"How could you give them the wrong budget, Rukaiya?"
"Because I never did such a thing Ajabdeh." Rukaiya spoke calmly "It's your department. I screwed up. And am sorry."
"It was a very important client. We need some damage control." Ajabdeh spoke dismissing her apology.
Pratap had no idea what excuses came from the other side. All he could think of was that he was blessed to have friends like Jalal and Rukaiya. To get Ajabdeh back to being herself again, the first thing he needed for her was to get back to work. As much as she felt tired or aimless now, only pushing her to do what she loved the most would help. He had confirmed from Kasturi that she didn't skip her medicines. Yet, when he watched her stare blankly at nothing in particular then burst into tears and finally feeling too tired and sleeping several times in the past few days he had to call up Dr Sekhawat, alarmed. He also suggested some work can be good for Ajabdeh as long as she didn’t over-stress herself. Pratap knew that if he suggested it to her she would deny it. Even Rukaiya asking for help didn't work initially.
“I am on a vacation. Can't you manage a month without me?" Left Rukaiya with very less options.
It was Jalal’s idea that finally worked. Ajabdeh was instinctively a saviour. She would jump in at the smell of trouble. And if there was anything she loved most right now, it was this company she built all by herself from scratch. She would definitely come to its rescue.
“Fix up a meeting via Zoom with me Rukaiya. I will talk to the clients myself.” She said with confidence looking up at the clock.”In an hour.”
She disconnected the call with a sigh and looked up at Pratap who appeared busy.
“I… need to use the conference room.” She spoke. He looked up as though uninterested. “That’s okay.” He nodded “I have quite a bit of work myself. I asked the architect to meet me today. He is going to give ideas to redecorate the library room. I will coordinate that with Heer.” Ajabdeh looked up at his words. “I have to go see him.”
“Heer?” She looked unsure. “She has just started out and…”
“Yes, just like you started out once. This is her home too. She will work more passionately on it than any other interior designer.” He said in a nonchalant way. “This is a good business deal for me, not a personal one.” He reassured her. The last thing he wanted to make Ajabdeh feel was that he was doing her sister’s career a favour.
Pratap was in the shower when he felt his head was heavy. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were clear indicators of his lack of sleep in the past few days. He just couldn't sleep without the vision of the baby's room, their future plans and her smile haunting him. He remembered the last time. Her baby bum was showing and she was glowing like a new mother should. Why did this have to happen to us? He remembered their first and only vacation. He regretted not taking her out more often. The shower water stopped. He stood before the mirror, wet and messed up. What if she leaves? Will all this be the only memory I will have of her then? He shook his head and hurried to get ready. He wouldn't let her. Ever.
He went downstairs in search of Ajabdeh and found her preparing for her meeting.
"I am leaving now. I will be back in an hour or so, okay?" She looked up at his words.
"You are free to do what you want." She said, "You don't need to inform me anymore." It was a tone cold enough to make his heart sink. "Get used to that."
He looked away. "All the best." He managed not to choke as he turned around and walked away.
Ajabdeh sighed watching him go. Her eyes shone. I am sorry. I have to do this.
When Pratap started driving out of the portico he was not even sure where he was going. He wanted to leave her alone for a bit with her work and privacy yet didn’t want to go far. She was not well enough to be by herself. No matter what he said. He drove through the village twice, thinking hard and figuring out where to go and stopped the car by the short way. He wiped off the coming tears that blurred his vision.
"It's okay. It's okay. It's all fine now." He spoke to himself. His eyes fell on his miserable self in the mirror. He dialled Jalal and it went to voicemail. He dialled Shakti and there was no response. He sighed. He was alone.
He remembered Dr Sekhawat's words. He looked up his phone for the address he had given.
Maya Shekhawat was in her early sixties, still elegantly beautiful, and had the warmest smile possible. She was a small figure but didn't look timid at all. She was in a pair of cigar pants and a kaftan kurta when she looked up from the book she was reading and saw a car drive into their farm area. She kept the book down and looked up. The moment an awkward Pratap introduced himself to her, she welcomed him into their bungalow.
"Can we just sit here?" He looked around the lawn, still awkward. "I am sorry for dropping by without any notice."
“My husband told me to expect you here, but we honestly didn’t think it would be this soon.” She smiled “I am glad you are here. It gets pretty lonely in the countryside. Would you like some tea?”
