Gratefulness

Aniruddha did not return home that night. he informed on the telephone that he was stuck in urgent work, so he would return home the next day after spending the night at the client's house. Bondita spent a sleepless night. What would she tell Barrister Babu? And why would he believe it? She was lost in her thoughts, twisting and turning in bed all night. She was hurt. Was her husband so reluctant towards their relationship that he did not wish to return home because of her?

Once he was busy with some work and was pacing in the study room. Bondita was a child. Her Jetha Shoshur Moshai had taught her to serve her husband. She used to see Bihari take a cup of tea to the study room every day. Despite Bihari's resistance, she picked up the cup of tea that day. 

"Don't do this, Ginnima," Bihari was terrified. “Barrister Babu does not like to talk or be disturbed during his work. If he gets angry, I will lose my job.” Bondita ignored his words and entered the study room with a cup of hot tea. That was the first time she set foot in the room. She was surprised to see the books kept in the racks and medals on display. She did not understand the value of those things that day. Entering the room, she first put down the cup and then started looking around. Aniruddha looked up at her seriously. The sound of her anklets disturbed him. 

"Do you want anything?" Bondita shook her head like a wise old man at his question.

"What are these?" Bondita enquired, pointing at the table. 

"Will." A frown appeared on her face. 

"I heard of termites being called Wee Poka, what's a Will?" Bihari was standing outside the room watching till then. He ran away in fear seeing Aniruddha putting down the book in his hand. There was severe scolding in store but before his misfortune, Zamindar Ginni would have her share of it. 

Bondita observed her husband’s serious face and wondered, he was angry with her queries. Aniruddha stood in front of her with his hand in his pantaloon pocket. If anyone asked a question, he never got angry or tried to stop them. Rather, he was happy with the interest Bondita had in everything under the sun. 

"Will is not a Bengali word; it's English. I mean... You can say it means: whatever you want," he explained. He understood that the darkness in Bondita’s mind was yet to go away, seeing her frown. "Suppose someone is sick, he will die. He wants to leave his house and land to certain people... “ He paused and observed Bondita nodding her head.

"Then the barrister is called to write them down on a piece of paper and sign it, which is called a will."

"Understood." Bondita nodded but then remembered something as her alta-clad hand came to cover her mouth. 

"But when the old Gopal Dadu of our neighbourhood died, he called his sons and told them who would get what, no Barrister was called." Anirudha smiled gently. 

“That's his wish. He knew his sons would listen to him and respect him, but not everyone knows that. So it is good to have a will, in case anyone says that it was not instructed so, where is the proof of his words? That’s called evidence.” Bondita nodded. Her demeanour was like she understood a lot in a few minutes. 

"Evidence." She muttered. 

"Yes, nothing can be believed without evidence, understood?" Aniruddha says, putting her hand gently on her head. "Got it," Bondita smiled. The grandfather clock in the hall started chiming. Bondita still did not know how to count, but according to the sound of the clock, she organised her daily activities, "Look what happened! You delayed Bondita’s chores.” Aniruddha removed his hand from her head. She shook her head and said, 

"Boro Thakurpo would be back from college any minute. Look at you, you summoned Bondita and wasted her time." She ran away towards the kitchen as Aniruddha stood there a little dazed. When did he summon Bondita?

That night, when Bondita was going over the alphabet she had written in slate pencil, she suddenly stopped and looked at Aniruddha. 

"I've thought about it." Aniruddha looked up from his storybook at her words. The two of them are sitting face to face on the bed, and when the clock outside rings once more, studies would be over for that day. 

"What are you thinking again?" he asked with narrowed brows.

"I will make a will." Aniruddha suddenly looked keenly at her words. “I will share what I have with everyone. Will you make my will?” Aniruddha laughed, shaking his head a little. 

“Well, What do you have?” Aniruddha asked suddenly, leaning on the pillow of the bed, half-sleepy. Bondita's eyes sparkled, and a smile appeared on the corner of her lips. After a long day, the vermilion and tip had faded but she was not tired at all. 

"I will give my dolls to Boro Thakurpo, my sari, jewellery, they are all for Didi, no no..." she suddenly thought "Not all of them, a few. And the rest are for Koeli Didi. I will give the idol of Maa Dugga to Jetha Shashur Mashai and... this slate pencil is yours.” What else did she have? "But I have nothing to give to Maa, Shoshur Moshai and Batuk." She was worried.

"I'll give Batuk my share of Moa and Naru, how will I eat them when I die?" She chuckled. Aniruddha suddenly felt uneasy at the conversation. "You are talking too much. If you want to study, read attentively or else go to sleep," he said seriously. His scolding stopped Bondita’s rant briefly. She turned her attention back to writing for a while and then suddenly said, "You won't teach someone else with my slate pencil, will you?" Aniruddha looked at her with a frown. 

"What do you mean?"

