Abhaya was unsure of where they were going as Swadhin drove them towards Kashipur. It was at the break of dawn, and although the sun was not yet visible on the horizon, the sky was clearer and the birds chirped in the trees on either side of the road. The shadows of the night were slowly disappearing into the light of dawn. She eyed him, unsure of his driving skills but too intimidated by the seriousness of his face to question him. The car came to a halt at the mission as Abhaya read the board with a frown. Why were they here? Abhaya could not tell why she was scared.
She watched Swadhin take his bag of equipment out and open her side of the door for her in silence. Abhaya stepped out of the car, drew the Ghomta over her head and followed him inside the premises. The sun was now a bright red ball on the horizon, and she could see the school at a distance. He turned left and she followed him into a house with a courtyard in the middle and two storeys of rooms surrounding it. On the other end of the courtyard was a back door. Hearing footsteps, one of the doors to her left opened, and Mohini peeped out of her chamber.
“Daktar Babu, you are here.” She whispered as she tiptoed towards them and folded her hands, smiling at Abhaya. Abhaya noticed she was older than Swadhin and had a raw rustic demeanour. Was she the one who called on Swadhin the previous day? If this were just another patient, why did he bring Abhaya here? To prove to her that he was not lying? Somehow, that would be a great length to prove his loyalty even for Swadhin. She stared at her husband a little cluelessly as Swadhin cleared his throat. “Take her there. I will come by.” Swadhin made Mohini nod. Abhaya stared at him, unsurely. Was he planning on leaving her there? What was this place? Abhaya did not move from her spot and continued staring at him, cluelessly waiting for his instructions. That made a reluctant Swadhin speak to her. “Go with her, there is someone you would like to meet.” Abhaya’s heart skipped a beat at his words as she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could ask further questions, Mohini interrupted with a smile. “Esho Boudi.”
The chamber Abhaya was guided to was dark and small, and a lamp flickered in a corner. Before Abhaya could adjust her eyes to the darkness, she spotted Sharat on the bedspread on the floor. He appeared to be in a deep sleep with a sheet over his body, placed neatly. Abhaya gasped. “Is he… dead?” Her throat was dry as she spotted the blood-stained clothes bundled on the floor. Before Mohini could answer her, Abhaya heard a loud gasp in the other corner of the room, and before she could make sense of the person who embraced her, the woman spoke.
“Abhaya, you are alive.” The woman sobbed. Abhaya’s heart raced. Her throat was dry, and her vision blurred. She embraced the woman back with surprise. “Didi?” Abhaya broke out of her embrace and stared at her like she could not believe her eyes. Kalyani’s curly hair fell to her shoulders. Abhaya had almost forgotten how Didi looked with her curls; her saree was a shade of light blue, and she wore a pair of earrings. Abhaya stared at the resurrected life of her sister and sobbed. “How are you here?”
Kalyani patted her head and wiped her tears as she wept inconsolably, and that was when she noticed the vermilion on her hairline. A little scared, she asked Abhaya with a trembling voice, “Did the Jamidar Babu find you?” Abhaya could sense her confusion held her cold hand in between her palms, and she shook her head. Kalyani looked unwell, with bags under her eyes like she had not slept in days. She stared at Abhaya, a little confused. Abhaya with her Tant Saree, jewellery, and sindoor looked well. It relieved Kalyani momentarily. She dragged Kalyani out of the chambers to the corridor and made her sit down near the courtyard. “I will tell you everything. You first.”
Kalyani seemed to be suddenly agitated. “Who brought you here?” She looked suspicious. “Did you bring the police?”
“What?” Abhaya looked confused at her sister’s sudden demeanour. Why was she afraid of the police? Then it dawned on her.
“You know what they do, don’t you?” She was a little sceptical. Kalyani bit her lower lip.
“Do you have any idea what they have done?” Abhaya’s voice of rebuke made Kalyani look up. “They caused this. They caused our misery, Didi.” Abhaya suddenly hugged her sister, placing her head on Kalyani’s bosom, and she let out a cry of relief that she was alive. “They killed Baba…”
“Hush!” Kalyani placed her hand over Abhaya’s lips, alarmed. “You will wake the house.” She looked around the empty courtyard and sighed. “I know what you are trying to say, Abhaya, I saw them that day.” She made Abhaya stare with a fresh light of hope.
