The Working Mother

“Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep” - King of My Heart.

“Sir, this is very last-minute.” Ajabdeh was in her boss's office, holding a file, one minute after she was asked to give a talk in Mumbai the next day at a conference. 

“Ajabdeh, I am just following the orders of my bosses. They feel sending you over me will be good for the business.” The man did not hide his displeasure. “You really impressed management in the last meeting.”

“Sir, I have a son at home, and it's not even twenty-four hours left to catch the flight. Such last-minute…” Ajabdeh tried to reason. The man looked amused.

“We all have family, Miss Punwar. That doesn’t mean we don’t do our jobs.”

“That is not what I meant, sir. You know my living situation.” Ajabdeh cleared her throat.

“I also know you are overqualified for the job, and you may think you are underpaid.” The man rebuked. “Why not resign then?” He let out a chuckle as if he was joking, but Ajabdeh inhaled.

“This company will not excuse you from what you are supposed to do because you are a single parent. Your personal life is not our business. So deal with your home situation. You have a flight to catch at 6 AM.” The man stared back into his file as an indication that he should be left alone. Ajabdeh inhaled and eyed her watch. It was past 6.30 PM. She had to reach home before Khetu left. 

Khetu used to cook for them on weekdays. She stayed with Amar until Ajabdeh returned home. Amar took the school bus back home, and Khetu would arrive at the bus stop to receive him. They went home, and Amar would eat his lunch and sleep. Then he would do his homework. If he had an art class, Khetu would take him there. If it was past eight, most of the time, Rukaiya or Jalal picked him up and took him over to their place. If he was home, Ajabdeh made sure she was home by 7, and in case she could not, Rukaiya came to the rescue. Ajabdeh scratched her head. She needed Amar to stay for a day. She needed to vent her frustration about the job to someone. She dialled Jalal while waiting to catch a bus back home.

“How can they send you somewhere so suddenly?” Jalal frowned at her problem. “I tried to talk about it, and the boss made it pretty clear that I will not be excused because I am a single parent. I should deal with it.” Jalal exhaled. “This is why I tell you to come work with Rukaiya.”

“No.” Ajabdeh protested. “I don’t want anyone to tell me I couldn’t do it on my own.” A long pause later, Jalal told her Salim was running a fever, and Maham was calling him since Rukaiya was in a meeting. If she decided to go, she should inform them. This alarmed Ajabdeh. She did not want Amar to fall sick, and worse, Rukaiya to have to take care of two sick kids. That would be too much. Could it be possible not to go, yet keep her job? Ajabdeh wondered about the possibilities of switching jobs. She wondered if she could take the risk with Amar’s expenses. As she got off at her designated stop, her phone rang, and it was Rukaiya.

“Heard you have some problem?” She asked. Ajabdeh sounded amused. “I should conference call you two and save my time.”

“Jalal sounded worried, but Salim is running a fever, so I just reached home… I couldn’t call immediately.”

“Yeah, you take care of Salim.” Ajabdeh nodded. “I will figure something out in the meantime.” 

“ If you go, where will Amar stay?” Rukaiya sounded worried. “I don’t want him to fall sick, and if Jalal were here …”

“Yes, kids catch viruses easily. He has his exams soon." Ajabdeh agreed. “Not only do I not want you to take care of two sick kids alone.”

“But if you want, I can settle Amar in the guest room, and Salim can sleep in mine. I can make sure they don’t come near each other. It will be a hard task, but I can try.” Ajabdeh shook her head. “No, sick kids are a handful. You don’t need another one.” Ajabdeh bit her lower lip as she paced the bus stop, contemplating. “I can take Amar with me, but he will miss school.”

“Or…” Rukaiya paused.

“Or?” Ajabdeh frowned.

“ Can you trust his father with it?” Ajabdeh gasped, not because it did not even cross her mind that Pratap was in town, but because it was Rukaiya suggesting it.

“You want me to leave my child alone with him without supervision for one whole day and night?” She sounded astonished.

“I’m saying, he wants to be active in Amar’s life, give him a taste of it.” Rukaiya shrugged. “I will be in town as his emergency contact if Amar needs me. That way you can go to the conference.”

“But I…” Ajabdeh seemed reluctant. Rukaiya understood her dilemma.

“Look, if Jalal were home, I would have told him to go stay with Amar at your place while I stayed with Salim. You can’t leave him with Khetu. There is no point taking him along to a conference for a day. What other option do you have?” 

“I know… but… if he was not there…” Ajabdeh tried to reason.

“But he is. You can’t change that, so use it to your advantage.” Rukaiya insisted. “If you are uncomfortable about Amar spending the night at his place, invite him to yours.”

“And what?” Ajabdeh sounded annoyed. “Give him my bed to sleep in? Absolutely not.”

“Then, what will you do?” Rukaiya waited for an answer, but there was a long pause. “Hello? Ajab?” She asked.

“Fine, I will call him.”

