Her Shadow

Rui bankar kanpti hun

Chaaro taraf hai sholay

Bondita was very excited to arrange for Asha’s Sadh Puron before she left. Traditionally, the Roy Chowdhurys held one such event, while the daughter-in-law’s parents held the rest. She instructed Munshi to check the decorations, ordered the best flowers and even picked up new sarees, jewellery and gifts for Ashapurna herself. She went to the house of the Mukhopadhyays and to every villager personally to invite the married ladies to the occasion. She wanted to outdo her best for Ashapurna before she left. Bondita couldn’t help but feel guilty for leaving her in such a state, alone.

“Why is it called Sadh Puron?” Bondita wondered aloud as she went through the grocery list while Koeli checked the vegetables. Koeli looked up at her as her face turned grim. Bondita frowned “Do you know Koeli Didi?”

“I…” Koeli smiled awkwardly “Choto Malkin, there is so much left to be done, I will tell you some other day.”

“Koeli Didi.” Bondita stopped her. “I command you, tell me now.” Koeli stopped her hands from sorting out the vegetables and looked up at Bondita.

“Umm… a lot of women die while …. pregnant or at childbirth…” She stopped to chant a few mantras to ward off the evil eyes from Asha as Bondita looked pale “Or even after giving birth… so, all their desires to eat good food or wear good clothes are fulfilled through…” Koeli stopped. Bondita inhaled. 

“Strange, isn’t it Koeli Didi?” She spoke looking at the clueless house help “A woman has to instil the fear of her death in her own loved ones to get her desires fulfilled. Simple desires, of food and clothes.” Bondita shrugged, “I never knew.” She sighed, got up, and addressed one of the house helpers to help check on the Alpanas.

It was almost midnight when Bondita walked into the room in a hurry and started looking for something on the dressing table. Aniruddha was busy reading a book, and he had to stop in between as she made a lot of noise, distracting his attention and murmured something to himself.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked at last.

“Yes. Kakababu gave me a pair of anklets for Jagatdhatri Pujo. They are stone studded, I kept them somewhere, but I can’t find one of the pairs. I have to wear them at the Sadh Puron.” She looked perplexed “I even checked the lockers. Where did I keep it? Kakababu will scold me if I lose it!”

Aniruddha closed his book, amused. 

“Do you know where you kept it?” He asked, folding his arms across his chest. She shook her head.

“What kind of Barrister are you? Not a good one for sure.” She taunted, “If I knew where I kept it, I would find it!” She shrugged.

“Hmm.” He walked across the room, closer to her and asked almost in her ear, “Do you know the last time you wore it?” 

“Yes, I…” Bondita’s eyes widened. She wore it on the day it rained. She looked at him with questioning eyes. Still amused, Aniruddha opened the drawer of his writing desk and took out the anklet. 

“I found it the morning after.” He said as she tried hard not to blush.

“Why did you keep it? I had been looking all over for it.” She said, trying to snatch the anklet from him as he held it up amused, as she couldn’t reach it.

“You never said you were looking for it.”

“So you will keep it?” She narrowed her eyes at him “Do you know who keeps things that don’t belong to them? Thieves and dacoits. Are you one, Barrister Babu?” She asked, still trying to get the anklet from him.

“Hush.” He placed his finger over her lips. “You tend to speak a lot, you know.” He stepped forward as she stepped back, and found herself between the bed and him. She sat down, intimidated. He leaned over and whispered into her ear.

“Wait, I will turn the lights off.” She held onto his arm, as he retreated, hiding her face in his chest, in an embrace, as she murmured “No, keep it on.”

It was decided that since traditionally men don’t attend such events, Batuk would go over to meet his friends one last time before he departed to Bombay, Somnath and Binoy would be at work and Trilochan would accompany Aniruddha to the court for some pending property paperwork, leaving Bondita in charge of the event and household. 

The Mukhopadhyays arrived with a lot of gifts for their daughter, as Asha sat in the centre, glowing during her pregnancy, and the women of the village congratulated her with gifts. Bondita arranged for lunch and snacks and chatted with a few of them as a courtesy.

One of the older ladies pointed out that the traditional ritual required the woman hosting the event to serve food to the pregnant woman and bless her first then the rest would follow. Ashapurna looked up at Bondita who smiled ordering Koeli to arrange for the food.

“I must say, Bondita”, Asha’s mother smiled “, You made all the arrangements so efficiently all alone.”

“She is used to doing that a lot, for Shoshur Moshai’s officers' parties.” Ashapurna smiled.

“She is exaggerating. I have so much help.” Bondita shook her head.

The plates of food arrived, as Asha’s mother indicated to Koeli to put a mat on the floor for Asha to sit on.

“Oh no.” Bondita stopped her and said, “She will sit at the dining table.”

“But…”

“She shouldn’t bend down in such a condition.” Bondita smiled, “Come, Asha.”

“For someone utterly inexperienced, you surely know a lot.” Asha’s Kakima taunted. 

“I read a lot.” Bondita smiled politely.

She was about to take the lamp and bless Asha when her mother stopped Bondita, alarmed.

“You can’t do that.” She spoke a little awkwardly. Bondita and Asha frowned. 

“But Kakima said that the host…” Ashapurna stopped at her mother’s stare.