Pratap nodded and was about to sit down on the garden chair when Dr Shekhawat walked out.
“Welcome to our humble abode, Mr Singh.” He smiled as he took a seat across the table and lit his pipe. Pratap found the smell familiar. His grandfather used to smoke a pipe. It wasn’t until this very moment that he remembered that about him.
“I hope you don’t mind this?” Dr Sekhawat asked. Pratap shook his head.
“Oh, I mind that.” His wife snapped placing the tray of porcelain tea set down “Put that out.”
“You sound like my mother.” Dr Sekhawat raised his eyebrows “At least don’t scold me in front of people.”
“Oh please. If we had children they would be his age. He won’t mind.” Maya looked at Pratap “Tell him it is injurious to his health.”
“It actually is.”Pratap agreed.
“This lady.” Dr Sekhawat took the pipe out of his mouth “Works her charm on everyone. A few minutes into meeting her and you are on her side.” He made Pratap smile.
“Tell me, son.” Maya dismissed her husband’s words. “How is your wife? Ummm…” She tried to recollect the name.
“Ajabdeh.” Pratap smiled “She started working today." His voice looked hopeful as he looked up at the doctor. “All the silent stares at the wall for hours were freaking me out.”
Dr Shekhawat nodded. “Let’s see how she progresses.”
“Bring her by, the next time.” Maya said, handing him the cup of tea “I would love to meet her.” Pratap nodded.
Ajabdeh admitted to herself how confident and satisfied she felt after the meeting. She was at her best and the clients were impressed. She felt powerful and in charge of her actions. Rukaiya praised the success and apologized to her. Ajabdeh in turn decided she would look after the meetings as she usually did, and also check the day’s progress remotely. Ajabdeh felt different after a long time. She looked at herself smiling across the room, in the mirror. Suddenly her eyes dropped to her belly. Something pained in her. She let out a sigh and drank a bottle of water. “Kasturi? Kasturi!” she called out. She suddenly felt claustrophobic in that room. “Get me my medicines.”
“So you live here all by yourself?” Pratap finally asked them the question he was meaning to ask ever since he stepped into the bungalow. “Don’t you get bored?”
“Of the place?” Maya smiled “No. It is serene and beautiful. We lived most of our lives in the cities. Thanks to this man. I prefer this over smog and pollution. But yes, sometimes I am bored. Of him!” She glanced at her husband “But that’s how marriages are. Isn’t it?” She made Pratap smile.
“Besides we only have each other. She doesn’t have much of an option since she chose it that way.” Dr Sekhawat added.
“Pardon?” Pratap asked with narrowed questioning brows “I don’t understand. What do you mean by ``chose”?”
“What he means is…” Maya sipped on her tea “I didn’t want kids.”
Pratap looked at her at the mention of children “I was very clear about it the very moment he proposed. He agreed because he was in love with me.”
“And with the passion, you had for your dreams.” Dr Sekhawat added.
“It created such a buzz among family and friends. Our parents thought something was amiss in the marriage. Friends predicted I would leave him. But we didn’t care. I gave some of them a good piece of my mind.” She laughed. “He is much in love with me because of the fact that I was always fierce and opinionated.”
“But why did you choose the unconventional way?” Pratap asked.
“ Who decides what is conventional anyway. Just because someone else does it doesn’t make it right. I was a photojournalist. One of the very few ladies in my profession back then. I travelled to remote places for work, did some freelancing for months and came back home to him.” Maya smiled “I had no time to settle in one place nor have kids. My career was a child to me.”
"Wait till she flaunts her awards and recognitions to you." Dr Sekhawat smiled. "She loves doing that."
“Didn’t you ever feel…” Pratap cleared his throat “That you are missing out on something?” He asked. The couple smiled.
“Society tells you that in order to complete each other you need children.” Maya placed her hand over her husband’s “But the fact is Son, we can be complete just by being with each other and fulfilling each other’s dreams.” She looked at him, "Besides, we have a bunch of nephews and nieces. They are much like our kids. We befriend people like you wherever we live. We are never lonely."
"Yes but…" Pratap stopped. He had grown up with a different idea altogether. He realised now that not everything taught in school was also correct. Maya studied his silence.
“Tell me this, does your wife become any less valuable to you over your tragedy?”
