Hope

Days seem to pass so quickly in Bijolia, I have been here two days and it feels like I came home just now. Ajabde was sitting in front of the mirror, combing her long hair lost in her thoughts. She was making a braid when her hands stopped. Two days ago she was sitting on the chair in front of her dressing table as he stepped into the room. He stared at how she made the braids in utter confusion before adding " I can not ever master skills like this. It's a puzzle." She smiled inwardly before replying " I think managing war formations is more difficult." He had stopped to see if that was a taunt or a compliment in utter confusion. Ajabde smiled. Sometimes he was so childish and...
" Ahem!" Ratan made the sound as she saw her Jija smiling and blushing lost in her thoughts. She looked at Ratan smirking through the mirror reflection and straightened her face.
" What?" She asked her sister.
" Tell me." Ratan sat down on the floor at her feet.
" What Ratan?"
" How is the palace?"
" Large, a little confusing. I sometimes get lost and the Daasis help me." They giggled.
" And your room?" 
" It has two large doors covered with curtains on either side, purple ones. You enter and to your left, there is this huge dressing table and chair, and opposite that on the right is a writing desk. The bed is in the middle with a large peacock-style headrest and yellow curtains. There is an eastern window to the right of the bed. The left has a couch and a table apart from the side table and lamp stands. Beside the couch is a door to the adjacent room that is my puja Ghar. It is separated from the dressing area and the bath by curtains. The dressing area has two large mirrors and three cupboards. '' Ajabde described how Ratan tried to visualise the grandness of the room. 
" Do you have the largest room, Jija?"
" No, Mine... Ours is one of the smaller ones." 
" This is small?"Ratan asked, surprised.
"The view from the room is the Meera Maa Mandir, you know Ratan."
" Tell me how everyone is."
" Ranima is the best person I met there. She has an aura around her that makes people respect her. She is so humble and sweet and loved by all. Majali Maa Sa is a little naive. She sometimes talks like I'm her age or the other way around." She smiled as Ratan giggled. " The princesses are always flocking around me for lots of stories. Much like you and Balwant."
" What about Kunwar Sa?"
" What about him?"Ajabde looked away.
" Tell me what he does all day, you know his routine by now?"
" Umm, He gets up at Brahma Muhurta," Ajabde spoke as she did her braids. " Then he takes the name of Lord Shiva, Eklingnath Ji and Janmabhumi Maata then he gets down from the left side of his bed. Then he has water from the Panchdhatu lota and freshens up. Then he prays to Lord Shiva and starts his day with Sastrabhyas with the soldiers. Then he goes to meet Ranima first then Ranaji, then the court, back to the arena and .... until lunch he stays there. After lunch, he comes back to the room..."
" To you?" Ratan seemed excited.
" To work. We sometimes read Ramayana then, or I bring Parvati. Kunwarsa is very uncomfortable in front of babies." Ratan giggled again.
" And after that Jija?"
" He attends court in the evening and then spends time with his brothers and sisters before dinner. After dinner, he works with Kunwar Shakti and comes back..."
" I don't want to know after that!" Ratan teased. 
" I'm not telling you either." Ajabde giggled trying to hide that empty feeling again. " Suhratri, Ratan."
 
Kunwar Pratap was in his room after Dinner and he got ready for bed. He looked at the well-made bed and the decorated room, just like she left it. He sat down on his side and stared at the pillow that was kept between them. Memories of last night came back, her confused face staring at the single pillow, and he smiled unknowingly. He kept the pillow in the middle as was his practice in the last few days and walked up to blow the lamps out. He stopped at her bedside lamp that was never blown out since Ajabde was scared of darkness. He sat down on her side looking at the lamp flicker as suddenly a realisation hit him. What am I thinking? I should see what the agendas of tomorrow's court meeting are. He shook off the thoughts as his eyes travelled to the heaps of threads and clothes kept beside his study desk. They were all neatly kept, waiting to be sewn into something beautiful. He decided it was best that he slept it off tonight. He laid down on his side, although he could have taken the whole bed, and he stared at the empty place beside him. He couldn't register this thought. The sound of Payal haunted him every night... he was actually missing the music as he tried to sleep. He shifted to his side. She was so happy to stay there. She didn't ask when I would arrive back or... She didn't even wait for me to leave. Why will she, Pratap? She is not even your friend yet. Clearly, she feels alone and left out here, all because of .... Me? No, I was clear with her about my priorities... I wish I could tell her before the marriage, maybe she would have chosen not to get married. He signed with so many thoughts coming his way.
 
