Life and You

" Maharanisa! Maharanisa!" The Daasi ran through the quiet Rani Mahal as Jaivanta Bai who was sitting in front of the Lord in her room ever since she was back, rushed out of her room followed by Sajjabai and Veerbai.
" What happened?" She asked, her voice calm, but her heart thumping.
" Kunwarsa is here... with Kunwarani... She... She...." The Daasi sobbed as Jaivanta Bai rushed to the room. She stood at the door as her eyes couldn't believe what she saw. Kunwar Pratap was soaked in her blood as he laid her down on the bed shouting " Jaldi. Rajvaidya..." His eyes stopped at the door as Jaivanta Bai rushed to be beside the unconscious Ajabde. The Daasis and Sevaks were running about soon enough. SajjaBai gasped at the scene. So much blood. Kunwar Pratap hadn't noticed anything except her calm unconscious face. Now he looked down at his blood-soaked hands, red, he stared at them as though in a trance.

" Kunwar Pratap! Tell me what happened. Kunwar Pratap!" Jaivanta Bai shouted in vain, in between her sobs as he stood still, like a statue looking at his hands. Kunwar Pratap had seen more blood than anyone in that room that day, but none had affected him so deeply... so personally.
 
What would Kunwar Pratap say? He didn't know how things happened. He tried to wake her up by shaking her head and rubbing her hands as they went cold. His vision blurred as he felt she was ... He whistled to call Sarang. He was in a dilemma on how to get her to Chittor. He had to save her. At first, he took the dagger out as her face winced a little. " Ajabde? Ajabde!" He called in vain. He picked her up, in his arms as she breathed very less, in her unconsciousness. He had put a protective arm around her as he sat behind Sarang and rode with the other. He had checked the path multiple times, in his fear, if she was breathing or not. He knew she was bleeding, to reduce it he had stopped on the way and used his cotton pagri cloth to tie up her wound. " Faster Sarang!" He had ordered.

" Please everyone leave, I need to check her now." The Rajvaid ordered the crowd that had gathered by now. His face was calm, like before a storm, and his eyes twinkled... Jaivanta Bai put a hand on his shoulder saying " Pratap." Softly as he stared at her blankly, taking his eyes off Ajabde.
" You go out, I am here." She said reassuringly as Sajja pulled him away. He was at the threshold when he turned back and saw her before the door shut. He stood there for a brief moment as Sajja moved away clueless about what to tell him. She had never seen Kunwar Pratap so visibly shaken. He stood there restless for a moment before he rushed to the only place he hoped his heart would find peace and his mind some strength.

The Hall of The Ancestors. He remembered they had their first real conversation here, almost two months back when she surprised him with her vow. He looked at the lamp flicker right there, at the same exact spot. Then he looked up at the statue of Lord Rama. "She follows you in everything she says or does, she holds such high values for her promises. And today, she trusted me, she trusted that I could protect her... But I... " He went on hands folded as a lone tear drop trickled on his cheek. " I let her down. She always keeps her promises. I couldn't keep mine to protect and honour her. I stand here with guilt today. Please don't harm her, she is too innocent, too ... she took the dagger for me as I stood there. She protected me and ... Take my life and save her. Please. Please.Please." He sat down on his knees, his head bowed before Lord Rama, as though defeated by life.

" Baojiraj! Baojiraj." A Daasi came breathless as he wiped his tear and turned scared. " Woh... Kunwa.." Before she could finish he ran towards the room. He saw the Daasis run about as Ranima looked anxious. " Tell me what happened Vaidji?" She was asking again and again. His heart stopped. Was she...His eyes then travelled to the bed where he spotted Ajabde having breathing troubles as the Vaid was busy making medicines. She was very restless and also like she was living a bad dream. Kunwar Pratap's fist tightened. Mehmood Shah will pay if anything happened to Ajabde. He has hurt me personally, and I will make him pay personally. He couldn't bare to see her in so much pain. Her smiling face came to his mind as he tried to be composed in the crowd.
" The weapon..." Vaidji started.
" It was a Dagger." Kunwar Pratap spoke up for the first time since he had asked for the Vaid.
" The Dagger had poison rubbed on it." The Vaid looked worried. "The poison had entered her system through the blood, and now... We will know in Twenty-Four hours Maharanisa. Let's pray that my herbs work on her. These twenty-four hours are crucial. Then the risk would lessen but won't go until she is conscious. " He explained.
" What kind of poison Vaidji?" Jaivanta asked worriedly.
" The Dessert Black Scorpion. It is more dangerous than a snake." The Vaid replied. " Baisa here is a real fighter Maharanisa, now all we can do is pray."
 