"Never teach anyone again with my slate pencil, promise me." She suddenly held the slate to her chest. Aniruddha was surprised.

 "What are you saying?" He scolded. 

"It happened in the Ghosh house of Didi's neighbourhood." Bondita’s voice had a sudden hint of disapproval.

"What happened?" Aniruddha asked.

"This winter, when the wife died from Cholera, the man got married again, and gave all her clothes and jewellery to the new wife. I saw that day when I went to the pond." She suddenly bit her tongue. He forbade her from going to the pond. 

"Oh, I see." She did not understand why Aniruddha did not pay enough attention to scold her. He wore a frown instead.

"So I'll make a will, Barristra Babu," Bondita said in all seriousness. "You can't give my things away to anyone." Bondita’s innocence did not understand the great significance of her simple words. For the first time, she spoke like a wife, without realising it. Aniruddha smiled faintly, suddenly taking her little hand in his, "Nobody else will ever get what is yours, Bondita."

"Promise?"

"I promise. What is yours shall always be yours.”

When Aniruddha returned home, it was early morning. Hesitantly, he entered the room and found Bondita sleeping in her place. He had noticed it before, even if he was not around, she slept, keeping his side of the bed empty. As if he would arrive at any moment to occupy it. Aniruddha went to bathe. He decided he would spend the whole day in the study room. He did not even want to see Bondita’s face. Aniruddha did not wish to speak ill to her or lose his temper. What was the use of it? Would she understand her mistake?

Bondita heard him ask Bihari for tea. 

"I'm taking it." She got up from her chores and wiped her hands. Taking a cup of tea she hurriedly went to the study room. Knocked on the door. 

"Bihari, I have told you for a long time..." Aniruddha raised his eyes and stopped. Bondita raised the cup of tea in front of him, as Aniruddha silently took it from her. 

"Now, you won't come home for me?" she asked with a trembling voice. Aniruddha's eyes were on the teacup, but he could also see Bondita’s reflection in it. Her face was pale, her voice heavy. 

“I know you don't believe anything without proof. Do you mistrust me so much? Don't you know Bondita?" Aniruddha was silent. The sound of his breathing could be heard in the room. “Bondita brought the vials, that's true. But she didn't take them." With tears in her eyes, she watched as Aniruddha looked up at her face briefly, not taking her eyes off her husband. “You have given Bondita the light of education. But don't you believe in that education?"

"No, you have hidden everything from me and..." Aniruddha stood up. 

"And why did I do that? Don’t I know what you can do if I tell you all the little things?" Aniruddha suddenly became angrier at her words. 

"What does that mean?" For the first time, his rebellious attitude seemed like a problem to Bondita. "You want a share in their superstition? I did not expect this from you.”

“I don't want to, but you say it's wise to know when to protest. Didn't you teach Bondita that lesson?”

"I did, but I also thought Bondita was not a person to say yes to others' doings. If you have come here to explain your actions, don’t try, Bondita. You silently watched injustice happen. I did not expect this from you. Now if you ask for forgiveness, all..." Aniruddha shook his head, turning his face away from Bondita and closing his eyes to regain composure.

“I am not here to apologise, I just want to clear some misconceptions in your mind. I only understand this, Barrister Babu, to live in a society, to change it, you have to accept some things, you cannot change it by going outside the society.” Taking a deep breath, she continued, “I didn't tell you about Didi's house because then you wouldn't let me go there. I brought the vials to keep Kakima’s faith. I thought, what would happen if I hurt her? I know it doesn't work like that. how could you think Bondita is so stupid? But if she had spoken up, Leela Didi would not have survived." She suddenly burst into tears. Aniruddha glanced over his shoulder at her. "Rescuing those you seek to rescue from the eyes of a saviour is quite a different thing, Barristra Babu, but Bondita knows what it is like to be the one drowning, even if you don't know it." She observed Aniruddha was still standing with his back to her, hands behind his back. 

“Bondita has never disobeyed any of your words to date, and will not do so in the future. But she doesn't know what she needs to do to earn your trust. If you misunderstand her, where will she go?” Aniruddha looked back as Bondita turned to leave the room, but stopped at the threshold. 

“The life that Bondita lives today is your endowment. She is not the kind of girl who will disobey or disrespect that, forget her education, or weave dreams in a web of superstition for things beyond her. What is not hers, she does not claim, Barrister Babu. You don't have to stay out of the house for her. She will go where you want whenever you want. You will just have to tell her once." A shiver ran down Aniruddha's entire being at Bondita’s last words. He wanted to stop her when she left, but no words came out of her mouth as his heart was gripped in fear.

What did she know? How did she know? How much did she know? This was his fear forever, that the feeling of gratitude would be born in Bondita’s heart and maybe one day she would stop showing her right on him, demanding what she wanted from him, or even correcting him. How would Aniruddha explain to her that he dreamed of a future with her, not out of kindness, but out of love?