Letter To My Beloved

This is a one-shot spin-off outtake from "Rishta Tera Mera" after the chapter "Truth". This was written back when I was doing part 2, "Barrister Babu" for the story, and there is no better day than to post it on the first anniversary of the story. Thank you for all the love you poured in. Also, this is a special tribute to all those named and unnamed people and their families on both sides of the border whose blood, sweat and sacrifice made this day possible. Jai Hind!

My Beloved Sampoorna,

I know I have lost the right to call you what I used to. I also know there is a chance you are reading this because you realised I will never come back. I know you are angry with me for hiding my true self from you. Your anger is justified. I had left without a goodbye, forgotten all the promises I had made to you and to my family. I had let all of you down. I am sure the entire village had made their opinion on a runaway like me, perhaps I was cowardly, perhaps I found a better life, perhaps I found a lover. None of that is true, yet all of it is. If you have read my letter till now, I know you are in tears, perhaps angry ones. But please, I request you to read the letter in its entirety. I was indeed cowardly. I didn’t find the courage to face you and say goodbye. We were too young and naive when we got married, and I know you still are. I am not worthy of your innocence anymore. For I have outgrown our world, its novels, Putul Khela and daydreams and had my slice of reality. I didn’t want to involve you because you still have your innocence intact. If anyone ever blames you for my straying, I am sure that Aniruddha Babu and Bondita will be there for you. I hope my parents aren’t harsh on you for me, because if they are, I won’t be able to forgive myself. You had given me a happy life, true marital bliss. I do appreciate that Sampoorna, don’t think that I don’t! But somehow in these years, I have grown to want more from life than just running errands in the Zamindar house or teaching the girls. I had no desire to follow Baba’s footsteps, nor stay in that house with you. I am sorry, but I have outgrown that life; my world has expanded. It is still true that I want that girl’s school and the women to be literate as much as Bondita does, but I am also sure that she is brave enough to do it herself, and if she stumbles, Aniruddha Babu is there to help her with it.

It is also true that I have perhaps lost my heart and found my purpose. I do have a better life. But not the kind of better you think of. I don’t have a steady income, a house, a family or anything that anyone my age desires. But I do have a purpose. And for that purpose, let me assure you, I haven’t forgotten you. My guilt doesn’t go away. I would wake up every day with your thoughts and go to sleep worried about you. But yes, I realised our relationship was never about love. We were too young to know. We had each other’s habits. But love? Now I know how that is. It is passionate. It is fierce. And it wants to make you act upon it. We never had that, did we? I couldn’t even give you the happiness of having a child. I know how much you wanted that.

Don’t be jealous, Sampoorna. I have never lost my heart to a girl more beautiful than you are. Every time I see a woman with curly hair, it always reminds me of you. Somewhere, my heart aches to see you once and apologise for disappearing in person. But I know I can’t. For I don’t want to put you in danger. How could I ever tell you that I lost my heart to the motherland? I wanted to fight with my blood and sweat for her. My purpose was greater than what Baba predetermined for me, or the dreams you had. You may wonder why I am reaching out. It is because I am sick. I am sick at heart. Homesick for you. But my mind and soul? Our leader often says we are in it till we have the mind determined to fight till the end. My body may give up on me, but my mind still wants to fight till my last breath.

In our secret hideout in the ruins of a temple, there are five of us who often meet in secret. But I know we can’t hide for long. Our supplies will run out. Soon we will have no food to eat. And the bullet that grazed my stomach once often bleeds. I feel weak, sometimes even defeated. But then I remember your face, I remember how much I have lost, what all I have chosen to give up for this purpose. And every time I try to recollect the happiest days of my insignificant life, I remember your smile and those summer afternoons with ripe mangoes. I remember your touch and your care. And I remind myself that I can’t give up again. I have to reach the end of it, either by fulfilling my purpose or dying for it.

I hope when you read this ( if you believe the words of a man who abandoned you, that is ), you will perhaps forgive me, and perhaps even be a little proud of the fact that I am not that cowardly. I lost my heart to the motherland, Sampoorna. There was no competition here. You are a part of my soul, and will always remain so. I hope after reading this, you will have the closure you need, and you can move on to a better life and find a man worthy of you. I know you will say that you took vows with me, but I release you from them. And trust me, just once, Sampoorna, you will find a man who would appreciate your true worth and have the same dreams. I am sorry that I am not that man.

I know I have no right to order you or wish you to do something for me. But if you have read this till the end, and understand where I come from, don’t give in to any kind of Kupratha they dictate to you to follow. I abandoned you; you are not my widow. No matter what they say, they don’t know us, do they? Your life, your happiness and your purpose should be yours, not tied to me in my absence. Help out Bondita with the school. She doesn’t ask much, but I know she needs support, especially from you. Aniruddha Babu has promised to take care of you in my absence. I can go in peace because I know you have them. Until you find someone worthy enough to give you what you want in life.

