Love?

“I swear I can kill that Sakhaveer.” Balwant swung his sword at the Dangal as Ratan and Ajabde looked on. Ajabde hid a smile as Ratan looked amused.

“Like you did last time?” Ratan’s chuckle made Ajabde press her hands with a soft no as Balwant stopped his sword and looked angry.

“What do you know Ratan?” He roared angrily. “What do girls know anyways about fighting??”

“Jija can fight better than you.” Ratan looked angry and defensive.

“Ratan! Leave it.” Ajabde insisted.

“No!! Jija, I saw you, you are better…”

“Then let’s have a duel Jija.” Balwant insisted.

“No.” Ajabde looked surprised and shaken. “It’s been such a long time since I have …”

“No excuses Jija, teach him! That girls can be…” Ratan insisted as Balwant handed her a sword she took rather reluctantly. She tied the corners of her dupatta together and her braid in a bun.

Kunwar Pratap was making his way out at the Dangal when he heard swords clash. He gathered the father-son duo would be at the Dangal early morning and smiled. They were really bothered about Sakhaveer and Baijilal. One stare at the Dangal made him look wide-eyed. There was the regular Balwant with the sword and there was… the calm and simple girl who seemed like a fierce lioness with the sword.

“Don’t mind if you get hurt in this battle Jija!” Balwant smiled.

“Try me!” She smiled back like a challenge.

Kunwar Pratap stopped a few feet away from the Dangal. He smiled. Something in him said she could handle an amateur Balwant though he never saw her with the sword.

Clashed swords again, Balwant was clearly no match for his Jija as Ratan smiled amused. Balwant got angry with every move she defended. Ajabde was careful enough not to attack knowing well that he couldn’t defend those. She turned and her lehenga made a move like the ghoomar on a dance floor. Kunwar Pratap smiled knowing she was not giving in her full strength on her brother.

With the turn, Ajabde spotted Kunwar Pratap witnessing the duel and a sudden embarrassment crept in. She was with the sword in front of the greatest one with it. He smiled an appreciating smile and in that second of lack of concentration, Balwant swung his sword to meet hers again in vain. Ratan laughed amused. 

The locks of hair were out of Ajabde’s bun and disturbed her vision. She brushed them away twice. Kunwar Pratap seemed to be bothered by them as well, as he wanted to… No! He shook his head and looked on. He wanted to help his friend he meant! Ajabde was clearing her vision and Balwant used the opportunity to attack. Ajabde sat down to defend herself but lost her balance on the sword, and it fell off her hand. Not in control of his rage at the hurt of his male ego, Balwant swung his sword which made Ratan scream and Ajabde closed her eyes as Kunwar Pratap’s sword clashed with his before it hit her. Ajabde opened her eyes to see his sword between her and Balwant. He was visibly angry.

“Kunwar Balwant! “ He said in a stern voice. “Learn to control your rage and accept defeats. We Rajputs don’t hurt the armless.” Balwant dropped his sword realizing his mistake as he looked at the Aswapalak and at his Jija and murmured “Shama Kijiye.” With Kunwar Pratap’s constant cold stare, he picked up the sword and left the Dangal.

“Jija are you all right?” Ratan came running to her sister who nodded yes.

“Let me go tell Maasa about this. He should get scolded.” Ratan was angry as well.

“No Ratan! We three were equally in it and he is just disturbed. Let him be. Please.” Ajabde pleaded as Ratan looked at her disappointed at her goodness and left.

“Ratan! Ratan!” She called in vain.

“You should tie your hair with a pagri or dupatta to avoid …umm… your hair…” He stopped awkwardly. She looked at him a little surprised that he noticed her problem.

“Yes, I will… keep in mind… I don’t actually come here… I….”

“You should… You should practice daily…” He smiled as an idea struck him. “I can help you learn new tactics and you can fight better!”

“You?” She looked surprised.

“Yes me… “ Kunwar Pratap looked awkward. “ I know how to swing a sword.”

“No No No!” Ajabde looked embarrassed. “I didn’t mean that I…”

“Ajabde! “ He laughed. “Why are you always so serious and scared? “

“I am not that good, to learn from you.” She looked at him, brows raised doubtfully.

“ I liked what I saw here.” He smiled making her turn red. “ I have barely seen….anyone…” Two women fight like this.

“ Ajabde?” Hansa Bai appeared with a frown. “ Are you hurt? Ratan….”

“No I am fine Maasa I… he … saved me….”

“Did you thank him?” Hansa smiled.

“Dh…Dhanyavaad…”

“It’s all right, it was my duty to protect… umm…”

He stopped looking at Hansa Bai who stared at the duo and smiled before taking Ajabde’s hand to leave Kunwar Pratap alone at his practice. As he swung his sword playfully, he stared back at the retreating figures as she turned with a smile. He nodded as she left.

