Ajabdeh remembered very little of her grandparents' funerals but she had never seen such frenzy around a death. The moment their car stopped by the driveway her eyes were blinded by the Paparazzi trying to catch a shot of Udai Singh’s firstborn. He looked relaxed in the white kurta and dark glasses as he handed the key to the valet.
“She paid for this shitshow.” He spoke under his breath as he got down from the car. Ajabdeh followed, making sure her sunglasses did not leave her eyes as she eyed the men hovering over Pratap as she maintained her distance from him. The last thing she needed was a picture on page 3 of some national newspaper with him at his father’s funeral. He stopped at the threshold of the house and turned to wait for her to join him. They had not exchanged a single word since morning but she had left her office bag at his place so she knew she was going back with him. Ajabdeh watched all eyes on him and for a second doubted her idea of making him come here. On the farthest end of the room was a large photograph of the deceased covered with flowers and the smell of incense hung in the air. She could spot some familiar faces from the wedding surprised at Pratap’s arrival and even more surprised to see her. She watched him walk over to the widow, crying inconsolably and bend down on his knees near the body. She was not sure what he whispered but her attention was grabbed by one of the aunties who saw her at the wedding.
“Who are you?” She asked almost intrusively. Ajabdeh opened her mouth unsurely as she said. “I am an employee Ma’am. What do you need?” The lady shook her head and walked away, perhaps to inform the group of people they had nothing to worry about. Pratap had not brought a random girl to his father’s funeral.
She turned away from them as she spotted him walking up to her.
“I am going with them to do the last rites.” Something in his determined voice pleased her. He was standing up for what he felt, acknowledging it and she liked that.
“What do you want me to do?” She asked.
“You can go back to the house or…” His eyes travelled to the aunties who were looking at them from a distance as his brows narrowed. “You know what? Come with me.” Before she could react he had held her by the wrist and dragged her out of the main hall towards the entrance. Ajabdeh was not sure how to react as he walked out right in the middle of the Paparazzi flashes with her hand in his asking for his car to be brought near the gates as he steered her through the crowd.
“What are you doing?” She asked at last when he let go of her hand. Her brows narrowed at the people whose purpose of coming to the funeral seemed to be about the newfound gossip.
“You were not moving fast enough and I just steered you out of that crowd before I lost sight of you.” His voice sounded plain. She stopped the conversation because the car arrived and he walked up to the driver's side. He did not seem to be in a mood to converse. She noticed how his nose was red like she had seen him the previous evening. She inhaled.
“Are you okay?” She asked at last as they followed the procession out.
“The only thing that bothers me is if Ranima finds out I defied her she might be upset.” His voice was monotonous, eyes on the road. Ajabdeh sighed.
“But it is better than regretting tomorrow.” She mumbled. He nodded.
“She will surely not be pleased with those pictures.” She eyed him. “What if my father…” Ajabdeh stopped. It was not a time to prioritize what people thought. She was here to be a good friend. Her thought involuntarily travelled to the taste of his lips from the previous night. He tasted salty. Like teardrops. Her throat suddenly felt dry as she took a deep breath forcing her thoughts to change.
Ajabdeh did not know why she had walked up to the wailing lady and consoled her. For all she knew this lady was his stepmother and he would not be pleased. But from where she saw, she could see a woman in distress after losing a partner she loved. Ajabdeh was glad she did not ask who she was. By now the eyes on her scrutinising her moves had also decreased. Perhaps they had gotten used to the stranger in the crowd. Pratap found her with the lady and his jaws stiffened.
“We have to go.” He said rather commandingly as Ajabdeh got up from beside the woman who looked up at him.
“Please come to the memorial services and bring your mother.” She folded her hands as Pratap silently folded his hands back and gestured at Ajabdeh to follow him.
“You too, please come by.” Ajabdeh stopped briefly as the lady addressed her and nodded before following him out of the place.
Pratap was barely in his room when he tossed the glasses away and turned on the cold shower. His eyes burnt from the smoke and ashes and he felt uneasy in his chest. He felt like he needed to wash away his guilt, his presence at the funeral and the last two days out of his system. His hand reached for the body mist when the phone rang. He dried his hand to check it was his mother. He put it on speaker, with the shower still running.
