Skip to main content

Her Shadow

Rui bankar kanpti hun

Chaaro taraf hai sholay


Bondita was very excited to arrange for Asha’s Sadh Puron before she left. Traditionally Roy Chowdhurys held one such event, while the daughter-in-law’s parents held the rest. She instructed Munshi to check the decorations, ordered the best flowers and even picked up new sarees, jewellery and gifts for Ashapurna herself. She went to the house of the Mukhopadhyays and to every villager personally to invite the married ladies to the occasion. She wanted to outdo her best for Ashapurna before she left. Bondita couldn’t help but feel guilty for leaving her in such a state, alone.

“Why is it called Sadh Puron?” Bondita wondered aloud as she went through the grocery list while Koeli checked the vegetables. Koeli looked up at her as her face turned grim. Bondita frowned “Do you know Koeli Didi?”

“I…” Koeli smiled awkwardly “Choto Malkin there is so much left to be done, I will tell you some other day.”

“Koeli Didi.” Bondita stopped her. “I command you, tell me now.” Koeli stopped her hands from sorting out the vegetables and looked up at Bondita.

“Umm… a lot of women die while …. pregnant or at childbirth…” She stopped to chant a few mantras to ward off the evil eyes from Asha as Bondita looked pale “Or even after giving birth… so, all their desires to eat good food or wear good clothes are fulfilled through…” Koeli stopped. Bondita inhaled. 

“Strange, isn’t it Koeli Didi?” She spoke looking at the clueless house help “A woman has to instil the fear of her death in her own loved ones to get her desires fulfilled. Simple desires, of food and clothes.” Bondita shrugged, “I never knew.” She sighed, got up, and addressed one of the house helpers to help check on the Alpanas.


It was almost midnight when Bondita walked into the room in a hurry and started looking for something on the dressing table. Aniruddha was busy reading a book, and he had to stop in between as she made a lot of noise distracting his attention and murmured something to himself.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked at last.

“Yes. Kakababu gave me a pair of anklets for Jagatdhatri Pujo. They are stone studded, I kept them somewhere, but I can’t find one of the pairs. I have to wear them at the Sadh Puron.” She looked perplexed “I even checked the lockers. Where did I keep it? Kakababu will scold me if I lose it!”

Aniruddha closed his book, amused. 

“Do you know where you kept it?” He asked, folding his arms across his chest. She shook her head.

“What kind of a Barrister are you? Not a good one for sure.” She taunted “If I knew where I kept it, I would find it!” She shrugged.

“Hmm.” He walked across the room, closer to her and asked almost in her ears “Do you know the last time you wore it?” 

“Yes, I…” Bondita’s eyes widened. She wore it on the day it rained. She looked at him with questioning eyes. Still amused, Aniruddha opened the drawer of his writing desk and took out the anklet. 

“I found it the morning after.” He said as she tried hard not to blush.

“Why did you keep it? I had been looking all over for it.” She said trying to snatch the anklet from him as he held it up amused, as she couldn’t reach it.

“You never said you are looking for it.”

“So you will keep it?” She narrowed her eyes at him “Do you know who keeps things that don’t belong to them? Thieves and dacoits. Are you one, Barrister Babu?” She asked, still trying to get the anklet from him.

“Hush.” He placed his finger over her lips. “You tend to speak a lot, you know.” He stepped forward as she stepped back, and found herself between the bed and him. She sat down, intimidated. He leaned over and whispered into her ears.

“Wait, I will turn the lights off.” She held onto his arm, as he retreated, hiding her face in his chest, in an embrace, as she murmured “No, keep it on.”


It was decided that since traditionally men don’t attend such events, Batuk would go over to meet his friends one last time before he departed to Bombay, Somnath and Binoy would be at work and Trilochan would accompany Aniruddha to the court for some pending property paperwork, leaving Bondita in charge of the event and household. 