In the evening Kunwar Pratap made his way to the reading room aware that it was time for Ajabde’s lessons with her siblings which he enjoyed a lot. He was at the threshold when he heard her voice.

 “So we see, what happens is for the best, God wants it. Destiny decides who we meet and who we never see again even if we want to.” Her voice trailed off. The search was still on.

“Man can change his fate with willpower can’t he?” His voice startled her.

Balwant said, “I agree.”

“To some extent, he can, but destiny, where it will lead to, cannot be changed.” Ajabde disagreed.

Ratan giggled again adding “See she is being stubborn again.”

“Ratan!” She protested as Balwant joined.

“Maasa says people who have moles on the left side are stubborn,” Balwant added with a giggle as Ajabde stared angrily.

Kunwar Pratap stared at Balwant as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

“ Mole …. Where?” His mouth dried up as he asked that, and his heart beat faster.

“Don’t listen to them, they are…” She protested as Balwant said

“She has on the nose, don’t you Jija? Stubborn Jija!”

As Balwant ran chased by Ajabde with a giggling Ratan in his toe, no one noticed how Kunwar Pratap had frozen in his position. He felt numb. 

But… But that doesn’t mean…anyone can have… He skipped a heartbeat remembering her limp the first day he came here, and the cut on her thumb and how she listened to the court in progress from behind the curtain… She is… she…. But how? They are so… different…. Ajab… Baijilal… He remembered her words about proving to her father, her Dharma to serve people, about being a princess …

“Rajkumarisa.” A daasi’s voice startled him as he heard Ajabde say “I always tell you to call me Baisa. Just because we live in the Palace doesn’t make me ….”

He stared at the door as she appeared a little shocked that he was still standing there, in the middle of the reading room.

“You want something?”

“No…I was looking for some… answers…” He said absentminded, going through some books.

She walked away with a nod as he sat down trying to sink in what just happened.

Kunwar Pratap’s eyes were following Ajabde in the hall as she prepared for Saubhagyawati and Chakrapani’s pakfera which Hansa Bai insisted would be at the palace. She felt conscious of his gaze and stared back two-three times forcing him to look away. She couldn’t read why he stared like he never knew her. 

She gathered he must be sad about home again and maybe wanted to talk. The hall was decorated with flowers and drapes and the preparations were made for the Pak Phera ceremonies.

Ajabde was in a pink and blue lehenga looking elegant but somehow every pair of eyes in the room was on Ratan’s beauty as she sat pretty in peach. Ajabde was somehow relieved it was that way on every occasion as she dreaded the attention her sister enjoyed. 

However, when the newlyweds arrived and her mother was doing the aarti, she smiled at the blushing couple only to notice Kunwar Pratap smile at her. She looked away as he realized what he was doing to look away awkwardly before his eyes caught her smile again. 

She took Bhago away from the crowd to her room for a heart-to-heart on her new life. Chakrapani caught Kunwar Pratap looking for someone in the crowd as he asked “Who are you looking for?”

“No one.”He was bad with lies.

“You know when your eyes start searching like that Baojiraj, you are in trouble.” He chuckled as Kunwar Pratap looked at him worried.

“Trouble?”

“Trouble. Love. All the same.” He smiled. “It’s been a mere ten days and I can’t do without Bhago.” He blushed.

“Love?” Kunwar Pratap raised his brows up in surprise. His heart pounded like he would faint. Kunwar Pratap was scared for the first time!

“Yes… If someone knows your thoughts even before you say it, if someone takes care of your needs, even before you ask, her thoughts match yours…”

“Chakrapani Stop!” He closed his eyes. “You are making no sense! Getting married had affected you badly.” He walked away from his friend irritated. Deep in him, a storm was brewing.

“And in everything I do, I unconsciously feel will he like it or not?” Bhago blushed at a smiling Ajabde whose smile faded. A few hours away, she had for the first time, rejected three lehengas and chosen this one. Her daasi had said with a giggle “Baisa seems to be dressing for someone.” And she got angry.

 “I heard Kakisa will look for a groom for you soon,” Bhago said as Ajabde looked wide-eyed.

“Bhago!” She blushed as Ratan appeared adding “Why? The Ashwapalak rejected you?”

Bhago laughed aloud as Ajabde chased her all over the room. Ratan ran out followed by Ajabde.

An absent-minded Kunwar Pratap was walking toward his room.

If someone knows your thoughts even before you say them… Baijilal always fought in perfect sync with Sakhaveer…They complement each other … Hansa Mausi’s voice rang in his ears.

If someone takes care of your needs, even before you ask… Ajabde took care of his room, and helped him with his letters and his daily routine just like Ranima… How did I not notice?