“I told you not to go there.” Her voice was disappointed.
“I had to do it. So that I did not regret…”
“He did not regret leaving, did he?” She retorted.
“Ranima I…”
“What were you doing holding hands with that girl?” He inhaled as she spoke, “Don’t tell me you are dating that Punwar girl now. What happened to your standards?” Pratap’s jaws tightened at her tone. But he did not have the mental strength to argue with her.
“You know better than me that the Paps make big deals out of nothing Ranima. I was helping her get out of the crowd. And she is not the first woman I got clicked with.”
“So, she is not a lover?” Jaivanta asked. Pratap inhaled.
“She is not even a friend. I am tired Ranima. Can we please…” He eyed the phone irked.
“I am coming back tomorrow. I cancelled the vacation. There is no way you are going to that memorial service alone. I will come with you.” She disconnected the call before he could speak. Pratap let the cold shower run for a while before he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out of it.
He put on a clean t-shirt and leisure pants as he rubbed his wet hair with the towel when the housekeeper informed him that the lunch was ready and she had informed the guest. Stepping out into the dining area he found himself alone.
“Do you want me to serve you or wait for her, sir?” The woman asked.
“You can take your leave after making dinner.” He smiled politely. “Thank you.”
The housekeeper was about to leave for the day when Ajabdeh walked in. The lady greeted her before leaving for the day. Ajabdeh had taken a shower and changed into the set of clothes she had worn to the office the previous day. She eyed the spread called lunch and inhaled.
“ I will leave after lunch.” She made him stop taking the Dal from his bowl. “The weather seemed to have gotten better and there is a rain prediction for the evening.” She eyed him for his lack of response.
“Did your father call you home?” He asked as she shook her head.
“I have to go to work tomorrow.” She said taking a morsel of rice and looking across the long dining table to his end.
“Ranima will be home by noon.” He said matter of factly.
“So she called?” Her question made him nod. “She wants to join me for the services.”
“That is good, I guess?” Ajabdeh’s question made him look up with a sigh. Silence filled the room as she occasionally felt his gaze on her. She said again as she collected her plate to place it in the sink. “I will go grab my things and keys.”
“Fine.” His voice seemed to be odd as she glanced over her shoulder and frowned at him.
“Are you sure you are fine?” She asked again.
“Why wouldn’t I be? Did the man think of me like I am thinking of him now?” He sounded irked. Ajabdeh sighed as she walked up to him and he looked away.
“Things change with death and distances.” She said soothingly. “People tend to remember the good in others when they die or drift away.” She eyed him ignoring her glances. “That is how memories work. We retain either the best times or the traumas, not the in-betweens.”
“So, years down the line, what will you remember from today?” He asked as his eyes met hers. Ajabdeh smiled faintly.
“That you are scared to be vulnerable but brave enough to face your emotions.” His eyes twinkled at her words.
“Thank you. For coming here.” He said holding both her hands in his. “I couldn’t have done this alone.”
“Thank you for trusting me but you would have been fine alone,” Ajabdeh reassured. Pratap inhaled as his eyes travelled from her eyes to her lips and back as he gulped as if to salivate his dry throat. It was a bad idea last night, but it still was. Ajabdeh startled him with a hug instead. He smelled of musk and she stopped as though she was intoxicated.
Ajabdeh raised her feet just enough to meet his height and kissed him gently. Pratap froze as his grip tightened on her hands. All Ajabdeh wanted was to say a proper goodbye. But she found herself putting her hands around his neck as his arms locked at her waist and he leaned in to kiss her again. In her mind Ajabdeh wanted to stop, remind him that she should go since the weather was still sunshine and no rain. She exhaled as he let go of her lips and nose touched.
“Stay.” He pleaded against her lips.
“But your mother…” She narrowed her eyebrows.
“Stay till the morning. Please.” He pleaded again rubbing his nose against hers. “That is all I ask of you.” She nodded silently as he hugged her. Ajabdeh would not know how many minutes they stayed like that but it looked like an hour. She could feel his breath on her neck and his heart beating against hers. She moved just a little to make him release her from his embrace, place his hands on her hips and kiss her forehead. A warmth rushed up from her body to her cheeks as Ajabdeh exhaled.
