Darkness

Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? ~ Dear John

Ajabdeh’s phone vibrated at 3 AM, startling her awake in bed. She was a little foggy as she tried to search for the phone in the bed in the darkness, and her hand stopped when the number showed “Papa.” Ajabdeh immediately remembered that Heer was at home when she picked up the call.

“Hello?” Ram Rakh’s voice trembled as he told her there was some complication with Heer’s health, and she was taken to the hospital. He sounded scared as he asked Ajabdeh to come down to Delhi. She could not even ask how Heer was before he disconnected the call in a hurry. Before she could think about dialling Shakti, Pratap’s call startled her.

“I have a friend who can lend his private plane to fly; I have to let him know in an hour and leave in another. Do you want to come along?” He somehow knew that she knew. Ajabdeh exhaled as she managed to ask. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. But Ranima said it's bad. She is not telling me.” His words suddenly made Ajabdeh feel sweaty and lightheaded. “Ajabdeh?” He asked due to her lack of response. 

“Yes. I will come along.” She nodded. “But I need to take Amar to Rukaiya.”

“Be ready in thirty, I will pick you up, and we can drop him off before we go.” Ajabdeh agreed, getting out of bed and gently waking up Amar before calling Rukaiya.

Pratap eyed the small backpack Ajabdeh tossed in the back seat of the car when she got in, and Amar greeted his father in a sleepy voice. The driver would take them to the airport.

“Is Maasi going to be okay?” Amar whispered as Ajabdeh held him close and only nodded, her heart racing and her face looking worried, making Amar frown. Pratap noticed that as he tried to smile reassuringly at the scared child and say, “You be good at Khala’s.”

“I always am.” Amar agreed.

Rukaiya was outside as soon as she heard the car, and she took Amar’s things as Amar ran inside the lit-up house. Rukaiya only briefly exchanged a glance with Ajabdeh when she said she would call later.

After checking in, Pratap thanked the friend who had rented him the private plane and eyed Ajabdeh, who sat in one of the seats, looking pensive as she rubbed her hands together. He cleared his throat, unsure of what to say. 

“She will be fine.” Ajabdeh stopped rubbing her sweaty hands together as soon as he spoke. She sighed and turned her face away from him to the window as the flight took off. A thousand thoughts ran through her mind. Heer had always been so supportive of her. She had not spent enough time with her sister. Never bothered to check up on her unless she absolutely had to. She was so selfish with Heer. How was Shakti in all this? Did he talk to anyone about his feelings? She breathed heavily to pace her heart as she felt overwhelmed. Pratap stared at her briefly over the business magazine he pretended to read. He was unsure of what she was feeling and if what he knew would help her.

“Her blood pressure is high, and she had some blood loss.” He said at last, “I texted Dad.” He watched Ajabdeh look pale. “... has she… lost the…” She spoke almost in a whisper as Pratap shook his head. “They took her to the operating table.”

When they came out of the airport, the Punwars’ car was waiting for them. Ajabdeh realised that even in the crisis they were in, someone had made sure she did not have to travel by the Sisodiya’s vehicle. Whoever it was, she was grateful for it because when it came to her little sister’s life, she would not have let her ego win. She needed to be in the hospital as soon as possible. 

Ajabdeh did not wait for the car to stop fully before she opened the door and walked into the premises. Perhaps the Sisodiya manager was waiting for Pratap, as he informed her where to go. She did not turn to see if Pratap was following her as she rushed to the seating area by the OT. Everyone was there: the parents and Shakti. The moment Shakti saw her, they rushed to hug each other, and no amount of sobbing from Hansa got Ajabdeh’s attention as much as Shakti’s silent, long hug. She did not remember the last time they hugged each other like that. But in his vulnerability, Ajabdeh found the strength to not show her worry and be the elder sister Heer needed. She held his shoulder reassuringly. “They are still in there.” Shakti’s voice trembled a little as Ajabdeh held his hand. “She will be fine.” She reassured him. Shakti stared over her shoulder at Pratap, who did not exchange any words with his brother but walked over to Ranima and Hansa instead as they lamented things that happened too fast for them to react.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.” His voice choked as the parents exchanged scared glances. “We went to every doctor’s appointment, every…” Ajabdeh led him to an empty row of seats, ignoring the parents as she said firmly. “You did nothing wrong. Such things happen. She will be fine.” Shakti held her hand firmly in his as she contemplated.