Ajabdeh walked back to her apartment, contemplating the conversation. Rukaiya was right. Pratap could be of some use at least, but was it safe to leave Amar with someone who did not know him that well? As soon as she turned the keys in the lock, she could hear Amar run to the door, yelling, “Khetu Didi, Mamma’s home.” Ajabdeh’s worries melted into a smile. Every day when she returned home, right from the time Amar could interact as an infant, and Rukaiya and Jalal took turns to take care of him, Amar would always smile his brightest smile and jump on her lap the moment he saw her after a long day. Now he came running to the door and waited for her to open it before he ran to hug her and demand the chocolates she promised or the little things she got for him from the bus: candies, toys and pens. Ajabdeh saw the boy flash a smile through the first missing teeth he had over the past week, and hug her to realise she was too preoccupied with her problem to bring anything for him.

“You got me nothing?” Amar asked, disappointed, staring at her empty hands. Ajabdeh sighed as she dropped her handbag and knelt before him,

“Mamma had a rough day, Amar. I will bring something back from my trip.”

“You have a trip?” Amar asked as she nodded. He was delighted. He loved the mini vacations at Khala’s place. Especially with Salim there now, he would have fun. Khetu picked up her purse and keys and asked Ajabdeh if she should come by the next day. “I will call you.” Ajabdeh sounded unsure as Amar waved Khetu goodbye.

“Where are you going, Mamma?” Amar brought Ajabdeh a glass of water. She thanked him for it as he perched himself close to her lap and asked.

“Mumbai. For a day.” She said, gulping down the water. “Excuse me now; do your homework. Let me clean up.” Amar nodded. 

“Will Khala pick me up from school tomorrow?” He enquired. 

“No, Salim is running a fever. You can’t fall sick.” Ajabdeh shrugged. Amar frowned. “Where will I stay then?” Ajabdeh was glad that, just like her, Amar did not consider Pratap an option. Yet.

“I will figure it out. You don’t need to worry about such things.” She cupped his face lovingly. “Go and do your homework.” Ajabdeh asserted more firmly as Amar ran back to his desk. Ajabdeh shut the door to her room and dialled his number as she opened the laptop to check for job openings. Most of them had relocations she could not afford. His phone rang and stopped, and Ajabdeh frowned. Worst-case scenario, she had to take up Rukaiya’s offer. That would make her feel guilty of troubling Rukaiya. She scratched her head, frustrated at the lack of job offers and slammed the laptop shut. She was about to take a shower when Pratap called back.

“Sorry, Amar, I was in a meeting.” Before she could say a word, he spoke in a hurry.

“Umm… It’s me.” Pratap paused typing as he stared at the phone, put the loudspeaker on his work desk and disabled the loudspeaker to pick it up.

“Is everything fine?” Pratap frowned. “Is Amar okay?”

“Yeah,” Ajabdeh inhaled. This was more difficult than she thought. Ajabdeh paused, and with great difficulty, she swallowed her pride and uttered the words, “I need a favour.”

Pratap leaned back in his chair at her words. “Excuse me?” He thought he had heard wrong.

“I… have a conference in Mumbai tomorrow and Amar needs a place to stay for a day.”

“Oh.” Pratap nodded. “Well, I can pick him up…”

“Rukaiya usually takes care of him, but Salim is running a fever and…”

“Hold on. I did not ask for an explanation.” Pratap leaned on the desk, a little amused. “You are trusting me with his full supervision?” He was unable to believe it. Ajabdeh inhaled at the smugness. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t have an option now. Salim has a fever. Amar can’t afford to fall sick. He has exams soon.” 

“When do I pick him up?” Pratap ignored the fact that she did not answer him.

“My flight is at 6 AM, so I have to drop him off around 4 AM, and you have to take him to school. I will be back the next day by the 6 AM flight.” Pratap was about to ask how she had no friends in the city, but decided not to because it might make him sound reluctant to take on his parental duties. 

“I will tell you what: instead of waking him up so early, I will bring him by tonight. He can have dinner at your place and be ready?” Ajabdeh paused at his suggestion, unsurely.

“Let me ask him what he would prefer.” Ajabdeh inferred.

“Okay.” He sounded amused. “We were never asked at this age. We were told.”

“And that’s not fair. He can make a choice as simple as this on his own. He has to make bigger decisions in life alone.” Ajabdeh said in a matter-of-fact tone. After a very long time, Pratap caught a glimpse of the girl in school who used to lecture them about the environment or the one who told him random facts she read about in books. He suddenly felt a churn in his stomach, realising that the Ajabdeh he encountered after seven years was a very different person from the one he knew and loved. Today, her tone and her words sounded uncannily familiar and uncomfortable to him. His long pause was frowned upon by the other side.

“If you have a problem taking care of Amar in any way, I can…”

“No. NO.” His words were quick and firm. “It will be okay. We will be fine.” He reassured her. “Go do your thing.”

“Are you sure?” Ajabdeh could sense his underconfident tone.

“Yes, I am.” Pratap nodded. “Just let me know when to pick him up.”

“I will. Thank you.” Ajabdeh disconnected the call fast. 

“Are you sure I can stay with him alone?” Amar’s unsure frown made Ajabdeh smile. 