“Then all our problems are over, Didi.” She gasped. “You must come with me to the police. Tell them who killed our family.” Kalyani stared at Abhaya as her jaws tightened.
“Baba killed our family, Abhaya.” Her words were firm. Abhaya frowned and shook her head.
“No, you don’t understand, Didi. I was home. First, I heard the bomb and then some men…”
“Baba’s karma killed them. Their sins did. Not the anarchists.” Kalyani’s words made Abhaya draw herself away from her sister in shock.
“You are saying this, Didi?” Abhaya’s eyes swelled with fresh tears. “After you suffered…”
“I also suffered in that house, Abhaya. Now, I am at a place where I can live at least.” Her words shocked Abhaya. She was not the timid Didi Abhaya knew. She pressed her Anchol to her lips and sobbed. Kalyani patted her head calmly, her face devoid of emotions. “Don’t fight the truth, Abhaya. Yes, they were our family. But he was a horrible man. You knew that, right?” Kalyani stared at Abhaya nod. “You knew how the brothers were. Yes, we had a roof over our head, but did we live in that house?” Kalyani shook her head as Abhaya looked up at her. A question lingered on her lips, but Abhaya was too scared of the answer. “Have you… joined them, Didi?” Her question made Kalyani smile faintly.
“I wish I were that brave. I just know a few people.” She watched Mohini standing and watching them with a smile. Abhaya looked up at Mohini. Kalyani smiled and added, “When I was here alone, I found a sister in her. I am sorry for not looking for you, Abhaya. I did not know…” Kalyani looked away. “But I support them in what they do. Their cause is for the country.” Mohini was suddenly proud of Kalyani. “Didi is just being modest; she helps us, too.” She gushed abruptly. Abhaya gasped at her words and stared at Kalyani in disbelief. Kalyani snapped at Mohini.
“Speak when you are spoken to, go sit with Dada and wave the hand fan for him.” Mohini did as she was told. Kalyani wiped her tears from her cheek as Abhaya eyed her.
“What happened to Naw Da?” She asked unsurely “Is he dying?” Kalyani looked pale at her sister’s words. Abhaya was scared of the consequences. Especially on the family and Nonibala Debi. More than Sharat’s health she was concerned about his mother.
“Don’t say that, Abhaya. He saved my life. He needs to be fine.” Kalyani shook her head as Abhaya held her hand.
“Did he save your life or keep you from meeting me?” Abhaya’s words were firm, and realisation dawned on Kalyani. “He was the only person who knew where both of us were …”
“Perhaps he was protecting us. Or the cause.” Kalyani interrupted her. “If anything, that makes me respect him more.” Her voice was firm, and Abhaya stared at her like she could not believe her ears.
“You are supporting terrorists against the government.” Abhaya lowered her voice and wanted to reason. “Have they brainwashed you, Didi?” She looked concerned. “Remember what father would say?”
“He is not here, we are.” Kalyani’s voice seemed distant. Abhaya looked around the courtyard carefully. Was Didi secretly trying to avenge her family the way she did by pretending just like her? Was there more to it than what met the eye? Or was Abhaya trying to run from the truth? The way she believed her father to be a good man, even when she knew he was not. Was Kalyani right? She lowered her voice further and leaned in, “Didi, I am gathering evidence. When we have enough…”
“You will hand Sharat Babu over to the police?” Kalyani asked. Abhaya was silent.
“His father is the leader. He orchestrated the attack on Baba Moshai. Naw Da was not there.”
“And you think they would spare anyone connected with him?” Kalyani asked with raised eyebrows. Abhaya was quiet. She had not thought much about the consequences Sharat would face. To her, he deserved it. But Kalyani seemed more worried for him.
“Baba Moshai did unspeakable things too,” Kalyani said firmly. “You are naive and unaware of those, or simply blind.”
