Jaivanta was having tea while reading a book aloud to Hansa beside her bed. Hansa sat half-leaning on the bed, but she seemed weak and pale. Whatever Jaivanta read didn’t seem to register in her head. She didn’t respond well if talked to and was often quiet and aloof. Jaivanta stopped reading the book to stare at her a little worried. She had no heart to tell the girls that she didn’t seem to find any signs of improvement.
Jaivanta sighed placing her hand on Hansa’s “Soon you will go back home.” She hoped, looking at Hansa’s face.
"Your daughters are working very hard for you."
Hansa looked up at her words, her vision soggy, "Wh...who?" Her voice was low.
"Your daughter Hansa. Ajabdeh. Heer. You remember them right?" Jaivanta urged, patting her shoulder gently. Hansa nodded affirmatively.
Sajja walked in with a knock to ask if she needed anything.
“Where are the boys?” Jaivanta asked. “It’s a Sunday and the only time I saw them was at breakfast. It is rare.”
Sajja was about to answer when voices from the garden grabbed Jaivanta’s attention. She walked out towards the open balcony hearing the ring of laughter.
She stood with her hands on the railing watching eagerly as she saw the boys in the garden below. Pratap was in soiled clothes, kneeling down and telling Heer about a flower breed they had just added while she listened to the kind of soil mixtures they used for it, adding how she missed her plants back home.
Shakti was on the garden chair with Ajabdeh by his side, going through some of her designs for weddings.
Ajabdeh seemed to have just come from a jog given her activewear joggers and sweatshirt weren't changed.
“So the red ones are hybrids?” Heer pointed.
“Yes, the natural colour is white,” Pratap spoke, digging a little soil and adding fertilizers to it.
“Those are beautiful up in the hills.”
“I can imagine.” Heer smiled “I wish to know more.”
"I can help." Pratap offered "I do some gardening on Sundays, you can come around."
"Yeah." Heer nodded. "I will miss learning from you Mr Singh, It was a pleasure."
"You can please start calling me Dadabhai. Shakti does." Pratap shook his head.
“I really like this one.” Shakti pointed at one of the Polaroids spread on the table. “It’s quirky.”
“Rukaiya designed it. This one is mine.” Ajabdeh pointed at a pastel combination.
“So you like these monotonous colours like Dadabhai?” Pratap looked up at the mention of his name towards the chairs and Ajabdeh looked back at him. Jaivanta could feel the eyes meet briefly as Ajabdeh shook her head.
“I work on customer demands I suppose.
"Oh, Jija loves filmy stuff!" Heer gushed. Pratap noticed Ajabdeh roll her eyes at her sister.
"Filmy stuff?" Shakti looked amused. "Like what?"
"You know... " Heer smirked.
"She is lying." Pratap noticed Ajabdeh's stern voice silencing Heer.
Jaivanta inhaled. “Sajja?”
“Yes Ma’am?”
“What about that girl we set him up with?” Jaivanta turned around to face her. “Did he go at all?”
“Ma’am Kunwarsa said she wasn’t his type...” Sajja stopped at her stare. “I think on the positive side, he agrees to such meetings. There have already been two in a week.” She agreed quickly.
Hansa groaning as though in pain grabbed the ladies' attention as Jaivanta rushed to help her stay up and Sajja went to the balcony to call the children.
The ambulance journey from the Sisodiya Mansion to the hospital was perhaps the longest one Ajabdeh had in her entire life. She held on to Hansa’s pale cold hands and said soft prayers staring at the monitor screen beep. She was alone in the van with the nurses and the Sisodiyas followed in their car with Heer.
Everything happened in a trance for Ajabdeh. She saw her hand leave Hansa’s as she was wheeled away unconscious, Rukaiya hugged her but she felt nothing, Jalal offered her a glass of water she couldn’t gulp down and Heer’s sobs haunted her. She kept staring at the closed door as Jaivanta Udai and Khan Baba talked in whispers. Bits and pieces of it reached her ears. They were anticipating the worst. She knew everyone was. Ajabdeh suddenly felt suffocated and rushed out through the emergency exit stairs to the landing with a large glass window looking over the lawn outside the hospital. She was losing grip on everything she loved. She wanted to scream, cry, hug someone or perhaps do all of it together, but not a single tear drop escaped her eyes.