“Yes, I am sure. You have Khala’s number, and she is a call away in case of emergency.”

“Emergency?” Amar gasped. “Are you sure he knows how to take care of me?” Ajabdeh patted his shoulder and nodded. “If he makes a mistake, you tell him what you like and prefer. Okay?”

“Did you tell him about how I like my bath water lukewarm?” Amar asked as he watched his mother pack a bag.

“Yes, I did; it’s all written here.” Ajabdeh waved a paper at him. “Your routine, what you eat, when you take baths and everything.” 

“Pack my blue elephant. I can’t sleep without Blue.”

“Okay.” Ajabdeh stopped as she watched the boy, looking unsure and kissed him gently. “You are such a good boy, Amar. I love you a lot.” Amar hugged his mother tightly and nodded. “I love you more. You promise to be back the day after tomorrow?”

“Yes, Bachha.” Ajabdeh nodded reassuringly. “I will call you twice as well.”

“Tell him not to feed me ice cream because I have exams.” He said intelligently. Ajabdeh smiled, amused.

“Why don’t you tell him yourself?”

“If someone offers ice cream, Amar can’t refuse, can he?” Amar shrugged and made Ajabdeh chuckle.

“Oh, my baby.” She ruffled his hair. “Okay, I will tell him. Now tell me, do you want to go after dinner or at 4 AM with Mamma?” She expected Amar to say he would prefer to be tucked in bed by her. Amar shrugged. “After dinner is fine. Papa has this big room and big bed for me.” Ajabdeh nodded, as colour flushed from her cheek a little. She was reminded of the fact that Amar also had a bond with Pratap and looked forward to seeing him. 

“After dinner, call when you are outside.” She texted Pratap before she asked Amar what they could have for dinner. She would cook his favourite dish.

Pratap got down from his car, opened the trunk and walked up to Ajabdeh, who gave him Amar’s bags without a word exchanged. He put the small kit bag and school bag in it just in time to see Amar running to him with the blue elephant in his hand.

“Who is that?” Pratap asked, hugging the boy, who gleefully said. “Blue.”

“Blue?” Pratap looked confused. “That’s his name?” he eyed Ajabdeh, who smiled, amused at Amar. “He is from a time when Amar could not say elephant. Right?”

“Oh, what do I see here? A missing tooth?” Amar nodded at his father as he said, “I am going to be a big boy now.” He smiled at his mother, who nodded.

“Yes, you are. Let’s go home and get you to sleep. It’s late.” Pratap suppressed a yawn. Ajabdeh noticed then that he was still in his work clothes. Ajabdeh was suddenly unsure again. She held Amar’s hand and asked him, “Are you sure you can take care of him? His school ends at three.”

“I took the day off.” Pratap nodded. “I will set an alarm, and Amar can tell me what I can make him for breakfast and his lunchbox…” He smiled reassuringly at the boy, who looked up at his mother and whispered, “Tell him about the paper in my bag.”

“What paper?” Pratap narrowed his brows. Ajabdeh looked amused at Amar’s lack of confidence in him. 

“We have a set of instructions written on paper in the kit. It has his schedule, his preferences, likes, dislikes and allergies.” Ajabdeh shrugged. “We figured it would help you.” Pratap stared at the mother-son duo, reassuring each other. Of course, Ajabdeh Punwar made a list. Of course, she wanted to micromanage his time with his son. What alarmed him was how comfortable Amar was with the idea of his mother overseeing every aspect. Did that mean Amar did not trust him?

“Come on, we will figure it out.” He held out his hand for Amar, who looked unsurely at his mother, who nodded and hugged him.

“Be a good boy, Amar. And in case of emergency, Rukaiya’s number is in your bag.” She reassured the boy as he waved her goodbye and got into the car, helped by Pratap. Once Pratap put his seat belt on and walked over to the driver's side door, he turned to Ajabdeh before opening the door.

“Don’t worry, he will be fine.” He tried to sound reassuring as Ajabdeh nodded, looking away. “I know that.” She murmured under her breath. The air around Pratap suddenly felt thick and hard to breathe. Actions speak louder than words. He remembered his mother’s words as he turned to leave. She trusted him with their son, and he could not screw it up. He watched Ajabdeh from the side mirror, standing at the gates as they drove away.

“You can’t leave Amar unsupervised with him,” Jalal exclaimed as Rukaiya let out a soft laugh. “What do you mean, unsupervised? He is not a child.”

“I doubt that,” Jalal mumbled. “I told her to call me. You could have called me. I should be home. Salim has a fever. Amar is …”

“Relax, Jalal.” Rukaiya shook her head. “Breathe. Everything is under control. Salim has a virus. He will be fine. He is sleeping soundly. The fever has receded. Amar will be fine too. He is with his father.” Jalal exhaled.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t trust him.” 

“I know. I don’t expect you to, either. But trust Ajabdeh. She left Amar with him.”

“She is naive. She always has been overly naive when it comes to him.” Rukaiya shook her head at his words.

“I will come home sooner, in a day or two.”

“Jalal. Finish your assignment.”

