Heartbreak

A sudden storm had swept through the plains of Neelambargarh in the following days. Many of the villagers needed to be relocated, and many lost their homes and cattle. The ministers kept a close watch on the affected areas, and many from the banks of the River Maya were evacuated to higher lands. Ishaan Dev delayed his initial plans to leave for Suryapali by a few days for safety concerns. The storm made way for the torrential downpours that would mark the beginning of the rainy season in the land beyond the Heemdevi. The peacocks danced in the palace gardens and occasionally called to the peahens, their voices breaking through the otherwise silent afternoons. The incessant rain didn’t seem to stop as the sky was overcast, and gusty winds played through the corridors and curtains of the palace. Priyambada cursed her fate. If the rainfall had been delayed by a few days, Ishaan Dev would have left. She wouldn’t have to witness the daily encounters in the courtroom or the dining hall. Keeping up the appearance was getting harder by the day. She was glad it was one more night till he left for Suryapali. He neither offered her to go with him nor did she care to. Since the storm hit the land, Priyambada mostly preferred to stay in her room in solitude. The rain brought back memories like fresh wounds. Memories of her drenching in the rain with her friends, chasing peacocks through the garden, making paper boats with Kumar Prithvi and Kumar Viraj, and of the day she was captured. She would never forget the rain that cried with her that night as she ran through the muddy forestlands.

The gust of wind suddenly blew the lamps of the room out, and Priyambada stopped Urvi as she rushed to instruct the maids to put the lights on for the third time that evening. She walked out of the room with a sudden feeling of claustrophobia. Priyambada gulped as if something was stuck in her throat. Down below her corridor, she could see the men at work, carrying trunks and boxes of things to prepare for their journey to the capital of Suryapali and for their stay thereafter. 

“They said it will take a month.” It was Devdoot who spoke as she quickly looked away. “The wedding and celebrations.”

“ Are you accompanying them?” She asked. Devdoot shook his head “Mallal is. If you want me to…”

“I want you to help me with the administration here. I am the de facto ruler when he is gone.” Priyambada suddenly felt a sense of bliss as she said that out loud. “I want you to help me with the flood-affected areas.” Devdoot nodded. She dismissed him and sighed. Priyambada walked down the fairly empty and dark corridor of her floor and stopped at the door of the painting room. The room was dark, and the lamps under some of the portraits had been blown off by the wind. She picked up a flickering lamp, shielding it from the wind with her hand and walked towards the portraits.

Priyambada lit the lamps, one by one, in front of the portraits of her ancestors. As the last lamp was lit in front of Kumar Prithvi’s portrait, his eyes seemed to sparkle with life in the flickering light of the lamp. Priyambada sighed. She heard footsteps in the corridor and didn’t care to move an inch as she stood staring at the painting of her brother with longing eyes. 

“I need to speak to someone, Prithvi. To me, my only confidant was you.” She whispered, “I live in constant fear, Prithvi. Can you lose what was never yours?” She looked up with moist eyes at the portrait. “Can you put off certain feelings that haunt you? You said a warrior is always in control of their feelings. I want to be one too.”

Ishaan Dev was walking down the alley after checking on the arrangements to start his journey. His heart was in turmoil since the day he ordered Tarabai to arrive. He couldn’t disguise his true self from her. Ishaan Dev was scared of being seen through by Tarabai. Fortunately for him, in their last few encounters, Tarabai was so engrossed with pleasing him that they didn’t have a conversation. Till now, he had successfully disguised his inner turmoil, but it built up inside him like a storm. Worse, except for their public meetings, Priyambada was cold and distant, like she was when they first met. Something in him found it hard to accept now. He noticed the half-open door of the painting gallery with a frown. He dismissed Mallal and stepped over the threshold in silence. His eyes stopped at her silhouette as she stood there looking calm and composed. Ishaan Dev expected that. She was the last person to let her true emotions show on her face. Priyambada’s body stiffened as the smell of his familiar perfumes hit her nostrils. 

“What are you…” He stopped at the portrait of Kumar Prithvi. “This was not here.” Maharani Priyambada nodded.

“He ordered a poor man to make his painting because he was too moved by the poor artist’s poverty,” Priyambada spoke in a rather monotonous voice, fixed to her spot. “I ordered to put it up here, with everyone else, where it belongs.”

