Aniruddha's throat had been hurting and he felt feverish since he returned from Calcutta. That night, with the medicine pill in her hand, collecting all her strength, Bondita walked into the study room and said to him, “You are overworking. Travelling to and fro too much. You can go to Kolkata and work from there for a while.” Aniruddha took the glass of water from her hand and stared at her in surprise.
"Where will I stay?"
"Why, Pari Didi's house."
"Why should I stay there for such a long time?" he sounded annoyed, "I have a little cold, I'll be fine."
"I said it for your good," Bondita said taking the empty glass from his hand and watching him make a face while he gulped down the medicine.
"Come with me when you're so worried, take care of me there." Shaking his head, Aniruddha said, "Why put your problems on the shoulders of others?" Bondita looked up at his words.
"I would go if I could. I have my duties here, the family, village and my studies." She said with narrowed brows.
"And me?" He asked as she appeared confused. Bondita avoided his stares as he frowned at her.
“You? You are the problem. You said so yourself." Bondita managed a chuckle to ease her awkwardness. Why was he doing this? What he was saying was in jest or did he mean it? Bondita heard Batuk look for her and hurried to look for his lost thing. Aniruddha sat thoughtfully, why did she suddenly think of such a thing? She had never told him to stay away from her before. Was this the result of keeping a distance? Or was it Bondita’s way of saying she did not approve of his actions that night? Aniruddha was suddenly scared of the implications. How would he know what was in his wife's heart?
Bondita got a few more novels through Batuk. She would read everything. Maybe they would give her a way to understand what was in Barrister Babu and Pari Didi’s hearts. She needed to know.
One day, the schoolgirls were discussing something in whispers when Bondita closed the book in her hand and joined them curiously.
"You say, what do you think? Kamala asked suddenly.
"About what?"
Rajubala was standing in the middle. She was newly married. She was afraid of her husband.
"Why fear your husband?" Someone asked.
"He hurts me."
"Oh silly girl, that's love."
"But every day he..."
"It will be hard at first, then becomes a habit." Some give her advice.
"No, not everyone is like that." A girl said "I have been married for five years yet..."
Bondita was curious but silent. Aniruddha often said books know what no one knows, just choose the right book. In which book would Bondita find answers to the questions of her mind?
Returning home, she saw that the people of the village had gathered outside the house. Something had happened. Bondita walked up to the crowd pulling her saree over her head. A married woman, aged around thirty, was lamenting and crying; everyone was talking in whispers around her and Zamindar Trilochan Roy Chowdhury was sitting silently.
"Left after so long? Why? The woman must have some problems."
"But where did he go? He can’t disappear like that. Is he joining the movement?”
"Hey, if he wanted to get married to someone else, should he have no responsibility towards the first wife and children?"
Amid all the commotion, Zamindar Ginni stood there silencing everyone briefly. How despondent the woman looked towards Bondita.
"Save us, Zamindarbabu." The widowed mother-in-law begged.
Bondita could no longer stand there. She walked away inside the house. Pari Didi was supposed to come the next day, she had to prepare some snacks. Pari Didi would bring some books from Calcutta. It would be useful in the school for village girls.
Bondita’s heart remained heavy through the day. She did the housework like a habit but couldn’t pay attention. How the woman's helpless eyes came to swallow her thoughts. Aniruddha walked in and saw her sitting on a corner of the bed absent-mindedly watching the scene outside the window. When he called her twice and found no response, he gently put his hand on Bondita's shoulder. Bondita jolted like the touch was unfamiliar to her.
"I... didn't see you..." She quickly got out of bed to fetch water.
"What happened?" Aniruddha asked.
"What would happen?" Bondita smiles faintly.
"You look absent-minded."
“Oh!” Bondita grew silent, should she tell Aniruddha about that woman? Earlier, she used to tell everything to Barristra Babu without having any second thoughts.
"Someone came from the village today," Bondita said after bringing water for him. "Twenty years married, two children." Aniruddha sipped the water and looked at her pale face.
"Her husband left them. Suddenly all identities and existence have been erased from her life."
"Did that overwhelm you?" Aniruddha took her hands in his own and asked.
"I remembered my mother," Bondita said in a trembling voice. “Why does this happen? Why does the identity of women survive with the existence of men?" Suddenly she noticed that Aniruddha's grip on her hand tightened. She drew her hand away from his.
"I should go, Pari Didi will come tomorrow. I have to prepare some food.” She eyed Aniruddha for a reaction.
"If you miss Maa, we can go there someday, I will take you," Aniruddha said. "You'll like it." Bondita nodded before leaving with the same confused face she came in with.
Bondita firmly believed that Pari Didi would clear the cloud in her mind. She would take her to Barrister Babu. She would also tell her about his fever since that night. Parididi's reaction would be a mirror into her mind, and seeing her in front of him, Bondita could also observe Barrister Babu's reaction. When in the middle of the night Bondita was sitting next to him despite Aniruddha's refusal, applying Patti on his feverish head, these plans were running through her mind. Aniruddha took a day's rest after being scolded by Trilochan Babu as if to answer all the questions of Bondita, she thought it was a god-sent message.
Soudamini came to Tulsipur around noon, in her car, the driver brought in books and stationeries.