“No, my assistant can. My son is sick. Amar is with a man we do not trust. What if he kidnaps him or something? Refuses to give him back?”

“That’s his father.” Rukaiya reminded him gently. “Legally, he has more right to keep Amar than you or I do.”

“I don’t care.” Jalal shrugged. “I know Amar trusts us more.”

“Of course he does; he barely knows Pratap,” Rukaiya said. “It is important that he knows his father. To trust or not to trust him is his choice.”

“Mohtarma.” Jalal sounded suspicious. “Why do I feel like this was your idea?” Rukaiya was alarmed.

“No,” she shook her head softly.

“Rukaiya Begum, you do know whatever you are trying to do…”

“Look, Jalal.” She cut his words short. “All I want is things to be normal. I know they will never go back to how they used to be…”

“How they used to be? Hell, who wants that?” Jalal taunted as Rukaiya exhaled.

“I know you avoid the conversation coz it hurts you.”

“Who is he to hurt me?”

“Your best friend?” Rukaiya’s words made Jalal sigh. “Look, you have to accept the reality that he is in our lives, and you have to meet him sooner or later.”

“Meet him?” Jalal sounded alarmed. “Why will I meet him?”

“For Amar’s sake.” Rukaiya reminded him gently. “You think this is easy for Ajab? If she can do it for Amar, so can you. Amar would know if the two men he looks up to in his life don’t see eye to eye.”

“Let him know. I would like to see Pratap Singh defend his actions when his son asks him questions.” Jalal inhaled sharply.

“Ah, I see that no love is lost between you,” Rukaiya said sarcastically. “Jalal. Come home, and we can have a hard conversation with Ajabdeh here.”

“I don’t want to have any conversation about him and you… do not make any attempts to reconcile.” He warned her.

“Who am I to reconcile with your friend Jalal?” Rukaiya shrugged. “He was never my friend.”

“I don’t want to have this conversation. Why are we having this conversation?” Jalal sounded agitated.

“Fine. Calm down. We will cross the bridge when it comes.” Rukaiya reassured him. “I am thinking, if Salim’s fever doesn’t come back tomorrow, I can go check on Amar. If he wants to come with me, I will bring him here.”

“That’s a good idea. If Salim feels better.” Jalal agreed. 

If someone told Pratap he would wake up at dawn to make breakfast and a lunchbox, watch YouTube videos and that too not for himself, he would not believe it. But here he was, humming a tune as he navigated his way through the newly set-up kitchen until the alarm rang on his phone, and it was time to wake Amar up for school.

“Noooo.” Amar tightly pulled the blanket over his head as he refused to wake up. “Five more minutes.” Pratap smiled warmly as he nudged the blanket.

“Then you will miss the pancakes I made.”

“Pancakes?” Amar jolted up, his hair messy and eyes still sleepy as he rubbed them. He oddly reminded Pratap of Shakti making a fuss before school every day. It suddenly hit Pratap that they were so close when they were kids. He used to help tie his shoelaces and comb his hair while he fussed about not going to school. Then Ajabdeh would come along, drag him through the gates by his hand as he stopped complaining. Whenever he saw Shakti around, it was always with her. Pratap sighed. It was his stupidity that he believed his brother would sever ties with his best friend for him. He should have known better.

“Amar.” He nudged the child again. “Go brush.” He eyed the clock. “Dadisa sent me the recipe Amar likes for his lunchbox.” Pratap smiled. “Come on now. Your Uniform is laid out, and the bath water is lukewarm just like you want it." He received a quick hug from the boy as he kissed his forehead and watched him go to the bathroom.

“Do you need help?” He asked as Amar refused.

“Then come downstairs when you are done.”

When Pratap glanced at Amar’s untucked shirt and messy hair, he realised that the boy was still too young to do everything on his own.

“Here, have your breakfast while I fix your uniform.” He picked the boy up and placed him in the high chair, and spoke.

“Mamma cuts my pancakes into small pieces.”

“Okay.” Pratap did as he was told as Amar supervised him. 

“How will my school bus know I am here?” Amar asked worriedly.

“It won’t.” Pratap smiled. “I will drop you off at school.”

“In the car?” Amar asked, unsurely. Pratap nodded.

“My friends will ask whose car it is; they know we don’t have one.”

“Then tell them it's mine…ours.” Pratap smiled. Amar looked to be in two minds.

“Will you be angry with me if I say my friends don’t know you?” He looked unsure as Pratap packed his lunch box. “No.” Pratap shrugged. “I will never be angry with you.” He placed the box in the bag. “I have packed your books as instructed.” Amar nodded a thank you.

“I hope their mothers like you; they don’t like Mamma,” Amar said abruptly.

“Why do they not like Mamma?” Pratap asked with narrowed brows. Amar shrugged. 

“ They speak in whispers around her.” Amar made Pratap stare at him briefly. “She doesn’t like to be around them either.” Pratap suddenly realised that even when Ajabdeh left the company and he took over, when there were questions and gossip about their broken engagement and her sudden disappearance, even when Shakti got married, and the closest relatives dared not take her name in front of him, even then, nobody made him feel uncomfortable. Unlike the scrutiny Amar observed his mother go through.