The Mukhopadhyays arrived with a lot of gifts for their daughter, as Asha sat in the centre glowing during her pregnancy, and the women of the village congratulated her with gifts. Bondita arranged for lunch and snacks and chatted with a few of them as a courtesy.

One of the older ladies pointed out that the traditional ritual required the woman hosting the event to serve food to the pregnant woman and bless her first then the rest would follow. Ashapurna looked up at Bondita who smiled ordering Koeli to arrange for the food.

“I must say Bondita” Asha’s mother smiled “You made all the arrangements so efficiently all alone.”

“She is used to doing that a lot, for Shoshur Moshai’s officer's parties.” Ashapurna smiled.

“She is exaggerating. I have so much help.” Bondita shook her head.

The plates of food arrived as Asha’s mother indicated to Koeli to put a mat on the floor for Asha to sit on.

“Oh no.” Bondita stopped her and said, “She will sit at the dining table.”

“But…”

“She shouldn’t bend down in such a condition.” Bondita smiled, “Come Asha.”

“For someone utterly inexperienced you surely know a lot.” Asha’s Kakima taunted. 

“I read a lot.” Bondita smiled politely.

She was about to take the lamp and bless Asha when her mother stopped Bondita alarmed.

“You can’t do that.” She spoke a little awkwardly. Bondita and Asha frowned. 

“But Kakima said that the host…” Ashapurna stopped at her mother’s stare.

“Let someone with children bless her and feed her.” Ashapurna’s mother spoke. The ladies agreed. Ashapurna in a reflex held on to Bondita’s hand. She knew how much Bondita had done to make this day special for her.

Bondita slipped her hand away from Asha’s and nodded with a smile. She stepped aside as the ladies stepped in. She was looking at them, blessing Asha, from afar when she heard Ashapurna’s mother ask Koeli for some camphor.

“ Have to ward off evil eyes from her.” She said,

“Yes, some people who can’t have marital bliss or children often have their evil eyes set on those who do.” Asha’s Pishima agreed. The village women gossiped. Bondita knew these stares, she had seen them at her cousin’s wedding. Bondita’s heart sank. She always wanted Asha to be happy, and her child to be healthy. She didn’t care for the same in her life right now. She had too much to do before… Nobody there would understand. Ashapurna wanted to stop her as she left the hall.


Bondita sat on the stairs of the courtyard and wiped off her tears. She remembered what Aniruddha told her. The unconventional needed to be brave. Yet, she couldn’t stop being affected by these people and their ways.

“ Maa. you should have let her do it. Didibhai spent all week preparing for my…” Ashapurna was snapped at by her mother.

“You naive child, when will you learn anything? By doing that she is just being a good daughter-in-law.”

“Your mother is right.” Agreed her Jethima and Pishi “ She will please the Zamindar Babu. He is already biased toward her. These are all tricks to get better things.” Ashapurna shook her head shocked.

“You don’t know her. She is not…” Ashapurna defended.

“Her husband doesn’t seem interested in her.” One of the ladies shrugged her shoulders. A few nodded in agreement. “Heard they had separate rooms.”

“You know nothing.” Ashapurna looked displeased.

“A wife should be like a husband’s shadow. Instead, this one is making a shadow out of him. Heard she will study law.” another agreed.

“I heard that well-read women become infertile. What if she is unable to bear a child?” Her Mashi spoke much to everyone’s horror. “We never know that. It’s been almost a year since…”

Ashapurna stood up to find Aniruddha at the threshold. He had forgotten some papers in his study and had decided to stop by the house. He had decided to tiptoe into the study without disturbing the ladies and slip away unnoticed. He was welcomed by Ashapurna’s voice defending Bondita’s intentions and the rest followed. Ashapurna knew he heard everything the minute she saw his face.

“Where is Bondita?” He stared at the silent room.

“Aniruddha Babu.” her mother tried to ease the situation hoping he wouldn't hear their gossip “We were just…”

“Ashapurna, where is Bondita?” Ashapurna shook her head as he stared at the women in the crowd, disgusted and went inside looking for her. “Bondita? Bondita!”