The couch in the living room area was truly uncomfortable. Pratap realised that when he pushed Ajabdeh on it and leaned over to kiss her exposed nape of the neck. She seemed to read his mind for the space to manoeuvre without falling on the carpet was limited.
“We can go upstairs.” She suggested. Pratap nodded. Before Ajabdeh knew what was happening he had picked her up in his arms and carried her princess-style upstairs. Ajabdeh was a bit flustered and uncomfortable at first, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and watched him keenly.
“How many times have you done this before?” She made him stop and stare confused.
“What?” He asked. “Carry someone?”
“Pick someone up all these stairs. You will lose your breath.” She shook her head as he smiled amused.
“Never carried someone up these stairs.” Ajabdeh found him walking past the guest bedroom as she frowned at him with questioning eyes.
“I thought nobody was allowed into your room.” She said as he laid her down on the bedspread.
“I thought nobody would be here after three days and not fall in love with me either, but here we are.” He forced a chuckle as her heart skipped a beat.
“Yet here we are.” She whispered as his mouth found hers.
Something about them was different yet the air of familiarity was hanging between them. At times these months seemed to be like yesterday and at others, it seemed to be eons ago that they had indulged in each other. Pratap was slow and soothing and he could sense more longing in the eye contact and more prolonged soft kisses between them. Something stirred in him the feeling of comfort and warmth. Ajabdeh caressed his hair taking all the time in the world to kiss, taste and savour him like she had a lifetime. The primitive carnal need had slowly given way to a slow emotional feeling of union.
It was late afternoon when the thunder rumbled again and the raindrops fell making music on the glass panes of the window and sliding door of the balcony. Ajabdeh raised her head to check her phone and wondered why her father had not called.
“What’s wrong?” Pratap asked eyeing her as she shook her head. “Do you want to call home?”
“What if he asks me to come back?” Ajabdeh bit her lips as the ripples on her brow did not leave. Pratap inhaled.
“Then tell him it is just a few more hours, one more night for yourself.” She looked up at his words as his fingers entwined in hers and played with it. She inhaled. “I should call him.” She was about to get up and look for her clothes piled up on the side of the bed when he got up instead.
“You finish your call, I will go get some coffee.” He suggested as she thanked him before dialling her father.
“Why are you not calling me?” She heard him chuckle on the other side amused as she frowned.
“I thought you were busy.”
“So you will not even check in to see if your daughter is fine?” She retorted.
“If my daughter is in the news hand in hand with the Sisodiya heir I assume she is fine.” Ajabdeh gasped as she sat up straight at her father’s words.
“Listen it is not like…”
“If it is, I will be happy that you finally allowed someone to walk into that fortress you built around your emotional side.” Her father’s voice made Ajabdeh gulp. “Baba…”
“I know I am guilty of some of it…”
“No, it is not how…” Ajabdeh protested softly.
“Are you sure? I have never seen you so involved in someone else’s problems.” Her father made her inhale.
“It is because I can relate to his issues Baba. I reassure you…” She stopped as she eyed him entering in just his boxers with two cups of hot coffee. “We will talk when I am home, okay?”
Pratap placed the mugs down and eyed her with questioning eyes.
“Are you in trouble?” Ajabdeh suddenly felt heavy in her throat as she breathed heavily as if to check if she was still breathing.
“Not in a way I thought I would be.”
“Pardon?” He asked confused as she shook her head. “Nothing. Thanks.” She took the mug and watched him wait for her to take a sip like the way he did the previous night.
“This is good.” He smiled at her validation half lying beside her watching the rain.
“It is pouring like no other day.” He said as she nodded, eyeing the raindrops.
“Is something wrong? Why are you unusually quiet?” She shook her head at his question and forced a smile.
“Can we watch something?” She suggested as he handed her the remote of the TV in his room. “We sure can. Till dinner.” He said as he pulled her by the neck close to him and kissed her nose. “After that, you will be busy.” She forced a smile as he sat up to decide what to watch.
“What about a serial killer movie? I mean it is raining outside and your place looks kind of dark damp and haunted.” He chuckled at her suggestion.