“You don’t worry about what other people think and say, buddy.” Pratap smiled reassuringly at the child. “Your mother always used to go against the tide and be brave about it. Once in school…” He stopped abruptly as Amar looked eager. What was he doing? He wasn’t even sure what Amar could grasp about their equation. He was an intelligent boy.

“Back when you and Mamma were friends?” he asked. Pratap nodded and proceeded to tell the story of how Ajabdeh upset the whole student body when she complained about noise pollution from the fest hurting elderly people in the area, prompting a shift of the venue. Amar seemed delighted to hear about this side of his mother.

“JJ told me she sang and played the guitar,” Amar added as Pratap’s smile faded a little. “I never saw her do that. When I asked, she said she lost the guitar.”

“That’s enough chatter.” Pratap cleared his throat. “Let’s go to school.”

“Will you pick me up?” Amar enquired. 

“Yes, I will.”

“Stand by the gate and don’t be late.”

“I will not,” Pratap reassured him. Amar was right. All the students and guardians watched Amar give him a hug and get out of the car, and wave at him before he walked inside. He could see the students hounding him with questions like Amar anticipated. It worried Pratap about the boy. He was in two minds about telling Ajabdeh, but something told him she already knew and trusted Amar to handle his surroundings more than he did. He was never around. A new bout of guilt hit Pratap as he exhaled.

“Excuse me.” Someone tapped at the window of his car as he lowered it slightly. It was a woman. “I saw you drop Amar. He is in my son’s class.”

“Oh.” Pratap nodded at the prying eyes. “Umm… I never saw you around… Are you his mother’s friend?” Her tone was judgmental. Pratap’s jaw tightened.

“I am his father.” he rolled the window back up right after he said, “I don’t stay here.” The woman frowned as he drove away. He knew they would call him rude or snobbish; he knew some of the prying eyes recognised who he was, but he did not care.

“Everything is fine.” Pratap typed the message to Ajabdeh, whose call he had missed while he instructed the cook to make Amar’s favourite meal. Ajabdeh sighed in relief as she started dressing up for the conference. Her hotel room looked over Marine Drive, and as much as she wanted to absorb the view of the Arabian Sea, her heart was heavy, and her mind was perturbed. The idea of leaving Amar with Pratap when Amar himself was doubtful filled her with a sudden sense of guilt. Amar was just seven; he should not be worrying about such things. Yet, she could not promise him things would get better. She had to continue working, and Amar had to understand their life was different from that of his friends. The sooner Amar realised that, the better. She was worried about whether Pratap was responsible enough or felt the same towards Amar. Could he? He barely knew him. She stared at the message and wondered what made Pratap send it in the first place. Was everything truly fine? In an impulsive moment, overthinking everything, she dialled Rukaiya. Rukaiya told her Jalal was equally worried, and now that Salim’s fever had not come back, she would take him out for a stroll in the evening and, on her way back, visit Amar. Reassured by her words, Ajabdeh decided to focus on work. The sooner it was over, the sooner she would be home. She could not explain the strange guilt she felt whenever she was away for work, and Amar was in someone else’s care.

Rukaiya heaved a sigh as the elevator dinged and opened to the floor of Pratap’s apartment. She pushed the pram out of the elevator as Salim cooed in his pram, confused at his mother’s contemplative face. She stared at the door of the apartment. She knew Jalal would hate her for bringing Salim here, but she felt like it was the right thing to do. Pratap opened the door as the bell rang and was startled to see Rukaiya standing at his doorstep. From the last time he remembered her, she looked healthier, more confident in her demeanour and more mature. Rukaiya saw the door open, and Pratap’s wide-eyed, surprised face was unmissable. He looked leaner than she remembered him to be and a lot more stressed than he appeared in the pictures in the newspapers. A moment of awkward silence passed between them as they stood at the threshold. Salim cooed, drawing Pratap’s attention to the baby in the pram, throwing his arms up as if he wanted to get down from it. The Pram had stopped moving, and he wanted to explore the new surroundings.

“Khala!” Pratap jolted as Amar ran past him into Rukaiya’s arms as she smiled at the boy.

“Oh, my boy.” She kissed his ruffled hair. “How are you?” She gasped as she wrapped her arms around him. “Has Amar gotten taller?”

“No.” Amar smiled gleefully. “I lost a tooth.”

“Oh my.” Rukaiya cupped his chin. “That is big news indeed.” Salim shrieked, drawing his attention to him as Rukaiya smiled.

“He came to say HI.” Amar wrapped his hands around Salim with a smile as Salim seemed to keep his little head on Amar’s shoulder and babble. A smile escaped Pratap’s lips involuntarily as he watched Amar being gentle with the baby.

“Come, Salim, let me show you my new toys.” Amar moved away from the embrace, picking up Salim, who seemed to make a joyful dance for being picked up from his Pram.

“No, Amar.” Pratap gasped slightly. “Be careful.”

