Begin Again

The voices were so loud, saying, Why did you let her go? ~ I Bet You Think About Me

Jalal was the last person to approach Rukaiya's bedside after the parents had left to talk to the doctor about her discharge.

"Hi." He managed as she smiled faintly at him. Rukaiya could see he was avoiding eye contact with her, perhaps because he felt uncomfortable, and she patted the bedside, gesturing at him to sit there with her. He complied, still unsure of how to start a conversation.

"So, I heard Pratap is here." Rukaiya's words made him stare at her pale face as she smiled. "Did you two meet?" He nodded. "And?"

"He was here too, with Shakti and Ajabdeh." Rukaiya nodded, implying that she perhaps knew that from her mother already. "I am sorry I ruined the wedding for you." She managed as Jalal stared at her disapprovingly. 

"You know, before I got the call, I was coming back home anyway. Coming back to tell you what happened and …" Jalal's eyes suddenly filled with tears as Rukaiya looked taken aback. She had never seen him cry. "Why would you think I don't need you?" He hugged her as he cried, and Rukaiya was taken aback by his emotions. She was teary as she held him and whispered, "I am so sorry I was selfish." 

"No, I was. I always was. I didn't see your pain." Jalal nodded, breaking the hug as he wiped his tears. "I promise I will make it up to you. Once you are home, we will do everything like we used to together. And…"

"And invite Ajabdeh to join." Rukaiya smiled back at him. "She will quit being our friend if we act this way." She wiped her tears with her hand as his eyes travelled to see that the channels for saline had swollen her hand. He looked up at her words in silence as her smile faded. "What happened?" She asked as he shook his head. 

"I will stay here tonight, and Phuphi can go home. I will read to you." He smiled. “Like old times…”

"I asked what happened, Jalal. What are you hiding?" Jalal sighed, admiring how she saw through him, yet he failed to do so with her. He held her hand in his and noticed the self-harm marks as he looked up at her with questioning eyes. She looked away as if she was embarrassed. 

"My truth for yours, deal?" He asked as she nodded. The heaviness in her chest was gone now, perhaps because she was under a heavy dosage of medicines, but she badly wanted to tell one person how she truly felt and who else if not him?

"I broke up with Ajabdeh. I realised I was out of love with her. I was about to come back…" Rukaiya gasped as he stopped. "YOU broke up?" She asked as he smiled faintly. 

"I realised I liked an idea of her which wasn't truly her. And I thought, why ruin the friendship?" Jalal shrugged. Rukaiya's grip tightened on his hand. 

"Are you alright?" She asked, narrowing her brows as he shook his head. 

"No. I am not. Because you are here. So, it's your turn." His heart thumped in his chest as he held on to both her hands. Rukaiya inhaled.

"I didn't want to die, Jalal. All I wanted was to be saved." She spoke as her eyes sparkled. "I assumed I was the cause of worry to so many people, Ammi, Mamijaan, you…"

"How do you feel now?" He asked as she nodded, "Well, I see that there's more to life than people who don't know me judging me, but it took a lot from me to understand that. I feel drained. I feel incapable of ever going down that path again. It's been traumatic." She said truthfully. “I tried therapy, Jalal. I did try to find hope, but…” Jalal nodded.

"And I promise you, I won't let you go down that path of humiliation again ever." He said firmly. "There is something else you should know. Something I decided on." Rukaiya's eyes lit up. "Did you finally decide to take up photography and tell him?" Jalal smiled with a nod. He had no idea how she always knew. "I am so proud of you." Her words made Jalal stop. There was no way he could talk about the company position now. She could feel he was putting her down. He needed to wait for the right time to bring that up. As the nurses arrived with her food, Jalal looked through his e-library and braced himself to read to her.

"Are you okay?" Ajabdeh stopped the swing as she glanced back at the bush from where the familiar voice came. She was decked up in a cocktail dress, and her hair fell in waves around her waist, her brownish-blonde highlights shining in the fairy lights. It had been another day at the wedding. After the ring exchange ceremony, when the dancing and music started, Ajabdeh slipped away from the crowd and merriment to find this quiet place. As a young child in her maternal uncle's home, this swing was her favourite spot to read in the quiet afternoons. Pratap waited for her reply as he approached the swing, unsurely clearing his throat. 

"I saw you weren't around, and Ranima told me to go look for you." He managed as she nodded slightly, looking away from him at the tall branches of the tree. "I see."

"So … are you… okay?" He held the ropes of the swing just above where her hands were and pushed slightly, making the swing go up and come down twice. She nodded. "I am fine. But I can't seem to be in the mood for…"

"Me too." He agreed. "But everyone expects us to." He frowned at her sudden, amused smile as she looked up at him, the fairy lights reflecting in her pupils. "You still do what is expected of you?"

"And you don't?" His eyebrows were raised as he put his hands in his pockets. "Shakti told me you sold off the scooter.” Ajabdeh smiled faintly at his implication. She had fought with her father over buying that vehicle for her 16th birthday. She promised to take Heer and Shakti around, and the mothers were worried for her safety. The only people in their circles who rode scooters were delivery boys and employees at the household, but Ajabdeh insisted the electric scooter was environmentally friendly, and she would feel more comfortable driving herself around the city rather than having a car and a driver to attract attention on her errands. She had also insisted she would not attract attention with the helmet on. Her constant persuasion had led to her parents agreeing. It was a hideous-looking scooter she bought, and he often watched her ride to classes or college in that with Shakti or Heer. He was shocked to hear she sold it off and used the family car instead.

