Eternally Yours

Ajabde woke up to find neither the pillow nor the husband beside her. That was really unusual. Has she overslept? No, it was dark and the first birds were singing. She sat up to find that he had neatly arranged the pillows and made his side of the bed and put his blanket over her. She checked the changing room. No, he was not there, but unlike other days his clothes were not in a mess. She freshened up and reached the dressing table. His brooch was not there. Where is he? Has the war... Her heart skipped a beat. What if he had left and not even woken her up?
" Daasi? Daasi?" She called as one of them walked in.
" Ji Kuwaranisa?"
" Where is Kunwarsa?"
" He left early in the morning for Dangal and then a visit to the village. Do you need anything?"
" No, You may go now." She put on the sindoor in a worry. Maybe something urgent has come up. She walked to the Puja room and was shocked. Her garlands were made, the Chandan was in place and her mandir was already decorated and ready for the pujas. When did he do all this? She sat down for her prayers.

Kunwar Pratap was spending too many sleepless nights nowadays. Firstly, there is a war to be waged, with the man who dared to hurt his Ajabde. Then there is his Ajabde, who is... well clueless that she is his. He had twisted and turned in bed all night until he decided to be useful and do some of her tasks and help her like she helped him. In the darkness, he had sneaked into the palace garden and picked up the flowers, a little carefully. In case someone saw him, that would have been embarrassing. Then he cleaned the room like she did every morning and decorated her Mandir. He had made two garlands instead of one, unsure which one would fit. Then watching the sleeping figure he had walked up to her and brushed her hand with his, before leaving for the Dangal. Now he was at the Village Temple, early at dawn, and had bought a Gajra.
 
Kunwarani Ajabde Punwar was being helped to dress up by three maids. One of them did her hair, one helped her with the gaudy jewellery while the other fitted her lehenga. She took the earrings from the table and wore them herself. He stopped at the door, behind the drapes, watching, with a smile on his face. The necklace was placed on her neck as a dasi made her long black hair into a braid. She placed the bindi on her forehead. It's a little to the left, Ajabde. He thought. She put on the maangtika and the bangles as one of the Dasis said " Kunwaranisa, should I bring a Gajra for your hair? It will look nice on your braids." and added smiling " Kunwarsa will like it."
Ajabde blushed a little, smiling at that as she added " No Kasturi. I don't like Gajras."
 His eyes widened as he in an impulse hid the Gajra under his angrakha. Which girl doesn't like flowers? Everyone around the palace does. But No Not MY wife!! He frowned a little as he made his appearance. She put the dupatta over her head as she saw his reflection and dispersed the maids.
" Where were you Kunwar Pratap?" Her question made him look up as she said, " Wait I will bring Prasad."
He quickly kept the Gajra on the table as soon as she left and before she came back. Let her think the Dasis brought it! She walked in noticing the parcel that was not there. She kept mum and gave him the Prasad as he turned to leave.
" Dhanyavaad," Made him skip a heartbeat as he turned around.
" Ji?"
" For the Puja Ghar and the garlands and everything." She smiled.
" Ohh ... I woke up early so I thought once let me help you by doing your work." He smiled back. She nodded appreciating it. He left the room and she picked up the packet. A smile curved her lips as she called a Dasi.
" Put this in my braid please." She smiled.
Ajabde was walking down the corridor to Padmavati's room. With her impending wedding, there was a lot to do and Ranima had put everyone to work already. Kunwar Shakti, Kunwar Pratap and Kunwar Vikram were walking down the hall from the other side. On seeing her approach Shakti smiled.
" So what we need to do is..." Kunwar Pratap was explaining something as he frowned at his brother's inattentiveness and then spotted her.
 
" Chaliye Bhai Vikram, let's take a race through the corridor." Shakti and Vikram ran as Kunwar Pratap shouted " Aree listen!" in vain.
She was preoccupied with the thoughts of his sweet morning gestures when she suddenly saw the two princes run towards her and she closed her eyes in fear and opened them as Kunwar Pratap laughed.
" They scared you." He smiled.
" Why are they... " She was confused.
" Running? I have no idea." Of course, I do! I can't tell you. Yet.
" Umm... has anything come up on the ...war?"
" Not yet, they will choose the place of attack, we will be defending, '' Daajiraj said since their troops and power are nothing compared to our army."
" Vanity." She taunted.
" Fact." He nodded. Both smiled as she said, " I should go."
As she walked past him a familiar smell tickled his senses and he turned around to spot his Gajra. She stopped to look back at him with a smile as he smiled back before they went their ways.
 