“He is fine.” Rukaiya was quick to reassure, “Amar is a very responsible elder brother.”

“Please come in.” Pratap invited Rukaiya in as she looked a little hesitant. Amar, on the other hand, had already placed Salim on the couch and made sure cushions were all around him.

“I… we have to go… I just came to check on him…” Rukaiya was reluctant. “Amar, you know he had a fever yesterday. We have to go.”

“Now?” Amar pouted. “You just came, Khala.”

“But Amar…” Rukaiya bit her lower lip hesitantly, eyeing her watch.

“Have coffee at least. Then you can leave.” Pratap offered, pulling the empty pram inside and closing the door behind Rukaiya, whose eyes were fixed on the boys. “Would you like it with milk and sugar?” Rukaiya turned her attention to Pratap and the lack of staff around him. “You don’t need to bother.” She shook her head. “Milk and sugar?” he repeated. Rukaiya exhaled. “No. Black and without sugar.” Pratap nodded and strode into the kitchen as Amar pulled her to the couch. Finding him alone, Rukaiya asked, “How was your day?”

“Oh, it was nice. My friends asked about Papa.” Rukaiya narrowed her brows at his words. “Why?”

“Because he went to drop me off in his big car.” Amar stretched out his hand, and it made Salim smile at him. 

“Oh, did anyone say something rude?” Rukaiya sounded worried. Amar shrugged. 

“At first, they did not believe Papa had a big car and a big house.” Rukaiya wet her dry lips and eyed the kitchen. There was a sound of utensils rattling coming from there.

“Amar, do you want to go home with me?” Rukaiya asked. “Spend the night?”

“But Mamma said not to worry you.” Amar shook his head as he handed Salim a building block that Rukaiya had taken away.

“Don’t give him that; he can swallow.” She warned gently. “You can stay in the guest room instead of Salim’s room?” She suggested. Amar shook his head as he put a piece into the house he was building on the coffee table. “No, I will stay with Papa.” Rukaiya was disappointed. Although she did not show it when she nodded and kissed Amar’s hand, she was. Ever since he was born, Amar had always been with her whenever Ajabdeh was out of town. Today, she felt like having her own child was pushing him away, and she never wanted Amar to feel that way. She invited him onto her lap and held him. “Are you sure? Khala and Amar can have fun?” She asked again as Amar shook his head. 

“No.” He whispered. “Papa is all alone, and he will be sad if Amar leaves.” Rukaiya was overwhelmed with affection for the little boy.

“You have so much empathy, Amar.” She kissed his forehead.

“What is that, Khala?” Amar asked, unsurely.

“Kindness.” Rukaiya watched Pratap come out of the kitchen with a tray and two coffee cups on it. He was about to place it down on the coffee table when Rukaiya’s disapproving gasp made him stop.

“You don’t put hot, steaming drinks in front of kids.” She looked at him, unsurely. “You have had a little brother; how do you not know that?”

“Sorry, I…” Pratap fumbled as he looked around for an option. Rukaiya removed Amar’s colouring book from the side table, away from the children. “Here.” He placed the cups down and stared at Amar, offering Salim one of his new soft toy monkeys. 

“He really likes this. Can he take it home?” Amar asked as Rukaiya shook her head.

“He has plenty at home.”

“He can take whatever he wants if you are giving it to him, Amar.” Pratap asserted. A pause followed as Rukaiya took a sip of the coffee, and they silently watched the children play. 

“Oh, Khala, do you know you can see the hillside from this balcony?” Amar got up suddenly. “Come, I will show you.”

Rukaiya was reluctant as Amar tugged at her hand. 

“Go on, I will keep watch on him,” Pratap reassured Amar as he turned to him. Amar dragged Rukaiya out onto the open balcony, the cold wind hitting her face as she exclaimed, “Amar, you should not be out here without a beanie.” She glanced over her shoulder to watch Pratap snap his fingers, attracting Salim’s attention as he talked to him. Rukaiya wondered how much Jalal would scold her for that.

“Hi.” Pratap stared at the eager, round eyes staring back at him as Salim briefly smiled at his snapping finger. He suddenly sensed that Amar and Rukaiya were not in sight and started getting tense as he looked around and pouted.

“No. No.” Pratap sounded alarmed. “They are right here.” He pointed at the balcony in vain. Salim was yet to understand the instructions. In a reflex to make sure Salim did not cry, he picked the boy up so that he could see the familiar faces. Salim smiled at the sight of Rukaiya and Amar and mumbled “daddaah…” stretching his arms out as Pratap smiled at the boy. He was not sure whom Salim took after because, unlike Amar’s curly hair or brown eyes, Salim had no such distinct features yet. Salim jolted in Pratap’s arms, trying to reach for Amar, who came running inside. Suddenly, he was aware that he had picked Salim up without asking Rukaiya.

“He was about to cry, so…” Before Rukaiya could reach them, Pratap clarified. Rukaiya smiled with a nod, opening her arms for Salim.

“We should go. It’s getting late.” She eyed Amar. “Will I see you soon?”