“Of course not.” Pratap spoke almost immediately “That is out of the question.”
“Exactly.” Maya smiled “But trust me when I say this as a married woman without kids, there are people out there who can make her feel that she is incomplete. It’s your job to make her feel complete. But then if you don’t believe so…”
“I do. I honestly believe so. My mother….” He sighed “She will want us to try IVF or Surrogacy. And all of that makes me feel it would hurt Ajabdeh more. I wouldn’t want a child at the expense of her pain. It is not worth it.”
“Absolutely. But did you express that to her?” Maya asked.
“We are not really…. She…” Pratap stopped and cleared his throat.
“I understand.” Maya smiled “Such tragedies often take a toll on your relationship. Communication is tough. ” She said understandingly “In fact, any relationship is hard work. You have to choose it despite the odds every single day.”
“I never regret that ever.” Pratap sighed “I just lost her somewhere in all this. I want her back.”
“You will have her back. Be patient son.” Maya placed her hand on his shoulder reassuringly.
“Are you okay Ma’am?” Kasturi asked as Ajabdeh sat on the couch with her hand on her forehead. “Should I call…”
“No.” Came a firm answer. “ I need to be alone.” She looked up at Kasturi who looked unsure.
“There is a lake beyond the village and fields, isn’t there?” Her sudden question alarmed Kasturi.
“Yes, Ma’am. The Bijoliya Tilla.” She spoke, “But why?” Ajabdeh’s eyes shone.
It was beside that lake that her father and mother used to take them out to picnics and watched the sunset together. Was the place still the same? She had a strong urge to find out.
Pratap looked up at the stranger. How easily he had opened up to her and she had given him the reassurance his mother couldn’t. He was restless. He couldn’t sleep. He was tired. He wanted to cry every day. Yet he held his nerve and patience, for Ajabdeh. He didn’t want to admit it out loud even to himself that he was at times weak and vulnerable. He sighed as his eyes teared up. He wanted to let it out. Maya held out a tissue for him.
“Here here, Son.” She said patting his back gently “I know you have gone through a lot of pain too. You want to talk of it?”
“No.” Pratap sniffed “I just want her to know it wasn’t only her who lost …. It was me too.”
“You know sometimes,” The doctor cleared his throat “umm… psychologically speaking since the mother holds the child in her womb, she feels the loss is hers and only her personal loss, as she feels the physical pain and attachment of it.”
Pratap nodded. “I understand doctor.”
“But you need to rest well, sleep and eat, and stay healthy if you want to take care of her.” Maya added, “Why doesn’t he write you some pills too?” She suggested. Pratap agreed. “Thank you. Coming here felt so nice. Like a burden came off my chest.”
“Then visit often. And even if he is not here, I always am.” Maya smiled “Bring your wife along too next time.”
“I will. She will be very happy to meet you.” Pratap smiled. “I better get going. She is alone.” The doctor nodded.
“Why can’t I go to the village?” Ajabdeh frowned at Kasturi’s words.
“Sir has instructed me…” She looked scared.
“I am not a child Kasturi.” Ajabdeh snapped “I have seen and known this village. I will just take a walk and be back. He doesn’t need to know.”
“Very well Ma’am but let me get the guard to accompany you at least.” Kasturi pleaded. Ajabdeh gave in. She didn’t have the energy or time to argue. Neither did she want Kasturi to end up in trouble because of her.
“What do you mean she went for a walk and didn’t come back?” Pratap looked agitated at Kasturi who was in tears “I don’t know sir. I waited an hour. It's only fifteen minutes down the road. I did try to stop her.”
“You didn’t try hard enough.” Pratap snapped “You are fired.”
“No sir please.” Kasturi begged, “I will help you find her.” She looked perplexed.
“She was not beside the lake, Kasturi.” Pratap was losing his patience. “Where else will she go?” Pratap suddenly remembered her little escape from the hospital. He looked up at the naive Kasturi. Of course, she had no idea where Ajabdeh was.
“We… we can try the village, sir. The guard is with her. She can’t go far.” Kasturi suggested.
“She is Ajabdeh Punwar. She can go wherever she wants to. No guard can stop her.” Pratap shook his head “But why will she go into the village? She doesn’t know anyone.” He frowned. “I will call the police.”
“Sir, please. Let’s check the village once.” Kasturi suggested again. "I don't think Ma'am will like…"
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