She was walking across the Rani Baithak to the princess' room when she heard Dheer Bai's voice inside. She was telling someone, " Don't even expect good news from Kunwaranisa. Truth be told, she can never be more than Kunwar Pratap's friend. Kunwar Pratap needs a princess as a wife, I had told Jija, I don't see them even interacting freely." The words hit her like a dagger and hurt her more than the physical pain she faced a month back. Tears swelled up as she turned around and ran to her room.
 
" Dheer Bai Ji!" Jaivanta Bai's boomed as the others slowly made their exit in fear.
" What did I say wrong, Jija?"
" Everything. Your idea about love and companionship is not what I taught my Pratap. If he loves someone it will be for the person she is and not her title. If you love the title then you love the idea of a person. Your EGO is what you name your LOVE. Actually, love grows with understanding and mutual respect the foundation of which is much more than titles that may come and go. My Pratap and Ajabde have that foundation. EGO has no place in LOVE." Dheer Bai stood speechless in front of the visibly angry Maharani. She had no voice against the chief queen but... she thought.
 
Ajabde was folding her dupattas absent-minded, she had calmed herself down and had wiped away her tears. Yet, to someone who knew her, it was evident that something was wrong. Kunwar Pratap entered the room when he frowned a little as she didn't notice. Then it worried him.
" Ajabde." His voice startled her.
" Ji?" She still didn't turn back.
" Is something wrong?" His question made her heart feel heavy. Even without looking at her, he knew.
" No Nothing." She lied.
" Anyone told you anything?" He looked with suspicion.
" No No... I... " She closed her eyes to make sure of her decision. " Want to go to Bijolia... for ... a few days."
" Bijolia?" He looked surprised. " Why?" It came out even if he didn't want it to.
" Maa sa wrote that she was not well. Ratan can't manage and... "
" How can you leave? What about me?" He asked, realising What I just said?!
Her eyes went wide as she turned back at his embarrassed face not looking up at her. She tried to be casual, adding " There is a mahal full of people looking after you." He will never make her his wife, rang in her mind.
 
" They are not you." He looked straight into her eyes. They looked hurt, broken. Why? What happened? Please tell me, Ajabde.
" I... should go to Padmavati." She walked past him to leave when he spoke.
" You may go but for a day." She stopped, " Ji?"
" You may go to Bijolia but you can not stay there, the war is on and... I can't compromise on your safety." She nodded as his face was serious.
 
At Padmavati's room, the princesses had all gathered around Ajabde, choosing designs for her to make chunris for them.
" Ohho! Leave her alone, the Royal Tailor is there to..." Sajja stopped them.
" Maa sa.." Padmavati added " She makes them better than the Tailor. She is so talented."
" Says the most untalented one in the family" Shakti added followed by Kunwar Pratap in tow. He looked visibly disturbed as eyes met and she looked away.
" Dadabhai! " Padmavati was angry. " I will not talk to you, I am leaving soon and you are still..." The others laughed.
" All right, don't talk to me. I won't tell you what Aditya Narayan told me!" Shakti teased.
" Bhai." warned Kunwar Pratap.
" He said he will soon marry another princess. Who is beautiful and talented unlike her!" Shakti pointed, laughing as Padma stood up angry, making everyone laugh.
" He can not." She threw a cushion at her brother who ducked.
 
" It's nothing to be angry about!" Dheerbai's appearance made everyone quiet. " Every royal marries more than once, they can even prefer the younger wives more than the first."
She was flaunting as Sajja Bai's smile disappeared and Kunwar Pratap looked away.
" You and Kunwar Pratap will bring princesses home too, who knows, one of them being a princess, a royal can be Mewar's future Maharani or Rajmata."
The last one was clearly indicated at Ajabde as Sajja Bai stared at Ajabde about to say something. But the one who spoke was Kunwar Pratap.
" Chotima, we don't choose our birth, we choose our deeds. If our behaviour is Royal no one sees blood. And if our behaviour is not Royal, our birth doesn't matter."
 