Her thoughts match yours… Baijilal’s ideals, Ajabde’s simplicity and moral values… always made him smile…

Ratan suddenly ran past him out of his view in the corridor He turned back to see why she was running and suddenly out of nowhere, Ajabde appeared before him. As both looked wide-eyed at each other, Ajabde tried hard to stop herself in vain. 

She stumbled to her feet and was about to fall on him, eyes closed in fear when Kunwar Pratap caught her upper arm with his hands. He stared at her closed eyes as his heart leapt to his throat and settled back. Ajabde managed to open her eyes to see him hold her, in such close proximity; his eyes… were so familiar she couldn’t tell why. As she stumbled to straighten herself, Kunwar Pratap looked worried as she winced. 

She couldn’t stand straight as her left foot had twisted, stumbling on the right one and she winced again as he spoke up “Are you hurt?” holding her palms firmly in his, helping her stand.

Saubhagyawati appeared in the scene wide-eyed, only to notice Ajabde hurt and nothing else mattered to her. 

She caught Ajabde’s hand firmly as Kunwar Pratap let go and she murmured “Am fine.” In pain. Kunwar Pratap’s hands left her as her friend took her inside and called the Daasi with some balms. He suddenly felt empty. The feeling of completeness she brought with her was gone. Also, seeing her in pain and knowing she would hide it to stop people from worrying made him feel restless.

" Aswapalakji, Maasa is calling you for dinner." Ratan was not usually the one who came to call him every day.

"Ji... woh... " He was not sure whether to ask or not. "How is..."

"Jija is fine, she is on medication and resting. " Ratan paused adding "You want to meet her?"

"No..No... I was just asking." I can't meet her! I can't even face her. Not today.

What is wrong with you Kunwar Pratap? Baijilal? Ajabde? She is a friend, a partner... He hated to admit how largely she was involved in everything he called life now. Be it being Sakhaveer or Aswapalak Pratap. What troubled him more was that Ajabde was clueless about his identity. How would she react? She showed no signs that she felt.... what he felt so strongly. Kunwar Pratap wished that Ranima was there to talk to him, but then he was not so sure whether he would at all be able to talk about this with her. He had to face this alone. Inner Battles are bigger than war fronts. He realized it today. He missed watching her serve dinner as he realized he had to correct the daasis thrice on the correct quantity of vegetables and rice which Ajabde always knew. 

Kunwar Pratap twisted and turned in his bed. At about an hour before dawn, he sat smiling. He shook his head like he was mad and blushed red. A girl got you Kunwar Pratap! She made you lose your heart to her. But she is not a girl. She is Ajabde, Baijilal. Always so... perfect. He smiled. Now, what should I do?

Saubhagyawati had stayed back for a few days for the Pak fera and she decided to be with Ajabde rather than go home tonight. He got up and out of his room, in the darkness of the night and walked up to Ajabde’s closed door. He thought he would knock then decided against it. What would he tell?

“There has been a dacoit gang active in Mawda again.” One soldier was telling Raoji as he stopped in the corridor. 

“I think Sakhaveer and Baijilal will be there.” Raoji nodded as Kunwar Pratap looked across the corridor hoping and praying Ajabde was not there. She needed rest tonight, and it was indeed tough nowadays to keep Raoji off the hook.

He saw Raoji walk out with soldiers, in search of Sakhaveer and Baijilal yet again.

In his room, Sakhaveer was ready to end this once and for all. But he was sad Baijilal would be missing this. But his Ajabde needed rest. He smiled at her dim-lit balcony from the back door. 

" I will try to do what I intend to Ajabde. Pray for us." 

"Uhh ahh... someone..." Ajabde was talking in her sleep as Bhago got up scared. She shook her friend awake from her slumber. 

"Are you okay Ajab?"

"Someone is calling me?" She looked worried.

"Noone is calling you Ajab, you just had heavy medications, try to sleep please." Bhago insisted handing her the Lota of water. She winced a little in pain as she laid back and went back to sleep.

" I am sorry Baijilal, I didn't inform you about the sleeping pills in the medication," Bhago whispered to the sleeping figure. " My friend needs to rest tonight."

In the forest, as Sarang neighed seeing him, he patted his horse delighted. 

" Chakrapani, You don't stay here, go back to the Palace, I will keep Sarang back at his stable and come back." He nodded.

" It's just us tonight Sarang. She is ... not well." He appeared worried. "let's get the goons." 

He smiled as he rode the black stallion and rode off into the dark night. He turned back to see the lamps shine in the palace. One of those shining lights was hers. He had never felt so lonely yet not alone. Like she was there with him, in his heart, yet not there, in front of his eyes.

"Love." He murmured with a shy smile as he stared back one last time and disappeared into the forest.

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