With wishes for your good health,

Your Debaditya.

Purnota: Chapter Sixteen

It had been a month since Bondita had started working in the firm. With Somnath’s wedding date being set for winter, many things were keeping Trilochon and Kalindi busy as they took charge of the smooth running of things leading up to the wedding. They needed to shop for everyone, buy gifts and choose jewellery and sarees for the bride. Despite his attempts, Trilochon found Binoy reluctant to participate in his son’s wedding arrangements. Somnath took him and Kalindi to places they wanted to go, especially Kolkata for shopping, and Trilochon made arrangements to make sure that the first wedding of the generation was grand enough. Bondita tried to help as much as she could as she noticed Aniruddha being oddly aloof from the entire thing. She assumed it was due to Trilochon’s reactions to his lack of interest in marriage. Trilochon kept pestering her to enquire into his reasons while she kept stalling him with excuses. Bondita also failed to know more about Kalindi and Trilochon’s past, ...

My Everything

Kunwar Pratap stormed into the Mahal at Gogunda amidst uncertainty and chaos. Happy faces of the chieftains and soldiers welcomed him as Rawat Chundawat, and some other chieftains stopped the ongoing Raj Tilak. A visibly scared Kunwar Jagmal looked clueless at a visibly angry Kunwar Pratap. Rani Dheerbai Bhatiyani hadn't expected Kunwar Pratap to show up, that too, despite her conveying to him his father's last wish of crowning Kunwar Jagmal. Twenty-one days after Udai Singh's death, she was finally close to a dream she had dared to dream since Jagmal was born. He was not informed about the Raj Tilak as per Dheerbai's instructions. She eyed Rawat Ji. He must have assembled the chiefs to this revolt against her son, against the dead king. No one except them knew where Kunwar Pratap was staying. It was for the safety of his family. " What are you doing, Chotima?" A disappointed voice was directed at her. She could stoop down so low? For the first time, an anger...

Towards You

The Afghans, after Sher Shah Suri's untimely demise, were at loggerheads for power. Their troops near Mewar were now led by Mehmood Shah. They secretly captured territories in the forests and waited to attack Mewari camps when the time was right. Rawat Chundawat and his spies had confirmed the news, and Udai Singh sent a warning to Mehmood Shah to withdraw his troops from Mewar in vain. Now that it was out in the open, it was time they declared war. Mehmood Shah had limited resources in Mewar. His internal rebellion against his commander did not help his cause. His spies clearly suggested that in no way could he win, especially with Kunwar Pratap leading his troops. He was having second thoughts about the war. It was then that one of his aides suggested a perfect plan. Maharani Jaivanta Bai had decided to go to the Mahakaleshwar Temple near the outskirts of Chittorgarh, in the forestlands of Bhilwara. They had travelled a long way and across the Gambhiri river that meandered during...

Purnota: Chapter Seventeen

Bondita opened the curtains of her room at The Park to find the view of Stephen Court and the street below going towards the Maidan. She eyed the double bed and placed her things on one side while lying down on the empty side. The soft bed made her yawn as she sat up, staring at the clock. She needed to change for a quick dinner. They had an early matter at the High Court, and the client’s car was supposed to pick them up around 9 AM. As she changed into a full-sleeve black top and jeans, removed her earrings and adjusted her smudged Kajal, she heard a knock on her door. She opened it to find Aniruddha standing in a pair of jeans and a grey polo-necked T-shirt, his hair brushed back, as he cleaned his thin-rimmed glasses with the edge of his T-shirt. “Are you ready for dinner?” He asked, putting the glasses back on. As she nodded, she grabbed her handbag. They walked into The Bridge, and Bondita was a little conscious of her environment. Many foreign guests, businessmen and even s...

Purnota: Chapter Twenty One

The morning after the Chief Minister of the state attended the reception party, Binoy wrapped the newspaper that had just arrived at their threshold, eyeing the picture of him and Trilochon with the chief minister smiling proudly, made a mental note of framing it for his office in Siliguri and stepped out to see the car waiting for him in the entrance to take him to the station. He glanced over his shoulder at the house, still asleep and watched Bihari put his luggage in the back seat. Bihari had been with the Roy Chowdhury House since he was a teenager. He eyed Binoy as he lit his pipe and straightened his jacket when Bihari approached him. “Boro Saheb, should I inform Kotta Moshai once?” Binoy eyed Bihari with a disapproving glance. “If I wanted to tell him, I would have done so myself, Bihari. Where is the driver?” He checked his watch. Bihari sighed as he ran to check on the driver. Bondita stopped on the gravelled path leading from the entrance to the main gate as she watched...

