Aniruddha contemplated Binoy's words the moment he found Bondita in the study room. It was early in the morning, and she was accompanying Advocate Sarkar to Kolkata for a matter and was scheduled to return that evening. Trilochon had insisted that she take his car and driver instead of the local train. Bondita was in a neatly pleated white saree, with a black border, her coat hanging from her arm as she picked up the file she was supposed to take with her for the case and was going through it. Her hair was pinned up in a bun, and the little pearl earrings were tangled with her locks. She looked up at him, standing at the threshold, still in his leisure clothes that he slept in, hair messy, without his glasses, wearing a questioning look as she acknowledged his presence and let him know she was on her way. The house was quiet, except for the chanting of Mantras and the bell that rang from the Thakur Ghor adjacent to the Thakur Dalan, where Trilochon was saying his morning prayers. There was something oddly cold and quiet in her demeanour, and Aniruddha walked into the study room as she turned to leave.
“What happened?” He asked as she did not meet his gaze. “Are you alright?” Bondita looked up briefly at his face; her eyes looked tired, the Kajal on her waterline no longer made them light up as she smiled forcibly with a nod.
“Why will I not be alright?” She shrugged. She wanted to walk past him, out of the house, as fast as she could before he enquired further. She knew him enough to know that he knew something was not right.
He stopped her by holding her upper arm, almost in a reflex, as she shrugged it off and stopped in the middle of the room. The morning light from the window reflected on her face, and he could see a scar.
“What happened?” He asked, drawing his fingers over her red cheek without hesitation as Bondita stepped back at his closeness.
“I… I…” She forced a chuckle, “Keep hitting myself against the wall and door and tables here and there…” He knew she was lying. A sudden fit of anger reflected in his eyes as she stopped, avoiding his gaze. He held her shoulders, firmer than he should and turned her towards him, to face him. Bondita could not move as she tried hard to keep her composure.
“Why are you lying to me?” He snapped. “Who did this to you?” She shook her head. “Nobody did anything. I am getting late for work.” She tried to shrug his arm off her shoulder as he blocked the doorway.
“You know very well, Bondita, that you are not stepping out of this house until you tell me who dared to hit you. I don’t care what the issue was…” Aniruddha knew the answer deep in his heart, and Bondita knew he knew it as soon as he asked the question. She looked up at him, trying hard to hold back her tears as she clenched her teeth to not lose composure.
“It is between me and Thamma, you are nobody to…” Her voice choked as she looked away, avoiding glances so that he knew she was stronger than she looked, less hurt than she appeared. He let her shoulders go as she strode out of the house at a hurried pace. Aniruddha stood there for a while, unable to comprehend what could be so wrong that Thamma would raise her hand on Bondita. Yes, she used to discipline her as a child with occasional twists of the ear, slaps, and beatings, but those were different. Why would she raise her hand to a woman like that? Aniruddha was perplexed. He knew the wise thing to do would be to allow Trilochon to handle the matter. He had more say in Bondita and Thamma’s equation than anyone else. But he also knew that the truth of the matter would be buried if Trilochon mediated. He could feel the sense of hurt in Bondita’s eyes. Aniruddha’s heart skipped a beat. Was it because of him? He shook his head. Aniruddha needed to talk to her. Tell her about his plans for their future. But first, he needed to know what had transpired and hurt Bondita deeply. He decided to find out. He heard her car leave the portico as he took his night robe and walked out to the Choto Bari.
Kalindi was preparing to have morning tea with Trilochon and tell him what had happened the previous night that had disturbed her to the core. When the knock resounded on the door, Kalindi assumed it was Bihari who had come to ask her to join Trilochon for tea. But Aniruddha, in his loungewear, was a surprise. He looked upset. Kalindi’s jaws tightened. Was it possible that Bondita told him everything that had transpired the previous night?
“What brings you here, Aniruddha Babu?” Kalindi asked. “Bondita left…”
“I know you don’t quite like me anymore.” Aniruddha stepped in as Kalindi moved aside after opening the door. “What? Why will I…” Kalindi protested.
“I honestly don’t care. But I am here to know, so tell me truthfully, why did you raise your hand on Bondita?” Aniruddha blurted.