“What have you done!” Ashapurna shook her head, scared. “All of you.”


Bondita was quick to wipe her tears and stand up when she heard his voice and footsteps.

“What are you doing at home?” She tried to sound normal. Aniruddha’s jaws tightened. He could tell that she had cried. 

“Are you looking for something?” She asked again.

“Come with me.” He held her by her wrist firmly and dragged her back to the hallway.

“What… Barrister Babu… I….” Bondita was scared and unsure as he looked angry.


The ladies looked a little wide-eyed as he dragged Bondita right to the middle of the sitting area and let go of her hand.

“You have a problem with her?” He asked, looking at Ashapurna’s mother.

“Barrister Babu…” She whispered in vain “Don’t.”

“What? Aniruddha Babu…”

“Answer me, do you have a problem with her, yes or no?” He fumed.

“No, I…”

“Then who gave you the right to insult the very woman who invited you here?” Aniruddha shook his head and looked around at them “In her own home?”

“Please… stop….” Bondita held his upper arm “Please. You told me…”

“Forget what I told you.” He snapped. “There is a limit to everything one can tolerate.”

“Dadabhai.” Ashapurna spoke, scared “I apologize on their behalf. And mine. I let them….”

“Don’t lie, Ashapurna.” Aniruddha shook his head. “I heard you trying to stop them, and I am sorry I have spoken this way to your family, but I will not stand and tolerate anyone coming and insulting my wife at my home.” The women looked at one another. Ashapurna nodded. She did understand. If anyone envied anyone else’s life here it wasn’t Bondita. She knew it in the deepest corner of her heart.

“You questioned her mind, and she kept quiet, you questioned her priorities she kept quiet, I will not allow anyone, and I repeat anyone is it my family or random strangers to come and judge our relationship here. I will not allow you to judge her abilities to be a good wife or a mother.” Bondita looked up at his face at the words. “ You doubted our equation, well, we are not answerable to you, And as for her dreams, her apparent audacity to choose my profession, I will make sure she is better than me. You were talking of me being in her shadow? Shadows stay with us only when there is light, I vow to be with her even in the darkest times when she can’t even see her own shadow.” Bondita was surprised to see his hand travel to hold hers tightly.

“ Let’s go. I won’t stand here and tolerate the disrespect of our relationship, for another minute now.” he dragged her away, up the stairs as the ladies stood in silence.

“Please leave.” Ashapurna folded her hands and spoke to everyone, “Now.”


“What have you done?” Bondita spoke the moment they were in the bedroom. “You insulted the Mukhopadhyay. Baba will be furious.” She sighed. Aniruddha couldn’t care less. 

“The only one I should apologize to is Ashapurna and I already did that. I told you I am guilty of not being with you through all of this, I will not make the same mistake anymore.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Of Faith and Fate

Series Announcement! Historical Fictions are special, so here is one, short but special tale close to my heart after a really long time! This story is a special one because it is completely historical fiction with very little connection to the fan fiction I have written previously. However, I have maintained the sequence of events, reading history books on the context.  This is not a story of a man and a woman, their love and trust. This one is about the tests time often puts people through, forcing them to change. My protagonists in this one are hence, two princesses of the same age. Ajabdeh Punwar or Ajbante Kanwar Baisa, as she is locally called is the princess of a very significant district of Bijolia in Mewar. Bijolia lies in the seat of political events, at the border of Bundi and Mewar. Having her lineage from the mighty Chauhans, her forefathers once ruled Mewar. Her father is an officer in the army of Mewar under Rana Udai Singh and she is a lady of princip...