Purnota: Chapter Twenty Two

The winter morning was pleasant, especially when the sunshine hit the dewy grass on the lawn, and Bihari set down the porcelain cups for Trilochon and Kalindi to start their day. Kalindi had just taken up some orders to knit sweaters and mittens for some of the neighbourhood kids as she wrapped the thick brown shawl tightly around herself, on the chilly morning as she sat down on the lawn chair with her needles, pin and colourful balls of wool, as she knit a pair of mittens while waiting for Trilochon to join her. Bondita hurried out of their place and stopped at the sight of her sitting alone, unsurely. “Do you need something?” Kalindi raised her eyes briefly from the wool and asked as she shook her head. “I was hoping to talk to Jyatha Moshai…” She shivered a little as Kalindi scolded her to find a sweater first. She rushed indoors as Kalindi spotted Trilochon in a thermal t-shirt, a pair of pants and a shawl walking towards her with the cane in hand. He stopped as he watched her kni...

Purnota: Chapter Twenty

Trilochon’s only desire for Som’s wedding was for it to be so grand that the entire Chandannagar remembered it for the longest time. He had also invited the leaders of the opposition, ministers and even the CM, and if rumours were to be believed, he would accept the invitation. That meant trying to impress him for a ticket to the next Lok Sabha elections. He knew the only way to do so was also to showcase Som as a prodigy. Their family name was enough to earn votes for the party in the area. “Perhaps you could tell him about Somnath Babu’s involvement in some of the projects here. Like the slum area where water was flooding the pathways…” Poritosh had suggested. “But it was done by…” Bapi Da had stopped as Trilochon shook his head, “How does it matter who did it? What matters is that we say Som did it.” They agreed. “Jyatha Moshai.” Bondita walked into his room, not expecting the elderly men from the Party office to be there. “ Bolo, Maa. ” “The Gaye Holud is here.” She smiled. “How a...

Purnota: Chapter Fifteen

A week was all it took for Bondita to get used to work and the new routine. She would wake up early and hurry through her chores, helping Kalindi prepare a tiffin of either Chirer Polao or bread jam and then proceeding to the Roy Chowdhury house. She would arrange the day’s paperwork before Aniruddha arrived at the study room. Occasionally, she would hear him call out to Koeli for breakfast and pack her things, knowing he was almost ready to leave. He would walk into the chamber, check his list, and they would go to work. She would follow him from courtroom to courtroom. She would be sitting in the audience and learning. She would follow him to conferences and client meetings and take notes. They would discuss complicated cases. She would share the tiffin she brought from home. He would at first take a reluctant bite, then eat more than her. She often gave him her share of food discreetly. They usually stayed back after everyone was gone and ordered food for dinner. Some days, he woul...

Purnota: Chapter Twenty Three

“So the question is, do the slum dwellers get their dues to relocate, or do they protest on the road, grabbing media attention? If one of them mentions the sewage project where all this started, we can’t guarantee not dragging certain names then. It will be beyond our control.” Bondita breathed in as she eyed everyone at the table. The conference hall of ARC & Associates had an oval table with a whiteboard, projector and podium and sitting around the table were a stenographer, Bondita’s secondary attorney, Debashish Ghosal, the contractor and his attorney Biswas, the representative of the NGO with the Union leader of the slum, Trilochon, Somnath and Aniruddha. The people of the NGO appreciated her strategy with a nod. Ghoshal looked perplexed as his lawyer whispered something in his ear. Somnath did not look up from the table as Aniruddha passed a note to Trilochon in writing. “Now the decision is yours.” Bondita continued. “We are keen on out-of-court settlement if our basic ...

Purnota: Chapter Nineteen

“Wake up, wake up!” Bondita smiled, amused at Aniruddha and Batuk sleeping on his bed, hugging each other like children. She removed the curtains, and the room was flooded in daylight. “Urgh.” Batuk stirred as Aniruddha sat up. “What is wrong with you?” Batuk threw the pillow Bondita caught before it hit the floor. Her wet hair shone in the sunlight, with droplets of water lingering on its tips as she adjusted her well-pleated orange saree with a blue border and opened the window. A gust of cold breeze blew in from the Ganges, prompting Batuk to pull his blanket over his face. “Let me sleep, Daini !” He murmured. “Is it not enough that you all gave away my room to guests?” Aniruddha was stretching and yawning as Bondita chuckled, amused, pulling her wet hair to the side of her shoulder. “Why are you dressed up?” Aniruddha asked, suppressing a yawn. “Oh, you should be, too. Jyatha Moshai said We are going to Kalighat.” She raised her brows, amused. “Oh shit,” Aniruddha murmured, hitting...

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