Kalindi could see the anger in his eyes and the rage in his voice. She inhaled.
“If she told you…”
“She did not tell me anything. You know better than to think she would ever tell anyone.” He snapped. Kalindi had never seen Aniruddha this angry. His angry outbursts were not alien to Kalindi, and she knew it to be a Roy Chowdhury trait he had inherited from his great-grandfather, who was famously known around the village for his temper and fits, but this was different. He sounded calm, but his eyes reflected anger. Aniruddha waited briefly for her to speak as he shook his head.
“Just because you think she said or did something wrong doesn’t mean…”
“Aniruddha Babu.” Kalindi’s voice was composed and firm. “If you are here to teach me how I should raise my grandchild or conduct myself with her, let me tell you, you have no right to do that.” Aniruddha’s jaws tightened at her words as she looked straight at him. “Whatever happens between us is not your concern.”
“It is my concern.” Aniruddha shook his head. “It has always been my concern. Whatever happens to her IS my concern, whether you like it or not.” Kalindi stared at him, a little taken aback by his words, but not letting it show.
“If she didn’t tell you, I am sure she doesn’t want you to know and doesn’t require you to advocate for her,” Kalindi stated. Aniruddha inhaled. “And you just assumed that she was at no fault?”
“She did not tell me because she knew whatever the truth is, it would not justify you raising your hand on her. She doesn’t need to permit me to be involved in anything concerning her. I am concerned for her well-being.”
“Then what makes you think I am not?” Kalindi frowned. “She is my family. I am grateful that you helped us, but that’s enough. You should know where to draw the line.” She looked away in a rebuking tone as Aniruddha eyed her.
“You are nobody to decide where I should stand, either.” He made her scowl at his tone. Kalindi could see the anger, but with it, she could see everything else Trilochon talked about. The care, respect and concern. She was uncomfortable with how easily he owned up to his feelings, unlike his uncle ever did. He was a man of action, not taking a back seat and doing things in secret like his uncle would. “I just came to tell you this, and I mean it. If I see Bondita being ill-treated here, I will make sure she goes away and doesn’t come back to see you any time soon.”
Kalindi shook her head. “You are threatening me?” Aniruddha refused. “I am warning you.”
Kalindi shook her head. “Why will she listen to you?”
“Why won’t she?” Aniruddha asked. The confidence with which he spoke made Kalindi feel uncomfortable. Bondita showed the same confidence last night. She was now unsure of what had transpired in Sunderban while they were away. A fear of not being able to protect Bondita from getting hurt loomed over Kalindi.
“Well, I should let you know I am talking to an interested family for her wedding.” She said rather abruptly, but with intent as she eyed him. Aniruddha suddenly had a smile on the edge of his lips. “Then I am telling you, if she doesn’t want to, she will not get married now, you can’t make her. She will get married when she wants, with whosoever she wants.”
“And what are you going to do to stop that?” Kalindi shook her head. “ She will do as I say if I tell her it makes me happy. She will not hurt me.”
Aniruddha shook his head at Kalindi’s adamant words. He could now see why Jethu used to be scared of confronting her. Kalindi was stubborn.
“I will tell her to leave the country if needed to get away from these shackles of what should bind women, if she needs to. She can go abroad, she can practise there.” Kalindi looked shocked. “I will go with her.” Aniruddha asserted. “Wherever she wants to go, whatever dreams she wants to achieve, I will be there.” Kalindi’s jaws tightened as Aniruddha realised he had said his intrusive thoughts about the future aloud for the first time. There was a sudden sense of strength in him that made all his doubts melt away.
“And why will you do that? Do you have no life of your own?” Kalindi knew she was pushing it, but she could not help but rebuke his lofty ideas. Trilochon often lamented that Aniruddha has his heart in the right place but his head in the clouds. He had no regard for or understanding of how society worked. Kalindi could see the impulsive, emotional person Trilochon spoke of, now.
“Whenever given a choice, Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury has always chosen to stand by Bondita over everything else. What makes you think this time would be any different? I will be there, wherever she needs me, however she needs me. If you have a problem with it, that is not my concern.” Kalindi observed his eyes twinkle as he stormed out of there in the same zeal with which he had walked in.