Ajabde shifted uneasily on her side, she could have occupied the bed but instead, she was more comfortable on her side. She stared at the ring he had given her saying Ranima told him to. She remembered his face this morning. He said goodbye to her mother and sister and did not even look at her once. Why? Was he happy that she is in Bijolia? Ajabde's eyes teared up. An unknown pain that she was trying to shake off for so long crept in. She sat up, her cheeks wet as she hugged the pillow for comfort in vain. Was this the life I dreamt of? That my husband won't accept me? That he won't even care to look at me? Would he have done this if I were a princess? He said it didn't matter but was it just for my comfort? So many questions came to Ajabde's mind and a common conclusion came from it. You have fallen for him Ajabde. What have you done? He clearly told you not to expect anything. She hid her face with her hands as she sobbed. She was somehow sure he wouldn't come back for her.
 
At dawn, Pratap woke up and realised the sun was already over his head. He jumped up. Why did she not sing... He looked around to realise he was alone. He was late for everything. He hurried with his chores and reached the arena to find Shakti and Chakrapani there. 
" Dadabhai you are late." Shakti was shocked.
" The last time this happened was..." Chakrapani thought.
" The day after Bhabisa came," Shakti smirked.
" Yes, Yes, almost half a month ago!" Chakrapani recollected.
" Wait, why are you late today?" Shakti spoke up.
" Aree, his wife is not there, he was missing her all night." Chakrapani's smile faded as Kunwar Pratap stared at him with stone-cold eyes. Shakti laughed watching him run. The brothers started their lessons as a Sevak came to inform them " Ranaji has called upon you Baojiraj."
 
The Bijolia palace was waking to Ajabde's melodious voice one more time. The kitchens were making her favourite dishes. The villagers came to meet and greet their Kunwarani. Her siblings were following her around for stories. Her parents were pampering her a lot over the short stay. After all, she was now not their daughter. But a guest, as the wife of Kunwar Pratap. Ajabde felt uneasy whenever Hansa or Ratan mentioned her departure day.
If he doesn't come, what will I tell them? She always feared the worst. 
" Dajiraj." Kunwar Pratap stepped into the court a little clueless then smiled at the sight, his Mamasa was there. He had missed the wedding but he was here with good news.
" You remember my eldest daughter, right Kunwarsa?" He nodded a yes.
" It's her wedding three days after Teej so I am here to invite you and Kuwaranisa to Jalore for the wedding."
" Mama Sa, this is good news, we will definitely be there." He said reassuringly.
" Kunwar Pratap please wait in the strategy room with Rawatji after an hour, I will go fetch your Ranima."  Udai Singh ordered.
" Ranima?" He asked surprised.
" Yes, she needs to help us with something."
 
Kunwar Pratap was back in his room when he found his clothes scattered. 
" Kuwaraniji! Kuwaraniji?" He called as a Daasi came in.
" Baojiraj, she is in Bijolia."
" Bijolia? Haan. I mean... She is in Bijolia so no one will clean my room?" He asked angrily as she hurried. " Now where is my map?"
" On the table where Ajabde keeps it." Ranima walked in as he turned to her.
" Ranima?"
" Tell me what you are bothered about? Your things or the fact that Ajabde is not here?" She smiled.
" Ranima." He looked at his mother stunned then shook his head and walked away.
 