“There is a surgeon Humayun Uncle knows. He is the best in postpartum issues. Do you want me to call him?” Shakti nodded. “We can do with every help we can get.” Ajabdeh nodded at him and at the family at a distance, wondering if they would be fine with her intervention. But this was her sister’s life in question. Everything else could wait. She stood up and took out her phone as she walked outside. 

“Jalal.” The moment he asked how she was, Ajabdeh could not hold back her tears. “She is not fine. She is not…” She composed herself after two sobs to tell him to contact the doctor who treated Rukaiya. He reassured her that Humayun would personally call him up and be there. Rukaiya snatched the phone from Jalal, reassuring her not to worry about Amar and asked if she wanted them there.

“I don’t know.” She blurted truthfully as she turned to see Pratap approach her. She composed herself and wiped away her tears, letting Rukaiya know she would update them.

“Humayun Uncle will be here with the top surgeon who works on postpartum complications. We can’t risk waiting.” She spoke before Pratap could. “I asked Shakti before I made the call. It’s his decision.”

“Of course.” Pratap frowned at her over-explanation. “Anything we can get.” The nurses walked out of the OT and were hounded by the family as Ajabdeh walked past Pratap and rushed towards them. Pratap could not ask what he wondered. Had Ajabdeh been through this, and that is why she knew the doctor? He suddenly felt overwhelmed at the thought. Heer had the family and Shakti for her support. Ajabdeh had been through it all alone. He was suddenly angry at himself as he sighed and walked back to the family.

“It’s a baby girl.” Hansa wiped her tears as she spoke. 

“How’s Heer?” Pratap seemed unbothered by the news as he turned to his brother. “She is not out of danger. They will observe her for the next twenty-four hours and decide if she needs another surgery.”

Ajabdeh nodded at Shakti’s words, gently nudging his shoulder.

“Go see your daughter.” Her words made him look unsure as she nodded. “Trust me, go see her. Take Ranima and Maasa with you.” She stared at her phone, ringing silently. “I will be back.” She turned and said to Ram Rakh, who had stood up to approach her as she picked up the call, stopping him in his tracks. “Yes, Jalal.” She walked away from them, briefly talking on the phone. Udai Singh watched her pace the hallway and converse, and observed his firstborn staring at her. He shook his head and remained seated as he called him. “Pratap?” That made him turn his attention to his father as Shakti took the mothers to the nursery and Ram Rakh walked towards Ajabdeh.

“Where is Amar?” Udai asked, as Pratap licked his dry lips. “With his Khala.” It took some time for Udai to understand who he was talking about. He was about to say something when Pratap interrupted him, for he could spot Humayun walking in with the doctor and being greeted by Ajabdeh.

Shakti stared from the other side of the glass of the NICU at the little infant, wrapped in pink, only her red, bloated face visible in the crib. As the nurse held her up for them to see, the mothers wiped happy tears as he felt deeply overwhelmed at the sight of his child. He knew how much Heer wished they had a daughter. He had heard her talk to Amar about how a sister was better than a brother. Heer needed to be fine. She needed to hold her daughter in her arms. He could not do this alone. He had never prayed that hard in his life. All he wanted was for Heer to be better. Humayun was thanked by Pratap for coming, but he seemed reluctant to speak to him. He turned to Ajabdeh and asked her to come home for the night. She was reluctant. He patted her head reassuringly, making her smile faintly as he left. This made Ram Rakh clear his throat as Ajabdeh turned to face him.

“You can… come home… for the night?” He asked unsurely, looking away. Ajabdeh’s jaw tightened as she struggled to find her polite voice. “I am fine. I won’t leave Shakti here.” She sat down on a seat and searched her handbag for the sanitiser as the mothers walked out with Shakti.

“Chote Papa, I think you should go home,” Pratap said to them. “We are here, and there is nothing you can do sitting here.”

“Yes.” Shakti looked calmer. “We don’t want any of you to fall sick.” The mothers looked reluctant as they were reassured to be updated every hour. Jaivanta walked up to Ajabdeh, thanking her for the doctor, as she nodded. Jaivanta eyed her restless firstborn and asked the question he wanted to ask.

“How do you know the doctor? Did you…” Pratap looked up at his mother and then briefly at Ajabdeh, who shook her head. “Rukaiya did. Her delivery was complicated. He helped.”