Kalindi sat down on the couch, wondering if Trilochon and Bondita were right. Perhaps her fear and sense of protection of what was good for Bondita came from her own experiences rather than Bondita’s life. One thing the older, experienced and wrinkled Kalindi knew was that there were no rules to life that guaranteed happiness. Life was a chaos she had embraced whenever it threw any challenge at her. She had successfully made Bondita a strong, independent woman. A part of her that did not want Bondita to end up unhappy and alone like her was perhaps pushing her towards it because of her insecurities. Kalindi could at least admit that to herself. She had felt guilty of hitting Bondita the previous night. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Bondita’s shocked face when she slapped her. Kalindi knew Bondita was grown up enough to understand, smart enough to see her equation with Trilochon Roy Chowdhury. Truth be told, she could not be blamed for asking questions or being curious. But could Kalindi explain to anyone why Bondita’s words scared her? A sudden feeling of vulnerability had hit her when Bondita said that she knew. Kalindi felt a sudden fear of being judged for everything she kept away from her granddaughter. She was scared of being misunderstood by the only person whose respect defined her existence. But Kalindi did not realise in the moment that she was treating Bondita the same way she had once been treated, by disrespecting her feelings.
Trilochon Roy Chowdhury had just taken his ivory cane and cleaned his spectacles to go downstairs for his usual teatime with Kalindi. Today, he was late for tea. Binoy had taken Somnath to show him some projects in progress, Ashalata was at school, and Aniruddha was probably on his way as well. He wanted to apologise to Kalindi for pushing her towards his idea. He should have taken a step back and respected her. It was then that Bihari came to his threshold and informed Kalindi was here to see him. It was urgent, and she was waiting for permission to come to his room. Trilochon skipped a heartbeat. In all these years of living in Chandannagar, Kalindi had maintained a certain degree of formality around the house. Unlike Bondita, she never stepped upstairs or into his bedroom. This was the first time she had requested him to see her there. He nodded at Bihari, urging him to bring Kalindi in, as he straightened his glasses and looked around the proper room with scrutiny.
Kalindi walked in as Bihari walked away, and Trilochon could see the sadness in her eyes. It worried him.
“I was coming downstairs for the …” He tried to sound normal with a smile as she looked up at him and said with a sigh, “Aniruddha Babu came to see me.” Trilochon’s brows arched at her words. “Why?” He sounded scared. He had no idea what Binoy talked to Aniruddha about and feared his impulsiveness.
“Because last night I argued with Bondita…” Kalindi rubbed her hands together as she looked away from his gaze, unsurely.
“Is it because of what I said… Kalindi… I…” Trilochon stepped up as Kalindi suddenly looked teary-eyed. He stopped, alarmed when he heard her sob.
“I… I slapped her. And she was … she was not wrong, but I…” Trilochon froze to his spot, unable to comprehend her words. It was beyond his imagination that Kalindi could slap Bondita.
“Why, Kalindi?” Trilochon tried hard to sound less judgmental and failed miserably. “Where is she?” He sounded concerned for Bondita. Kalindi looked up at him, teary-eyed as she shared everything that had transpired.
“I have no shame in admitting you were right.” Kalindi sniffed, “Perhaps so is she. All I did for my entire life was blame you when I was not brave enough to stand up for myself.” Kalindi made Trilochon frown, concerned.
“That is not true. You have been a strong and independent woman. You have raised Bondita to be one as well.”
“Could I do any of that without your help? By giving my Bondita the wings to fly, you did more than you could have ever done if you had saved me.” Trilochon looked uncomfortable at her choice of words. “No, Kalindi… I did what you would have done had our positions turned…”
“No, let me speak.” Kalindi shook her head. “I know I have troubled you for so long, deliberately hurt you, hoping that my pain would go away.”
“I never blamed you for that, Kalindi. You have the right to… I just wanted the children not to have the same life as ours.” Trilochon looked concerned.
