One Day at A Time

Ajabdeh had made sure her room was as further away down the hall as possible from Pratap's. A maid, a cook and a gardener had been appointed by Sajja for the month. The maid, a young girl perhaps just twenty was chirpy. She was mostly clueless about the world and talked of good things as she unpacked all of Ajabdeh's belongings. For once Ajabdeh was relieved that this girl was yet to learn the protocol of being deaf dumb and mute in front of her masters. Most of the time in the Sisodiya house she couldn't even tell if someone was in the room because of such protocols. But then her mind was not really paying any attention to what this girl said. She talked of nature in Bijoliya. She belonged to the village here. Her parents herded cattle. Oh, she knew Ajabdeh was the princess. Ajabdeh smiled and nodded whenever she stopped. That urged her to go on.

"What's your name?" She asked at last.
"Kasturi ma'am." The girl smiled. 
"You may leave Kasturi. Do wake me up before lunch."
"Your breakfast ma'am?" She asked looking at the wall clock. 
"I think I will skip that." Ajabdeh smiled. "I am not hungry."

As soon as she left, unsure whether to bow or not, Ajabdeh sighed. It was as though throughout the journey sitting inches away from him, she had held back her breath. She felt more relaxed as she lay down on the four-poster bed. She didn't change. She didn't take a shower. She didn't care. Her open hair fell in layers over the cushions. She looked up at the ceiling designs that were perhaps centuries old. She closed her eyes. 

Pratap took a hot shower and got dressed. He felt something heavy in his chest that refused to go ever since they left home. Except for biding adieu to Heer, she neither talked nor made a sound. Usually, she had her opinion on everything under the sun. Especially on long drives. She choose music, commented on them, and so on. He had looked to her side to watch her see the scenes pass by silently. She had stepped out of the car and headed to her room without sparing him a single look. He didn't sleep all night. His eyelids felt heavy as soon as the water hit his head. Yet he couldn't sleep. He had no idea what to do and how to do it. He only knew he couldn't afford to lose her. He sighed at the empty room. He wasn't used to being alone anymore.

He looked down from his balcony at the empty lawn and had an idea. He needed to get the old Ajabdeh back. And for that, he needed to do everything the old Ajabdeh loved. He called in the maid who stood excited to hear his plans.
"Can you help me?" He asked. She nodded. "Of course sir. If I may be allowed, I will need to go back to the village and talk to the people concerned. It will be done. I will be back in an hour."
"Take your time. I want the arrangement by afternoon." He nodded. "Has ma'am eaten?" She shook her head. "She said she is not hungry." Pratap frowned at her words. 
"Will you have lunch together?" She asked. "I mean at the dining hall?" 
"Yes, dinners too." He agreed. "She needs to get out of that room and stay with people around her as much as possible." Kasturi nodded. "I want you to check on her and talk to her when she is alone." At least till she lets me do that. The maid nodded.

Ajabdeh woke up in sweat and tears. She had no idea when she fell asleep but she had dreamt something bad. Something horrible had happened to someone she loved. Was it Heer? She couldn't remember. Her head pained a little as she jolted up. Her palms were sweating. She suddenly felt hot and breathless. Tears trickled down her cheeks. She couldn't make it stop. Agitated by the same she stood up and started removing her clothes. The shirt, trousers, and socks, all lay in heap at her feet as she walked to the washroom still sweating. She turned on the cold shower. The water ran down her body as though heat left it. Or was it what remained of her soul? Who knew? Was she dead? Perhaps. 

Her hand travelled automatically to her stomach. She let out a cry and sat down on the washroom floor. Her vision blurred. She couldn't breathe. She tried to get up. Her legs felt heavy. Forgetting to dry herself she walked into the room dripping wet and searched frantically in her handbag. The pills popped out. The doctor had told her to take one of these when she was feeling breathless or agitated. Her hands shivered. She popped in two. Her head felt heavy. She laid down on the carpet on the floor and cried.
"Why was it them?" She said in between sobs, "Why did it have to be them? Why couldn't it just be me once?" She didn't know for how long she lay there. The water dried into the carpet, and her hair was wet. Eyes red and swollen. She had left the water running. A knock resounded on her door. She didn't move. Then it was louder. Almost like a thud. 
"Open the door Ajabdeh." His voice was urgent.
"Not now. Go away." She retorted. 
"Open the door or I will break it."
"Go away, please." She shouted back "I am in the shower."
"The doctor is here for you." He said calmly. "come downstairs when you are done."
"I don't need a doctor." She snapped. "I am fine."
"It's … he is here to help you relax." Pratap stopped hearing footsteps around the room. He waited.

She opened the door wrapped in a bathing suit, her voice agitated, and her eyes were swollen. 
"What do you mean? I am not some mental…"
Pratap took some time to recover from seeing her like that. He pushed away a strong urge to hug her then and there. Her face was pale. She had cried for hours. She looked drained. He wanted to comfort her. Tell her everything will be fine. But how could he? He didn't know that. He didn't know how to make things fine. And he didn't want her to feel like he was invading her space. Especially when she decided to stay away. He cleared his throat and shook his head. 
"He is here just for a routine thing. He will come by once a week to see if you are doing okay. I didn't call him. Dr Chundawat sent him as he can't come by." She looked suspicious at his words. "Of course, you have no mental health issues. We are all aware of it." He added reassuringly. 
"Fine." She sighed. "I will get ready and meet him downstairs." She slammed the door in his face.