Kunwar Pratap had left the room the moment he said Scorpion. Twenty-four longest hours of his life had begun. He rushed to Meera Ma's temple. Everyone in Chittor believed that Meera Ma's Lord always listened. He sat down in the deserted temple area in the wee hours of the night. Folding his hands he sobbed, No one was there to watch him.
" Save her Lord. She prays to you with so much trust, you can not do this to her. Save her life." He sobbed. " She is in this mess because of me, because she is my wife because I couldn't save her." Tears soaked the blood-soaked clothes he wore. " See here, this is her blood, her pain. Take it away from her, take it away and give it to me. I deserve it." He closed his eyes. After a brief pause, he looked up at the idol. " I... I can't... " He spoke to the lord as tears trickled down his cheeks. He shut his eyes again. I can't live without her. She ... she has become a part of my day, my routine and my life. You can not take her like this. He looked up. " If you decide to take her, I will stop believing." He got up angry. " I will stop believing that the world is good, and you are just." He heard his mother's payal and wiped away the tears quickly.
" Kunwar Pratap." He looked up at his mother and she knew he was crying. She had tears too. She feared for him more. He hugged her tight like he used to as a child. Today he was just his mother's son, wanting her reassurance more than anything else.
" She will be fine." Jaivanta Bai said she wanted to believe it too. " But Pratap." She held his shoulders as he moved out of the hug, tears in his eyes. She wiped her own, saying " This is no time to be weak, She would want you to be strong and fight the hard times with her. She wouldn't like to be your weakness." He remembered how she told the enemy I won't let anyone be his weakness. He closed his eyes and breathed heavily before wiping away the tears.
" I am fine, Ranima. I am strong. I just..." He stopped as she nodded to say she understood.
" Go to the room, Change into clean clothes and be with her, I will be there..."
" No Ranima, I will call you if I need you."
" You need to rest for the last two days..."
" We both know we can't sleep with this." He walked away.
 
He entered the room through the door at the other end and walked to the changing rooms. He came back to the bedroom to see the Daasis on alert and the Vaidji observing. The daasis had changed her blood-soaked clothes and cleaned her wounds and bruises before applying the balm. To an ordinary eye, she would look to be in a deep sleep, but his heart knew the pain she was feeling inside.
" Her fever had increased so I gave her another pill." The vaid informed him as he nodded.
" Why don't you people go and eat? I will be here until you all are back, I will call if you are needed in between. Please go and have your dinners."
" Baojiraj,  you..." The Daasi was asking about his dinner.
" I am not hungry, you go." He ordered. Two Daasis refused to leave as they waited by the main door, in case they were needed.
 
Everyone in the Ranimahal loved the Kuwaranisa this much. Kunwar Pratap had never seen so many queens and daasis, princesses and relatives of his unite over someone's ill health. She had unknowingly made a place in everyone's heart. He had seen the least expected people sob and worry. He looked at her face as he thought about it. In such a short time, she ruled Chittor's heart with her simplicity and intelligence. His hand travelled to caress her head but stopped.
 