“You were right. I can’t ruin her present in fear of her future.” She sobbed. “I was scared. I was sceptical because of how things turned out for us.” Trilochon found relief in the ease with which she spoke of them now that the floodgates had opened. It was like years of unsaid emotions were pouring out, overwhelming Kalindi. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew more than his words; what stirred her was how Bondita saw them. It made Trilochon realise that Aniruddha and Bondita had known about their past for a long time. Yet in their demeanour, he found no judgment for what transpired. Perhaps because they knew more than anyone else how circumstances beyond people’s control sometimes wrote their fate. He watched Kalindi sobbing, a little breathless as he poured the water from the jug by his bedside table in a glass and offered it to her. Kalindi’s hand trembled a little as her fingers lingered on his briefly over the glass before he removed his hand and watched Kalindi drink the water to calm herself down.
“We were both wrong.” Trilochon made her look up at him with narrowed brows and clueless eyes as he offered her a chair and sat down on the edge of his bed. Kalindi stood still at her spot, asking him what he meant. Trilochon shook his head and smiled faintly.
“We kept counting everything we did not have, could not do and would never know. But… we never really counted the blessings which we did have.” He looked up at her as Kalindi parted her lips and said in protest, “I have always been proud of my choice to raise Bondita instead of letting her Kaki do it.” He shook his head. “I don’t mean that, Kalindi.” He stood up to face her. He looked at her with a longing smile that touched Kalindi’s broken heart.
“What I mean is that, all my life, I have lived with the guilt of an unfulfilled dream.” Kalindi watched him sigh with a faint, fulfilled smile. “But look at us now.” Trilochon stepped forward as Kalindi lifted her gaze to look at him. She remembered that she had read somewhere that a person’s eyes never changed. We could grow old, our bodies change, and how we look changes with age, but our eyes remain the same. His eyes had the familiar warmth with which he stared at her once. “From where I see, we are here, in the twilight years of our lives, sharing our children’s concerns, you teach me right from wrong and allow me to take care of Bondita and your needs. What more could I want? Could naming the relationship or giving it a seal of social approval have made the relationship any different?” Kalindi nodded at his words, overwhelmed in realisation. He was right.
Kalindi smiled at him. “You know what. It suddenly dawned on me…” He urged her to go on as she pressed the corner of her anchol on her eyes to stop the tears. “Perhaps what happened with us was so that Bondita could come here…”
“And Aniruddha could find her?” Trilochon nodded. “I believe so. Everything in life happens for a reason. It is never as chaotic as it looks.”
Kalindi sniffed, “I need to apologise to Bondita for everything. Tell her that she can do whatever she wants to in life. It's her life and her choices.”
The clock struck eleven at night. Aniruddha paced the study room, in a t-shirt and lounge pants, eyeing the clock as he shuffled through some papers. He had heard the car come into the portico at half past ten, and he expected her in the study room soon. He went through the work, pretending to be busy, waiting. He heard her talking in the corridor with Asha briefly before going back home. He waited for her to return, concerned about what would transpire between her and Kalindi once she arrived. Would Kalindi tell her about the groom? Could Bondita agree to such a match? Aniruddha was a little scared, even if he did not show it to Kalindi. All he knew was that he could not lose her, and he had to act on it to make sure she stayed.
It was almost eleven thirty, and Aniruddha was slowly giving up on the idea of her coming to see him when Bondita stormed into the study room, almost toppling a vase on her way, startling him. She looked angry as he raised his brows cluelessly.
“Are you out of your mind?” He did not quite understand as he frowned slightly. She was still in the saree he saw her in that morning, her braid loose and messy after the day and locks of her hair tucked behind her ears, swaying a little at her shoulder, enough to distract him. Aniruddha drank in the image of her as he leaned back slightly against the desk and shrugged.
“Umm… be specific.” He urged, putting his hands in his pockets. Bondita fumed.
“I told you not to get involved; it was between me and Thamma.” She stood there, wearing a frown on her face, pointing a finger at him. “Oh, that.” He nodded. Bondita frowned. “Yes, that. What do you mean… what else…” She stuttered slightly. “Thamma is hurt; otherwise she would never apologise to me.” She spoke firmly and quickly.
“Good, she hurt you.” He seemed nonchalant as Bondita opened her mouth to speak.