“ That is because everyone insisted it's not a good image to drive to the company in a scooter as the CEO, so I traded it for an electric car.” Her voice was monotonous.

“Dad was telling me that you will address the employees at the next AGM. That is huge. Congratulations." She shook her head, and the smile stayed on her lips as she looked away again. "Did he tell you he's going to shift the power to both of us? Congratulations, too, I guess." Pratap frowned slightly at her tone. He promptly pushed away her gown, falling over the wooden plank of the swing as she made some space and sat down with his feet dangling on the side opposite hers. 

"Why do you … not seem happy?" He frowned. "Is it because Jalal …" she glared at him, making him stop. 

"Today I questioned a lot of things." She managed as he asked, "Like what?"

"Like how pedigree matters more than talent. It can very well be possible for someone out there to be more talented to run the company than we are. But just because we have the Punwar Sisodiya names…"

"We have been groomed to do this," Pratap spoke defensively. 

"Yet we may not have the same skills our parents had. Or theirs had." She shrugged.

"Hence, we employ people. Give them jobs. What's the harm?" He frowned. Ajabdeh stopped because she knew he wouldn't get it. Pratap stared at her disturbed face and blurted, "How do you have a problem with everything, Punwar?" 

"I am not likeable because I speak the truth. I get it." She shrugged and got up to leave. Pratap frowned, almost holding her wrist back in a reflex as his hand brushed lightly on hers, making him check himself and stop, making Ajabdeh shudder.

"Who told you that? All I am saying is…" Pratap couldn't finish his sentence.

"Because people often realise I am not who I was supposed to be in their imagination." Pratap watched her stride off as soon as she spoke, and she spared him no glance as she walked away. An emptiness crept into his stomach. Did Jalal affect her so much? Had she finally moved on from him when he couldn't? Did she love Jalal? Was this Karma?

Pratap had walked into the living room in his parents' suit to find both sets of parents getting eerily quiet as soon as they saw him. 

"How is Rukaiya now?" Ramrakh managed as he nodded. 

"She is better now, Chote Papa. What are you all here for?"

"Is it true…" Hansa cleared her throat as Jaivanta nodded at her. "That Jalal and Ajabdeh broke up? Is it for Rukaiya?" She managed to ask rather uncomfortably. Pratap inhaled.

"Yes, they broke up. And no, it wasn't for her. It was Jalal who …" he stopped. "They are fine. I saw them talk normally this morning."

"Is there a chance they will get back together?" Pratap eyed Hansa keenly. By this point, he had understood that she didn't quite like the idea of her daughter dating Jalal. He shook his head with a shrug. 

" I can't tell." 

"Well, to more important things now." His father cleared his throat and eyed his mother, who nodded.

"We decided that before joining the company, both of you should have first-hand experience of the factory. The world there and Sarangpura, where it all started." Pratap's heart skipped a beat. Where it all started. 

"So, before we hand over the company officially, you two will be sent on a two-week trip to Sarang Pura to learn the ground-level work there." Pratap opened his mouth to protest as soon as his father spoke. Going alone with her to Sarang Pura was a bad idea. 

"I think one of us should go first. I mean, why send both of us when we will be working together, right?" He stared at his parents’ not-so-convinced faces. "And we can also take Shakti along. He should learn too." 

"He is already doing an internship with the finance department. He will be fine in the Finance department. His position as CFO will take some time." His father opposed it. "You are going, and that's final."

"Have you asked Ajabdeh about it?" Pratap regretted saying that out loud. The last thing he wanted was for them to think they had some issue. Four pairs of eyes frowned at him.

"We aren't asking either of you; we are telling you." His father snapped. "And once we hand over the company, what we need to do before retiring is to find alliances to take the business forward and expand." He met the nod from the others. "Get you married to a suitable pedigree." Pratap felt like his throat went dry, and no words could come out of it. Two weeks with her alone at Sarang Pura, with the idea of prospective alliances and brides looming over his head, could life be more screwed up? What would Jalal think of it? Did they have a chance at reconciliation? If so, he couldn't be the cause of ruining it. 

"Why is he so worried about my well-being?" Shakti stared at her rather suspiciously as Ajabdeh shrugged. "From my mother's sugar-coated words, it sounded like he doesn't want me to go to Sarangpura at all. Maybe he wants to prove that I am incompetent."

"Why are you two still at loggerheads? I mean, grow up. You need to work together." He reminded her.

"I am not at loggerheads. If he wants to prove my incompetence, I won't spare a chance to prove his." Her jaws tightened.

"Great. Then have a duel and kill each other. Wait, if you kill him, you will also cry over it." Shakti stopped at her glare. 

"I know what you are implying, and you are wrong. I have moved on." Her words surprised Shakti. 

"Oh, have you?" He sounded amused. "Tell Bhaijaan that." Ajabdeh shook her head. 

"I have learnt how selfish I was, all because of prioritising one emotion over others. Not anymore. Jalal and I are good friends. We always will be. There was never a chance with us. We are very different people." She shook her head.

"So, will you be okay with being alone with him in Sarangpura for two weeks?" Shakti asked as Ajabdeh spoke firmly. 

"Of course. We have work to do, and we are a team. Nothing comes before those roles. And besides, I repel him. It's a good thing." She chuckled as Shakti observed her with a faint smile. He wanted to speak his mind, but decided against it. There was no point with Ajabdeh; she was as stubborn as his brother when it came to what she thought.