Preparation

It has been a tradition since time immemorial in the face of the earth that the men marched to war, seeking glory for their states and kings, adorning their bodies with bruises no less gaudy than the most precious gems of the land, while the women waited and prayed for their safe return. No war was easy or certain. At least that is what they grew up learning. But does it stop the war? Or the need for power? Absolutely not. The royal blood demands shedding it. Kumar Viraj could have left Maanwari as a child but Maanwari had not left his veins. That was perhaps why he was braver and more skilful than men his age. When Adhiraja Ishaan Dev offered him Neelambargarh’s mighty troops to capture Maanwari, he knew they would surely outnumber his uncle’s one by hundreds. But he made sure he refused Adhiraja's personal help. Battles made Ishaan Dev’s adrenaline rush. He wanted to lead Kumar Viraj to victory. But when Kumar Viraj said that it would only demean his claim to be ready for the thr...

Eternally Yours

Ajabde woke up to find neither the pillow nor the husband beside her. That was really unusual. Has she overslept? No, it was dark and the first birds were singing. She sat up to find that he had neatly arranged the pillows and made his side of the bed and put his blanket over her. She checked the changing room. No, he was not there, but unlike other days his clothes were not in a mess. She freshened up and reached the dressing table. His brooch was not there. Where is he? Has the war... Her heart skipped a beat. What if he had left and not even woken her up? " Daasi? Daasi?" She called as one of them walked in. " Ji Kuwaranisa?" " Where is Kunwarsa?" " He left early in the morning for Dangal and then a visit to the village. Do you need anything?" " No, You may go now." She put on the sindoor in a worry. Maybe something urgent has come up. She walked to the Puja room and was shocked. Her garlands were made, the Chandan was in place and ...

The New Capital

“Some dreams are once broken often come back as haunting nightmares.” The Padishah Begum received the news of the birth of a baby boy to Harka Bai at Sikri. She had arranged for a feast and celebration at Lahore and thanked the Almighty herself for this happiness. She prayed that the boy was safe. Hamida Banu had herself sent a messenger to the Padishah Begum at Lahore. The ladies celebrated for a week. The Padishah Begum had given away coins, and clothes to the needy and new clothes to the kin. The Emperor was on his way to Sikri as well. She had smiled at the happy faces savouring the wine and sweet dishes. She greeted and congratulated everyone around the Harem. The Timurid blood would be safe on the throne.   Jalal had visited once in the past few months, giving her the good news of Harka Bai conceiving again. He feared that people were conspiring at Agra. Hence, Harka Bai’s firstborns died, unnaturally. Ridiculous rumours were spread, about the Emperor killing his o...

What If...

Ajabdeh, played all night with the newfound puppy who was already keeping her on her toes. First, he jumps into the trolley bags and inspected her clothes, alarming Heer and making her laugh. He had fallen in love with a pink lingerie Ajabdeh tied to his head like a bow, laughing harder as he tried to open it, going in rounds. Heer saw her carefree laughter with a smile. She may not like the guy, but he did make her sister laugh. Heer shook her head. Something in her felt really awkward as she cleared her throat to ask "Jija??" "Hmm?" "Do you... umm... like Kunwar Pratap?" Heer looked scared to ask. "What?" She frowned and then smiled as the puppy licked her face. "Of course I like him! He is a friend." "Jija I meant..." "Good night Heeriye." She hugged her sister then picked the pup up and snuggled in her blanket as Heer stood watching. "Let's name you baby?" She heard Ajabdeh talk. "Umm...

Understandings

After counting days, Ajabde was happy that she was going to Bijolia. She knew how eager her mother and Ratan would be to know about her new life. She couldn't wait to hug her mother and feel like... Home. She was selecting gifts for her parents and her siblings as per Ranima's instructions. Then suddenly an idea struck her mind. Her new family welcomed her with so much love and support. Especially Ranima and Majhli Maa Sa. She wanted to give them something. Suddenly she remembered that Ranima had loved her embroidery work on dupattas back in Bijolia so she called a Dasi and ordered some plain Chunris and embroidery threads. She had a lot of work to finish in a day before leaving.   Kunwar Pratap came back into the room to see her on the floor, right in the middle of the room with red, green, yellow, and pink all sorts of dupattas scattered. " What's all this?" He asked not sure if he should be asking. " I am making gifts. For Ranima, Majhli ma, Rani Dheer Bai...