“So it is fine that they killed your family?” Abhaya looked disapprovingly at her sister. “That makes no sense, you sound like a betrayer.”
“Stop it Abhaya, he is fighting for his life. Because of me.” Kalyani suddenly started sobbing. Abhaya frowned. “How is it because of you?” She asked unsurely.
“You don’t understand. After he saved my life, he was in all sorts of trouble. I was wandering the streets and had nowhere to go, Abhaya. He gave me a home and a purpose. Why am I cursed? Anyone who I care for…” Kalyani stopped. Abhaya’s jaws tightened at her sister’s words. She was suddenly concerned for Naw Da. Not the Sharat she encountered in the last few months, but the brother she knew. The protective eccentric soul who was kind to strangers.
“Will he be fine?” Abhaya’s voice trembled.
“I don’t know.” Kalyani sobbed with her anchol over her mouth. Abhaya could see how much her sister cared. Her sobs made her remember another day in a distant past when she saw Kalyani sob like that for a man she barely got to know. But that sobbing was more because society expected her to play the role of a grieving wife. This time… Abhaya inhaled.
“What did she mean by you helping them?” She asked firmly.
“It is what it is, Abhaya. I will not lie to you. But if you try in any way to harm him, I will also be part of it…So don’t do anything stupid.” Kalyani spoke firmly. “I was an informant. Get me arrested, too.” Abhaya could not believe her ears.
“I suppose you will remain here and not go with me?” She asked. Kalyani looked up at her sister with a faint smile.
“Go where? Back to the society where I will be forgotten in a corner of a large house? I am better off here.” Abhaya stared at her sister for a brief moment and felt guilty for judging her. She could not admit even to herself that even when she wanted Kalyani to be happy, she never pictured her leading a normal life, wearing coloured clothes and growing her hair, unlike a Hindu widow would. Even when her naive childishness made her think of Didi falling in love again, she never really thought it was beyond wishful thinking. It was unlike anything she had grown up seeing. And now the way Kalyani spoke of Sharat… It scared her. Her upbringing taught her that marriages were meant for seven lives, good or bad, one stuck by the way her mother did. But if Kalyani felt something outside her marriage, even as a widow, was it not a sin? But then was it? Did Kalyani not deserve happiness, too?
“He will be fine.” Abhaya tried to reassure her by rubbing her back. “But you need to tell me how you ended up here.”
“I will tell you everything, Abhaya, but you need to promise me that you will never tell the police.” Kalyani put her hand over her oiled hair and made Abhaya gasp uneasily. “Promise me.”
“I cannot do that, Didi.” Abhaya shook her hand away. “I need to avenge …”
“Avenge what?” Kalyani asked with narrowed brows. “The death of people who never treated us as humans?” Abhaya was quiet. She could see where Kalyani came from. But she could never forget what she faced.
Swadhin had walked into the room with Mohini to check on Sharat, and his opening the door made them stare at him. He cleared his throat.
“Is he fine?” Kalyani asked, almost scared of the answer. “He is not waking up.”
“He is fine, his body is in too much pain and preventing him from waking up. I gave another injection to ease the pain…” He stopped as Abhaya stood up to face him.
“We need to tell Maa.” Swadhin was alarmed at her words as Kalyani looked confused.
“Absolutely not.” Swadhin was firm. “Nobody at home should know. I trusted you enough to bring you here, and I will not let you…”
“You knew Didi was here, didn’t you?” Abhaya’s accusation made Swadhin chuckle dramatically out of character.
“Really? That now? First, I was running off with someone, and now this…” Swadhin stared at Abhaya’s disapproving face. “I looked for her everywhere because I promised you.”
“I know…” Abhaya’s voice was softer. “When can he come home?” Swadhin could sense concern in her voice. A part of him was glad that she did not wish Sharat were dead.
“Not in a month at least.” Swadhin nodded. Kalyani stood up, confused. “Why will he go home with you?” Her question made Swadhin and Abhaya exchange an awkward glance as he walked away, mumbling that he would be at the door. Realisation dawned on Kalyani, whose eyes widened in surprise.
“How?” She managed to ask as Abhaya sighed.
