Differences

1619, Agra

Rukaiya Sultana Begum sat in her chambers, looking pale, when Shehzaade Shah Jahan walked in unnoticed. He cleared his throat, making her look up at him and sat down on the floor beside her couch. Rukaiya Begum sighed gently, placing her hand on his shoulder. 

“I don’t know how many more I have to live to see.” She whispered almost to herself with a slight gasp.

“What...” Shehzade Shah Jahan spoke in a voice that trembled slightly. “What happened?”

“The medicine man said she slipped away peacefully in her sleep. Her heart stopped.” Rukaiya Begum’s eyes shone “She was asking me to call you here just two days ago. I wish I had...”

“Shah Ammi.” Shehzade Shah Jahan held her trembling hand in his “It’s not your fault. Jagat Gossain was ill.”

“I know.” Rukaiya Begum sobbed, “But when will the time come for me? Have I not seen enough?”

“Stop saying that, Shah Ammi.” Shehzade Shah Jahan frowned a little.”I have just lost a mother; I don’t want to lose another.”

“She loved you so much.” Rukaiya Begum said, “I took you away...”

“And you raised me better, didn’t you?” Shehzade Shah Jahan reminded her, “Wasn’t it your dream to see me on the throne? How can you die so soon?”

“My child, no matter where I am, I will still be looking out for you. You make me a proud mother every day.” Rukaiya Begum smiled faintly. Shehzade Khurram couldn’t help but notice the wrinkles on her face had increased, and so had the number of grey hairs. “But my body is tired.”

“Abbu Jaan?” The girl at the threshold was about six, holding the hand of a child even younger, perhaps three or four years old. “I can’t find Dara.” Shehzade Shah Jahan looked alert as he got up “What do you mean?” He frowned. “Janni, I told you four to stick together. Didn’t I?”

“Perhez Aapa is here.” She pointed behind a pillar “She is too scared to come out.” Shehzade Khurram sighed heavily.

“Stay with Shah Ammi. I will go look for Dara Shikoh.” He spoke, walking away as the three children came into the chamber. The youngest, Shuja, was visibly scared of the new place, while Perhez Banu, who was used to this harem, bowed. Rukaiya Begum smiled faintly. Jahanara watched her sister and followed with a yet unpolished bow.

“Come sit with me, children. Do you know who I am?” Rukaiya Begum asked.

“Shah Daadi Sultana Begum.” Perhez Banu spoke. Rukaiya nodded with a smile.

“You must be Janni?” The girl nodded. “You look like your mother,” she said, making her smile.

Rukaiya Begum noticed that Jahanara was not letting go of Shah Shuja’s hand, as he tried to shrug it off twice and explore the place.

“Do you like these?” Rukaiya Begum held out some dates for the children to take. 

“Will Dara be alright?” Jahanara asked, a little worried. Rukaiya Begum reassured, “He is within the royal courtyards somewhere, don’t worry.”

Ladli Begum was surprised at the child’s interest in the doves she fed. He stood with his hands behind his back and looked at the doves in awe. 

“Do they have names?” He asked, whispering, scared that he would make them fly away. She shook her head “Why don’t you name them?”

“Me?” He asked. Ladli Begum nodded. “Why not?”

“But I don’t know any names.” He shrugged.

“Do you know yours?” She asked with a smile.

“Shehzaade Mohammad Dara Shikoh.” Her hands stopped as she turned to look at the child carefully. He had his father’s eyes and his mother’s nose. Indeed, he was theirs.

“Well then, Shehzaade.” Ladli Begum smiled, “Let's name that one Da and the pair Ra.” The child giggled. “It makes no sense.”

“Sometimes it’s okay to make no sense.” Ladli Begum shrugged. The sound of music from the Chishti Dargah attracted Dara’s attention.

“What is that? It sounds similar to what we hear at Ajmer.” He said.

“Yes indeed, you are an intelligent boy.” Ladli Begum spoke. “Do you want to go see it?”

“Can I?” He asked with his eyes shining with hope. “I am never allowed at Ajmer; besides, you are a stranger.” The last words made Ladli Begum put the birds’ food down and sit kneeling before the boy. 

“I am Ladli Begum, daughter of Padshah Begum. And I am also your Khala Jaan.” She smiled.

“You are my mother’s sister?” Dara asked, surprised. “She never mentioned...” Ladli Begum’s smile faded. “I am her cousin.”

“There you are, I have been looking all over for you! Don’t run away without telling your sisters I...” Shehzade Shah Jahan stopped at the glimpse of Ladli Begum, who looked away and bowed.

“Ladli Begum...” For the first time in his life, Shehzaade Shah Jahan felt awkward and conscious around her. “How are you?”

“Very well, Shehzaade, I hope Mumtaj Mahal and your family are doing well.” She said, not looking up at him. 

“Can I go see the place with her?” Dara asked, making Shehzaade Shah Jahan smile, “Of Course you can, she is your Khala.”

“She also has doves!” Dara smiled. Ladli Begum smiled at him. 

“Congratulations on your successful mission.” She said at last, looking up at him. Shehzade Shah Jahan smiled, “You know?”

“I always know.” Ladli Begum smiled, “You can congratulate me too.” She blushed slightly.

“For what?” He asked.

“Have you not heard? I have been engaged to Shehzaade Shahryr.” Shehzade Shah Jahan looked taken aback. Shehzade Shahryar? Was Nur Jahan so desperate to make her royalty that she proposed marriage to all of his brothers? Even a failure like Shahryr? His first two missions were a disaster; his administrative skills were in question. Shehzade Shah Jahan looked perplexed. How was Ladli Begum happy with this? 