“You should get your portrait done too.” Ishaan Dev’s words made her frown. Was he taunting her again? She glared at his unreadable face.

“Women don’t sit for such…” She stopped as he nodded, appearing to think.

“Then I should.” He shrugged, suddenly making her frown a little. Adhiraja Ishaan Dev had no idea why he was making small talk. Maharani Priyambada looked away at his words and was about to leave.

“I was looking for you.” His words made her stop, inches away from him. “I wanted to discuss some administrative issues before I leave. Shall we sit in the map room?” Maharani Priyambada’s jaws tightened. She hadn’t stepped into the map room since that fateful night. She shook her head “We can talk here.” 

Ishaan Dev didn’t show disappointment on his face. A part of him was still wishing that she would speak up. She would be angry or throw tantrums and remind him how Neelambargarh endorsed monogamy. Another part of him wanted to accept that she actually didn’t care. The thought of being alone with him disgusted her to the core, like she had been vocal about it many times. Priyambada wished he had come by to change his decision. Tell her that he wanted to abide by and honour the rules of her ancestors, or even perhaps give them a chance. Perhaps something could be greater than having heirs at the moment. Priyambada brushed away the unrealistic thoughts. He didn’t care for her or the new bride. All he wanted was power, a throne and a lineage to support him.

“Very well.” Ishaan Dev folded his arms to his chest. “The war victim scheme will be launched while I am away; you have to see to it. The flood relief is on its way. Vamsi Gupta is going with me. Should I let Niranjan Verma take charge of the accounts temporarily?” She nodded in silence, agreeing to his discourse.

“And… Tarabai will be staying back, so she is your responsibility.” Priyambada inhaled at his words. He had a faint smile on the corner of his lips as he observed her face change a little. Was he testing her? Priyambada smiled at him suddenly, almost a spark of challenge reflecting in her pupils. “Of course. Don’t worry. She will be taken care of. I am aware of my responsibilities as Maharani.” His smile faded at her words as their eyes met briefly.

The guard bowed at the doorway, breaking the moment of silence as he informed, “Tarabai is in your chamber, Your Highness.” As soon as he spoke, Adhiraja Ishaan Dev cursed his timing under his breath. He looked up at Maharani Priyambada, who sighed. 

“I guess that is the cue to end the administrative meeting.” She nodded and walked across the room away from him.

“Maharani.” She stopped at the threshold. “No parting words?” Adhiraja Ishaan Dev controlled the disappointment in his voice as he stood, folding his arms close to his chest.

Priyambada smiled. “I wish you success.” She walked away as Ishaan Dev stood there watching her leave.

Tarabai had plenty of time now that Ishaan Dev had left for Suryapali. Once again, she was apart from him, but this time she could use the idle time to make her way around Neelambargarh. Two days in the city market made her realise that the people there didn’t approve of even a royal concubine. The people of Neelambargarh were too high in their taste and preference and looked down upon Suryapalians as ill-cultured. She didn’t blame them. The music she heard and the art she witnessed, even from the beggars of the main street, mesmerised Tarabai. She also decided to spend some time visiting temples.

“You,” Devdoot called as Tarabai opened her eyes and turned to the shrine of the Lord. “Go from here.” Tarabai frowned at his words. 

“I just came here to pray.” She shrugged, confused.

“Well, the dawn is for Maharani's prayers.” Devdoot shook his head “Leave before she sees you. Come back afterwards.”

“The Lord’s shrine is a royal property, but…” Tarabai looked displeased. “I am in the middle of my prayers here.”

“If you don’t obey me, I will handle you my way and throw you out!” Devdoot looked agitated.

“Oh, really?” Tarabai laughed, not stirring an inch from her place. “Try.”

Devdoot came forward as Tarabai didn’t look intimidated.

“What is happening here?” The voice behind them made Devdoot turn back and bow hurriedly. Tarabai’s eyes fell on the person who spoke. She was dressed in simple gold jewellery, yet her gaudy skirt and drape gave enough indications of her royalty. She was dusky, her hair as black as ebony, and her stature small. Her eyes were gentle, and her appearance was kind. With much grace, she showed her displeasure without making it evident.

“Maharani. She was not…” Priyambada’s eyes fell on Tarabai. This was the first time they had met each other in person. Tarabai bowed.

