Pratap noticed her hand loosen a bit around the magazine she was holding as he looked up to see Ajabdeh had fallen asleep on the seat beside him. Her head was tilted slightly towards him, eyes closed and breathing slow. The Alta on her hands had faded. He slowly took the magazine away from her hand and placed it back in her pocket. He then leaned a little towards her so that her head fell on his shoulders and checked his watch. A little time till they landed at the Kullu Manali Domestic Airport.
Ajabdeh's hand travelled to hold on to his upper arm like a pillow as soon as her head landed on his shoulder. Pratap stiffened as though he couldn't move. He looked a little sideways towards her face and saw her sleeping peacefully. The smell of her perfume and shampoo hit his nostrils.
It was the air hostess announcing for them to fasten their seat belts that made him call her softly almost in her ears.
"Ajabdeh?" He whispered making her stir a bit "Ajab? We are landing." She opened her eyes to see her forehead almost hitting his chin as she jolted away and straightened her hair.
"I'm so sorry." She looked awkward fastening the belt "I fell asleep on your hand."
"That's alright." He said moving a little on his seat "I will be able to feel it again in a few hours."
"Why didn't you wake me?" Ajabdeh sounded awkward "I'm so sorry."
"That's okay. Really." He shook his head "You never sleep so peacefully anyway." She looked up at his words with a questioning face. He added "You know you twist and turn too much in bed. Especially on work days." Ajabdeh's cheeks suddenly felt a flush of warmth. He'd noticed that.
"We will reach the hotel by lunch." He added almost to himself checking the watch. She smiled slightly.
It was around noon that the car took them to the Snowy Valley Resort away from the noise of the city on the serene bank of the River Beas. Ajabdeh sighed sinking into the greenery that surrounded her as she felt a little chilly in the wind. Pratap checked into the hotel and looked around to spot her on the lush green lawn overlooking the river and the snow-capped mountains.
"It's nice, isn't it?" He asked wrapping his arm around himself as the sudden chill hit him.
"Yes. I have never seen snow in my life." Ajabdeh smiled. Pratap looked up at her words in surprise. "Never?" He asked as his brows shot up. She nodded. "The last holiday we took was when Papa was with us. We went to Sri Lanka once, then the Maldives, then Egypt. That was it." She added, "Never seen snow."
"Let's see what we can do about that." Pratap was thoughtful. "Let's go to the suite shall we?" He smiled "I am really hungry."
Ajabdeh was scrutinizing the itinerary that was left in the room by the hotel staff. There were dozens of options to choose from. Day trips to places nearby, sightseeing at Manali and Kullu, orchards to roam and so many activities. But her eyes fell on the picture of a man standing on a cliff surrounded by snow and she picked it up.
"Have you decided what to do tomorrow?" Pratap came out of the washroom with his towel around his neck and spoke looking out of the glass window at the view of the river outside. "How about going down by the riverside today?"
"Would you like to go trekking?" His question was met with a question as he looked across the room at the couch where Ajabdeh sat. She held out an Itinerary for him to have a look at.
"Lamadugh Trek." He read aloud.
"It's a two-day trek. If we leave early tomorrow we can reach the place by evening, stay the night and be back after breakfast the next morning." She spoke as he checked the pictures. "If we are lucky we can get some snow while we camp out."
"The last time I trekked was in college." He spoke, "I am not sure how fit I am."
"Let's try it then." Her eyes sparkled with excitement.
Pratap gave in. He expected her to choose something more touristy like a trip to the Hidimba temple or Vashisht Ashram. But then this was Ajabdeh. They would trek on their honeymoon. A smile formed on Pratap's lips as he watched her ring the reception to book a slot for the two of them. Within an hour it was fixed that they would leave by 7AM and would be provided with a separate guide and crew, especially for them.
The pony took the camping materials up the sloppy mountain roads, surrounded by pines and deodars. The snow peaks shone like gold in the sunlight in the distance. The guide who was personally accompanying them pointed at the peaks and told the names of the various ranges and tops, stories of myths and legends surrounding the area and more. Ajabdeh enthusiastically picked up a branch from a fallen tree and started using it as a stick to follow the guide and the men with the pony. She turned back at times to watch the river Beas travel along at times then disappear like it never was. After an hour uphill, the city seemed to be far below them.