"Check them first, Bondita." She said. "If you need anything else, let me know and I will send it through Aniruddha Babu." Bondita nodded and thanked her.
"He has a fever since that night." She wipes his hands and opens the packet of books, eyeing Soudamini for a reaction.
“Oh? What happened?” Soudamini asked for the sake of politeness. The tone was the same, with no hint of worry in her voice. Or did Bondita misread her?
“He is fine now, the fever is low. Go see him upstairs, I'm bringing tea.”
Soudamini hesitated, "No, I will see him before leaving." She said with a gentle smile.
Bondita then got busy pampering Soudamini with tea snacks and lunch. Batuk came around and showed off his new football. When Batuk left Bondita brought sweets again, but Soudamini stopped her.
"Eki, I came to see you and you don't have time to sit down?" Soudamini took her hand and sat her down. "I must go now, otherwise it will be midnight before we reach Calcutta."
"Why don't you stay here?" Bondita requested in a soft tone.
"No, I have a lot of work tomorrow, you say. How are you?" Bondita nodded that she was doing well. Their conversation about studies was interrupted when Bihari came from the main entrance.
"Malkin." He said hesitatingly, "They have come again to see Zamindar Babu, he is not at home. Should I tell Choto Malik?”
"Who?" Questioned Bondita "He has a fever, Bihari."
“The family from that day. If you go once, they will understand if you say something."
"Me?" She hesitated a little, "Well, go and tell her to come later, he will come late today."
“If you could… she won’t move with my words.” Bondita pulled the ghomta and got up. Soudamini watched as she went and stood at the threshold with Bihari. The woman suddenly startled Bondita by falling at her feet.
“Rescue me Ginnima. They think he went away because of me. They said they will throw me out of Tulsipur.” The woman she met the other day cried. “Save me. Where do I go with the children? What if he comes back again?” There was still hope in her eyes and voice. Bondita felt uneasy as she pulled the woman up from her feet.
"What are you doing, Kakima? Get up.” She touched the woman's shoulder gently. "Who will take care of your children if you are like this?" She thought for a while and looked at Bihari.
"Take her home, and tell them that if they trouble her in any way without telling us, or tell her to leave the village, I will go to see them myself." Turning to the woman, she said, “Go with him, Kakima, no one will force you to leave in my presence. I promise. Zamindar Babu would look into it once he returns. Today will be late, you should come tomorrow, I will talk to him." The woman found life in her reassurance. She went back to the village with Bihari wiping her eyes. Heaving a breath of despair, she sat down again.
"What happened to her?" Soudamini asked. Bondita looked up, her vision a little blurry.
"She has a family of twenty years, a son and a daughter. Where could the husband have gone suddenly?” She said in a slightly emotionless voice.
"Oma, that woman’s husband?!" Soudamini was shocked. "Now?"
"It is as if women do not exist in a world without men. Why is it so, can anyone say that?” Suddenly putting her hand on Soudamini’s, Bondita asked, "Has this woman done any less for the family?"
"That's the way it is, that's the reality." Soudamini held her hand and sighed. "How many women can stand up for themselves?"
"But how can anyone do that? There is no mercy? Not even for the young children?”
"How do we know what's in someone's mind and heart?" Soudamini said. "My father says that he who does wrong also has a justified reason for doing it."
"Does that mean injustice can be accepted?" Suddenly Bondita looked up at her. "Would you forgive someone who wronged you?"
"Who knows, I don't understand right and wrong." Soudamini said, "Maybe he was not attracted to his wife or attached to his family."
"We see a lot of that these days." Bondita agreed.
“Sometimes we think a relationship or a person is right for us, you know? But later it is understood that it is not.” Soudamini paused, Bondita's gaze was on her. She could not breathe or blink.
"Like?" she urged. Soudamini thought for a while. Why should Soudamini hide anything from her when the topic had come up and when Bondita had the intelligence and maturity to understand all these feelings? She didn't do anything wrong.
"This happened to me. Once when I was very young my father arranged a marriage for me. I thought that was my purpose in life." Bondita's face turned slightly pale at Soudamini's words.
"Then?" She tried hard so that her voice didn’t tremble.
"Then I realized I was wrong."
"What do you mean?" Bondita narrowed her brows. Why was Soudamini suddenly telling her these things?
"I mean I didn't love him." Soudamini's words made Bondita's face pale. "I thought I did and I was wrong." Soudamini smiled faintly. Bondita was suddenly angry. What was wrong with her? Did that mean Pari Didi was playing with Barrister Babu's feelings? Did he know that? He would be devastated if he did. How much did he know?
"Did you tell him that?" Bondita enquired.
"What?" Soudamini became a little absent-minded, so the question was repeated by Bondita.
“What can I say? I didn’t know he felt the same way."
"What?" Bondita was shocked, but composed herself, “How did you know?"
"He said so himself," Soudamini said.
"Oh," there was a sudden silence. She was getting confused again.
"I can't explain the guilt I was released from that day." Soudamini said with a smile, "That's why I'm saying, you shouldn't judge everything without knowing both sides. Who knows what's on someone's mind."
Bondita agreed, but nothing registered on her mind. The arrival of Parididi was supposed to drive away the darkness, but it shrouded Bondita’s mind with a mist of uncertainty.
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