“You must be…”

“Tarabai, Your Highness. I just came to pray, but he was pushing me out.” She was brave enough to point at a taken-aback Devdoot.

“Devdoot!” Maharani Priyambada frowned “Who gave you the right to push someone away from the Lord’s door?” Tarabai looked up at her face. She looked genuinely agitated in her voice as Devdoot stood silent.

“You may finish your prayers.” Priyambada smiled in courtesy and walked to the priest to hand him the flowers and milk she had brought with her. Tarabai observed her praying before she slipped away silently.

Priyambada opened her eyes and turned to see that she was gone. 

“Urvi.” She said as Urvi stepped forward. “I want you to send them some of the food offered to the Lord.” Urvi and Devdoot shared surprised glances. “Then help me with the preparations for the new queen’s arrival.”

“Your Highness.” Urvi looked a little taken aback and worried. “You don’t need to worry, we will take care of it.”

“I do need to do my duty, Urvi.” Priyambada’s smile was faint. “ Come along, I will be late for court.”

The night had finally cleared away the gloomy sky as the moon played hide and seek with some cottony remains of the rain clouds. Priyambada sat down on the swing of the royal garden and gently pushed her feet on the ground to make it sway. There was not a person in sight as she carefully looked around. Her hair was loose, and she breathed out. Her eyes swelled up in tears as she had been hiding them for too long.

“Urvi, make sure the Maharani takes care of the arrangements first-hand.” Ishaan Dev’s words made Priyambada’s hand stop at her morsel as she looked across the veil in the dining room. 

“What arrangements?” She asked as Urvi quietly slipped away with the maids on the pretext of getting desserts.

“Why? The new bride needs a welcome befitting of the royal ways. In Suryapali, the celebrations will be for everyone. Here, she needs to be welcomed properly and made sure she is comfortable. This will be her home.” Priyambada stiffened at how easily he spoke about the things he never even looked at when she was brought in. “I want the bed, couch and painting canvases in her room to be from Vairath. Some artisans can be hired from there, and artists to paint her room as well. That way, she won’t miss home.” Ishaan Dev continued in between his morsels, “I know she loves to paint. Maybe get some canvases and...”

“So you know her?” Priyambada regretted the interest she showed as Ishaan Dev smiled.

“Yes, she was a regular visitor in the palace,” he shrugged “, I know her. The Maharani must take care of all these since the inner palace administration…”

“I am well aware of my duties. Don’t worry, your wife won’t complain.” Ishaan Dev’s smile faded as she emphasised “your wife,” and Priyambada abruptly left her food half-eaten as she walked away.

The giggles at the Talab overlooking the outer corridors attracted Priyambada’s attention. It was dark, and the torches burned, fighting against the strong breeze. Curious about the voices that followed, Priyambada looked down from one of the small windows to the Talab. Her heart skipped a beat. The silhouettes she saw were of a woman and Ishaan Dev frolicking in the water, bodies entwined with each other. Priyambada froze. She moved back three steps, cursing herself for forgetting the presence of Tarabai in the fort. She walked away hurriedly to her room. The next night, she saw him order wine and a hookah in his chambers as Tarabai was summoned. Priyambada shut the doors and drapes of her chamber tight for the night.

Priyambada’s sobs suddenly grew louder as she tried to control her emotions and compose herself. She hid her face in her hands so that the sound of her sobs didn’t reach beyond the lonely garden. The last thing she wanted was for his spies to see her vulnerability and report it to him. He wanted her to break and surrender. For him, everything was a game. A war against her. She wouldn’t let him win. She breathed deeply to control her tears in vain. She couldn’t have possibly been that naive to lose her heart to him, could she? After everything he put her through?

Tarabai froze behind the arches, seeing Priyambada on the swing. Her curiosity about the restricted area was so immense that she wanted to see it for herself. Tarabai was well aware that if she was caught, she would have no excuses, but barely did the guards stop a maid. She had walked up the servant’s stairs and into the gardens when she spotted Priyambada and froze. She was about to turn and leave when she heard the sobs. Tarabai’s brows narrowed as she turned around to see Priyambada in the darkness of the moonlit night.

“You can’t! You can’t love him, you fool!” Priyambada sobbed with muffled words. Tarabai’s throat went dry. 