" Rawat Ji, what is Ranima helping us with?" He asked after he could be patient no longer.
" Ranisa is very good at understanding the terrains in and around Bijolia and Bundi, Ranaji is asking her help in some border strategies, her suggestions...."
" Bijolia? He thought aloud.
" Ji." Rawat ji smiled at his face, " Ranisa is from Jalore which is quite nearby."
Kunwar Pratap was lost in thoughts when Rawatji asked " Kuwaranisa is in Bijolia?"
" Ji," he answered, a little uncomfortable.
His parents entered and they started pointing out places, on the bank of the Chambal where they can put base camps for proper border vigils. Udai Singh and Rawatji spotted and marked 16 sites of base camps along the Chambal, three of them in Bijolia. 
" Now we need three groups, one towards Bijolia, one to the other side and one further north." Udai Singh spoke up. 
" I will appoint three leaders, Rawatji you take one troop, Kunwar Pratap will take one and Kunwar Shakti will take another." He ordered.
" Who will go where Ranaji?" Rawatji asked.
" I will go to Bijo...." Kunwar Pratap stopped as the three looked at him. " I can go wherever you send me." He looked away. What is wrong with you?
Jaivanta Bai smiled. " I think giving Shakti the portion near Chittorgarh, Rawatji can take further north and Kunwar Pratap will go to Bijolia." Udai Singh understood his wife's smile. He nodded approval and looking at Kunwar Pratap all red and uneasy he added, " So Rawatji, tell the soldiers to put up a Khema for Kunwarsa near the Chambal in Bijolia."
" Khema?" Kunwar Pratap asked, looking surprised.
" Yes, why?" Udai Singh asked.
" Nothing, I will make arrangements to leave." He walked away as his mother followed.
" Kunwar Pratap." He stopped the call and turned toward his mother.
" Ji?"
" You have two days to work there so... umm... write to Kuwaranisa that you are bringing her back with you." He looked up at his mother surprised.
" Me? Why don't you write to..."
" Because it's not the same." Jaivanta Bai walked away leaving him confused.
 
Kunwar Pratap was sitting in his room that night with ink and paper. 
" Ajabdeh. " He crossed through it as soon as he wrote her name and took a fresh paper.
" Kunwaraniji.
I am coming to take you back..." He rolled up the paper and threw it away. He breathed a little and then started again.
" Kunwaraniji.
Ranima has told me to bring you back with me to Chittor as I am going to Bijolia borders for some work for two days. ...."
 
"Baisa Baisa..." A Daasi came in as Ratan scolded. " Kuwaranisa bolo!"
" It's okay Ratan." Ajabde stopped her.
" A letter for you." The daasi declared.
" A letter? No one writes to me..." She wondered aloud. 
" Well, now you have someone to.." Ratan taunted.
" Ratan! He would never." She took the letter and opened it her heart skipped a beat and her eyes went wide as the seal read " Kunwar Pratap Singh." Ratan left her with the letter as she calmed herself to read through it. " Ranima has told me to bring you back...." He didn't want to? Is that what he means? " My Khema will be set up at the border..." He won't even stay here?
Thanks to Ratnavati the whole household knew that Kuwarani Ajabde had received her first official letter from her husband.
" Why will he stay at the Khema when we have the Palace?" Raoji asked at dinner.
Ajabde was quiet when Hansa said, " Maybe he feels uneasy, Raoji, why don't you go and invite him once he is here?"
 
Kunwar Pratap was checking his things when Jaivanta Bai walked in.
" You are ready to leave?"
" Almost."
" Ohh I forgot, take a gift for Ajabde."
" A gift?" His eyes widened. " Why?" he frowned.
" Because I said so."
" All right, choose the gift and..."
" No Pratap, you choose your gift." She walked away leaving him with a face that was like he was trapped by enemies on all sides. 
He paced his room with his thoughts. Jewellery? She likes to take them off at every chance she gets. Dresses? I have no idea... His eyes fell on the Ramayana. He remembered her complaints about its condition and a smile appeared on his face. The smile of victory.
 
