Embracing Truths

Rana Udai Singh had sent his Senapati Kunwar Partap back to Chittorgarh because Dungarpur had summoned them to the battlefield. How did a friendly visit culminate in a war? Rumours spread faster than wildfires in Mewar. Rana Udai Singh was attending a Mehfil where he liked one of the King’s best dancers. He wanted to take her back to Chittorgarh, and the king, who took pride in art, refused to part with his best dancer. Udai Singh, at the height of intoxication, abused the king, insulted his dynasty and almost forced the dancer girl to follow him, leading to an altercation. What he expected now was for Kunwar Partap to lead an army to Dungarpur, wage a war and force the king to apologise. Kunwar Partap was appalled by what he heard from the soldier. Could the Rana not understand that he could not make any more enemies? He asked his troops to prepare to leave and informed Raoji.

Ajbante Kanwar ran down the corridor to her chambers as fast as she could. She did not care if anyone saw her run in an unroyal fashion, hair dishevelled, dupatta falling behind her on the floor, eyes swelling in tears as she managed to lock her door before they reached her cheek. She threw herself on the bed and wept as she tried to muffle her sob into the pillow. She was with her father when the soldier came to inform him of Kunwar Partap’s impending departure and war. Ajbante Kanwar felt light-headed as she excused herself from her worried parents and reached his chambers. It was empty, except for the attendants busy packing their belongings. She heard some of them say he did not step into the palace any more. He changed at the priest’s house, took his horse and went to meet Rawat Chundawat, who was stationed at Mandalgarh. Rumours were that Kunwar Shakti was also there. He might not come back to Bijoliya before making his way to Dungarpur.

A pang of pain hurt Ajbante bodily as she groaned, letting her tears fill the bedspread. Could he not tell her in person that he was leaving? Did she not deserve a goodbye? Was it a silly ask on her part to be remembered? She sat up sobbing, hiding her face with her palms as she found it difficult to breathe. In between her bouts of sobbing, her eyes fell on the sewing kit. Inside was the Mala he had given her to mend. He could not possibly leave without taking it back. Ajbante cursed herself for being unreasonable. Of course, he left when Mewar needed him. That was always his first and foremost Dharma. She did not even mention to him that she had mended the Mala, so he must have thought it was lost and did not want to trouble her. Ajbante Kanwar sat up and wiped her tears. He called her brave; it was her turn to show that she was. She walked up to her trunk and found a rolled-up map. She opened it and found Mandalgarh. On the map was marked the Tila where Kunwar Partap was supposed to meet Rawat Chundawat. That meant he would go back to Chittorgarh through the road leading from Mandalgarh. If she started from Bijoliya, she could intercept him at the crossroad that led to Chittorgarh and Baasi. It would take her a little over half a day. But could she risk it? She had to. She sat down to write a forged letter from Saubhagyawati to herself. In the letter, she mentioned she was nearby at a priest’s house and wanted Ajbante to spend the day with her. That would give her time till evening. If he met Rawat Ji today, he would start his journey to Chittorgarh at dawn. She could reach him by midday. A sudden thought scared Ajbante. What if his not saying goodbye was intentional? What if he were displeased if she followed him? Could she feel any less pain than she was feeling then? Ajbante’s jaws tightened in determination. There was only one way to find out. She could not let him go without answers.

Kunwar Partap’s mind raced. Rawat Chundawat suggested it was futile to ask Rana Udai Singh to reconsider the war. Kunwar Partap asserted how this battle could spell doom for the treasury. Rawat Chundawat said they should aim towards minimum damage to lives and property. Upon his suggestion, Kunwar Shakti chalked up a plan. First, Kunwar Partap would reach with half the troop, if Dungarpur is intimidated or defeated, then Kunwar Shakti would not reach with the other half, thus saving a lot of rations, loss and money. Kunwar Partap’s mind was so preoccupied with these thoughts that he had forgotten about Bijoliya. He had to reach Chittorgarh a day before Rawatji to avoid his father's suspicion, and when he finally mounted Sarang, he realised that he had not said his goodbyes. But turning back would mean wasting precious time that could hurt Mewar’s future. He could not afford that; he hoped she understood. He asked Kunwar Shakti to write an apology to Rao Ramrakh on his behalf. He was ready to leave before the first light of dawn.

In the forest, amidst occasional chirps of birds, a peacock’s crackle or monkeys chattering, all was otherwise quiet. The day was gloomy, and the leaves rustled with the occasional stormy wind blowing. Kunwar Partap prayed that rain would not delay the expedition. He wanted to deal with the consequences of his father's actions as soon as possible. As Sarang ran through the road leading through the rugged sandy terrains and forestlands, he was alarmed by the sound of hooves at a distance, closing in. His hand reached for his spear as Sarang galloped, and he wondered who could have known his route or followed him. The thought of Dheer Bai came to mind. Could she be a fool to assassinate his father’s only hope of winning without fighting his battles? He could now see a brown mare in the foliage, running alongside him. 

“Kunwar Partap…” he thought he was perhaps hearing a mirage. “Kun… Par…” he stopped Sarang as he neighed. The horse came closer. Mounted on it with her face covered in a yellow angrakha was Rajkumari Ajbante Baisa of Bijoliya.