“It is not what you think. They found me inside the house. Then the zamindar…” She narrated her ordeals to Kalyani.
“I am so sorry you went through this.” Kalyani hugged her sister as Abhaya sobbed. “I had no idea why you held so much grudge, and I judged you. I know it must be difficult to live there after what you faced.”
“Honestly…” Abhaya wiped her tears and looked up at her sister. “They have always loved and respected me.”
“What about Swadhin?” Kalyani asked with furrowed brows. Abhaya was about to answer when the car honked, and she put the Ghomta over her head in a hurry.
“I will come back tomorrow, Didi. I will visit every day till I convince you to come with me.” She made Kalyani smile.
“And what will your widowed sister do in your in-laws’ place, silly girl?” Kalyani kissed her forehead.
“We can go away somewhere else.” She made Kalyani gasp.
“I knew you were fearless but never imagined this.” She shook her head with a reassuring smile, “Trust me Abhaya, Ami Bhalo Achi. I have never been this liberated and valued in my life.”
The car honked again urgently, making Abhaya promise to continue the conversation later and walk away. Kalyani watched her go and sighed before stepping back into the room and touching Sharat’s forehead to check his temperature. He moved a little, making her withdraw back and lie still as Kalyani stared at him, teary-eyed.
Abhaya knew they had to make provision for visiting the mission without suspicion from the family, so Swadhin seemed to read her mind as he cooked up a story of a friend getting married in Kashipur. That would give them a few days. The Sisters-in-law were convinced it was Swadhin’s little lie to make up for the missed time with his wife. They teased Abhaya endlessly as her thoughts kept travelling to Didi and the way she saw everything differently. She was teased for being distracted, and she did not mind it as she searched her inner self for answers. Was she wrong and Kalyani right? Was Kalyani’s chance at happiness getting in the way of her revenge? Does Naw Da care, or is he trying to save his father and brainwashed Didi to ally with him? Her questions gave rise to more questions and confusion.
Absentmindedly, Swadhin sat on the desk by his bedside and turned the fountain pen playfully over a book as he appeared lost in thought. He suddenly remembered his promises to Abhaya. On one hand, he felt light-hearted that he could fulfil his promise even if totally by accident and reunite Abhaya with the only person she cared for. The moment Swadhin thought that he knew, that was not entirely true. She genuinely cared for his sisters and mother, too. He eyed the letters he had stacked inside the pages of the book. Swadhin suddenly felt empty. If Abhaya were to take up his offer and leave with Kalyani, he planned to rent a place for them somewhere and provide for them. He was sure his father would want that too. Especially after Kalyani helped Sharat the way she did. Especially after the way he saw her reacting to Sharat. He did not know how he would do without Abhaya, though. Swadhin looked around the neatly arranged room with a melancholic smile and realised that in the few weeks of marriage, every nook and corner of his room had Abhaya’s touch in them. He would definitely miss that. But on the other hand, he would not have to be rooted back home and could practise back in Dhaka. Perhaps help the cause of his father more openly. Swadhin removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, a little tired. He realised he had not talked to Abhaya since they came home, and she might have questions he needed to address.
He put his glasses back on as she entered the room, the sound of her anklets preceding her arrival as Abhaya quietly shut the door behind her.
“I will take some fruits for Didi tomorrow.” She said as she wiped her forehead and removed the keys from her anchol. Swadhin nodded as he half turned towards her in his chair and watched her make the bed.
“Did you talk to her?” He asked unsurely. “Get your questions answered?”
“Mostly.” She nodded. “I realised she had more questions than I have.” Swadhin nodded.
“And did you tell her… erm… about staying with you?” He asked unsurely. Abhaya’s hand stopped at the bedspread she was straightening as she looked up at him with a sigh.
“She doesn’t want to leave the mission.” Abhaya’s voice was monotonous. “She sounded almost like a monk when she said she found her right path there.”
Swadhin studied Abhaya’s face intensely, making her look up at him with a frown.
“Are you upset?”
“Why will I be upset?” Abhaya retorted. Swadhin shook his head and turned around towards the desk. Abhaya bit her lips, realising she was rude.