“When will JJ be here?” Amar’s question made Rukaiya eye Pratap briefly as he looked away, and she smiled at Amar. “Any day now.”

“He promised me a trip to the bookstore when he would be back.” Amar narrowed his brows slightly as Rukaiya nodded.

“That’s between you and him, but Amar must promise Khala a sleepover soon.”

“After my exams.” The boy nodded intelligently. “I promise.” Rukaiya put Salim in the Pram and turned to leave.

“Should I drop you somewhere?” Pratap offered at the threshold as Amar ran back to his game. 

“I have the driver downstairs.” Rukaiya shook her head.

“Rukaiya.” As they waited for the lift, Pratap cleared his throat. “I am happy you came by my place. And for Salim.”

“For Amar.” She added to his words as his smile faded. Rukaiya inhaled. “ I had no personal problem with you. Hence, my issues with you are because of the two people you hurt the most.” Her words made him look up at her. “I can at least have a decent conversation with you, even if not forgive you for hurting them.” Pratap did not expect her to be so forthcoming. “But I don’t think Jalal would be thrilled to know I brought Salim here.”

“I’m… trying, Rukaiya.” Pratap sounded like he was speaking with great difficulty.  “I am trying to ask for forgiveness, but I know it's just words to them. I... know it's too little.”

“I am not an expert, Pratap, but I have had my fair share of mistakes. I think the best way to deal with them is to own up to them.” Rukaiya tried to sound reassuring. “Then, accept whatever punishment fate has for you.” Pratap smiled melancholically. Rukaiya knew what he was thinking. Had he not been punished enough?

“It may sound wrong for me to say this… but I will say so anyway because I know nobody else will.” Rukaiya watched the elevator ding open as she spoke. “The difference is that they have lived the last seven years being punished for something that was not their mistake. Who knows, if things were different, we would be in different places.” Pratap looked up at her words. “Perhaps Jalal and I would not have been together.”

“Does he… is he not…” Pratap was unsure of what he was asking as Rukaiya shook her head. “He is the best father, best husband one can ask for. But… he is the best friend one can have… Ajabdeh knows that.” Pratap looked away as he inhaled and gulped.

“All I am saying is that, Pratap, you know now that you have been punished for seven years.” She eyed the open door of the apartment where Amar was. “But you did not live with guilt and remorse for those years. You were fine.”

“I was not fine.” Pratap protested. “You have no idea.”

“No, I don’t.” Rukaiya nodded, pressing the elevator button so that it didn’t go down. “But I have seen my husband live with the guilt of causing Ajabdeh unhappiness. I have seen her go through the toughest battles alone.” Rukaiya snapped. “I am not sorry if I do not have any sympathy for you.”

“I understand that, Rukaiya,” Pratap said as she stepped into the elevator, pushing the pram. Salim was starting to get cranky from the lack of movement. “Can I speak to Jalal?” Pratap asked as the door was about to close.

“I can’t speak for him, but I'll ask.” Rukaiya nodded before the elevator door closed on Pratap’s face.

Pratap walked back to the apartment and forced a smile at Amar, who was showing him his building block house.

“You should study for a bit,” Pratap suggested as he nodded and eyed the clock. “When will Mamma call?” Pratap shrugged. “She will. Unless you want to talk to her?” Amar insisted. He wanted to talk about how Khala gave him a surprise visit. Pratap dialled her number and found the engaged tone, then disconnected it. “We will try later,” he reassured the boy, who ran back to his bedroom. “Who is gonna…” Pratap stared at the mess on the living room carpet, toys, building blocks and crayons scattered around. “Clean that up?” He sighed, picking up the toys one by one, putting them in a basket. His back ached. He was tired. He could not help but wonder how Ajabdeh did it all alone.

“He refused?” Ajabdeh was disappointed as Rukaiya told her about taking Salim along. “Jalal won’t be pleased.” She made Rukaiya sigh. “Hence, we are not telling him yet.”

Ajabdeh disconnected the call as she reached her hotel room and unlocked the door. As soon as she entered the room, she found a missed call from Pratap and called back immediately.

“Hello Mamma!” Amar’s gleeful voice made her smile.

“How are you?” She asked as Amar spoke about his day enthusiastically. Then he asked about hers.

“I had a conference, then attended two seminars. Now I have a team dinner at the hotel. I will be back early in the morning. I will pick you up from school. I have a day off.” She smiled as Amar cheered. “Will you be cooking?”

“Yes, I will be.” 

Pratap watched Amar, leaning against the bedroom door as he paced the room, waved his free hand and told his mother about his day. A smile formed on his lips as Amar complimented his lunchbox. Amar then proceeded to tell Ajabdeh about the number of people who worked around Pratap’s apartment. “There is a man who just comes to water plants. There is someone who cooks dinner, a Didi comes to clean everything, and a person who follows Papa around and scribbles things on her tablet. She gave me chocolate. Yes, Mamma, I thanked her.” Ajabdeh reminded him to study before she disconnected the call. 

