Introducing Him

“From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this.” ~ You’re on your own, kid

Ajabdeh Punwar tapped her heels nervously on the marble floor of the café at the Luxury Hotel. She had taken a day off from work, and a happy Amar had followed his mother for some shopping. She was now sitting with her son, who was busy gorging on an ice cream she had bought him. She stared at the watch nervously. A clueless Amar was admiring the fountain at a distance, hoping to pop the question if he could go and see it up front, but seeing his mother in a pensive mood made him wait. He was told they were here to meet someone important, and he gathered it would be someone from Mamma’s work. Disinterested in the same, he had his plans. If he behaved very well, Mamma might just give him a treat. The ring on her cell phone made Ajabdeh jump as she picked it up with a nervous “Hello.”

In the next few moments, a clueless Amar, with his red Spiderman backpack containing his favourite car, bottle and some snacks, was escorted along with his mother to a well-furnished suite of the adjacent hotel by one of the employees, who had come to fetch them. The suite was something Amar had never seen before. It had a huge outer room, with three sofas, a large TV set and vases with fresh flowers. The carpet was clean, and there were snacks and chocolates on the centre table. There were three doors to the adjacent rooms. He had been on holiday, mostly to nearby places for some small trips on weekends. Mostly, their hotel rooms were small with a good view. This room even had a balcony. An urge to explore the room was immense, but his mother held his hand and sat down on the sofa, tucking him close by her side.

One of the doors opened, and an older lady with glowing skin and a White coloured saree draped around her arrived with a smile to greet his mother. He saw his mother touch her feet, and the lady hugged her tightly. She wiped her tears, making him frown. This lady was making Mamma cry.

Ajabdeh felt guilty the moment Jaivanta set her eyes on her grandchild. Her eyes had a mixture of happiness and guilt as she smiled and called Amar to her. Amar, however, frowned, fixed to his spot.

“Amar.” Ajabdeh managed to smile reassuringly at her clueless child. “Go to her; she is your Dadisa.”

“No.” His soft protest made Jaivanta stare cluelessly at Ajabdeh, who frowned “She made you cry.”

Amar didn’t understand what was so funny that the ladies laughed. Dadisa had walked up to him, knelt before him and stretched out a handful of candies.

“You are a good son, Amar. Here, take these.”

He eyed his mother. She nodded. Amar smiled and took the candies with a soft “Thank you.” Dadisa hugged him and cried. He could not understand what upset the lady so much since the moment she saw them.

A few minutes later, Amar was on the balcony, staring at the view of the city beneath in awe as his mother talked to the lady he now called “Dadisa.”

“You could have stopped the separation, Ajabdeh. By telling him the truth…”

“… I didn’t want exactly that, Ranima. By telling him about Amar, either he would have doubted his fatherhood, or I would have gotten his sympathy. Perhaps he would have felt liable towards my child and me. But it would not have brought back what was lost. Trust and love…” Ajabdeh’s words faded. “We were constantly fighting about everything… we did not trust each other. We were not happy.”

“What about Amar, Ajab? Will he never know where he belongs? His people and his father?” Jaivanta sighed. “He is the heir to our properties, the heir to Sarangpura.”

“I don’t want him to be so just because he is Pratap’s firstborn. I am sure that your husband will declare an heir when Rajkumari Rathore has children…” She had stopped at Jaivanta’s disapproving glance, “… and he knows Shakti and Heer; she is his Maasi. Nothing changes that.”

“She is not only his Maasi, Ajabdeh.” Jaivanta seemed impatient.

“It is not that I would have never told him, Ranima; I would have eventually, just when he would be old enough to understand.” Ajabdeh was firm.

“And what if he blamed you for keeping him away from his father? What if we were not alive to even know he exists?” Jaivanta’s trembling voice made Ajabdeh feel uncomfortable.

 “What do you want, Ranima?” She cut Jaivanta’s words short, realising she was out of breath. “Tell me.”

“I want Amar to spend time getting to know us. We are his family; you cannot deny that. You can’t deny me the right to love and pamper my grandchild, Ajab.”

“I didn’t want to ever, Ranima.” She spoke in a hurry. “Trust me when I say this: I always wanted to reach out to you. But then, when I found out I was pregnant, he had already accused me of many things, and I couldn’t bear those insults. He questioned my character. I didn’t want him to question my child’s fatherhood. I could not get myself to bring my child into a world that doubts him. A world where there was no love left. ”

“I understand, Ajab.” Jaivanta held her hands.

“If your son wants to fight a custody battle, I will see him in court.” Ajabdeh clenched her jaw. “I will not part with my Amar at any cost.”

“He will not do such a thing, Ajabdeh; he has promised me so. I can reassure you that Amar is yours.” Jaivanta smiled faintly “But can you keep one request of mine?” Ajabdeh nodded, genuinely, knowing exactly what Jaivanta wanted.