“Thank you for your compliment I guess?” He raised his brows making her smile.
Halfway through the movie when he was invested in the journalist trying to find the Zodiac killer’s codes, Ajabdeh discreetly set an alarm for 6 AM on her phone and eyed Pratap. She needed to leave well before his mother arrived, perhaps even while he slept. She could not do goodbyes as easily as she thought she could.
When Pratap walked up behind her to push her against the wall he realised that her hair smelled of Lavender. He was oddly reminded of her by that smell for the past two years. He could now tell why. Looking at her piercing glance made him feel things that made him uncomfortable. He assumed not looking at her face would help but he was wrong. He had started associating smells and tastes with her now. He could hear her moan softly against the pitter-patter of the rain. Would the rain also remind him of her now? He wondered. He could not let his intrusive thoughts win as he pushed into her suddenly making her squirm as she moaned. He stopped, turning her towards him, and pushing her down on the bed. Ajabdeh was careful enough not to moan his name even when he said hers innumerable times. Something in that turned the right buttons in her and he knew it. His name was stuck in her throat as she groaned under him. He breathed heavily against her soft bosom and looked down at her as if he was drinking in her beauty with his eyes, trying to remember every mole and scar she had.
“Say my name.” Ajabdeh was surprised as she assumed she heard wrong.
“What?” She asked breathlessly confused.
“Say my name.” He said breathing in her mouth.
“Are you sure?” She asked, a sense of worry in her voice. It disturbed him as he tried to brush away his interpretation as wrong. She did not care.
“I won’t stop, I promise.” He managed.
As they reached the height of pleasure and his name escaped her lips, Pratap suddenly felt warm and complete with her. His eyes swelled in tears and sweat as he tried to push away the rush of emotions he was feeling and begged her to continue moaning his name. Although concerned, Ajabdeh’s excitement reached newfound highs as she held on to him, her nails scratching into his bare back as they moaned and moved together.
I love you. The words suddenly came to Pratap’s inner mind and a sensation of cold shockwave ran down his spine. The words were daring to slip out as they hung to the edge of his tongue as he closed his eyes, forcing himself to pretend like she was not there staring at him, moaning his name. She stopped the moment she saw him look away as they finished together and he moved away to the other side of the bed. Suddenly Ajabdeh felt that by closing his eyes and taking them off hers he was perhaps lost in someone else’s thoughts. It stirred her to the core as she turned her back to him and slid into the blanket staring blankly at the wall of the room. Pratap paced his breath as he looked up at the ceiling and then found her turned away from him. He had a sudden urge to hold her close and not let her go. Perhaps he was not ready to mouth the words he thought of yet, it was neither the place nor the time and he feared she would push him away but he was not ready to let her go yet. The moment his arms wrapped around her pulling her close, Ajabdeh could feel his breath on her shoulder as she felt hard to breathe. She stayed still, pretending to be sleepy until his breath eased out and she could sense he was asleep. Tears trickled down her cheek as she wiped them away before they fell on his hand wrapped around her body. She sobbed silently, careful enough not to wake him up. This was wrong. She was wrong. Their deal was purely about pleasure. How did she get carried away? How could she let herself get hurt again? She had to fix this. Make sure she was not hurt. Her hand travelled to his palm and in his sleep he held on to her, fingers entwined. He exhaled as though he were relaxed as Ajabdeh moved slightly, careful enough not to wake him up as she saw him sleep with a relaxed demeanour. She carefully slipped out of his embrace and fought a strong urge to kiss his forehead before gathering her clothes and leaving for good.
Pratap woke up as his alarm rang and the first thing he did was to look for her. He could sense that she had left the moment he opened the washroom door and found her missing. He had a gut feeling that he had given away something that offended her the previous night. The heaviness in his chest refused to go. He had to find her and talk to her soon. But before that, he had to make himself come to terms with his emotions and that nothing would yield of it. She deserves someone who would not run away from committing to her, marrying her and promising her a lifetime. She deserved a love that would stay. Not like him. He did not even believe he was capable of loving someone if at all, for too long a time. He was sure if they did not meet or reciprocate, his feelings would eventually fade away and he would laugh at them in retrospect. She did not deserve to be a part of his confusion after what she did for him.
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