She turned at the sound of the corridor door opening, to see Pratap peep out as though he was looking for her, and step out into the stairwell as she looked away. He walked down the few steps to reach her at the landing and sighed. Silence filled the void between them as her eyes shone. Pratap gulped as he gently placed his hand on her shoulder almost like a feather touching the ground; he stood there, as Ajabdeh didn't move. The moment Ajabdeh felt his palm over her shoulder tighten she lost the control and composure she had been holding all this while, trying to stay strong for her family. Pratap was surprised as he jolted and placed his hand on the wall to keep his balance as Ajabdeh hugged him. Her hands were around his torso, her head on his shoulder he could hear her cry, feel her wet cheeks against his shirt, and her heavy breathing against his heart. He reacted almost as a reflex by putting his hand first over her head, firmly, then on her shoulder. The moment he placed his hand across her back to her shoulder, Ajabdeh realised she had overstepped her boundaries. She moved away, almost embarrassed, awkward, wiping away her flowing tears.
"I'm sorry." They said together as they looked up at one another.
"It's okay." After a pause, the answer came in unison. Pratap was not sure if he should reassure her with more words as he stepped forward inching closer to her, while she looked away. His eyes shone. He knew being emotional and vulnerable was perhaps the most difficult thing for Ajabdeh and he didn't have words for either comfort or hope. He was gathering his courage to speak as her muffled sobs disturbed him when the door of the stairwell opened again and Shakti cleared his throat.
"She... wants to see you." He managed. Ajabdeh's heart seemed to have stopped as she rushed up the stairs taking two at a time on the way up, "Both of you." Pratap frowned. Ajabdeh stared back at him in equal surprise.
"Hurry." Shakti urged his Dadabhai who was fixed to his spot. " We don't have much time."
When Ajabdeh slid her hand into Hansa's she could barely see her mother's face amidst the pipes and oxygen mask and beeping machines. It was stone cold and she had no strength or grip.
"Maasa" the word came almost like a whisper out of her mouth, as Ajabdeh felt something heavy in her throat. She looked up to see Hansa open her eyes and see her. Did she recognize her? Ajabdeh couldn't tell.
Hansa's eyes travelled from her to Pratap who was standing on the other side of the bed. She held out her hand feebly as he took it. The only sound that resonated in Ajabdeh's ears was the beeping of the machines, her mother's oxygen intake and her own heart. Hansa placed Pratap's hand over her daughter's as a teardrop trickled down her eye. Ajabdeh's heart skipped a beat. Pratap's eyebrows narrowed first at Hansa and then at Ajabdeh's pale face. He then stared blankly at his hands over hers and under Hansa's as the machines beeped on.
"Maasa!" Ajabdeh's shriek jolted him as the machines stopped beeping and Ajabdeh looked perplexed.
Pratap took two steps back, slipping his hands away as the nurses and doctors walked in. He then turned and walked out of the room, away from the weeping and anxiety and found himself on an open terrace. It was a pleasant evening with the moon shining like a spotlight in the sky. Pratap let out a deep breath as if he was holding his breath in for so long. He then looked at his hands, and back at the night sky. His eyes shone with tears.
"I was looking for you." He wiped away the tears as Jaivanta walked up to him. Her voice was heavier and her eyes moist.
"The girls want to do the last rites at their place. I instructed Sajja to send their things back home. Can you accompany them to the rites?"
"Ranima." Pratap felt like his throat went dry "There is something I want to..."
"Not now." Jaivanta interrupted "When you come home and..." Pratap nodded without letting her finish her sentence and walked away.
Ajabdeh noticed Pratap's grim face as he tried in vain with Rukaiya to pacify Heer after the last rites. Jalal and Shakti were putting things away as she sat down on the floor of the balcony and looked out at the night sky.
"I will prepare something to eat," Rukaiya said to nobody in particular.
"I am not hungry." Heer sobbed. Rukaiya looked at Ajabdeh in silence. With all her strength Ajabdeh got up and walked up to sit beside her sister on the sofa. She noticed as she approached Pratap and walked away without making it evident. She hugged her sister tight.
"It's the two of us now." She said, "We have to look out for each other." Heer sobbed in her embrace. "Eat something. I can't afford you to fall ill." She said and nodded at Rukaiya who walked away to the kitchen. Shakti was quick to assist her.
