lot, you know.” He stepped forward as she stepped back, and found herself between the bed and him. She sat down, intimidated. He leaned over and whispered into her ears.

“Wait, I will turn the lights off.” She held onto his arm, as he retreated, hiding her face in his chest, in an embrace, as she murmured “No, keep it on.”


It was decided that since traditionally men don’t attend such events, Batuk would go over to meet his friends one last time before he departed to Bombay, Somnath and Binoy would be at work and Trilochan would accompany Aniruddha to the court for some pending property paperwork, leaving Bondita in charge of the event and household. 


The Mukhopadhyays arrived with a lot of gifts for their daughter, as Asha sat in the centre glowing during her pregnancy, and the women of the village congratulated her with gifts. Bondita arranged for lunch and snacks and chatted with a few of them as a courtesy.

One of the older ladies pointed out that the traditional ritual required the woman hosting the event to serve food to the pregnant woman and bless her first then the rest would follow. Ashapurna looked up at Bondita who smiled ordering Koeli to arrange for the food.

“I must say Bondita” Asha’s mother smiled “You made all the arrangements so efficiently all alone.”

“She is used to doing that a lot, for Shoshur Moshai’s officer's parties.” Ashapurna smiled.

“She is exaggerating. I have so much help.” Bondita shook her head.

The plates of food arrived as Asha’s mother indicated to Koeli to put a mat on the floor for Asha to sit on.

“Oh no.” Bondita stopped her and said, “She will sit at the dining table.”

“But…”

“She shouldn’t bend down in such a condition.” Bondita smiled, “Come Asha.”

“For someone utterly inexperienced you surely know a lot.” Asha’s Kakima taunted. 

“I read a lot.” Bondita smiled politely.

She was about to take the lamp and bless Asha when her mother stopped Bondita alarmed.

“You can’t do that.” She spoke a little awkwardly. Bondita and Asha frowned. 

“But Kakima said that the host…” Ashapurna stopped at her mother’s stare.

“Let someone with children bless her and feed her.” Ashapurna’s mother spoke. The ladies agreed. Ashapurna in a reflex held on to Bondita’s hand. She knew how much Bondita had done to make this day special for her.

Bondita slipped her hand away from Asha’s and nodded with a smile. She stepped aside as the ladies stepped in. She was looking at them, blessing Asha, from afar when she heard Ashapurna’s mother ask Koeli for some camphor.

“ Have to ward off evil eyes from her.” She said,

“Yes, some people who can’t have marital bliss or children often have their evil eyes set on those who do.” Asha’s Pishima agreed. The village women gossiped. Bondita knew these stares, she had seen them at her cousin’s wedding. Bondita’s heart sank. She always wanted Asha to be happy, and her child to be healthy. She didn’t care for the same in her life right now. She had too much to do before… Nobody there would understand. Ashapurna wanted to stop her as she left the hall.


Bondita sat on the stairs of the courtyard and wiped off her tears. She remembered what Aniruddha told her. The unconventional needed to be brave. Yet, she couldn’t stop being affected by these people and their ways.

“ Maa. you should have let her do it. Didibhai spent all week preparing for my…” Ashapurna was snapped at by her mother.

“You naive child, when will you learn anything? By doing that she is just being a good daughter-in-law.”

“Your mother is right.” Agreed her Jethima and Pishi “ She will please the Zamindar Babu. He is already biased toward her. These are all tricks to get better things.” Ashapurna shook her head shocked.

“You don’t know her. She is not…” Ashapurna defended.

“Her husband doesn’t seem interested in her.” One of the ladies shrugged her shoulders. A few nodded in agreement. “Heard they had separate rooms.”

“You know nothing.” Ashapurna looked displeased.

“A wife should be like a husband’s shadow. Instead, this one is making a shadow out of him. Heard she will study law.” another agreed.