He moved away in a dilemma as he spotted her hairline, the sindoor had faded over the two days of struggle. He walked up to the dressing table and took the sindoor box in his hand. He walked back up to her and using his index finger and thumb, he filled her hairline with the sindoor. His vision blurred again as he wiped off the coming tears with his arm.
" Unnnhhh" a faint sound made him rush to her from the dressing table as he held her cold hand.
" Ahh." She winced in pain sweating profusely, and her face looked like she was dreaming something.
" Kun...Kun... Pra..." She managed as he stared wide-eyed.
" Ajabde! Ajabde! Am here. I am with you. I won't let you..." He felt like hugging her and never letting go. " Vaid Ji." He called scared as she groaned. The Vaid rushed to give her some medicines as he sat holding her hand.
" What happened? Is she going to be conscious soon?" He asked worriedly. " She spoke..." He stopped.
" No Kunwarsa, her pain was back as the effects of the painkiller were gone, I gave her some more. Her fever is back too." He sounded worried.
" But she spoke." He argued.
" Those are just under the trances Kunwarsa, she is not in her senses."
Maybe she is calling me to help her and me... I was late to... He looked at the sleeping figure with guilt as he slowly removed his hand from hers.
 
Maharani Jaivanta Bai was sitting sleepless in the jhula of her room. She had never seen her son react the way he did today. She had never expected Ajabde to land herself in such danger trying to save her life. She also felt responsible, and guilty that she missed out on all that Ajabde had noticed that day at the temple. She rarely missed out on alarming things. How could I? If I was careful, she would have... Her thought stopped as she saw a shadow at her doorstep.
" Ranaji?" She got up, wiping away tears. He walked up to her and made her sit down beside him on the jhula.
" Maharani Jaivanta Bai. You are the strongest woman I have seen if you cry like this..."
" Ranaji, I don't know what to feel right now." She spoke up looking away.
" She will be fine by tomorrow. I will talk to the..."
" Ranaji, for the first time I saw Pratap actually show that he cares for her. He was at the temple and..."
" Jaivanta..." Rana Udai Singh was shocked. " She is his wife. He cares for her, isn't it obvious?"
" When I chose her, everyone felt Pratap wouldn't like her Ranaji, I am glad I was right." He nodded saying " Rest a little. Your son needs you."
 
Dawn broke as Kunwar Pratap decided that Ajabde's lord won't stay unattended. He showered and came with the flowers Ajabde always handpicked and made a garland for the Lord. Then he lit the diya and the incense and prayed to the Lord. He didn't know any bhajan or mantra that she used, but he prayed from his heart. For her. For himself. He asked for strength. Then he saw the Ramayana and picked it up. He walked up to her bed, where the Vaid was checking her pulse as she lay there. He sat down at his desk, overlooking her bed and started reading aloud.
" Lord Rama was scared. He was sure that something was amiss the moment he saw Laxman. He asked where he had left Sita. It was then that the air filled with a cry of woe " Raaammmmm! Raaaammm!" Sita was shouting!"
He stopped as her voice played in his mind. Kunwar Pratap! Kunwar Pratap! He looked up at her. Just be better Ajabde, once you are better I will surely ask you why you took the liberty of taking my name under broad daylight, in front of people! A faint smile appeared knowing what her scared face and fumbles looked like as it disappeared seeing her now.
 
" She is out of danger. She will live." The Vaid declared at midday as relief swept across the Ranimahal.
" Then why is she still unconscious?" Jaivanta Bai asked what Pratap wanted to do, and both were still worried.
" She has so much pain that her mind is not letting her be conscious as the pain will be greater then. Once the pain and poison side effects are lesser than it is now, she will be fine." The Vaid reassured. " Just keep giving her the medication in time." He ordered the nurses, as he left.
Kunwar Pratap did not eat or sleep that day too, he was lost in her, reading to her, talking to her like she responded and even giving her all the medications himself. Every time she shifted or winced in pain, so did he as he patted her hands, or rubbed them when they were cold. Jaivanta Bai went to meet her worried husband.
 
" We need to get Kunwar Pratap out of that room, and into his normal routine."
" Maharaniji, he is her husband we can not..."
" He will lose himself like this! I am here, Sajja is here, the Vaidji clearly said that it may take her even two weeks to get back consciousness and months before she was normal again. I can not let Pratap be confined to his room until that, he will go insane. His tired mind needs diversions. Don't get me wrong Ranaji, just give him some work to occupy some of his time, the rest of the day he will be with her. I just want him to eat and sleep properly and work his mind. If he keeps going, so will she. Otherwise, he will lose hope of her recovery again, no matter what the vaid said, he will break down again."
" All right I will give him some court work."
 