“She is my guardian. She is allowed to criticise me.”
“No, she is not allowed to hurt you.” He shook his head and straightened himself, “Not as long as I am there.” Bondita looked a little dumbfounded by his casual wording as she shook her head. “What did you say to make her apologise?” She sounded scared. Mostly because she was aware that Aniruddha could say the same things she did to hurt Kalindi. That was the last thing she needed, especially when Kalindi explicitly expressed her dislike for his influence on her thoughts. A faint, amused smile formed on the edge of his lips as he stepped forward towards her. Bondita lowered her pointed fingers as her eyes involuntarily widened.
“What do you think I could say to her?” He leaned in slightly as he questioned, making her look away as she gulped and stammered. “I… I don’t know… I… that is why I am asking… stay away from our matters…” She shook her head and was about to turn and leave when he held her back by her wrist and turned her to face him. Bondita resisted in vain.
“Did she tell you about the proposal?” Her heart skipped a beat. “What proposal?” She looked up at him with a bewildered gaze briefly.
“That she saw some guy from Alipurduar and…” Aniruddha seemed amused. Bondita nodded as she lowered her gaze. “Oh…” He could read the relief in her voice. “Yes, but I … said I am not interested.”
“Why?” He raised his brows as she avoided his glance. His grip tightened on her wrist. “Why are you not interested, Bondita?” Bondita looked up at his challenging tone as her jaws tightened.
“Be… because… It's a new place and I don’t want to start my career over.” She blurted the words she had said to Kalindi. She was unsure of what he knew, especially when, despite their conversation, Kalindi had mentioned the proposal to him. Aniruddha seemed proud of her answer as he let her hand go and turned to the desk.
“Well, then I have another proposal for you.” His words made her heart skip a beat.
“Pardon?” She watched him gather a few hand-scribbled papers and turn to her.
“Here.” He handed her the bunch. “I made a draft of the agreement, and if you review and want to add something more, it will be done before it's legalised.” Bondita frowned cluelessly at his words as she took the papers from his hand, read the title of the deed and gasped.
“What do you mean, Partnership?” She asked, unable to believe what she read.
“It means exactly what it means, Advocate Bondita Das.” He shrugged, with his hand once again in his pocket. “One of the partners is leaving, there was a vacancy, I recommended you, and the others agreed.” He shrugged. “Besides, even if they did not, it would not matter; I am the decision maker here. They are just lesser partners.” Bondita looked a little flabbergasted at his words and then again at the paperwork.
“But… I…” She looked unsure.
“Before you say anything, no, it was not an impulsive decision. I have thought of it, evaluated every aspect…” He said with intent, “more than I should have.” He murmured, making Bondita eye him a little, unsure of whether he was talking of the partnership still.
“You can’t leave for a minimum of five years. We can add your name to the firm’s name if you want.” He suggested. “Or anything else you want… That would ensure you don’t regret staying…” His last words were spoken more emphatically as she looked up at him. “Take your time and decide, you are in no hurry. I would recommend that you explore your possible options and then decide if you want this future.” Something stirred in Bondita like butterflies in the pit of her stomach that reminded her that he was not talking about the firm only. “ You should have the choice for better opportunities. We don’t want to hold you back. So think about it,” he made her nod as she turned to leave in a daze.
“You know it will be fine if you refuse.” He made her stop as she glanced over her shoulder at him. He was back behind the desk, turning on the computer. “Nothing is going to change. I promise.” He did not look up from the desk at her as he spoke while taking his seat. She smiled faintly at his words.
“You are a damn good lawyer. But you are terrible at this.” She murmured under her breath. He narrowed his brows slightly, unable to comprehend her muffled voice as he adjusted his glasses.
“Did you say something?” He asked as she shook her head.
Bondita walked back home, wondering to herself why he would offer her a partnership so early in her career. A part of her said it was a gesture, the little he could think of doing to make her stay. Perhaps Thamma’s mention of the proposal rattled him. A smile appeared on the edge of her lips as her eyes fell on the drafted deed she had carelessly placed down on the table, as she remembered his words. She picked it up and sat down to evaluate it.