"S...stop!" Pratap almost gasped behind her as she turned to notice that he had fallen back and was out of breath. He breathed heavily and sat down on a rock. Waving his hands he was telling them to stop while taking out the water bottle from his backpack. Ajabdeh smiled amused walking back downhill towards him.
"Are you okay?" She asked, offering him her hand. He took it but instead of getting up pulled her down to sit on the rock facing him.
"If I knew this would turn out to be a fitness test I would have run a few extra miles on the treadmill." He made Ajabdeh laugh.
"Come on. We are up almost halfway." She patted his back as she got up.
"You mean there is an equal or more road to travel?" He asked, still breathless. "Can we not rest a little?" At his words, Ajabdeh turned to the guide who nodded. "Fifteen minutes sir?" Pratap agreed. Ajabdeh sat down again on the rock facing him.
"Where did you trek when in college?" She asked eagerly.
"A lot of places. The Alps. Rockies." He remembered with a smile on his lips. "You can ask Jalal. Those were really good days."
Ajabdeh nodded.
"Do you want some tea?" She asked, indicating at the flask. He shook his head and got up. "Let's go show you some peaks." He gave her his hand. She smiled and grabbed it, getting up and leading the way enthusiastically for him. He had never seen this side of Ajabdeh. She was carefree. Happy. And soaking in the energy of nature around him.
Ajabdeh was amused. She could see Pratap struggling to keep up pace with her and not giving up. The race to the destination was more fun because none of them spoke of it. They stopped only once to let the ponies rest and were back on the trial. After another hour of struggle, Ajabdeh smiled at the sight in front of her eyes. There was a lush green open area surrounded by pines and deodars, the river was visible at a distance and the snow-capped peaks looked like an arm's length away. As though she could touch them if she extended her hand. Pratap stared at her enthusiastic smile.
"We will set up the camp. Then we will have the lunch we brought along. There will be an evening campfire followed by early dinner then we have to retire to our tents for the night. It snows at times in the night." The guide's words made Ajabdeh stare at Pratap with child-like excitement.
"Well then, if you are lucky, today is the day." He smiled back.
They explored the area and the cliff after lunch and the men started setting up the camp tents. One for them. Another for the couple. Ajabdeh stood at the edge of the cliff as she heard a camera snap and stared over her shoulder to see Pratap clicking pictures of the nature around them.
"Do you like photography?" She walked up to him trying to capture a wildflower as she sat down on a rock.
"I used to indulge when I had time." He said, showing her the click.
"Indulge me." She said as he looked up and saw her pose on the rock.
"Nah." He shook his head. "I prefer human portrayals being natural." He showed her a picture of her smiling at the sky standing on the lush green grass with the snow-capped mountains in the background. She had no idea when he clicked this. Impressed by the same, she nodded.
The sunset was beautiful. They sat near the cliff, on a rock and watched the sun go down in between two mountains. Pratap suddenly remembered their sunset at Bijoliya. He stared at her smiling, now in a woollen cap and gloves alongside her jacket and content on her face. His eyes travelled from her eyes to her lips where a smile was permanent ever since they came here. He was glad they did. Then he found himself staring at the nape of her neck that moved as she breathed. Ajabdeh suddenly felt his glance at her and stared back at him. Pratap's eyes met hers and as though he was a child caught cheating in an examination he looked away to the red hues in the sky.
The bonfire was something Ajabdeh never experienced before. It was pretty different from the kind of bonfires she was used to. A group of trekkers had set up camp upstream and joined them on the bonfire. Some of them sang and danced till the stars filled up the night sky. Ajabdeh looked up in awe. She didn't remember when was the last time she saw so many stars together if at all. She walked a little away from the group and looked up at the sky. Pratap followed.
"This is so beautiful." She exclaimed.
"Are you talking to yourself?" He was amused.
"No. To you." Ajabdeh frowned.
"You didn't even turn. How did you know it was me?"
"I don't need to turn to know it's you." Ajabdeh said rather casually "Look! Isn't that Mars?"
"I think it is." He nodded. A sudden gust of wind blew. They could hear the guitar strumming in the distance where the trekkers were having a bonfire. The wind grew chillier as Ajabdeh wrapped the jacket around herself.
"You should have dinner now." The guide informed them. "The weather doesn't look so good, it may snow." Ajabdeh nodded and stared back at Pratap with excitement and anticipation.
After dinner, Ajabdeh realised how small the camping tent was for two people. Larger tents have more chances of being blown away as the guide explained to her. She saw the two bedrolls inside the tent and three sets of blankets. She sat down on one and was about to remove her shoes.