Neelambargarh

  The fort of Neelambargarh was named so because it stood on a cliff above the low-lying plains surrounding it as if it was ready to touch the sky. The fort was surrounded by hilly forestland on three sides and extensive plain lands used for agriculture on another. The road winding up to Neelambargarh was guarded by three gateways and a secret tunnel, known only to the Neelambargarh royal family, led down from the five-storey palace to the river in the forestland. The kingdom of Neelambargarh was known across the land beyond the Heemdevi Mountains for its art and architecture. True indeed, like the myths it held, the stone walls of the fort and the castles shone in the sun like fire swayed by the wind. The gateways had extensive architecture and tales of Neelambargarh’s rich past and kings, engraved in stones, alongside nymphs and the several forms of their chief deity, The Wind, and his tales of miracles. Above the gate in local scriptures was poetry written in honour of the past ...

Sadh Puron

  Rasmo ka mela yaha pe khel rahe hai saare Aaja shamil ho isme zara thoda muskura de Seven months into her pregnancy, Bondita realised, almost to her amusement, that there were certain prejudices that even Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury gave in to. Ever since Koeli arrived, to help her out, as instructed by Kakababu, to her utter surprise Aniruddha gave in to Koeli putting a kajal tika behind her ear every time she stepped out, to avoid bad omens. He even willingly gave up the bedroom at one phone call from Trilochan insisting that the woman needs her space during her pregnancy. He ended up having a makeshift mattress as a bed, in the middle of the living room in the apartment, and he was more than willing to sleep there while Koeli stayed with Bondita. Although she liked to have the entire bed to herself, she sometimes missed their pillow talks. Aniruddha also made sure the household never ran out of supplies of pickles and sweets. Koeli didn’t lose a turn to tease Bondita about how th...

Patralekha

Mujhse ye rishta jo, aa usse hai sawaare Chal sayane se thoda nadan bann ja tu Ashapurna walked out of the room with questioning eyes as Somnath shook his head. He had called Aniruddha as soon as Bondita complained of pain and uneasiness. He was already off to court and his house owner had reassured him that the news would reach him soon. He was supposed to come with the allopathic doctor. “I think it is time.” Ashapurna almost whispered to Somnath as Koeli rushed in with wet towels to comfort Bondita who appeared in a lot of pain. “Talk to Jetha Shoshur Moshai, please.” Somnath nodded and rushed downstairs where Batuk paced the room as Trilochan and Binoy sat on the couch. Ashapurna’s mother had taken Ashutosh with her for the day as soon as she heard.  “What do we do now?” Somnath broke the silence. “She was not due so soon.” Batuk frowned as his uncle gave him a disapproving stare making him stop. “Som, go and call Dai.” He insisted as Somnath remained frozen in his place. “We c...

Trouble In Paradise

Kyun na jaane teri chinta ho rahi hai mujhe Har ghadi ab kyun hai dhyan tera. "Eyes on the road." Aniruddha scolded almost in a reflex, putting his right hand vigilantly over the steering wheel. Bondita's painted hands were on the wheel but her eyes kept wandering to the cattle on either side of the road. "You can't be distracted while driving. You will kill someone." He said in a rather monotonous voice. His hand didn't leave the steering wheel nor did his eyes leave the road. But he made sure instinctively that his hands stayed furthest away from her touch. Bondita breathed in as the morning breeze hit her face. She had removed the saree from over her head when they had stopped by the road to exchange places.  "If you push the car into a tree again, it's your last lesson." He had warned while she giggled.  Bondita couldn't tell Aniruddha why she was distracted the last time. It was almost dusk and while he instructed her on the wheel,...