" Where did Ajabde go?" Sajja's worried voice made him turn to where she was standing and he ran out.
Ajabde had run to the only place she found peace in. Lord Krishna stood with his flute, smiling at her, in the room she called her own. But today she was not sure. Today what was told, and reminded to her, she was not sure of her position in the palace or his life. She didn't mind what little she had from him, the appreciation and the gestures. But they all planted the seed of hope. The hope for more. What Dheerbai said today had shaken her hope. She let her tears flow as for the first time she wished the Lord would answer her back and show her a way. She could go to Bijolia and never come back, but that would hurt her mother and Ranima, both loved her immensely. She had some responsibilities towards them and towards Mewar that she couldn't overlook. His footsteps made her wipe away her tears quickly as he stopped behind her disturbed.
 
" Ajabde." His voice was soft as she controlled the tears and turned around to face him.
" I... need to go." She walked past him as he said " I need to talk."
She stopped as he turned around, her back to him. Tears were still in her eyes, that she didn't want him to see. She remembered their promises, she couldn't appear weak.
" You told me Lord Ram said that wives and queens are different. A man has many queens and one wife."
" Yes." She tried not to choke.
" You know only one can be that wife and... and..." he was not sure where he was going with this.
And... I am not that one... A voice in her head rang as she fumbled " I understand what you mean Kunwarsa."
" You do?" He asked surprised.
" Yes. I expect nothing from anyone, Kunwarsa. I will always stand by my vows." She ran out as she spoke without hearing him as he called.
" No Ajabde, I didn't mean...." Hai Eklingji I hurt her... again. He was so disappointed with himself.
 
Ajabde ran breathlessly to a lonely part of the old palace complex and wiped away her tears. I should leave for Bijolia. But before I do I should meet Bhago and Parvati once.
" Arree Kuwarani Ajabde Baisa at my humble home!" Saubhagyawati's smile disappeared at a glance at her face. " What happened to you?"
The question was responded to by a hug as she cried, making Saubhagyawati more worried.
" What happened, Ajab? Sit down. Have some water."
" He... he... " She sobbed. " Doesn't... he can never.... what will I do now?"
" Calm down!" She sat holding Ajabde's hands as she told her what happened. Saubhagyawati was smiling. Because she knew what he felt based on what Chakrapani had told her and she couldn't help smiling at how silly her intelligent friend was in matters of the heart.
" Ajab. Did you hear him out? All of it?" The question made her look up as she fumbled " N..No..."
" And you thought about what you wanted to do?" She smiled. " Hear him out, go and talk to him."
" But... Bhago..."
" Did you notice some changes in his behaviour lately?" The question made Ajabde look up.
" How do you..."
" Everyone except you could see that you silly girl! Ever since you were ill, the way he looked after you, protected you..." Ajabde was thinking of how firmly he held her hand and all the sweet gestures he was doing.
" What should I do? I ran out on him." She looked guilty.
" Go, and talk." Saubhagyawati smiled. Chakrapani walked in with a grim face.
" Kunwarsa said I could find you here Bhabisa, Maharanisa has called you to her chambers. It's urgent." His words made them stare at each other as Ajabde ran home.
 
She stopped at the door of Ranima's chamber to find everyone gathered there. The queens, the princes, the princesses, him. As she walked in, Ranima walked up to her. Majali Ma looked worried and Padmavati looked like she was going to cry.
Scared Ajabde asked, " What happened, Ranima?"
" The Afghans. They have chosen their place and have camped there without prior notice." Ranima was visibly angry.
" Those... such cowardice." Shakti fumed.
" Everyone will be leaving tomorrow at Dawn, Ajabde will help me with the preparations."
She nodded asking the question he dreaded. " Where is the camp?"
Everyone stared at each other unsure as Kunwar Pratap got silent permission from Ranima to break the news.
" Bijolia." He looked at her worried about her reaction. She had been facing a lot today, the taunts, insults, his ill attempt at telling her and now this. Ajabde froze to her spot staring at him in silence. Then she looked down at the floor, and closed her eyes for one brief moment as she said " Ranima, don't you worry, I will see the arrangements." She left Jaivanta Bai proud as she walked out.
" Ranima, should I..." He was not sure if he should be talking to her about it.
" Go!" Jaivanta Bai seemed sure.
He ran after her.
 