Pratap crawled in with a torch in his hand and zipped the tent from inside.
"I suggest you keep the shoes on if you don't want to freeze to death if a storm comes." He stopped her. "Also here is some brandy. We may need it if we feel very cold." Ajabdeh sat fixed to her spot watching him arrange the bedrolls then pat on hers. "Come on, you must be tired."
It was barely 8 o'clock yet night seemed to have descended on them very fast. It was quiet. Except for the occasional word exchange of the crew, the bonfire crackling, river water in a distance and the howling of the wind. Ajabdeh lay on the bedroll and stared up at the yellow clothes of the tent. She didn't have a wink of sleep. She saw him lay with his back to her, sound asleep. She smiled. Pratap was tired.
It was around midnight when Pratap woke to the sound of the wind howling outside their camp. He sat up in bed to see Ajabdeh wrapped in the three pieces of blanket they had provided along with her own four layers of clothing and shivering.
"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.
"C...co….cold." she managed. Pratap immediately took two of his own blankets and wrapped them around her. Then he opened the bottle of Brandi and urged her to have it.
"Take a few sips. You will feel better." Her lips trembled. He opened her lower jaw with his left hand and poured some Brandi in. She gulped.
"There. There." He said rubbing his hands around the sets of clothes wrapped around her and his own blankets. "You will be fine."
The friction from his arms soothed and warmed her body and she slowly felt the chills decrease. He wrapped the other blanket around himself and came closer to her. "You feel okay?" He held her cold cheek with his warm gloves and sounded worried. She nodded. He pulled the cap down from her head properly on her ears. Then wrapped a stole from the backpack around her nose and mouth to cover them. Only her eyes were visible.
"There you go." He said rubbing his palms around her again. "The friction will keep you warm."
Ajabdeh watched him busy making her feel comfortable as he shivered a little himself. He rubbed her back with his glove-clad hands and made her feel warm n fuzzy. He leaned in a little to reach her back and shoulders and Ajabdeh could feel his breath on her face.
"We can share the blanket. You are shivering."She managed very softly trying to move. He nodded unwrapping a part of the blanket from around her diaphragm and wrapping it around himself and rubbing his hands together. He smiled at her.
"You okay now?" He asked his breath still on her face.
"A lot better." She nodded looking up at him.
It was dark and yet the visibility in the light of the clouds that hovered over them was good. She could see his eyes sparkle, as he kept her warm almost protectively wrapping his arms around her body, giving her a rub for warmth. She could smell his breath. It smelled a little like Brandi just like hers. And she could feel something churning in her stomach. Was she hungry? No. It didn't feel so. Was she feeling sick in the cold? No. That wouldn't make her stomach churn. Her heart thumped louder in her chest. Almost making itself heard over the wind howling and pouring rain outside. She tried to control her heavy breathing. What was happening? She looked up at him looking around the camp tent.
"It's raining." He declared. "can you feel that?" Ajabdeh nodded. Her throat was dry. His hand had stopped rather naturally from rubbing her back and rested on her waist. She moved a little in her sitting position, and her legs were starting to feel numb. His hands didn't move from the protective position. Instead, he moved a little with her.
"What's wrong?" He looked perplexed.
"I…. My legs feel numb." She said almost with a tremble in her voice.
"You feel cold still." He said rubbing around her a bit more. "Does this help?"
"Yes." She nodded.
"We were taught to revive people who passed out in the cold and this trick was also part of that." He declared "During our treks." She nodded. No matter how much she tried Ajabdeh couldn't push away the churning feeling in her stomach. She never felt this way before. She looked up at him. Suddenly she had this strong urge to check his cheeks too. If they were as warm as he made hers. Her hands were tied in the wrapping. She felt sleepy and yawned. He looked at her and smiled.
"Lie down." He said suddenly letting go of her and moving away. "I will keep watch in case you feel cold again. Get some sleep." Ajabdeh felt like something heavy had left her body. The churning in her stomach stopped. She suddenly missed his embrace. She looked up at him a little pale. He caused it?
"Lie down." He said again patting her bedroll. "I will put the blankets over you." He leaned in again as Ajabdeh caught her breath and unwrapped the blankets giving her enough free movement to lie down. She did as she was told. Sleepy and confused. He put the blankets on her again. She kept staring at him and he at her, checking if her nose was cold, making her smile amused. She didn't know when she fell asleep.