As the elders left, Pratap suggested that he take Shakti to the canteen to eat something. Ajabdeh got up and asked Shakti for the card to the NICU. “I want to see my niece first. Amar wants a picture.” He nodded at her as she walked away.

Ajabdeh stood in front of the NICU, staring at the sleeping baby as she smiled to herself, remembering when Amar was that small. Or the day she saw Salim like that. They were both healthy babies, weighing a good three pounds and more. Heer’s baby girl was two and a half pounds and smaller. Ajabdeh rubbed her hands together, hoping Heer would be fine soon. The doctors had yet to talk to them.

She was neither hungry nor thirsty as they waited in the seats by the chambers where Heer was wheeled in for observation. They only let Shakti in, and he said she was unconscious. He had called Jalal, and Ajabdeh had no idea what they had talked about. He was now called by the nurse, asking for some formalities and signatures he needed to fulfil. Ajabdeh felt the crowd around her thinning as the night fell, and she stretched her aching back with a sigh. She was not leaving until she could speak to Heer. Tell her she was sorry that she was absent from her life. Thank her for being her little sister. Ajabdeh had this sudden Deja Vu to all the times she had been in the hospital waiting area, praying for people she cared for. The day her grandmother was sick, she had been in a hospital for the first time. The day Rukaiya was on suicide watch, she felt miserable. Today, she was scared. She remembered that while she was admitted during her delivery, she did not let the thought of a hospital depress and distract her from the joy of motherhood that awaited her. She could stare at Amar for hours, just watching him breathe in her arms. Ajabdeh smiled at the memories involuntarily. She was so scared when she held him for the first time, and he cried. The nurses taught her to nurse him. Every first was scary; every experience was new. She looked up at Pratap, who held out a packet of biscuits for her.

“You did not have anything for almost a day,” he said dryly as she took the packet without much protest, hoping he would go away. His presence brought in two thoughts, one about how he was absent from it all and then how her decision had perhaps deprived him of the feeling of seeing Amar through his firsts. Pratap sat down beside her, in silence, increasing the uncomfortable feeling. 

“Eat it.” He reminded her. She shook her head. “I am not hungry. My head aches. I will have some tea.” She did not move from her place as she spoke, making him frown.

“Not eating will not heal her faster.” He shook his head and bent slightly to observe her. Her eyes looked puffy, like she had cried again. 

“If it could…” She murmured under her breath. Then she looked up at him.

“Have you seen her? She is a beautiful baby.” Pratap shook his head. “I will, after Heer sees her.” Ajabdeh looked away at his words, and perhaps the tension made her shiver a little.

“You can go rest at a hotel if you don’t want to go anywhere else.” He said suggestively and was met with silence. It was then that Shakti came and informed him that Heer was awake and the doctor would like to have a word with him early in the morning. Ajabdeh said she would inform the family while the brothers went to meet her. She dialled Ram Rakh, who picked up after half a ring.

“She is awake; the doctor will talk tomorrow. It seems like things are fine.”

“Thank you.” Her father had uttered as she disconnected the call before he again requested her to go back home. Ajabdeh turned to the entrance of the chamber and heaved a sigh before she walked in.

Shakti refused to leave Heer’s side, as he held her hand tightly, and she complained of pain faintly. She was happy to see Pratap there, but even more surprised to see Ajabdeh. Ajabdeh entered the room with a smile, as she eyed Pratap staring at his brother’s reaction with an unreadable face. He had never seen him so expressively in love with his wife before. Ajabdeh cleared her throat and smiled at Heer. “Congratulations.” She patted her head and smiled away her coming tears. Everything she wanted to tell her sister could wait for more private moments. “Jija.” Heer stared at her hopefully. “Are you here to stay for a while?” Her question made Shakti share a glance with Pratap, who looked away. “We will see about that.” Ajabdeh shook her head. “You rest.”

“Jija, I’m waiting to see my daughter.” She shook her head. “The nurse said she would bring her in.” Ajabdeh nodded, stepping back. “ Shakti should stay then. You rest; I will come by tomorrow.” She reassured Heer and eyed Pratap as a cue to leave them alone. He followed her out just in time for the Nurse to bring the newborn in. 