“What are you…?” He opened his mouth to speak in disbelief when she dismounted from Bijli and let her face show. Her eyes were puffy, her face grim, and she looked disappointed. Kunwar Partap dismounted from his horse as she almost charged at him.

“Do you have no manners?” She stopped breathlessly in front of him.

“What are you doing here?”

“You think you could just leave without saying goodbye?”

“I was going to write to you…”

“When? After the battle was over?”

“Who told you…”

“I know… and no matter what the reason was, you can never up and leave.”

“You know how important it is that Mewar…”

“ I know, Mewar is my country too. I care for it as much as you do… but…”

“But?” Kunwar Partap frowned disapprovingly “you have travelled too far away from Bijoliya alone, it's not safe.”

“Then did I not deserve a goodbye?” Ajbante Kanwar suddenly startled him with sobs, “Do I mean nothing?”

“I am not going to dignify that with an answer, Ajbante, you know better. I had to…”

“What about me? Am I not a human? Do I not get hurt?”

“My intentions were never to hurt you, princess.”

“I am sorry, I should not…” She suddenly sounded conscious of her outburst.

“I am glad you did… otherwise I would have not gotten the answers to questions I was not brave enough to ask, Rajkumarisa.” She looked up at his words as his eyes sparkled.

“It is in moments like these that I fear hurting people with my lack of social skills, pedigree and priority. People who mean more to me than they know. People I leave behind to go to war. Who knows how many months will pass until I come by again?” 

“You left this behind. How could you go to war without it if you valued my gift so much?”

“ You mend it?” He looked pleasantly surprised. 

“It will protect you.” She held out the Mala which he took and immediately wore it around his neck. “Everything broken can be mend.” He looked at her longingly as she spoke.

“I need to go, but I promise I will write to you. And don't be angry if I am late. Where will I go if you disown me?” Eyes met as she tried in vain to be brave enough to control her tears and give him a smiling departure like she had watched her mother do. His eyes sparkled, and for the first time, there was a strange longing in his heart, as if he was leaving a part of himself behind and it was tearing him apart. She could see the teardrop on the edge of his eyes as he watched her lips quiver. In that moment, forgetting everything else that pushed them apart or tied them together, in the forestland that stood witness, Mewar’s soil watched its protector take a courageous step forward as Rajkumari Ajbante Baisa did the same and in a sudden urgent urge to be whole again, to stop hurting, to stop the heaviness of his chest and the emptiness of her heart Kunwar Partap and Ajbante Kanwar found themselves in an embrace.

In a moment that felt like an eternity, Ajbante Kanwar sobbed in the strong protective arms of the man she loved with her heart and soul, as her head rested on his chest where his heart thumped. Kunwar Partap suddenly felt complete in the warmth of her affection and worry. He felt like even if he wrapped his arm around her enough to suffocate her, it would never be enough. Ajbante Kanwar’s hand travelled to his back, over the leather strap of the sheath of his spear as she held on to him and closed her eyes to hear him breathe, smell his presence and etch in her memory the moment she had longed for. Kunwar Partap brushed his rugged cheek against her braided hair as his eyes hovered briefly on the Bindi that had faded in the sweat and tears, and then at her lips still quivering from sobbing. A part of him wanted to hold on much longer, a part of him felt the need to show her what his words could never express, but he knew that he needed to take her leave. He exhaled heavily as she felt his breath on her forehead, and almost like she could read his mind, she moved away, slowly at first, then all at once. Kunwar Partap held her cold hands firmly and reassuringly in his as she sniffed, a hint of blush appearing on her cheek as realisation dawned on her.

“Wait for my letters?” He asked as she nodded. “I will.”

“And me?” He added with a faint smile as his grip tightened on her hand. “Always.” She nodded.

“ Once all this is over, I will talk to Ranima… about us.” Ajbante Kanwar did not expect that thought to come to his mind amidst the turmoil of war, but it did, perhaps because he needed to reassure her. “ I will sort out everything, I promise.”

“Now go win the battle for Mewar, Kunwarsa.”

“I will. Jai Mewar.”

“Jai Mewar.” 

Ajbante Kanwar stood there watching him leave on the black horse, down the path leading to Chittorgarh leaving behind a storm of dust as she folded her hands and prayed silently.

It is needless to say that Kunwar Partap indeed kept his promise. Once the war was over and he was in Chittorgarh, someone had spread the rumour that his mother was looking for a bride, an alliance fit for his pedigree. Scared that the news might reach Bijoliya and hurt her, Kunwar Partap found himself bravely telling his shell-shocked father that he had chosen a bride for himself, and if he did not approve, he could leave the throne, his position and property for her. Udai Singh knew he could never lose his best soldier. His resistance was futile, especially with Rani Jivanta Bai stepping in to make sure her son could have a better marriage than she had.

That spring, a letter arrived in Bijoliya, in a gold-plated scroll covered with red cloth and sealed with the royal seal of Mewar, addressed to Rajkumari Ajbante Kanwar Baisa of Bijoliya from Kunwar Partap Singh Sisodiya of Mewar, reminding her that he was coming to keep his promise.