“Let someone with children bless her and feed her.” Ashapurna’s mother spoke. The ladies agreed. Ashapurna, in a reflex, held on to Bondita’s hand. She knew how much Bondita had done to make this day special for her.

Bondita slipped her hand away from Asha’s and nodded with a smile. She stepped aside as the ladies stepped in. She was looking at them, blessing Asha, from afar, when she heard Ashapurna’s mother ask Koeli for some camphor.

“ Have to ward off evil eyes from her.” She said,

“Yes, some people who can’t have marital bliss or children often have their evil eyes set on those who do.” Asha’s Pishima agreed. The village women gossiped. Bondita knew these stares; she had seen them at her cousin’s wedding. Bondita’s heart sank. She always wanted Asha to be happy, and her child to be healthy. She didn’t care for the same in her life right now. She had too much to do before… Nobody there would understand. Ashapurna wanted to stop her as she left the hall.

Bondita sat on the stairs of the courtyard and wiped off her tears. She remembered what Aniruddha told her. The unconventional needed to be brave. Yet, she couldn’t stop being affected by these people and their ways.

“ Maa, you should have let her do it. Didibhai spent all week preparing for my…” Ashapurna was snapped at by her mother.

“You naive child, when will you learn anything? By doing that, she is just being a good daughter-in-law.”

“Your mother is right.” Agreed her Jethima and Pishi “ She will please the Zamindar Babu. He is already biased toward her. These are all tricks to get better things.” Ashapurna shook her head shocked.

“You don’t know her. She is not…” Ashapurna defended.

“Her husband doesn’t seem interested in her.” One of the ladies shrugged her shoulders. A few nodded in agreement. “Heard they had separate rooms.”

“You know nothing.” Ashapurna looked displeased.

“A wife should be like a husband’s shadow. Instead, this one is making a shadow out of him. Heard she will study law.” Another agreed.

“I heard that well-read women become infertile. What if she is unable to bear a child?” Her Mashi spoke much to everyone’s horror. “We never know that. It’s been almost a year since…”

Ashapurna stood up to find Aniruddha at the threshold. He had forgotten some papers in his study and had decided to stop by the house. He had decided to tiptoe into the study without disturbing the ladies and slip away unnoticed. He was welcomed by Ashapurna’s voice defending Bondita’s intentions, and the rest followed. Ashapurna knew he heard everything the minute she saw his face.

“Where is Bondita?” He stared at the silent room.

“Aniruddha Babu.” her mother tried to ease the situation hoping he wouldn't hear their gossip “We were just…”

“Ashapurna, where is Bondita?” Ashapurna shook her head as he stared at the women in the crowd, disgusted and went inside looking for her. “Bondita? Bondita!”

“What have you done!” Ashapurna shook her head, scared. “All of you.”

Bondita was quick to wipe her tears and stand up when she heard his voice and footsteps.

“What are you doing at home?” She tried to sound normal. Aniruddha’s jaws tightened. He could tell that she had cried. 

“Are you looking for something?” She asked again.

“Come with me.” He held her by her wrist firmly and dragged her back to the hallway.

“What… Barrister Babu… I….” Bondita was scared and unsure as he looked angry.

The ladies looked a little wide-eyed as he dragged Bondita right to the middle of the sitting area and let go of her hand.

“You have a problem with her?” He asked, looking at Ashapurna’s mother.

“Barrister Babu…” She whispered in vain, “Don’t.”

“What? Aniruddha Babu…”

“Answer me, do you have a problem with her, yes or no?” He fumed.

“No, I…”

“Then who gave you the right to insult the very woman who invited you here?” Aniruddha shook his head and looked around at them “In her own home?”

“Please… stop….” Bondita held his upper arm “Please. You told me…”

“Forget what I told you.” He snapped. “There is a limit to everything one can tolerate.”

“Dadabhai.” Ashapurna spoke, scared “I apologize on their behalf. And mine. I let them….”

“Don’t lie, Ashapurna.” Aniruddha shook his head. “I heard you trying to stop them, and I am sorry I have spoken this way to your family, but I will not stand and tolerate anyone coming and insulting my wife at my home.” The women looked at one another. Ashapurna nodded. She did understand. If anyone envied anyone else’s life here, it wasn’t Bondita. She knew it in the deepest corner of her heart.

“You questioned her mind, and she kept quiet, you questioned her priorities she kept quiet, I will not allow anyone, and I repeat anyone is it my family or random strangers to come and judge our relationship here. I will not allow you to judge her abilities to be a good wife or a mother.” Bondita looked up at his face at the words. “ You doubted our equation, well, we are not answerable to you, and as for her dreams, her apparent audacity to choose my profession, I will make sure she is better than me. You were talking of me being in her shadow? Shadows stay with us only when there is light. I vow to be with her even in the darkest times when she can’t even see her own shadow.” Bondita was surprised to see his hand travel to hold hers tightly.

“ Let’s go. I won’t stand here and tolerate the disrespect of our relationship, for another minute now.” he dragged her away, up the stairs as the ladies stood in silence.

“Please leave.” Ashapurna folded her hands and spoke to everyone, “Now.”

“What have you done?” Bondita spoke the moment they were in the bedroom. “You insulted the Mukhopadhyay. Baba will be furious.” She sighed. Aniruddha couldn’t care less. 

“The only one I should apologize to is Ashapurna and I already did that. I told you I am guilty of not being with you through all of this, I will not make the same mistake anymore.