“That’s so tiny.” Pratap almost gasped aloud, making Ajabdeh smile faintly at his reaction. “Newborns are like that.” Her smile faded as their eyes met, and Pratap’s face looked grim at her words. She looked away and walked back to the sitting area, leaving him standing there. He could see Shakti and Heer through the peeping glass on the door. The baby nestled in Heer’s hands, helped by the nurse as Shakti shared a scared smile with his wife. The baby was crying, and it alarmed them. Pratap walked away from the scene to the parking lot outside, as he heaved a sigh and shook his head. He found his eyes moistened as he wondered about his life. He had this sudden urge to speak to Amar. He eyed the clock on his phone, wondering. It was 7 AM on a Saturday. Would he be awake? He did not even have Rukaiya’s number. Asking Ajabdeh would make his thoughts apparent to her. The last thing he wanted was to guilt-trip Ajabdeh after the last twenty-four hours. As he was in two minds, he felt a tap on his shoulder and wiped his tears discreetly to glance over his shoulder at her, holding the phone in her hand. “It’s Amar.” She mouthed it before he took the phone with a sigh, and she walked back inside.

“Hello.” He tried to sound cheerful.

“Hey, Papa.” Amar seemed to be chewing breakfast. “Mamma said you missed me.” Pratap immediately shot a glance at the empty corridor down which Ajabdeh had disappeared, as his heart skipped a beat.

“I… yeah… Umm… Buddy…” He cleared his throat. “You know you are a big brother now.”

“I know.” Amar’s words made him narrow his brows a little. “Who told you that?”

“Mamma. Where is Masi?” Amar said matter-of-factly. “Can I speak to her?” He sounded eager. 

“I’m sorry, Buddy, she is resting.” Pratap sighed, “But when you come…”

“Can I come by? To see her? And the baby?” Amar sounded eager. Pratap was unsure of how to answer him. 

“Buddy… I…” He could hear a baby crying in the background as Amar looked distracted. Then he heard Jalal’s voice in the background asking if Amar wanted more pancakes. Pratap disconnected the call and stared at Ajabdeh’s screensaver that lit up with a picture of Baby Amar, giggling at her, surrounded by toys on the floor of her apartment. He heaved a sigh and walked back inside.

“I will go to Hamida Aunty’s. She wants to see me.” Ajabdeh spoke to Shakti as she took the phone from Pratap nonchalantly. “I will come by in the evening.” She picked up her backpack and gave Shakti a long hug.

“Thank you for coming and saving me as always.” He made her smile. “That’s my sister.” Ajabdeh shrugged. “She comes before you.” She walked away, looking for an Uber to take her to Humayun’s place. Pratap stared at his brother, who shook his head. “I’m fine. Go.” Shakti said at last as Pratap turned on his heels and walked out to find Ajabdeh outside.

“I’ll drop you.” She glanced over her shoulder at his words and shook her head. “I will find my way.”

“It is on my way.” He asserted. “I will change and come back.” Ajabdeh had no energy to fight with him. Her silent agreement made Pratap take the keys out of his pocket. It took Ajabdeh a moment before she tossed the backpack on the backseat and fastened her seat belt as he started the car. There was a feeling of overwhelming emotion; she needed to take a hot shower and some sleep. Pratap eyed her briefly and cleared his throat.

“Amar wants to come.”

“Yes, he was worried for Heer.” Ajabdeh sighed. “He told me too.”

“He already has a name for his sister, he said.” Pratap smiled faintly. “Said Heer, and he had discussed baby names.”

“If Amar names the baby, there’s a good chance she will be called Little Sister.” Ajabdeh sounded amused. “He names things as they are, Giraffe, Doggy, Blue.” Pratap shrugged as Ajabdeh looked briefly amused.

“Did you go see the doctor with Shakti?” Pratap cleared his throat and asked. Ajabdeh nodded. 

“The doctor said her uterus and womb were damaged; hence the bleeding started, and her blood pressure shot up.” She sounded worried. “He said he will do some further tests, and if the bleeding doesn’t stop in the next twenty-four hours, they can remove the womb.” Ajabdeh sounded worried. “But he said she is showing signs of improvement.”

“She complained of pain…” Pratap narrowed his brows. “Was Shakti fine?”

“He was. He wants what’s best for her, of course. But he was not sure how other people were going to take it.” Ajabdeh grunted under her breath.