“I should thank you for keeping your promise.” She made him turn as she came up to the desk.
“You should not, technically, I did not find her.” He shrugged. Abhaya smiled faintly.
“Didi asked me if I was happy.” Her voice sounded distant. Swadhin stood up from his chair, pushed his glasses up his nose and asked, “Are you?” Abhaya stared back at him with an undecipherable glance.
“I am tired. We need to leave at dawn.” She moved away from the table to her side of the bed. “Set the alarm.” She made him nod as he reached for the alarm clock. Swadhin could not help but wonder where they now stood, with Kalyani refusing to stay with Abhaya. Would she leave him or stay?
“I have no intention of leaving…” He almost blurted. “Yesterday was an emergency.”
“I know.” Abhaya looked guilty. “It’s what you do. It’s noble. Saving lives.” She stopped to glance at him with a faint smile. “I should apologise for my behaviour.” What Swadhin expected was an answer to the question that cast a storm of emotions inside him. But he realised it would not be so easy to find his answers with Abhaya. Swadhin shook his head with a sigh as he removed his glasses and walked up to his side of the bed. “What’s done is done. Perhaps we should learn to trust each other a little more.” He removed his watch and reached for the lights. That can be the beginning.
“Like Didi trust Naw Da?” Swadhin looked up at Abhaya’s hopeful eyes and suddenly felt a rush of warmth in his body. She saw what he did. He nodded with a faint smile. “Perhaps.” The lights switched off in the room as two souls stayed wide awake in a proximity of awkward familiarity, lost in the thought of a future they both feared talking about.
Sharat gained consciousness two days after he was brought to the mission when Mohini leaned in to check his breathing as he opened his eyes, and she murmured thanks to the Almighty. For a brief moment, seeing her, Sharat was unsure of where he was. His stomach hurt, and he did not remember meeting her. All he remembered was sending Kabir and Jatin away and sending the weapons to the leader in the hideout. Sharat tried to sit up, and Mohini stopped his movement. That was when his eyes travelled to his feet and found Kalyani there. Kalyani was looking dishevelled, tired and somewhat disappointed. It looked like she had cried, but she did not move from her place, just kept staring at him. Sharat tried to get up again, and this time, Kalyani stared at Mohini and said in firm words, “Tell him that the doctor said he can’t move for at least a month and let his wounds heal. It's a miracle he is alive.” Mohini quietly observed Sharat’s arched brows. “A doctor?” He looked up at Mohini, agitated. “Who called a doctor? They will inform the police, you are not safe here.” His words were directed at the woman sitting with her back to the wall in the shadow, still staring at him.
“Tell him we can be women, but we are not fools.” Kalyani spoke to Mohini again. She nodded.
“She is right, Sharat Da, you don’t need to worry,” Mohini said, placing her hand over his forehead to check his temperature. “You need to rest. we did whatever was needed to keep you alive.”
Unlike you, we are not selfish. We think of others.” Kalyani’s words made him frown. He was literally on his deathbed for a cause for the country. How could she call him selfish? Before Sharat could enquire, Swadhin walked into the room with his stethoscope around his neck. Sharat looked at him as if he were seeing a ghost.
Swadhin was overwhelmed with emotions. He was angry, upset, scared of losing his brother and worried for his health even if he healed. All that took a back seat to his professionalism as he composed himself to calmly ask, “How do you feel?”
“Weak,” Sharat kept staring at him, unsurely and eyed Kalyani again. He was unsure what to ask as Swadhin knelt on the mattress, checked his temperature, and then put his stethoscope on. Mohini moved away and stepped out of the room when
Abhaya came barging inside, startling Kalyani and Swadhin.
“Are you insane? What were you thinking?” She knelt in front of Sharat and rebuked. Her eyes were teary and Sharat once again tried in vain to get up. He extended his hand to Swadhin who did not take it. Instead, he softly reminded Abhaya to stay calm but Abhaya always had a mind of her own.