She was restless inside. The best she could do now was not show it outside. Bijolia? Of all the places? Maa sa, Ratan, Balwant is so small. They will refuse reallocation as Daata is there. What if...
" Jaldi, call the Raj Vaid, for the medicines, and extra clothes, no one knows how long it will last." She ordered around. " Why do I need to check everything, Rama? Can't you use your brains a little?" She looked shaken. The trunks of weapons were laid and she checked on them with the little knowledge she had. Are these enough? He entered the room as she stared at the spears. He walked up to her as the Daasis left.
" Aree." Her thoughts broke. " Where are you all going? There is so much to do!"
" Ajabde. " He stared at her restless self. " Everything will be done. Calm down. Please."
" Can I... Go? I can fight, I really can." She was begging him. Kunwar Pratap looked at her, not scared to face Mehmood Shah after the horrible experience.
" No. " Came a firm reply.
" I will stay with Maa sa... they need... protection." She fumbled.
" If you go there you will need protection." He tried to be reasonable. " I am there to protect Bijolia."
" Please take me." She begged for the last time.
" You only told me that I should be there to represent Mewar and not myself. If you go, I will be more worried about you than the war..." She stared at him, this was the closest he ever went to say I care. But the time and tension were so much that it all went unnoticed. She nodded in agreement.
" I will pack your things." She replied.
" I will come back early tonight. I.... we need to talk."
She nodded, adding " I will wait."
 
She was standing at the window absentminded after an early dinner. Tomorrow's dawn could be a dark one for her. What if they attack before Kunwarsa reaches... they have no ethics at all... what if... He walked in seeing her calm composed face, as it stared blankly at the night sky, while he knew her restlessness inside. He walked up to her.
" Ajabde." He held both her cold hands as he looked into her eyes, those tears about to fall, he rubbed the upper palms with his thumb reassuringly as he said determined,
" I will protect them. I promise you. Nothing will happen to Raoji, Ratan Baisa, Balwant or Maasa as long as I am..."
 
He couldn't finish his sentence as a lone tear trickled down her cheeks and in fear, in a trance, Ajabde put her head on his shoulder. Kunwar Pratap froze at the moment as it looked like she was hugging him. His hand left her as he held her shoulders reassuringly, she let her tears flow as her hands travelled to his back to hold on to him, as though he was her only hope now. Kunwar Pratap was at a loss for words. His mouth went dry as his vision blurred. He had no idea that silence was greater than words and so powerful at times. He had no idea for how long they stood like that as the moment froze for him. She felt his heartbeat, as her head was hidden in his chest, as he patted her shoulder. That little gesture seemed like all the security she ever longed for. They parted as he wiped away her tears while his own eyes twinkled with them. A silent timeless eye lock followed as he smiled faintly at her blushing teary face as the silence was followed by her words.
" Promise me, you will not treat this as your personal war, promise me you will be safe first. Because.... if you are safe, I know so will everyone in Bijolia and Mewar."
He nodded with a smile " I promise Ajabde, nothing will happen to Me, Mewar and Bijolia. And right now you need to compose yourself because I can not leave you like this. It will worry me. And I know what is needed to calm you down." He walked backwards away from her, letting go of her arms and came back with the Ramayana.
 
She sat on the bed, as he chose the place to read. They both had a storm brewing inside them due to the insecurities of the war, but both kept a strong face for the other. They both knew they wouldn't get a wink of sleep tonight so gathered that this was the best thing they always did. He listened to her as she read aloud, his hand still in hers, holding on like he would never let go.
"..... The bridge to Lanka was built. Ram was finally going to travel the distance between himself and Sita. I am coming for you, wait for a little more he said looking at the island in the distance. You are here. She smiled looking north. Distances were bridged with every step he took."
" Ajabde." He interrupted as she looked up. " It's dawn."
The fear appeared for a second on her face as she wiped it off with a smile that couldn't convince him as she got up to go to Ranima for the Puja, and Aarti as Kunwar Pratap took his Armour in hand and stared at her leaving with her puja thali as she looked back at him smiling. He smiled back. She walked out in the corridor, towards the Mandir, and he began fitting his armour.
Once I come back I will complete what I wanted to tell you Ajabde. Wait for me.
I can not wait to have you back and tell you what I want to, Kunwarsa.
Though I know with us, even silence is enough. Isn't it Ajabde?
To me, your eyes are enough Kunwar Pratap.

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