Dilemma

Aisi ek mashal jala ke bhed mitt jaye saare

“Where were you all day?” Manorama entered her house to see her elder brother, Mohitosh, and her parents sitting livid in the living room. 

“I went to college.” She shrugged, clutching the jute bag on her shoulder. In it was a revolver she had hidden making a secret pocket in a dictionary. She had to carry it around since the time she realised her brother often checked her belongings in her absence.

“Don’t lie to us.” Mohitosh looked visibly agitated. “Baba went to your college, you were not there. Where were you that weekend?” He asked rather suspiciously. “I doubt it now.”

“I was… at Bondita’s place. I told you.” She frowned.

“She is lying again.” Mohitosh looked agitated.

“Really? You can enquire about me .” She retorted. “Bondita and everyone present will tell you the truth.”

“Why will she tell me the truth? She is your dear friend.” Mohitosh shrugged.

“Ask her family then.” Her mother snapped “If Mano went there they would know. If not, she is not going to college tomorrow. Or henceforth for that matter.”

“What?” Manorama looked shocked, “How can you do that? My studies will be hampered.”

“If being a barrister for you means doing these illegal activities and landing the family in trouble and shaming your parents, you better suffer.” Mohitosh shook his head.

“Ah, Mohi.” Her father appeared calm and composed. “Let her go to her room. We can talk about this later.” Manorama looked up at her father’s words, a little relieved.

“No Baba. Thakuma has spoiled her and rotten her head with such ideas. My job will be at stake if the officers at Writers’  find out that my own sibling is into such terrorism.” Mohitosh shook his head.

“How dare you call us terrorists?” Manorama was angry. “Your own people?”

“The British are giving us jobs, bringing electricity and railroad… I don’t see what harm…”

“That is because you are extremely privileged Dada.” Manorama snapped. Mohitosh raised his hand to slap her. Manorama looked up at him with a dead cold stare that made him stop. Her mother walked up to stop the siblings.

“Enough now!” She turned to her son “Find Bondita and ask her family if…”

“Bondita doesn’t live with her family.” Manorama interrupted, “It’s only Aniru… her husband.”

“And it seems like you know him too.” Mahitosh’s voice was getting on her nerves.

“She seems like a normal girl, settled with a family. Unlike you, who seems to not find even a suitable match for herself.” Her mother taunted.

Manorama looked up at their disappointed faces and turned to walk to her room.

“If Thakuma hadn’t given her a share of the property I would have thrown her out!” She heard Mohitosh speak.

“But she did.” Manorama stopped at the threshold of her room at her father’s words. “Hence we have to be more diplomatic.” Her jaws tightened as she closed the door to her room rather noisily. Manorama sat down in the darkness that engulfed the room. She held her knees close to her chest and closed her eyes to recollect the happenings of the week. It was eventful indeed. This was the moment of decision that would mend or break her life.

Manorama had reached college early only to see Bondita being dropped off at the gates by Aniruddha. She didn’t know why a sudden sense of loneliness crept into her. Ever since childhood, the only person she confided in and dared to show her true self to was her grandmother. Well. since her death Manorama was at loggerheads with everyone she crossed paths with. Until Aniruddha came along. He had given her the vision that someone ordinary, like her brother or father, with a job and family, could also have strong opinions in favour of the freedom fighters and do his bit in his own way. Aniruddha was a supporter of women’s rights, and he worked towards it not only in words but actions. She had noticed how he helped Bondita with house chores and hosting the guests, a very rare sight in the society she belonged to. Till now, Manorama’s idea of a London returned person was aristocratic and snobbish. He had changed that idea in her mind. She had walked away unnoticed and sat with Sudeshna rather than as usual with Bondita.

Manorama had walked up to Bondita as she waved at her the next day and smiled in courtesy as she walked inside the premises alongside her.

“Oh, before I forget, Barrister Babu told me to inform you he had read into the case of the man you brought and he wants to meet him as soon as possible,” Bondita said, tapping her head as she sat down on the bench beside Ila.

“That is great.” Manorama smiled, “I will leave college early and take him to Aniruddha’s chambers tomorrow.”

Bondita frowned. “Why will you skip class? Just inform him on your way home, and he can visit tomorrow. There is no need for you to go.” Bondita shrugged. Manorama looked away. 

Ila stared at them rather suspiciously. “Did you know most husbands cheat after five years of marriage?” She said rather abruptly, making them stop and look at her. “I did my own research and it is very well possible that Sudeshna isn’t the only one in the room getting cheated on.” Ila shrugged. Bondita frowned at her words, and Manorama looked away.

Ever since Sudeshna started talking of her husband, the other girls except Bondita had openly admitted to keeping an eye on their men. Was Bondita doing the same? 

Manorama had walked into Aniruddha’s chamber with the client as he sat drowned in paperwork. He looked up at her approaching figure with a smile and nodded as they sat down to discuss the possibilities of the case.