Ajabde was dressed up in her gaudy jewellery and a royal maroon lehenga. There was a tiny hope that flickered in her heart. He had reached Bijolia as per the Sevaks and her father had gone to invite him to the Palace. She hoped he came with her father. As the sound of horses was heard she walked out with her mother, disappointed at the sight. He came back alone.
" He didn't come? Is he angry with something?" Hansa was worried.
" He said his work was at the borders, so staying here would hamper it. He also said he had some unanswered letters to attend to there." The last words made Ajabde's eyes go wide. I was supposed to answer that letter? Or he actually meant something else...
" Ajabde." Her mother's call broke her thoughts. " Why don't you go and talk to him?"
" M...Me?"
" Yes you, he will surely tell you if he has some problem coming here." Raoji agreed. She had to nod.
 
He was instructing the Bijolia village head on how many men he needed for the work along with the soldiers to build the basecamps. A Sevak came in to announce " Kuwaranisa is here to see you." His hand stopped over the map as he looked serious. 
" Tell her to wait at my Private Khema, I am in between something."
 
He walked in to find her folding up some scattered maps.
" What are you doing here Kuwaraniji?" He asked in an indifferent tone. She didn't turn, nor did she stop what she was doing.
" I can ask you the same." She answered calmly.
" I have work, here." He shrugged.
" That could be done from the palace too." She replied.
" I need to instruct the villagers."
" I know you have done that already, and the people of Bijolia are not stupid, they understand ... every smallest hint also." Her last words were carefully chosen.
" Do they?" His voice had a hint of taunt. 
" You refused my Daata and now they are worried that they have offended you." She turned around to face him, and he looked at her face and she at his feet. " So, I must make things right. Either you go to the palace or I come here, the choice is yours."
" So you have come to invite me or tell me your decision." He asked, still not sure.
" Think what you want, Kunwarsa." She was not to bow down.
" I will be there by evening." He answered. 
" Dhanyavaad." Her tone was formal again as he turned to leave.
" Ummm Kuwaraniji..." He turned around as she looked up at his face. " How are you?" Her heart leapt to her mouth and settled back as she kept a straight face. " Theek." She replied as he nodded and left.
 
That night at the Bijolia Palace, after he had a hearty meal that clearly was made by Ajabde even though she refused to say so, he was sitting with Balwant telling his stories of his first war. Raoji came to take Balwant as he walked into her room. She was removing the gaudy jewellery and wincing at the pain of the heavy earrings. He suddenly remembered the gift.
" Umm... Ranima told me to write to you." He declared sitting on the bed. She watched him through the mirror, and so did he.
" I know that Kunwar Sa." She answered indifferently. Of course, you won't write to me. Why will you?
" I... Ranima told me to ... bring you a gift..." Her hand stopped from taking the comb as she turned back towards him. 
" Gift?"
" Yes, it's in here. Somewhere." He looked at the trunk helplessly and then walked up to it. She waited till he took it out and handed it to her. She opened the cloth wrap and looked up straight at him as he looked away.
" Ranima chose this?" She didn't know my book was torn, you did!
" Umm... err... I think I should rest, I have some work in the borders early tomorrow and also there is going back home in the evening..." He walked away from her towards the bed. She looked at the book and then softly murmured " Dhanyavad Kunwarsa." He stopped bantering as he looked back at her admiring the book like a treasure chest.
 
" So... umm... What did Ratan and Balwant ask you about the palace?" He changed the topic as a childish smile appeared on her face and she kept talking about how they thought the palace to be and how they thought she had a large room, the largest and everything. He was listening to her speak as his tiredness made him fall asleep. She turned due to the lack of response from him and was surprised to see him asleep. She walked up to his side and pulled his feet up from the floor and covered him with the blanket. Then she placed the extra pillow in between and smiled at the Ramayana she kept at the table. She then blew off the lamps, leaving hers and lying on her side. Unlike other days his face was facing her and she smiled at his sleeping figure. In the flickering light, Ajabde made a promise to herself. You may not need me or love me at all Kunwarsa. But my heart, and soul belong to you. I will make you happy, I will take away your pain and I will live for the day you give me a wife's rights. Right here, right now, am happy you thought of bringing to me the only thing we do together. The book might just help me win you over. Like the Lord said, Time helps everything. I won't lose hope Kunwarsa. I promise you.

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