Pratap was unsure about leaving Amar alone for the time he heated the dinner. He went to check on the boy twice to see if he was studying. It oddly reminded him of Ranima, who often checked on him whenever he was alone and quiet for a long time in his room. Amar looked up the third time, and Pratap peeped in and shook his head.

“Stop doing that, Papa.” He made Pratap stop on the threshold. 

“What?” He asked as the boy giggled. “You are checking on me every fifteen minutes.”

“NO.” Pratap protested feebly.

“I’m used to staying alone longer than that,” Amar reassured him. Pratap smiled as the boy proceeded to tell him that he even stays alone in the apartment when Mamma goes to the grocery store for ten minutes. Pratap ruffled his hair, reminding him to come down for dinner once he was done. Amar suddenly hugged Pratap, making him pause.

“What’s wrong?” Pratap was alarmed by the sudden, tight, warm embrace.

“Amar is happy.” Pratap smiled back as he hugged the boy. “I am too, that you are here.”

“Would it not have been great if Mamma were here too?” A strange silence filled the room as Pratap could hardly breathe. He could feel Amar’s fast-paced heart in the embrace and the sound of the ticking wall clock. His throat was dry as he wondered what Amar meant, but he was not brave enough to ask.

“But Mamma has to work, and she promised to make me pasta tomorrow.” Amar shrugged as he moved out of the embrace. “Otherwise, she would have made the pasta today.” Pratap sighed, realising that Amar’s words did not have the weight with which he interpreted them, as he forced a smile.

“You and Mamma are not friends; she would not cook in your kitchen,” Amar said matter-of-factly. “She only cooks in our kitchen and Khala’s.” Pratap stared at the boy talking. 

“Amar.” He knelt before the chair on which Amar sat, his feet dangling. “Would you like it if Mamma and Papa were friends?” Amar stared at Pratap, confused, as Pratap immediately regretted the words coming out of his mouth. Amar was at a very impressionable age and unable to understand the complexities of their equation. Giving him any kind of false hope would be a bad choice. He shook his head, regretting speaking his mind out loud to the boy when Amar shrugged. “That is not for Amar to decide, na?” Pratap stared at the boy in awe. Was he really this mature at seven? Was he forced to be? 

“Who taught you that?” His throat was dry. Amar shrugged. “Mamma did. She said whether you were friends or not was your choice. Just like I choose my friends, and I won’t like it if Mamma forces me to be friends with someone I hate.” Amar said intelligently. Pratap held his tiny hands together and smiled faintly.

“Listen to me, Amar. Mamma and Papa don’t hate each other. They just… umm… stay at different places and…”

“I know.” Amar nodded. “And love Amar the mostest.” Pratap kissed his tiny hands, nodding.

“Of course we do. We love you the most. We always will.”

“Even if you have other friends?” Amar asked, “Like Phool Aunty?” Pratap nodded firmly. “Nobody comes before Amar for Papa. I’m sure Mamma will tell you the same thing.”

“You say the same things; why aren’t you friends?” Amar shrugged, confused. “My best friend and I both love blue and rainbow, and the Rajasthan Royals.” Pratap took Amar by his hand and sat down beside him on the edge of his bed. 

“I am not sure how much of this you will understand, Amar, but this stays between you and me.”

“A secret?” Amar looked wide-eyed at his father’s grim face as Pratap nodded.

“You see, umm… Papa made some mistakes,” he sighed as Amar stared at him with an intense gaze. “And Papa needs to apologise to a lot of people to make friends with them again.”

“Is Mamma one of them?” Pratap nodded. “She is. But Papa is yet to apologise for his mistake, and he is not sure if Mamma wants to be friends with him again.”

“Oh, that’s easy.” Amar jumped off the bed and faced Pratap. “Hold your ears like this and say sorry. Mamma immediately says, "It's okay, Amar.” Pratap smiled at the boy.

“Well, with grown-ups it is a little more difficult than that, Buddy,” he shrugged. “Besides, Papa did something bad. Sorry, will not do it,” he sighed.

“Do you want to be friends with Mamma again?” Amar’s question made his heart skip a beat. Did he? He had never thought of anything beyond apologising and earning back her trust. He inhaled as his eyes fell on the photo of Amar and Ajabdeh in the frame over Amar’s dresser. Something churned in his stomach and travelled to his chest, making it feel heavy as the boy stared at him. 

“I do.” He nodded. “I want everything the way it was.” The moment Pratap said it, he stared at Amar and realised that it was not true. He pulled the boy closer and shook his head. “Actually, no. I want things to be different from the way they were. I want them to be better.”

“Mamma is very good,” Amar reassured him as he climbed up on his lap. “She will be friends with you when she sees how sad you are about your mistake.” He nodded. “Don’t you worry.” Amar wrapped his hands around his father’s neck. He did not understand a lot about what Pratap said, but he realised his father was upset. He did not want Pratap to be upset. “I will help you be friends with Mamma.” His reassuring words made Pratap chuckle. “You don’t have to do that, Buddy. Thank you.” He hugged his little boy. “And remember…” He pressed his index finger to his lips as Amar nodded. “I won’t tell her, pakka promise.” He smiled. “It is our secret.”