Jalal placed a picture frame of Hansa down on the table and sighed. "She was suffering, she had suffered enough all her life." The sisters nodded.
"I... should go." Everyone stared at Pratap's blurted words. "I have some... there is this..." He stopped to check his pockets for the car keys and started wearing his shoes. Opening the door he had barely managed to step out in the corridors slamming it behind him when it opened again.
Ajabdeh knew he was behaving oddly and she knew why. She needed to talk to him. When she came out of the hallway she spotted him approaching the elevators.
"Pratap... Mr Singh" Her words made him stop but he didn't turn.
"Forget that, please." He frowned at her words and turned.
"Pardon?"
"Whatever she did... she was not in her senses... it means nothing...." Ajabdeh's words were firm. Her voice was clear. Face unreadable.
Pratap inhaled. "You are trying to tell me your mother's last wish means nothing to you? You expect me to believe that?" He asked irked.
"No, I mean she was not in her senses. You are not obligated to..."
"I am obligated when she calls me there specifically. I am obligated to do what she did even though I am not sure why. I am very much sure she was in her senses." He spoke. "She made a vow."
"She is dead. Do you hear me? DEAD! And her vows and thoughts died with her." Ajabdeh controlled her trembling voice. "You and I are alive here. And we don't even know what she meant."
"Oh please! Don't lie to yourself!"Pratap looked annoyed.
"I mean it." Ajabdeh spoke, " We don't know what she meant, and I can't do this to someone else for my dead parents." Pratap was amazed at the lack of emotion in her voice, "We are alive and have a life ahead of us. All of you have done enough for us already."
The elevator door opened with a sound and Pratap turned to step in without another word. Ajabdeh watched the door close in her face.
Pratap knocked at Jaivanta's door in the wee hours of the night. She looked worried at his pale face as he hugged her tight.
"What's wrong?" She asked in a whisper "Come inside."
"No, let's sit on the terrace." he said "Dad's asleep."
Pratap tapped his feet replaying the events of the day for the umpteenth time on his head, as Jaivanta brought coffee. She sat across him on the lawn chair and asked "What is bothering you?" Pratap looked up at her.
Heer frowned at Ajabdeh as they sat on her bed facing each other.
"Jija... you do know what she meant right?"
"yes." Ajabdeh nodded "But..."
"You don't want Dadabhai to feel obligated to you and her wish?"
"Obviously Heer." Ajabdeh folded her arms across her chest as though she was shivering "I wouldn't want to ruin his life."
"What about your life?" Heer asked as Ajabdeh looked up at her.
“I am doing rather well for myself Heer. I don’t need a man to complete me.” Ajabdeh smiled reassuringly.
“I don’t judge that Jija. But I can’t ignore the fact that she thought something for sure, it was no fluke or an unaware decision to call him there.”
“Let’s not talk of it anymore.” Ajabdeh dismissed her words with a strong shake of her head.
“So what do you think?” Pratap inhaled “That is her last wish and…”
"No." Jaivanta shook her head "No No No Pratap. You are mistaken."
Her firm words made him look up at her face, "Remember how Hansa thought we would protect her daughters? She meant only that. Look out for them. We will. I will find Ajabdeh a nice husband when she wants to settle down. I will send Sajja to check on them..."
"Ranima." Pratap cut her short "I am not a child. I know the kind of bride you expect in this clan. I know she isn't anything like that... But I can't get over Aunty's last wish just like that!" He stood up "Maybe you can, Ajabdeh surely can, but it will haunt me forever. I will never be happy. A part of me will feel I never fulfilled my duties."
"You listen to me, Pratap!" Jaivanta got up and was frustrated with him. "Your duty is to us first. You will never be happy with her. Even she seems aware and intelligent enough to know that she doesn’t belong here. She is a good daughter, a nice human being. I don't doubt that. But a marriage needs more than that. So it is better you forget it happened and move on. Do you understand?” Pratap’s lack of response made Jaivanta frown.
“I don’t expect you to do something without being practical. This is no time to be emotional.” She said rather firmly, scared of how her firstborn was. “ I have lined up three more girls for..."
Pratap started walking away as Jaivanta called in vain "Listen to me, come back here."
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