"I think it has passed." She woke up to the light of dawn hearing Pratap open the zip of the camp tent and step out.
"Come and have a look." He called from outside.
Eager, Ajabdeh wrapped the stole around herself again alongside her four layers of clothing and stepped out. She let out a gasp making him smile.
"Your first snow."
Mile after mile a white sheet seemed to have covered the greenery of the day before. The deodars and pines downhill were all covered in snow. The green grounds, the rocks, the banks of the river and even their tent tops. Snow was soft and grainy like sand from an apparent view. The moment she sat down to touch it melted in her palm making it wet. Ajabdeh smiled. This was so beautiful. More than she imagined.
Something hit her from behind as she looked up to see Pratap making balls in the snow. He threw another one and it landed on her head.
"Cannonball attacks!" He laughed. Ajabdeh narrowed her eyes at him, got up to make a bigger snowball and ran to him. He wasn't sure what she was doing but before he could react she pulled at his jacket making him lean back towards her and put the snowball inside his jacket.
"What the hell!" He quickly unzipped the jacket to let the snow out and made her laugh."You can't do that."
"I just did." She laughed again as she saw him pick up some snow and roll it into a ball. She made a run for it but soon realised it was very difficult to run in the snow. She slipped and landed on her face in the snow making him laugh at first then run to her as she sat up.
"Are you okay?" He asked giving her his hand. She took his hand and pulled him down on the snow beside her. He landed on his knees making her chuckle as she stood up and dusted the snow off her clothes.
He sat smiling at her then gave her both his hands for her to pull him up. He lost his balance and managed to stop himself from leaning in a little towards her. She looked up at him as he noticed some snow on her hair strand. He brushed it off as she looked away.
After breakfast, it was time to move downhill but the slippery snow made it a bit slow and difficult. Pratap gave Ajabdeh his hand to hold on to as they moved downhill and after a while when the snow became patchy over the rocky landscape it became more slippery.
"Land your feet on the softer parts of the visible grass." He instructed, "The rocks are wet and slippery." She nodded.
By lunch, they were back in the hotel, tired and drained. Pratap sat with his feet up on the couch inspecting it. It seemed a little swollen from the stress but wasn't painful. He was waiting for her to step out of the washroom to have a bath. He looked up as Ajabdeh walked out in a white Kurti and jeans, the red bangles back in her hand, and walked to the mirror to put on her earrings.
"I will go take a bath." He declared getting up.
When Pratap came back with a towel around his neck he stopped at her sight on the balcony. She was perhaps calling Heer he gathered and went up to the dressing table. The first thing he noticed was the sindoor daan on her side, with little sprinkles of vermillion powder on the white surface of the dresser. He looked up at her sitting on the balcony and noticed the vermillion on her hairline. In these last few days, he hadn't even noticed that she wore it. She glanced across the glass window noticing his stare and smiled. He smiled back and went to lie down on his side of the bed. Pratap yawned. He turned to his side and immediately her side of the bed smelled familiar. He was so used to her now. A smile curved his lips unknowingly.
Two more days had flashed by without them realising it. They went on a day trip to Kullu, the Hadimba Temple and the Vashisht Ashram Hot Springs. They explored the apple and orange orchards and sat down in the evening by the Beas. They returned to their hotel room tired and slept peacefully.
They had a flight to catch the next evening. Pratap was on the balcony attending to a phone call about a pending meeting with clients the next day and Ajabdeh was packing her things. Suddenly her phone blinked and her eyes fell on the date and froze. It was exactly six months since her mother passed away. Ajabdeh suddenly felt a storm of emotions inside her. She left the luggage unattended and sat down on the table beside the window, the chair being occupied by Pratap's clothes. She sighed and looked out at the serene view outside.
It's been six months. And so much had happened in these last six months that she had no time to mourn Hansa properly. She at times in her own busy schedule forgot to remember her at the end of the day. A sudden guilt crept into her soul. She was forgetting Hansa. Could she? How could she be happy so soon after such a loss? Wasn't it a betrayal of her mother's memories? Did she miss Hansa? Honestly, ever since Hansa was gravely ill she had very little impact on Ajabdeh's life. She missed hugging her clueless and fragile mother. Her smell felt similar. But that was it. Ajabdeh sighed and a teardrop trickled down her cheek. How could she forget her own mother? She felt selfish.