“What does that mean?” Pratap stopped the car outside Humayun’s bungalow as she took off the seat belt and smiled faintly. She picked up her backpack and opened the door. “It means your father expects heirs from her.” She slammed the car door as she walked through the gates, and Pratap was suddenly angry.

“Do you have any feelings, or are you that selfish?” Pratap’s words made Jaivanta place her tea down as she watched her newborn, smelling of the hospital, barge into their room and ask her husband, who was sitting beside her.

“Now what do you mean?” Udai narrowed his brows.

“You told Shakti he needed a male child?” Jaivanta stared at her firstborn’s words and turned to her husband.

“So?” Udai shrugged. “Everyone wants an heir.” Jaivanta gasped, trying to defuse the situation. “Udai. When did you…”

“ In this age and time when women are equal…” Pratap shrugged.

“Oh, please, women are not equal. They get married off, and those alliances take over businesses. Soon, the family name is gone.” Udai grunted. “And some just don’t know how to run a business as well as a man can. And worse if her actions humiliate the family…” Jaivanta stood up, hoping to speak some sense into her tired firstborn, who stepped forward at his father’s words.

“Don’t you dare go there. We know exactly what you did.”

“What did I do?” Udai grunted at his son and shook his head. “What are you accusing me of?”

“Don’t even try to act naive.” Pratap shook his head. “You planted the pictures of Ajabdeh…” Jaivanta stepped back and stared at her firstborn, for the first time, speaking his mind.

“What?” Udai seemed unbothered. “ What planted? Did she not meet him?”

“Yes, but…”

“I planted nothing. You saw the pictures; you reacted.” Udai pointed out.

“Udai… listen…” Jaivanta interrupted.

“No, I will not allow him to accuse me of doing away with his faults.” Udai shook his head. “I saved my business.”

“At what cost, Dad?” Pratap shook his head. “Just because someone is different doesn’t make them wrong.”

“What do you want from me?” Udai asked as he trembled a little. “What do you expect? I will go tell her that it's on me and you are not at fault, so that she takes you back?” Pratap shook his head and chuckled, making him stop.

“Take me back? You think it’s that easy? That she is the kind of person who forgives and forgets?”

“I was scared of this, Jaivanta.” Udai made him frown. “You see how he is talking. A few weeks of being around her, and he starts acting like her.”

“For god’s sake!” Pratap shook his head. “Stay away from people’s lives and choices. For god’s sake, keep away from Heer and Shakti’s personal life. I will not let you ruin theirs.” Pratap stormed out of the room as Jaivanta followed him.

“What’s wrong, Pratap? Is Heer fine?” Jaivanta stopped her firstborn down the corridor. “Calm down.”

“The doctors said they may need to remove her womb if she doesn’t stop bleeding. Shakti, of course, agreed, but he told Ajabdeh … what Dad expects of them.” Jaivanta sighed, staring at her firstborn helplessly.

“There is a limit to things I can handle in a day, Ranima.” He hugged his mother as Jaivanta looked worried.

“Did Ajab … go home?” He shook his head as he sighed. “She went to Humayun uncle’s. I dropped her off.” Jaivanta nodded. “Go and wash up. And…” She stared at the closed bedroom door where her husband sat mumbling. “ It doesn’t matter what he says. It’s your life. If you want Ajabdeh back…”

“My wanting something doesn’t matter, Ranima,” he said, shaking his head. “I was not there when she needed me, and now she doesn’t need me.” He walked back to his room as Jaivanta looked worried.

Ram Rakh watched his wife enthusiastically tell the interior decorator they wanted a pink nursery and ask her housekeeper to go shopping with her for clothes, toys and a cradle. As Hansa lamented about how Heer needed utmost care and she couldn’t wait to visit her daughter in the hospital again, Ram Rakh looked oddly quiet and grim. 

“What happened?” Hansa looked scared. “You don’t look happy.” She sighed. “Is it because it's a girl?” That made him look up. “No. Hansa. Never.” He shook his head. “I… you should buy some clothes and toys for… Amar too?” He made his wife smile with a nod. “I will.”

“She…” Hansa was about to leave when he spoke. “She did not want to come home.” Hansa walked back to her husband and patted his chest gently. “I know it hurts you, but she is hurting too.” Her eyes were moist. “We should give it some time.”

“Maybe… maybe when Heer comes home, she needs care… maybe then she will?” Ram Rakh looked hopeful as Hansa smiled at him. “I hope Heer can convince her.”