" Ranaji is calling you Kunwar Sa." Daasi came.
" Dajiraj?" He asked surprised. " The war..."
He feared nothing was going his way. He was about to leave when he turned around and walked up to her bed.
" Just stay with me, and I promise once you get your senses back, I will be here all day." He said, quite sure she would hate that.
He left as Jaivanta Bai walked in.
 
He worked all day, with full dedication, like he always used to keep his personal problems aside. Rawatji, all the generals and even Shakti was impressed by how strong he appeared. He only knew that he was breaking inside every second she lay there. Ajabde's parents were informed and they rushed from Bijolia for half a day to see their daughter. Hansa had wept as Jaivanta consoled her. She was happy to hear everything Kunwarsa was doing.
" She is indeed the luckiest in Rajputana, my Lado." Hansa kissed her forehead as she lay clueless.
Raoji was heaped with praises for his daughter's bravery. He had no idea she was this brave or intelligent until now. He felt proud and worried. What made him happy was that another pair of eyes reflected the same emotions as Kunwar Pratap came to seek his blessings.
 
Two days passed as in his absence she had apparently regained her consciousness twice and said "Ranima" looking right at Jaivanta Bai. He was back after an early dinner each night to read to her. The Vaid said she had slowly started responding to the sounds around her, it was a matter of time until she was going to revive fully.
 
On the third day, he was back from work to find a crowd gathered at his doorstep and his heart skipped a beat. Ajabde! He rushed there as Sajja hugged him in joy saying " Kunwar Pratap! She is back!" His heart skipped a beat as suddenly his feet stopped at the threshold. Sajja Bai was informing him that she regained her consciousness in the afternoon and had asked about Ranima's safety and then his.  She had a little food before Vaidji came and checked her a little while ago, declaring she now needed rest, and it will be a week until she starts walking and doing things on her own. None of that registered in his mind as he stared across the crowd inside the bed. His vision was blocked and he was unsure of facing her all of a sudden.
 
" Go Kunwarsa." Sajja Bai pushed him in as he hurriedly wiped away the tears. The crowd parted and she looked up at his worried face with a faint smile. That smile he had no idea he missed so much, as his heart thumped in his chest. The worry on his face disappeared with that smile. She was half sitting on the bed, supported by pillows.
" We should leave her to rest now." Jaivanta Bai said, getting up as the people started leaving.
" No Ranima, stay!" was a call in unison, one weak and faint another loud and clear as they stared right at each other in awkwardness.
" I will be back after you two have your dinner here." Jaivanta left the duo with a smile.
" How are you?"
She broke the silence. She knew how miserable he was like Majhli Maa had told her all day, about every little detail of how he took care of her. What confused Ajabde as if it was his care or his duty? Maybe the guilt and sense of responsibility as she took the dagger for him. She could find no other reason. All she remembered was that she had dreamt of him saving her from Mehmood Shah more than once. When she woke she had no clue how many days had passed but it seemed like many from all the faces around her. He was missing when Ranima said he was at work, watching her look at the door again and again. She was more than happy to know he was working like he used to. But somehow it made her dismiss the little option of " Care" she had in her mind. When she saw his face, she could not read it. Yes, he was tired, tense and guilty. But... there was something else too. Worry. A worry she never expected in his eyes for her. Maybe, just maybe, she had managed to become a part of his life, no matter how small. She suddenly remembered his face before she lost her senses. She had seen the same worried face, he had held her hand, and she felt it. He had called her name!
" Thik!" He replied after a small pause, looking away and then back at her as he walked to the bed.
She shifted uneasily realising she was occupying the whole bed. Where did he sleep all these nights? She looked worried.
" Have you ... not slept Kunwar Sa?"
" I have." He lied. " Not here." He looked away. She knew he was lying, He knew that she knew.
" Ohh... How was your day?" She asked like she used to each night as he looked up into her eyes, his eyes shone in the lights of the lamp. If it was daytime, Ajabde would have seen the tears of happiness he had managed to control. Kunwar Pratap thanked god that it was night.
" How are you, Aja... Kunwaraniji?" Until now he hadn't realised that ever since that incident, in the last five days, how easily he had taken her name, in front of her, in front of the Vaid and in his thoughts more than once without realising. Today, sitting two feet away from her, he realised it and felt uneasy.
" I feel weak." She ignored his fumble on her name. The Daasi interrupted with the food.
 