As soon as Tarabai had started observing her way around the palace and took the liberty of being present at one of the public meetings, she noticed a change in Ishaan Dev. Unlike Trishaan or Vamsi Gupta, who found it threatening, Tarabai felt the changes were mature and welcoming. She didn’t know what part Priyambada played in those changes, but she could see Ishaan Dev wanting her attention. Be it in the public appearances where he addressed the citizens and praised her scheme, or even while he was with Tarabai. She assumed he wanted to brush off his attraction for the enemy because Priyambada wouldn’t welcome them. Tarabai shook her head with a melancholy smile. Ishaan Dev thought that just because he didn’t speak of things, it escaped Tarabai’s notice of how he planned his moves around Priyambada. She noticed how, during their entire time at the Talab, he kept looking up at the windows like he expected to be watched. During their strolls in the garden, he talked louder than usual and made hefty arrangements for their tryst at his chambers, none of which he cared for while at Suryapali. At first, Tarabai mistook the arrangements for his joy of reuniting with her, but soon the tinted glasses were lifted from her eyes.

Ishaan Dev was tired and asleep as Tarabai crawled her naked body under his sheets closer to his and watched him sleep. Normally, she would walk away, gathering her belongings, when he fell asleep. Tonight, she watched him sleep as, on an impulse, she touched his sweaty forehead lovingly with the tip of her fingers.

“Priya…” Tarabai froze as he fumbled in his sleep and turned. Tarabai was not sure what she heard. She proceeded to explore his body with her hand, making him sigh and let out a moan in his sleep.

“Priya…” This time, Tarabai knew what she heard, and she sat up, removing her hand from his body. Was she missing a piece of the puzzle here? Were her previous instincts wrong? She stared at Ishaan’s sleeping figure. She had never heard him moan anyone’s name. She dreaded the thought of who he might have imagined while he derived pleasure from her body. Was Ishaan losing his heart to Priyambada? Or was it a case of simple attraction? Tarabai dreaded the answer she knew in some corner of her heart. She didn’t want Ishaan to get hurt twice over. But it also meant that there was no room for her in his heart or mind. She had picked up her things, wiped away her tears and walked away from his chambers.

Tarabai watched Priyambada wipe away her tears and walk away towards the inner palace. She sighed. All the men were so unaware of the feelings of women, in their own battles for power and ego. Tarabai, at the moment, felt an eerie connection to Priyambada in ways she never imagined.

Kumar Viraj received an unsealed letter and sat for a good few minutes frowning at it. The only people who wrote to him were his uncle, the Adhiraja, and the chieftains, all with seals. He had no friends or family. He carefully opened the letter, sitting down on the edge of his bed, and stared at it in the flickering light of the lamp. His brows narrowed. Priyambada apologises for being cold to him. She further explained that she didn’t want to cause him or Neelambargarh any harm due to Adhiraja’s ego. He had heard the rumours. The Adhiraja had gone back to Suryapali, probably to be married again. It wasn’t something out of place or odd. Maybe for Neelambargarh, who practised monogamy, it was a sin. But given the fact that he was the heir to the throne and it had been almost a year since Priyambada arrived, and there was no news of an heir, he wasn’t surprised by Ishaan Dev’s decision. But he never imagined Priyambada would be affected. Was she alright? Worried for her, Kumar Viraj ran his eyes through the letter for clues. She had written about administration and how she learned things. She had written about hearing about him and Smriti from time to time, and she hoped he would write back. What Kumar Viraj missed was any mention of the king. He immediately started writing to her, concerned that Priyambada was not fine. A part of him was relieved that she was back to her old warm self, but another part of him wondered what made her reach out to him in a state of vulnerability. Although she didn’t say it, Kumar Viraj perhaps knew her more than he knew himself. He refrained from sharing his concern and the letters with anyone, even Smriti, as he was sure that Priyambada wouldn’t be comfortable if the news of them exchanging unsealed letters made gossip.

Priyambada was almost relieved that Kumar Viraj wrote back to her, reassuring her that nothing had changed between them. He understood her. Perhaps even the things she didn’t say between the lines. But why did she write to him? Reach out to him during her vulnerable time. Perhaps because he knew her well enough for her not to express in words her weaknesses and shortcomings. He understood her as nobody else did around her. That was reassuring to her when she wasn’t even sure of herself. She was a little concerned about how Ishaan Dev would react when he knew of it. But then, he would be too busy with his new bride, wouldn’t he?