Ajabdeh's hand stopped at the sindoor daan. It had become a habit for her to apply the vermillion as soon as she stepped out of the shower. She withdrew her hands. She couldn't let him know that it all mattered to her after all. Sooner or later he would stop pitying her and understand why she chose this way. He would move on. And be happy with a normal family. Memories of them with the NGO kids flashed in her mind. He was so happy around them. It sank her heart. She brushed her hair and straightened her kaftan. It was time to meet the doctor.

Dr Shekhawat was an old man in his seventies. He had stopped practising recently until he got the call from his junior, Chundawat. He had settled with his wife in a farmhouse near Bijoliya and hence found it convenient to pay these high-profile clients a visit. The moment he heard of the case, he found it more personal than others. His own niece had lost two children which had resulted in her depression and suicide. He couldn't help her. As soon as he heard of this case, he had to see the patient. His gentle eyes, warm smile and soft voice immediately gave Ajabdeh a sense of comfort.

"Would you like some tea?" She asked as he agreed. She found the cook in the kitchen and instructed him for some tea and freshly baked cookies in the sitting room. She then came back and sat down on the couch in front of his chair.
"How are you feeling now?" He asked. "Getting away from the usual routine?"
"I feel… good." She forced a smile.
"Are you tired?" He asked, "Did you have a good night's sleep?"
"Sleep?" She looked a little surprised. "I… my sister left in the morning so I had a good time chatting with her. Took a nap when I reached here."
"Are you tired?" Dr Sekhawat asked again. Something in his smile made her feel that he knew she was lying about the night.
"Yes. A bit. I guess." She sighed. 
"So, you have a sister?" She smiled nodding. "tell me about her." Ajabdeh collected her thoughts.
"So your family lived here you said?" He smiled. "You must have some very good memories here."
"I do. Lots of them. I got married here." Ajabdeh bit her lips. She didn't know why she said that. The man was talking about her sister, her childhood and her family. Dr Sekhawat nodded. 
"Did you, now?" He asked, "Was it arranged?" 
"I… no."
"Oh, you fell in love then?" 
"No. It's… it was… umm… complicated." She gathered. 
"It's okay. We don't have to talk about everything today. We will keep this for our next session." He got up. "I live about thirty minutes away by car. You can call me up if you feel like talking again this week. I will otherwise come back next week. Same day and time." He gave Ajabdeh his card as she took it. "Thank you, Doctor."
"Also I want you to know that whatever you confide in me, will not leave this room." He reassured. "have a good day." Ajabdeh watched him go and sat back on the couch. She couldn't tell why but talking of her childhood and Heer and all the good memories of this place made her feel good. She felt happy. As soon as she realised that guilt crept in. Could she be happy? She should rather be mourning what she lost. She sighed. 
"Well, Mr Singh. The good news is she isn't suicidal. The bad news is she won't open up so easily. Especially about the problems that trouble her. So we may need to increase the number of sessions." Dr Sekhawat suggested as Pratap met him at the doorway. 
"Take as many sessions as you need a doctor." He said immediately. 
"And young man, I know what you are going through. If you ever want to talk, maybe not as a therapy session but just to someone, you can always drop by my place. My wife Maya and I don't know many people around here. But we are very welcoming."
"Thank you, doctor. " Pratap smiled. "That's very kind of you."
"Well, I know my work ethic doesn't permit me to have personal relationships with patients and their families but I know where you come from. And this old man can make an exception." He let out a chuckle "You oddly remind me of my younger self." He patted Pratap's back. "You are like the kids we never had. Maya will like to have you around." Pratap looked up at his words as he got into the car and drove off. 
"Sir." Pratap turned at Kasturi's call. "They are here." 

Ajabdeh almost jumped from the couch at the trumpet of an elephant. It seemed to be coming from the backyard. She immediately walked out to the back of the property to find two large elephants, with their mahouts on top, swaying their trunks gently. Behind them were three horses, decorated for weddings or so it seemed, and a camel as well.
"What's going on?" She turned to Kasturi with a frown. Before Kasturi could answer she spotted three rabbits running around the lawn. 
"Here you go." Pratap walked right behind her and before she could turn, handed her over an injured puppy. "He got injections."
"What is happening here?" Her brows shot up. "Why does the yard look like a circus?"
"Because we are helping the animals of Bijoliya. I hired a vet to volunteer for the animals. And also, we can hire elephants and camels as added spectacles for clients. What do you think?"