“ I can’t thank you enough for this Aniruddha Babu.” The man was relieved. “Nobody was taking his case up.”

“I can’t promise you anything, but I will try my best.” Aniruddha smiled. “For now we have to prepare for a bail appeal and then the trial.”

Manorama waited for the man to leave and sat down again, surprising him. Aniruddha looked up with questioning eyes.

“Can I request you something?” She asked as Aniruddha nodded. “If you are talking of fees, I am aware how poor he is and that won’t stop me from…” 

“No, it’s not that… I… you have helped me a lot... “ Manorama cleared her throat. “I want to help you with the case. As a student of law…” Manorama stopped as Aniruddha’s smile disappeared.

“I appreciate it Manorama but you are a first-year student with examinations a few weeks away. I suggest you study for it. You can help anyone you want, as much as you want once you have the gown and degree.” Though he meant to sound polite, Manorama frowned. 

“Are you pushing me away?” The question met with a frown from Aniruddha. “Is it because of Bondita? Does she suspect we are more than friends?”

Manorama was startled as Aniruddha got visibly angry. He stood up as he spoke firmly.
“You are her friend and that is why I am helping you. That doesn’t mean you have the right to walk in here and talk in that manner about my wife.” He snapped. Manorama realised she had spoken out of turn,

“I didn’t mean…”,  Manorama fumbled. 

“I think it will be better if you let me do my job for the people in trouble and you concentrate on your studies,” Aniruddha spoke, closing the cap of his fountain pen. “You don’t know Bondita. Obviously, you are her friend for a few months. I don’t know what happened but… “ Aniruddha stopped as Manorama abruptly picked up her bag and walked away.

Manorama had walked into the narrow entrance of a house at Maratha Ditch Lane, her heart heavy, and mind restless. She was sleeping less at night and thinking more. She didn’t want to face her friends. Worse, she feared that Aniruddha and Bondita now misunderstood her and judged her character. How could she face them? She walked up the spiral stairs of the deserted upper floors and walked into a room. Most of the rooms were closed. They were used for warehousing goods by traders. Only this one, hired under the false name of a trader, was opened once a week for their meetings. She sat down on the floor among a few others.

“We were picking up pace.” The leader of the group spoke. “But unfortunately after the British became aware of the Anushilan Samiti after Master Da and Binoy Badal Dinesh were caught, the Jugantar Dal decided to dissolve.” His words made the people in the room frown.

“But Borunda, what do you mean dissolve? Where will we go?” Someone asked.

“As of now, what is decided is to break up into small groups and lay low. Some people are also joining the Congress Party’s movement with the tricolour in hand. Some are following Subhas Bose. Rumour has it that he doesn’t quite agree to help the British with soldiers for their war, like Gandhiji. On more than one occasion he has spoken of it.”

“Will Bose walk out and make a party? Should we join him?” One of the men asked.

“It is up to you, really if you want to lay low and see if we regroup or join…” Barun shrugged.

“What is the Congress party planning?” It was Manorama who asked the question.

“Well.” Barun lit a cigarette as he spoke. “I have heard of planned protests outside government offices and residences wherever the Laat Saheb goes.”

“Like Gandhi Buri got injured last time by the Crown Police?” One of the women asked. Barun smiled. 

“Yes, if you want you can go and join these protests. But I will not beat around the bush, there is a life risk.” He shook his head.

“Do we have to surrender our weapons now that the party is dissolved?” Manorama asked.

“No, keep it.” Barun Da nodded. “I know you won’t sit idle or lay low. You may need it.” Manorama nodded.

“” I expect none of you to keep in touch with me or each other, that can jeopardise our security.” Barun was firm. “It was a wonderful journey with you all. May we meet again, in a free India. Inquilab Zindabad,”

“Zindabad, Zindabad.” Everyone pumped their fists in the air. 

“I think we should go to Tamluk and meet Matangini Hazra.” One of the women suggested as they gathered for one last time. 

“And join the Congress?” One of the men frowned.

“It is better than sitting idle, right?” Manorama asked. 

“Where else are these agitations going on?” She asked.

“I heard of one near Barrackpore.” Someone spoke.

The party was dispersed for one last time.

Manorama shook her head as she opened her eyes and lay down on the bed. She stared with rather empty eyes at the ceiling fan whirling slowly. She had gone around the city, lying about attending college, to find new allies and operations. Sooner or later her brother was going to find out what she was up to. If she knew him well, he already had. He just needed the opportunity to unveil her plans in front of her parents, with proof. She didn’t trust any of them. She could be handed over to the police. Or they would try to stop that for their false sense of the good name. That would prompt her parents to stop her movement outside the house. They won’t let her study. She sighed. Worse, they could marry her off. Disconnect her from her world. She closed her eyes again. 

