TUMKO NA BHOOL PAYENGE

Roshni spent the rest of her evening talking with Hansa. First about their family history and how the Punwars once ruled Mewar to become chieftains of the small but significant province.

“But you know, my child, sadly women who stayed behind the purdah of the inner palaces, even if they impacted the lives of those we know about, were given very little importance. You will barely find their names or stories if they didn’t give an heir or two.” Roshni agreed with Hansa. She spoke like her own mother. Naari ki balidaano ko sadev bhulta aaya hai itihas. She had heard her mother say that a million times. It wasn’t until she took up the subject that she realised how true it was.

Dinner was early in remote areas because there was no need or means of getting out of the house after dark. After gorging on a sumptuous meal in the evening and thanking Hansa for it, she informed her that she would leave by the first available bus at dawn. Pratap was missing from the dinner and Roshni found it odd to ask Hansa about it and gathered that it might have been a regular affair at the Punwar house.

“But you didn’t see the temples yet.” Hansa frowned at her decision. “Stay another day if you please, you are welcome.”

“No Mausi, I need to be home. I will come back if I have more questions.” Hansa reminded her that she was always welcome. It wasn’t till she reached her room to pack her belongings that she was worried that she hadn’t seen Pratap since they came back. Had she any how offended him? She walked down the corridor to realise that the door to his room was locked from the outside. She walked down the narrow yet steep stairs to the courtyard to find Hansa at the family temple shutting the doors for the day. Unsure of whether to ask about Pratap, Roshni stood there and folded her hands to the Lord. Hansa smiled at her and asked if she couldn’t sleep. Avoiding the question Roshni started asking about her life, her marriage, and Pratap.

After laughing over a few instances of his childhood mischief Hansa said “And look how irresponsible he is still. He still hasn’t returned home. He will go digging somewhere tomorrow again and for days I have been telling him to clean up the storeroom on the roof. I want to rent it out…” She stopped as Pratap arrived, his hair and clothes wet and him shivering as the ladies looked at him a little startled.

“I will clean up your storeroom tonight itself.” He spoke to his mother who gasped.

“What happened to you? How did you get wet?” Hansa put her hand over her mouth and gasped. “In this winter? Pratap! Have you been swimming away your stress again as you did as a child?”

“No!” He protested loudly and walked away to his room leaving Roshni confused as Hansa mumbled how careless and stubborn he always was.

“Roshni, child, my knees hurt. Can you take this Haldi Doodh to him upstairs? I am sure he hasn’t eaten anything. I am sorry for making you work…”

“Don’t worry Mausi, I do more at home.” Roshni promptly took the warm milk from her hand with a smile and walked up the stairs. The door to the locked room was now open, and Pratap was sitting on the mat, his hair still wet but clothes now dry, leaning over what looked like an old trunk, its contents poured out around him. Roshni walked into the room, the sound of her anklet making him stop whatever he was doing.

“Mausi sent you this.” She kept the milk down on the table and eyed the picture on his desk, of his father.

“You shouldn’t have bothered, I would have…” Pratap fumbled, not glancing over his shoulder at her.

“She said if it was up to you, you’d skip dinner.” She forced a chuckle and stopped as her eyes fell on the contents of the trunk. Old letters, jewellery, clothes.

“Are you looking for something?” She asked as Pratap shut the trunk noisily.

“No. It is none of your business.” His words were rude and firm and Roshni stepped back with a nod. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” She shook her head, “I just wanted to let you know I am leaving at dawn.”

“Very well. I wish you the best.” He said trying to sound a bit less aggressive. Roshni stood in silence for a moment and sighed. “It is a goodbye, then.” Her words seemed determined. Seeing him unresponsive she walked away to her room.

She was pacing the room, occasionally staring at the dimly lit ruins of the palace visible from her window, when she heard a loud thud on the roof. Alarmed by the noise, she picked up a spear like a weapon that she found hanging from the wall of the guest room and proceeded to the stairs. The light of the rooftop appeared to have been lit and she frowned slightly, walking up the stairs. On the door to the left of the roof, from where the noise was coming, she found Pratap, panting in sweat as he tried hard to push a trunk away.

“Do you need help?” Her whisper almost jolted him as he turned back to find her standing there with the spear. He raised his eyes questioningly at her weapon of choice as she smiled sheepishly admitting she was scared of the noise and picked it up in self-defence. Roshni was relieved to see him smile amused at that as he shook his head and said it was the worst possible choice of a self-defence weapon.

“Should have tried a dagger.” He turned to inspect the mess around him as Roshni carefully put the spear on the floor and walked up to him.

“I can help.”

“Sorry, if I woke you up.” Pratap shrugged “And sorry if I was rude…”

“No I couldn’t sleep anyway, and I did intrude.” Roshni shook her head.

“That trunk belonged to my aunt. That’s all that is left of her.” His voice was low as Roshni fumbled “Oh I am so sorry I… you must miss her.” He agreed with a faint smile, “ She used to write things down in journals and the day she left she told me if I couldn’t find answers within me I should try to seek them in her words.”

“Is that what you were doing?” Roshni asked. “Trying to find answers?”

“I suppose.” Pratap sighed and looked up at her face. In the dim light, her eyes shone and he pulled his gaze away from her.

“Let me help you.” Before he could protest Roshni had bunned up her hair and pushed the trunk he was pulling from the other side. They managed to bring it out and proceed with the heaps of old papers kept in the room. In the middle of the chore, they exchanged stories about their lives, childhood, and mothers and to his surprise Pratap found Roshni speaking of her father.

“I lived in denial all my life, thinking he was going to come back to us but he didn’t. I guess I was trying too hard to fight off the feeling of abandonment and ended up having issues with the same.” Pratap stopped going through a bundle of tattered clothes as she spoke, her hands still engaged in separating the keeps from the rubbish as he gulped.

“I suppose if we fight something we know in our guts to be true, it makes the feelings stronger.” Pratap’s words made her look up and agree as he appeared busy with the work at hand. Roshni flipped through the bundles of History books in the storeroom which Pratap said belonged to his father. He was the reason he took up the subject. Roshni’s hand stopped at a line as she gasped softly.

“This book says Maharana Pratap’s mother was Jaivanta Bai and she belonged from Jallore.” She smiled “That is so weird, my mother’s name is Jivanta and she belongs to Jallore as well.” Pratap looked up at her words and narrowed his brows. “Isn’t it such a coincidence?”

“Yes.” Pratap nodded. He suddenly had the urge to self-invite himself to take Roshni home and meet her mother once but he restrained himself. He didn’t want to come across as creepy or overfriendly. “But you see…” He tried to reason “A lot of people from the areas of such famous personalities are named after them, so maybe not that weird.” Roshni nodded in agreement. “You are right.”

“So… you won’t tell your mother about your little trip here?” Roshni shook her head.

“No, she will worry about me. But I am glad we met. I would at least know there’s someone out there who feels am not insane.” Roshni smiled.

“I am glad I could help.” Pratap smiled faintly.

“I… am also sorry for…” Roshni looked awkward, “the breakdown in the afternoon.”

“You shouldn’t apologise for it. I understand, it must be traumatic.” Pratap’s words made her stop and look around.

“Well, I should go and try to get some sleep, I have a bus in the morning.” Roshni made him agree and thank her for the help. She walked up to the threshold and stopped.

“Goodbye, Pratap.” Her words made Pratap glance over his shoulder and smile.

“See You, Roshni.” Her smile faded a little at his words as she nodded and walked away.

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