Ajabdeh was taken aback. He was talking business. Here she was thinking he was pitying her, and his tone was as professional as it could be. Perhaps more than the first time she met him. Pratap could read the disappointment on her face. She recovered quickly and looked around. 
" What's wrong with the elephants?" She asked the vet. Pratap took a step back. He watched her cradle the puppy and hand it over to Kasturi to be put in a soft bed made in a basket. She inspected the horses and elephants. Caressed them. She talked to the vet about medicines. And asked the camel owner about the renting rate for weddings. Before he knew it, she was helping the vet catch hold of the free rabbits. Pratap sat down on the stairs of the portico looking at her with a melancholy smile. She almost giggled managing to catch a rabbit after running after it for some time. She sat down on the grass and caressed its head. Then she looked up at him and her smile faded.

The moment Ajabdeh looked up at Pratap and found him noticing her, she felt conscious. Conscious that she was her old self around the animals. She immediately knew why he did what he did. She let the rabbit slip out of her hands and run and stood up. 
"Kasturi." She called out. "I am hungry. Serve me lunch in my room." Kasturi glanced at Pratap at her words and he nodded reassuringly.
"Sure, ma'am." She nodded. 

Pratap paced his room. He was looking up at the clock. Did he misjudge his move? A knock resounded on his door. He smiled. No, he didn't. He knew Ajabdeh. His Ajabdeh. He opened the door and acted surprised.
She stood there, with Kasturi in her toe, and food on the trolley tray beside her.
"What is this behaviour?" She asked walking past him into his room. "Are you a child?"
"I am not hungry enough to eat alone." He said. "I never eat alone."
"Kasturi." Ajabdeh spoke dismissing him completely. "lay the plates down and leave."
"I thought you are eating in your room." He said.
"You will fall sick by staying hungry." She snapped "Then your mother will blame me for it." His face became serious at her words. "So eat."
"Nobody will blame you for anything ever." He said almost in a reflex. She looked up at him. Her eyes looked cold.
"Thank you for persuading me to meet the doctor though. He is nice. Talking to him felt good." Pratap nodded watching her take a morsel in her mouth. "And the animals?" He asked.
"You don't have to try to make me happy," Ajabdeh spoke rather monotonously. "I am not stupid. Such gestures hurt me more." Silence filled the room. 

"I was thinking, why not check out your grandparent's book collection?" He urged "We will set up a library room here soon."

"Since we are here, might as well do some work, and set it up now." She agreed to his suggestion much to his surprise. Ajabdeh looked up at him. I will take with me, as many memories of you as I can. To last a lifetime.
I will not let you go. Eyes met and looked away. A silence followed.
"What are all these books?" He looked astonished at the boxes. "These are one hell of a collection."
"Yes, all the classics." She browsed through the books. "What was your favourite classic growing up?"
"David Copperfield." He looked up at her. "That was Dicken's real story you know. He faced so much struggle. It is kind of inspiring."
"Mine is Little Women. I loved how fierce and opinionated Jo March was." She turned the pages of a book she held. "It was Alcott's real life too. She inspired me."
"Don't you think these stories are too good to be true though?" She surprised him with the question. "The stories conveniently end at happy notes."
"That is because they went through all the hard times to reach that one moment of happiness. It makes that even more special." He gathered.
"Happiness doesn't last long," Ajabdeh said almost in a murmur. Dropping the book in her hand back in the box she looked away. "I feel tired. I should go get some sleep." She walked away leaving him alone with the books. 
"Kasturi?" Pratap whispered to the maid as she stepped out of Ajabdeh's chamber.
"She has taken the medicines and is sleeping, sir. Do you want me to stay?" She asked. 
"No." Pratap shook his head. "You go and get dinner ready. Help the cook. I will keep watch."

He turned the doorknob and entered the room noiselessly. Ajabdeh's sleeping figure made him remember her pale silhouette in the hospital bed. She had suffered a lot. He sighed. Hadn't he? The pain of losing something you never had is so unbearable especially if you had to hide it and act like nothing happened. He sat down on the couch to watch over her. He looked down at the ring on his finger and up at her figure. He had noticed the lack of vermillion on her hairline. As much as he didn't care about it five years ago, it did bother him now. She couldn't wipe him off that easily from her life, could she? He leaned back on the couch staring at her.

Ajabdeh woke feeling fresh. She had no idea how long she had slept. It was dark outside. Her bedside lamp was lit. As soon as she turned her eyes fell on the couch. He was asleep there, in a sitting position. Hugging the cushion close to his chest, his mouth was open. Ajabdeh got up to realise the AC was cooler than his usual preference. He must be feeling cold. She took the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around him. He immediately opened his eyes and saw her face right above his. She moved away. Alarmed he sat up and noticed the blanket.
"You were cold." She said. "I didn't want to wake you up. You didn't sleep last night." He looked up at her words. "I… "

A knock made them look up. "Dinner is ready."Kasturi declared as Ajabdeh followed her out. 
Pratap wrapped the blanket around himself and felt at peace for some time. He sat there on the couch with a faint smile. She cared. That was enough for now. The blanket smelled of her. It made him feel the warmth of her embrace. A few feet away from her, he had never felt so distant in all these years from her. But Pratap had hope. They would come closer again, one day at a time.

READ ALL CHAPTERS