" Do you need to be fed Kunwaraniji?" She asked, " I will manage, '' was her reply.
All Ajabde wanted now was a hearty conversation or a quiet dinner, either one, only with him. She thought of thanking him for saving her, then decided against it. She didn't know why it didn't feel right. As if thanking would insult what he did, or how she felt.
 
She was wrong. Her right hand was difficult to move. He looked at her stubbornness and smiled at her tries in secret before saying " Here, now can I help?" with a teasing tone she knew. She gave in as he fed her and she remembered her Teej when he had not fed her the sweets. She smiled at the thought as he frowned.
" You are thinking things and not sharing? That is bad manners."
" It feels like a decade that I have been sleeping." She shrugged, " Like a lot has changed and I missed it all."
" It did feel like a decade ..." His words made her look up as he added " To everyone. And a lot has changed." He repeated her words looking at his plate as he stuffed his mouth.
" What?" She asked surprised as he looked up.
" I mean... I have never seen the whole family so united even over war tragedies like they were over you Aa... Kunwaraniji, that's a change." He shrugged smiling, again thanking the night as she couldn't spot him turn red. After the early dinner, he was back with her medicines as she acted like a child and frowned while having them make him smile. You are not scared of Mehmood Shah but these pills!
 
" I will go get the Ramayana, I will read, and you choose the part." He hurried to the other room, to get the Ramayana. She was sitting up, now on her side of the bed, all the pillows except his supporting her posture. He came back and put a reading tool up on the bed, and the book on it.
" Choose! I read some parts in between." He said with a smile. He was too happy to have her back.
" I... read from where you left off." She smiled faintly at his enthusiasm.
" He sat down on the ground, shouting her name as he saw no sign of her. He had lost her..." Kunwar Pratap stopped a little disturbed. " No, not this part. The wedding." He turned the pages back.
" The meet at Rishi Vishwamitra's yajna." She suggested. He nodded and turned to search.
 
As he read on suddenly he looked up to find her asleep in the half-seated position. He cursed himself for not understanding she was still unwell. He slowly closed the book and removed the reading tool and walked to her side, slowly trying to put her pillows in a comfortable position as one of the pillows brushed against her bruised hand and she winced and woke.
" Ahh!" her sound startled him almost like a reflex he was about to hold her shoulders when he stopped. She looked up at him as she noticed his hand gesture.
" Shama Kijiye," they said in unison.
" You should sleep," he suggested. She nodded as she lied down and he realised there were no pillows to put in between. He turned to get some as she asked " Where are you..."
" Ajabde ... I mean Kuwaranisa." Kunwar Pratap felt like slapping himself. " I was going to bring some... pillows..." He looked away.
" Wait Kunwarsa." She stopped him. " It's all right." He looked at her confused as she placed one of the pillows from her back in between. " It's done." He nodded as he went back to her.
" Today the lamps will be lit, as I need to keep checking on you, '' Vaid said.
" Umm... Where is my... jewellery?" She asked.
" Ohh I gave them to Ranima... " He said, shaking his head at how he forgot to tell her.
" Shubh Ratri... " He stopped carefully " Kunwaraniji."
" Kunwarsa?"
" Ji?"
" You can call me Ajabde." Her words made him look up at her eyes, and as she looked back into his eyes, both were confused about what the other said, they felt like in the last few months this was the first time they couldn't read each other's minds.
" Shubh Ratri." She broke the moment.
" Shubh Ratri." He looked away. Then added." Ajabde." She smiled to herself, trying to calm her racing heart. Tonight they were sleeping content and at peace.

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