“I heard that well-read women become infertile. What if she is unable to bear a child?” Her Mashi spoke much to everyone’s horror. “We never know that. It’s been almost a year since…”

Ashapurna stood up to find Aniruddha at the threshold. He had forgotten some papers in his study and had decided to stop by the house. He had decided to tiptoe into the study without disturbing the ladies and slip away unnoticed. He was welcomed by Ashapurna’s voice defending Bondita’s intentions and the rest followed. Ashapurna knew he heard everything the minute she saw his face.

“Where is Bondita?” He stared at the silent room.

“Aniruddha Babu.” her mother tried to ease the situation hoping he wouldn't hear their gossip “We were just…”

“Ashapurna, where is Bondita?” Ashapurna shook her head as he stared at the women in the crowd, disgusted and went inside looking for her. “Bondita? Bondita!”

“What have you done!” Ashapurna shook her head, scared. “All of you.”


Bondita was quick to wipe her tears and stand up when she heard his voice and footsteps.

“What are you doing at home?” She tried to sound normal. Aniruddha’s jaws tightened. He could tell that she had cried. 

“Are you looking for something?” She asked again.

“Come with me.” He held her by her wrist firmly and dragged her back to the hallway.

“What… Barrister Babu… I….” Bondita was scared and unsure as he looked angry.


The ladies looked a little wide-eyed as he dragged Bondita right to the middle of the sitting area and let go of her hand.

“You have a problem with her?” He asked, looking at Ashapurna’s mother.

“Barrister Babu…” She whispered in vain “Don’t.”

“What? Aniruddha Babu…”

“Answer me, do you have a problem with her, yes or no?” He fumed.

“No, I…”

“Then who gave you the right to insult the very woman who invited you here?” Aniruddha shook his head and looked around at them “In her own home?”

“Please… stop….” Bondita held his upper arm “Please. You told me…”

“Forget what I told you.” He snapped. “There is a limit to everything one can tolerate.”

“Dadabhai.” Ashapurna spoke, scared “I apologize on their behalf. And mine. I let them….”

“Don’t lie, Ashapurna.” Aniruddha shook his head. “I heard you trying to stop them, and I am sorry I have spoken this way to your family, but I will not stand and tolerate anyone coming and insulting my wife at my home.” The women looked at one another. Ashapurna nodded. She did understand. If anyone envied anyone else’s life here it wasn’t Bondita. She knew it in the deepest corner of her heart.

“You questioned her mind, and she kept quiet, you questioned her priorities she kept quiet, I will not allow anyone, and I repeat anyone is it my family or random strangers to come and judge our relationship here. I will not allow you to judge her abilities to be a good wife or a mother.” Bondita looked up at his face at the words. “ You doubted our equation, well, we are not answerable to you, And as for her dreams, her apparent audacity to choose my profession, I will make sure she is better than me. You were talking of me being in her shadow? Shadows stay with us only when there is light, I vow to be with her even in the darkest times when she can’t even see her own shadow.” Bondita was surprised to see his hand travel to hold hers tightly.

“ Let’s go. I won’t stand here and tolerate the disrespect of our relationship, for another minute now.” he dragged her away, up the stairs as the ladies stood in silence.

“Please leave.” Ashapurna folded her hands and spoke to everyone, “Now.”


“What have you done?” Bondita spoke the moment they were in the bedroom. “You insulted the Mukhopadhyay. Baba will be furious.” She sighed. Aniruddha couldn’t care less. 

“The only one I should apologize to is Ashapurna and I already did that. I told you I am guilty of not being with you through all of this, I will not make the same mistake anymore.


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The rainy night had given way to a rather pleasant summer morning in Suryapali. The temperature was no longer soaring and a gentle breeze blew through the plains of Suryapali. The sun peeped out through the floating clouds occasionally. Priyambada walked into her chambers after a luncheon to find trays laid with drapes and jewellery, waiting for her. “The Maharani sent this for some celebration in the evening,” Vrinda spoke, bowing at her mistress who nodded silently. Priyambada eyed the trays and exhaled. She wasn’t sure if anyone talked to Ishaan Dev about the rituals. She dismissed Vrinda and decided to read the scripture. As Priyambada sat down on the edge of the bed, scripture in hand, her thoughts travelled to the happenings of the night and she inhaled as her throat felt dry. Why did he stop? Did he feel that he had offended her? Priyambada wondered. She walked up to the attire laid down for the evening and picked up the drape wrapped into a bodice and wrap-around skirt. They w...