“Excuse us.” She said, letting Dara hold her hand as they walked away, chattering. Shehzade Shah Jahan watched them go, Dara, grabbing her fingers the same way she once held him. A sense of protectiveness came upon him. Without a second thought, he went across the harem to the Padshah Begum’s chamber.

“How can you do this to Ladli Begum?” He asked almost in a tone of accusing her. Nur Jahan was shocked. She thought he was here to talk about his deceased mother and ask about the plans for a mausoleum in her memory. Instead, his first words took her by complete surprise.

“Excuse me, Shehzaade?” She asked, unnerved, “What are you exactly accusing me of?”

“You know very well how incompetent Shahryr is! The kind of rumours that go about on his... Nothing is unknown to you!”

“Calm down and have a seat.” Nur Jahan offered. Shehzade Shah Jahan stood fixed in his spot.

“Have some wine.” She offered.

“No, I am here just to...”

“Did you meet Ladli Begum?” He nodded. “Did she tell you this was her choice of the groom?” Shehzade Shah Jahan was in for a surprise. He looked up, shocked, and shook his head. “That’s impossible, she never liked him!”

“Yes.” Nur Jahan agreed calmly, “She does now.” He stood quietly, thinking that his impulsive move was foolish. Nur Jahan leaned against her cushion. 

“What made you fear for her? You rejected her, didn't you?” She asked.

“I do still care about Ladli Begum.” He said firmly.

“Not more than me, I suppose?” Nur Jahan’s answer made him look away.

“I apologise.” He said quickly.

“I know Shehzaade Shahryar has been questioned because of the recent failures. I will guide him myself. You have nothing to worry about.” The last lines rang like a warning bell in Shehzaade Shah Jahan’s ears. He had lost favour with the empress by rejecting her daughter.

Rukaiya Begum looked concerned as he narrated everything to her. Neither Nur Jahan nor Ladli Begum had told her about the proposals sent to both Khusrau and Khurram. Neither did the prince till now.

“Was it unwise of me to turn her down?” He asked Shah Ammi.

“I don’t think Ladli Begum holds anything against you.” She said, “But Nur Jahan, after what you did this morning, I am not so sure.”

“You think she will... support Shahryar to the throne?” He asked, “Push him to be the heir apparent?”

“She can’t do that till your father is alive; he clearly favours you. But...” Rukaiya Begum looked disturbed “Power is a deadly addiction. She may want control after his death. And the only way to do so...”

“Is it to make sure Shahryar takes the throne as her son-in-law?” He completed her thought. “I fear so, too.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?” Rukaiya Begum asked. “Maybe I will understand what she is thinking and...”

“Well, she had not told you anything about it...” Shehzade Shah Jahan spoke, a little disturbed.

“Old women are invisible that way.” Rukaiya Begum spoke in a melancholy tone. 

“No, Shah Ammi, don’t say that.” Shehzade Shah Jahan took her hand in his. “I will do anything to make you Queen Mother; I will do anything to make sure the throne is mine.”

Rukaiya Begum looked at his eyes shining in the light of the lamps. It scared her. He had the same desperation his father had once had for the throne. Rukaiya Begum realised it ran in the family. There was no way she could escape this fate. She had pushed her dreams to be his ambition. She had caused this. Shehzade Khurram was ready to kill for the throne. It concerned Rukaiya Begum deeply. Yet, she couldn’t gather her words to convey this thought out loud to him.

Shah Jahan was sitting on the open roof, as his children played on it, and the gentle breeze brought a smell very familiar to him. He loved coming back to that breeze of the Yamuna and the smell of home once. Today, he missed Mumtaj Mahal and his family. Ladli Begum walked up to the children with Hoshiyar Khan to offer them gifts from the empress. With a nod from him, the children flocked around Ladli Begum in giggles and laughter as she showed them the clothes, jewellery and toys. Shehzade Shah Jahan walked up to them and sat down on the floor. Hoshiyar Khan bowed and left at the hand gesture of Ladli Begum.

“When is the wedding due?” He asked, mostly because the silence between them was awkward, something he was never used to.

“Next summer.” She spoke as she played with the children. “When he comes back home.”

“Alive, I hope.” Shah Jahan murmured under his breath, “So everything else is fine here?”

“Shehzaade Khurram?” Ladli Begum spoke, inhaling as he looked up, “I am happy. You didn’t need to jeopardise your relationship with Padshah Begum like that. You could have asked me.”

“I was concerned.” He spoke, shrugging at his foolish move. Ladli Begum smiled. “I know I am grateful for that. You have always been kind.”

“You know I always cared for you, Ladli...” he reminded her, "And I will always look out for you.”

“Will you spare Shehzaade Shahryar if you ever battle him?” She asked with a faint smile, “Or my mother?”

Shehzade Shah Jahan was taken aback by her sudden question. It was like she feared what he anticipated as well. “I will never harm you.”

“That doesn’t answer my questions.” She said Ladli Begum knew the answers anyway.

“Kingship knows no kinship.” Shah Jahan shook his head, “It’s what we are taught.” Ladli Begum kept staring at him with a calm smile on her face, making him look away.

“I hope you come to my wedding, though.” She said at last. “With your family.”

“You will always have our best wishes. May you find happiness and love.”

“I have already found both.” She smiled. Just two different people.