Pratap walked in through the glass door and slid it close to first notice the unattended luggage then Ajabdeh sitting on the table and staring out of the window. He heard her sniff and froze. Putting the phone down on the bed he walked up to her.
"Are you okay?" Ajabdeh jolted at his words and was quick to wipe away the tears.
"Yes I… just…. Maasa…" she managed and looked up at him.
"Talk to me." He said walking nearer to the table and facing her, putting his hand gently on her shoulder. "It's okay."
"It is not okay." She sobbed looking away. "It's been six months and neither Heer nor I have mourned her properly. We haven't even remembered her every day." She looked disgusted at herself "How could we move on? How could we not remember? I feel so selfish." She hid her face with her palms and sobbed. "We had nobody except her."
"Hey." Pratap's hand travelled from her shoulder to her head as he patted gently. "look at me." He said taking her hands in his and making her look up. "You are not selfish. You understand?" He wiped away the falling tears from her cheek with the tip of his thumb. "And you can never forget her. She is a part of you. Both of you." He reassured Ajabdeh. "She lives in you. And you don't necessarily need to mourn her every day. Cherish the life and lessons she gave you. That is enough to remember and honour her by." He held her shoulders with both his hands. "And don't ever say you both had nobody. You had Khan uncle and Jalal. You had Rukaiya. You are blessed to have them." He said as she teared up again.
Her sobs haunted his composure. "You have us. Shakti. Ranima. Dad. Sajja kaki." Pratap was not sure how to stop her from being sad.
"You have me. You will always have me." He hugged her putting his left hand around her shoulder and his right one around her head. Her head rested on his chest. Ajabdeh could feel his heartbeat in her ears. At the moment she felt like she was not alone. At the moment Ajabdeh felt like someone understood. She wrapped her hands around his back and he placed his chin on her head. A moment of silence felt like an eternity. Pratap could feel her breath. He could feel the warmth. He moved his head to look down first at the vermilion on her hairline then further down to her eyes. She was staring back at him, her eyes moist. Cheeks wet. He used his hands to wipe away her tears. She loosened the grip around him.
Ajabdeh felt the strange churning in her stomach again. Her throat felt dry and her lips needed to be moistened. He noticed her moisten her lips with her tongue. As their noses were inches away from touching each other. They could feel each other's breath and their eyes were locked on each other. Ajabdeh's heart raced. She had read about such moments in books. She had never felt this way ever in her life. Was she feeling right? She couldn't tell. But she denied to herself rather strongly in her mind that she was anticipating a move from him. Pratap could see his longing reflect in her eyes. She looked fresh in her wet hair and morning glow. His eyes travelled from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes again. Something in him stirred. Something in him felt her anticipation. But most of him was unsure. He leaned in and lifted his head up. His chin touched her nose as he kissed her forehead right where the vermillion stopped.
Ajabdeh automatically closed her eyes as he leaned in. She was flabbergasted when his lips touched her forehead. It was almost like a feather touch but it floored her with warmth and emotions. Ajabdeh opened her eyes a little unsure of what she saw in his. Did he not want her? As much as a part of her appreciated his gesture, another part of her was disappointed. She pushed the latter feeling away and sighed looking away. Her cheeks were warm and he moved back awkwardly. His phone rang prompting him to pick it up and walk out of the room as she sat watching him go.
The rest of the day passed by without a single word exchange till they reached home. Both of them expected the other to start a conversation and go back to being their usual selves. Both of them feared that going back was impossible and perhaps they had offended the other. The silence between them was killing as he concentrated on a magazine on the way back home and she put on some music on her earphones and looked away.
It was when they reached home that night that Ajabdeh found that the bed in her room was removed and a large walk-in closet stood in its place.
"Ranisa instructed me that you don't need the extra bed, but you may need extra space for your clothes. So…" Sajja smiled helping her unpack. "Should I put your clothes here?" Ajabdeh nodded. She then deliberately sat down to work revising what she was working on two weeks before and the things that needed her attention. Pratap paced his side of the room, eyeing her on the floor with her work. He had never felt so awkward around her. He wanted to start a conversation but didn't know how.
Ajabdeh stopped at the papers to look up at him as he placed the coffee cup down before her.
"Umm…Goodnight." He said looking away.
"Goodnight." She nodded, her head buried in the papers.
Later that night when Ajabdeh walked to her side of the bed, she watched him sleep peacefully on his side. A smile curved her lips as she let out a sigh and lay down on her side. The night seemed longer than before.
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