On one hand, was her heart. Feelings she didn’t have control over. Feelings that would make her a “bad woman” in the eyes of many. Manorama felt restless. Was she in love? She shook her head. No. She was not crafted for the love of a man. It was too shallow for the life and purpose she lived for. She couldn’t be in love simultaneously in two places. Her love, duty and life were in the name of her motherland. Did she like him? Of course, she did. She wanted to part as friends with both Bondita and Aniruddha. But she knew that she couldn’t bid farewell to anyone in her lifetime. She just had to disappear one fine day.

Manorama’s commitment to her motherland, the promise she made to her late grandmother to keep fighting till the day the British flag was no longer flying atop the Red Fort, the dream of millions, everything weighed much more in the balance than the momentary inspiration and attraction she felt for a man. The problem was, no matter how much her brain strongly made her believe that her heart reminded her that he was the only man she ever got close to liking, if not loving. But he was someone else’s husband. How were her feelings wrong? She didn’t want to have him, and neither did she want him to choose her over Bondita. She never planned to tell him either. She just happened to like him like she liked no other man. That was because of who he was, what he did and how he made her feel empowered and equal like nobody else around her ever did. Could she help it? She would be lying to herself if she thought she did. Feelings never find the logic to vanish into thin air one fine morning like she could.

“You got our tickets?” Bondita asked rather surprised as Aniruddha smiled,

“Yes, we will be leaving the day after your exams get over. We will reach right on time for Mahalaya and also, I figured, since you will take Nikhil and Boudi with you, it will help ease the situation before guests arrive.” Aniruddha spoke as he looked up some of the questions she had doubts about.

“I will tell Asha to make some excuse and tell Bina Pishi to arrive before the others.” Bondita smiled.

“Keep aside your excitement about going home and start studying for the examinations now. Why are you confused with these questions?” Aniruddha asked. 

The knock on their door made them stop with a frown. It was a Sunday afternoon. They were not expecting guests.

Aniruddha opened the door to find a middle-aged agitated man at the threshold.

“Is she hiding here? From her own family? Is the police looking for her?” Bondita walked up behind Aniruddha at the stranger’s words.

“Who are you talking about…” Bondita asked the question before Aniruddha could.

“I am Manorama’s brother, Mohitosh.” Bondita and Aniruddha exchanged glances before they invited Mohitosh in and closed the door. Bondita placed down a glass of water and some tea as Mohitosh spoke, wiping his forehead with his handkerchief.

“She had a fight at home with us. After that she was unusually quiet, going about her routines and college…”

“Manorama didn’t come to college since Monday.” Bondita interrupted with a frown “I assumed she was busy.”

“Busy?” Mohitosh looked agitated “Busy with all nasty things except studies.” He shook his head.

“So, she is missing?” Aniruddha asked, rubbing his hands together and frowning.

Mohitosh shook his head “Not missing, She fled.” Mohitish shook his head “Now we can’t trace her and the house is in her name…” He stopped carefully as Bondita and Aniruddha exchanged glances.

“Did she come here last weekend?” Mohitosh looked up as Bondita nodded.

“She did.” 

“Are you also…” Mohitosh seemed suddenly conscious. 

“I studied with her, and Barrister Babu got her bail.” Bondita nodded, “I am afraid we don’t know more than you do.”

“Nobody does.” Mohitosh gulped down the warm tea in a sip and stood up “If she contacts you, this is my residential contact number.” He took out a small slip of paper from his pocket “Do let us know. My parents are aged. They are worried sick.”

“Of course.” Aniruddha nodded “Hope you find her soon.”

Mohitosh walked out as Bondita shut the door behind him with a frown.

“When did you last interact with her?” She asked, turning to Aniruddha who shrugged. “The day she came to the chambers with the man…” He stopped. He realised he had been rude. But did he know it would be the last time he would see her?

“I met her in class after that, she was very quiet and distant from all of us.” Bondita shook her head. “Anil said it must be because Jugantar Dal dissolved and she had to quit …”

“Seems like she didn’t quit. She found something else.” Aniruddha shrugged. Bondita nodded,

“ I can’t believe she decided to disappear just before the examinations.”

“Well, her priorities are different, and seeing the brother, I feel something happened at home,” Aniruddha spoke as Bondita agreed.

“He did look agitated, didn’t he?” Bondita sat down, with her hands clasped at her chin. “I can’t imagine how brave she is to do this.”

“You have to be brave if you want to defy society, don’t you know that already?” Aniruddha asked with a shrug.

“I admire her for it.” Bondita nodded “Now I feel terrible, thinking she was interested in you.” Aniruddha looked up at her words.

“Don’t feel terrible, it is not like you were rude to her. And you are right, what she is doing is indeed brave.” He nodded, opening the books. “Now it is time for you to study. So five years down the line, you can help women like her.” He reminded her as Bondita nodded and smiled.

“I hope and pray we get independence before that.” Bondita sighed, returning to her books.