“I want him to come to Sarangpura with us for the holidays, spend time with us, and see what his home looks like. Know Pratap. I know I am asking you a lot, but…”

“He will.” Ajabdeh made Jaivanta look up like she had heard something wrong. She didn’t expect Ajabdeh to agree so easily. Going back to Sarangpura would be tough for her. “His vacation starts next week, and he can spend the last weekend there. I will pick him up from Delhi.” Ajabdeh made it clear it was only Amar who would go to Sarangpura. “I promised Rukaiya I would go with her to sort out some issues there, so...”

“But he is a child; can he live without you?” Ajabdeh knew Jaivanta too well. She smiled faintly. “He knows Heer and Shakti. Heer will manage. And he had stayed alone with Rukaiya before; he is much more mature for his age.” Ajabdeh had a hint of pride in her voice. 

“How is Rukaiya?” Jaivanta was unsure of what she was asking. It was like the three of them had disappeared from their lives together, and Hamida and Humayun had avoided them since. She had occasionally chanced upon Hamida at gatherings but avoided each other like they never knew each other to begin with.

“She is doing quite well for a new mother.” Ajabdeh had a proud smile on her lips. “I help her as much as I can since Jalal…” She stopped, unsure. Jaivanta sighed. 

“He is still doing his photography?” Her question made Ajabdeh nod. “I will tell Amar…” She got up to reach her child as Jaivanta watched them closely. She had seen Ajabdeh grow up right in front of her eyes, yet she seemed like a different person today, more mature and composed than the girl she knew. Perhaps motherhood did that to her.

“Amar,” Her voice made the child peep from the balcony “Do you want to spend a weekend at Heer Masi’s place?” The delight was evident on his face. “Is the baby here?” He asked with a smile. Jaivanta smiled. “The baby might just arrive while you are there!”

“Really? I want to play with the baby… Wait!” He frowned at the ladies “How do you know Heer Maasi?”

Jaivanta stared at Ajabdeh, who knew she had a task at hand. Telling Amar the truth was not on her immediate plans, but she knew someday she had to answer him. She picked up her child and nodded at Jaivanta, “Don’t worry; I will fill him up before he heads to Sarangpura…”

“I will talk to Udai. Amar is my responsibility. You don’t worry.” Her words made Ajabdeh sigh. “Let’s go home, Amar. Today, we are going to have a long story session.”

Back in the apartment after a cosy dinner at Amar’s favourite diner, Ajabdeh tucked little Amar into his bed, put the cushions in place and sat down holding his hand in hers. His favourite blue elephant was in his arms.

“What I am going to tell you now may make little sense, but I am sure you will grow up to understand better, so listen carefully, for we are never going to repeat this story, okay?” Amar nodded slightly, understanding the seriousness in his mother’s voice. Ajabdeh sighed and started, “You remember that Uncle we met at Sau Aunty’s place?”

“The one who asked my age?” Amar frowned.

“ Yes. He’s not… umm… Uncle.” Ajabdeh stared as Amar half sat in curiosity.

“Who is he then?” He asked with a frown.

“ He is your Papa.”

“My Papa?” Amar frowned “But you said we are not supposed to meet Papa until we are older.”

“Yes, we weren’t. But now we have so…”

“You said he was away.” Amar sounded confused.

“He was, but now he is not…” Ajabdeh sighed. She dreaded Amar making accusations at her.

“Doesn’t he know me?” He frowned again.

“Yes, he does, and he loves you as much as Mamma does.” Ajabdeh had no hint of doubt in her voice.

“But why doesn’t he stay with us like all Papas?” Amar narrowed his brows as Ajabdeh caressed his curls.

“Because Mamma and Papa are not friends like other Mammas and Papas.”

“Mamma and Papa fight?” Amar asked as she nodded, “Sometimes.”

“Like Tom and Jerry?” He frowned. Ajabdeh smiled slightly.

“Exactly like Tom and Jerry.” She kissed Amar’s forehead. “And Heer Masi’s home is your home too. Papa also stays there.”

“But this is home!” Amar shrugged.

“Yes, but Amar is extremely special, so he has two homes. One with Mamma, another with Papa.”

“Who else is there?” Amar asked, “Is that why I am going there? To see Papa?”

“Yes, Baccha.” Ajabdeh nodded at his intelligence. “There is Dadisa, Dadosa, Heer Masi, Shakti Kakasa and Papa…” Ajabdeh stopped as her head spelt out another name.  Phool Kanwar Rathore. Right now, Amar already had too much on his plate to understand a stepmother; she could wait. Ajabdeh gathered.

“So if you have any questions, you can ask Mamma.”

Amar frowned. “But I don’t want to go.” He hugged Ajabdeh tightly as her heart felt like it would explode.

“But they invited you.” Ajabdeh tried hard so that her voice wouldn’t tremble.

“They don’t know me and …Uncle… Papa didn’t like me at all.” Amar looked disappointed.

“They will love you. Papa will love you. And Dadisa will pamper you to no end.” Ajabdeh smiled. “I am sure.”

“So you and Papa don’t talk?” He asked, frowning a little more. “Is he bad?”

“No, Amar, he is not bad.” Ajabdeh’s smile faded. “He is extremely caring and protective of the people he loves.”

“He is rude.” Amar retorted.

“He won’t be so with you; he will love you a lot, Amar.” Ajabdeh swallowed a lump in her throat. “But remember one thing, Amar, Mamma loves you a lot too.”