“First, you almost died, so I can’t even be angry at you.” Her teary words made Sharat stare at her, a little surprised. “But after you plot against me. I should tell the police where you are.” She retorted. Sharat smiled faintly as she wiped her tears, and Swadhin once again told her to remain calm. He eyed Kalyani, staring at her sister and managed to whisper, “Do it then.”
“Oh, as if I can! I know you trapped Didi into your little scheme to get back at me.”
“That was never my intention.” Sharat shook his head. “You can ask her.”
“You are the worst, Naw Da.” Abhaya stood up with the same jest she walked in with.
“So I have been told.” Sharat eyed Kalyani, who looked away. Swadhin had the bell on Sharat’s chest as he looked up and gestured at Abhaya to be quiet. “You are increasing his heartbeat.” He said in a professional voice.
“I am very scared of you, as you can see, Abhaya.” Sharat nodded. “The doctor says so.”
Abhaya fumed. Kalyani knew her sister was not one to stop. She stood up, took Abhaya by her hand and led her out of the room. Swadhin set the bell down and said “You are fine, just weak.”
“What about my heart beating faster?” Sharat asked nonchalantly.
“I lied. So that she stops. This is neither the time nor the place to talk of such things.” Swadhin said, tightening his jaws.
“So you are upset with me, too?” Sharat asked, adjusting the pillow on his head, wincing a little. Swadhin nodded. “I feel betrayed. You have never lied to me before. How many times did I tell you about finding Didi?” Sharat closed his eyes as Swadhin stopped.
“Go on, I am listening.”
“I want to know why.” Swadhin inhaled. “Why would you do that?”
“Will you believe me that I had more than one reason?” Sharat opened his eyes briefly to stare at his younger brother. He scratched his messy beard as he spoke again, “Otherwise, what is the use of my saying anything to you?”
“Fine, let's assume I believe you.” Swadhin shook his head as he put the stethoscope back in his bag and adjusted his glasses. “Then?”
“At first, I was trying to save Kalyani from any dire consequences. Everyone was speaking about sending Abhaya back to the Jamindar, as she saw the men, and Kalyani saw them too. Abhaya’s statement to the police was actually what Kalyani saw. I was afraid she could be in danger.”
“Danger from whom? Baba?” Swadhin stared at him in disbelief. Sharat shook his head.
“No, the likes of Benu who had revenge burning on their heads.” Sharat coughed a little, and Swadhin offered him some water from the jug, unsure of whether to push him further to talk. But Sharat was in a mood to chat.
“And then… it became about you.” Swadhin frowned at his words.
“What about me?” Sharat wore a faint smile.
“What would happen to you if your wife leaves you for her sister? You will roam the roads of Barisal like Devdas.”
“Naw Da, I am not in the mood for your sarcasm.” He shook his head.
“Why do you think I am joking? I am very serious. I know love when I see it.” Sharat closed his eyes again, wearing a teasing smile as Swadhin inhaled.
“That is not the entire truth now, is it?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“What do you mean?” Sharat eyed him briefly.
“I also know love when I see it.” Swadhin expected Sharat to protest, but he did not. Instead, he leaned forward and asked Swadhin, “What is Abhaya going to do? Run away from all of this? Take Kalyani with her?”
“I don’t know. Didi refused to go with her. I wonder why.” Swadhin eyed Sharat, who inhaled. “But Naw Da, you know the consequences of choosing ...” Swadhin could not complete his sentence.
“Relax.” Sharat shook his head. “Nobody is choosing anything.”
“Are you sure?” Swadhin waited at his lack of response then continued. “She was inconsolable at the thought of losing you.” Sharat looked up at his words sceptically. He did not believe his brother. Swadhin sensed that. “I think you should talk to her.”
"Remain the younger brother you are. Don’t try to teach me.” He said with his eyes closed. Swadhin shook his head and decided it was best that he leave.
“Is Baba back yet?” Sharat’s question made him stop at the threshold and shake his head.
“They raided some of our previous hideouts.” He sounded concerned. Sharat inhaled.
“It must be time…” He murmured under his breath. Swadhin looked up with questioning eyes at his brother. But he knew his curiosity would not be satiated.
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