Ghore Fera

  ঘরে ফেরা   বন্দিতার মামা মেয়ের সাথে দেখা করতে আসেন তুলশিপুর। গরিবের ঘরের ছা পোষা চেহারা তার, পরনে খাটো ধুতি ও ছিটের জামা। মেয়ের শশুরবাড়িতে খালি হাতে আসা অন্যায় তাই দুটি মিষ্টির হাড়ি সাথে। অনিচ্ছা সত্তেও রায় চৌধুরী বাড়িতে যেতে হয় তাকে। তারা তুলশিপুরের জমিদার, সম্পূর্ণার শ্বশুরের মনিব, তাদের সম্মান করে চলা মঙ্গল। তা ছাড়া যে বোন  ও বোনঝিকে আশ্রয় দেওয়া নিয়ে দিনরাত কথা শোনাতে বাঁধতো না তার, সেই বোন  এখন মাস গেলে তার হাতে টাকা তুলে দেয়, অনিরুদ্ধ বাবুর দয়ায়। হাতে আসা লক্ষ্মী পায়ে ঠেলার বিলাসিতা করার মত মুরোদ নয় তার। অগত্যা বোনঝির সাথে দেখা করতে জমিদার বাড়ি আসা। এদের বাড়ির চাকররাও  তার থেকে ভাল পোশাক পরে; ভাগ্য দেখো মেয়েটার। কোথায় কোন বুড়োর বাড়ির এক কোণে পরে থাকার ব্যবস্থা করেছিল সে, এখন বন্দিতা রাজরানী।  জমিদার ত্রিলোচন রায় চৌধুরীর যাকে পছন্দ নয় তাকে তিনি সেটা বুঝিয়ে দিতে দ্বিধা বোধ করেন না। বন্দিতার মামা তার তেমন এক অপছন্দের পাত্র । বৌমার মুখে তিনি যা  শুনেছেন তারপর বৌমার তাদের প্রতি টান দেখে আশ্চর্য হন ত্রিলোচন বাবু। কিন্তু কুটুম্ব তারা। হাতে কর...

Trust

Ishaan Dev woke up at the sound of the hourly bells and trumpets and found himself alone in bed. It took him some time to realise that he had perhaps overslept as he looked confused, half asleep first at the hourglass and then at the sun rays coming into the chambers through the swaying curtains. He sat up to suddenly remember the happenings of the night, as his eyes travelled to the blood stain on the sheet and he sat in contemplation for a good few minutes. He finally had his moment with Priyambada and it was nothing like he had imagined it to be. A part of him that yearned to touch her and taste her was satisfied enough to realise that his longing for her was not only physical. When bodies entwined in the union, and he had pushed himself in, as he had with a hundred other women before her, something in him felt a different sense of completeness and fulfilment that he realised was missing from his life. He had seen Priyambada react to the sensations that were completely new to her, m...

Gratefulness

Aniruddha did not return home that night, he informed on the telephone that he was stuck in urgent work so he would return home the next day after spending the night at the client's house. Bondita spent a sleepless night. What would she tell Barrister Babu? And why would he believe it? She was lost in her thoughts twisting and turning in bed all night. She was hurt. Was her husband so reluctant towards their relationship that he did not wish to return home because of her? Once he was busy with some work and was pacing in the study room. Bondita was a child. Her Jetha Shoshur Moshai had taught her to serve her husband. She used to see Bihari take a cup of tea to the study room every day. Despite Bihari's resistance, she picked up the cup of tea that day.  "Don't do this, Ginnima ," Bihari was terrified. “Barrister Babu does not like to talk or be disturbed during his work. If he gets angry, I will lose my job.” Bondita ignored his words and entered the study room w...