“Amar loves Mamma the most!” He hugged her again, hiding his face in her chest, making Ajabdeh feel warm and secure. She gently patted her son, proud of how understanding the child was.

“When you go to Sarangpura, I will give you some instructions. Don’t forget them.” He nodded. “And call me twice a day.” She smiled. She had been on business trips before, leaving Amar at her Rukaiya's place, but never before had Ajabdeh felt so scared and insecure letting him go.

Ajabdeh knew the kind of grandeur the Sisodias lived in. Their lifestyle was different from the middle-class one she could now afford. Before tonight, Ajabdeh had not reflected upon her past the way she did now. Amar, her work, Jalal and Rukaiya, and even Salim, being just an infant, kept her occupied mostly. On lonely nights, she sat on the balcony or in her room, going through Amar’s baby pictures and smiling at them. She did not want to remember anything that happened before that. It pained her, made her want to cry. And she did not want Amar to ask questions she couldn’t answer. Tonight, she was scared that the grandeur of the Sisodia Haveli would make her lose her son’s innocence. She was scared that she had to face her own parents soon. Maybe not in Sarangpura, but after that? Or when Jaivanta would return to Delhi? Would she not tell her mother? Will they not want a piece of Amar, too? What if all these people, their love, affection and pampering, took him away from her? He was the only anchor to her ship. Her will to stay afloat. She dialled a number on impulse. The phone rang twice; her eyes fell on the clock that showed 11.30 PM. She disconnected the call, cursing herself. In a few seconds, her phone rang, and it flashed the same number.

“Hello.” She tried to sound normal.

“If you have already called, what is the meaning of disconnecting then, Punwar?” He sounded sleepy “I woke up already!”

“Sorry.” She was quick with the apology. “Go back to sleep.”

“Nonsense!” He chuckled. “You don’t call at 11.30 to check if I am sleeping. So tell me what’s wrong?”

“Jalal.” Her throat went dry.

He had been with Ajabdeh through it all, while the world questioned their relationship. Jalal and Rukaiya helped her bring up Amar. Ajabdeh was glad that Amar had a father figure to look up to. He was mostly away on freelance work assignments. The wedding season around the year kept him busy. He hadn’t visited Amar and Ajab in the last month. Rukaiya complained about how she was managing the home and office with an infant because of her husband's busy work hours lately. They had talked thrice over the phone, and she sounded fine until now.

“What’s wrong?” Worry was evident in his voice.

“Amar…” Ajabdeh was not sure how to put it. Jalal would be furious at her decision to send Amar to Sarangpura.

“What happened, Punwar?” He asked impatiently. “Is he fine?”

“I… he is going to Sarangpura for the weekend.”

“He is going WHERE?” Jalal’s voice was louder than usual. “You can’t be serious!”

“I am. We were at Aarchi’s party and…” A story later, Ajabdeh waited for his reaction. Jalal sighed. He wished she had called Rukaiya instead. He was too angry to sound rational.

“You are so naïve! After everything that happened, you trust them. I am sure he sent his mother to talk to you, lure Amar to Sarangpura and who knows…maybe fill his ears against you! He knew very well you would never agree if he asked so ....”

“Jalal!” Ajabdeh was irked “Calm down, will you? I can’t keep him away from Amar legally, and if he drags it to court, we both know who can provide a better lifestyle and future to Amar…”

“So you are scared? Is that it?”Jalal frowned slightly “Is that why you called?”

“He is not that bad, Jalal…”

“Of course, he’s not! He is not that bad, but bad enough to question his wife’s character and best friend’s integrity after spending his entire fucking life with them!”

“Jalal.” Ajabdeh’s voice was firm and hurt “Let’s not go there. I know he hurt you, too.”

“Oh, he was mean. He hurt you. And I am not trying to hurt you, Punwar, but I am trying to remind you exactly how good he was to you. How his father and those misleading pictures of us made him question you after so many years of knowing us.”

“I meant… he will be good to Amar.” Ajabdeh sighed.

“Yes, I don’t doubt that. He will be good because he needs to win his battle of ego with you; making Amar like him will do just that. And who knows, five years down the line, he may just question Amar’s parenthood!”

“I… I… don’t know Jalal…” Ajabdeh took a deep breath “I don’t know him anymore. And I can’t go there with Amar. It’s a matter of a weekend.”

“No, it is not, Punwar. Stop lying to yourself. You know they will see him again and again, and he will stay there, maybe even for vacations. Does Uncle Aunty know about him, too?”

“Ranima has not told them yet. They are on vacation. I guess she wants to sort out their family first. I am not contacting them.” Ajabdeh spoke, “Please, Jalal… understand…”

“I understand, Punwar.” His voice was calmer “Keep me posted, and if you need anything, remember I can come taking the next available flight. I am calling Rukaiya. She will be with you so that you don’t stay home alone and overthink it.”

“I know.” Ajabdeh nodded. She could not gather the courage to utter a thank you, as it would be very small for whatever Jalal did for them. He had every right to tell her what he said, and he wasn’t entirely wrong.