Tolte rishta jo aa unhe dikha de
Zid kya hoti hai zid karke ye bata de.
The Thakur dalan and courtyard were overcrowded with married women from the village participating in the Thakur boron before the immersion of the idol. Bina, in a white and red Dhakai saree, inspected the Paan, Mishti and Boron Dala carefully before asking the priests.
"The time is right." They nodded as she smiled, searching the crowd.
"Boro Bouma? Mejo Bouma? Start the rituals." She picked up the boron dala. Asha walked up to the Thakur Dalan first. She then turned to search for Bondita. After all, she had the right to it first.
Bondita, clad in a red Kantha stitch saree, took the boron dala as Bina explained.
"Climb up the ladder, do it thrice, wipe Her tears with your anchol, give Her Paan and Mishti and whisper into Her ears to come by next year." Bondita nodded.
She walked up the ladder carefully. Aniruddha looked across the dalan as she caught his attention, towering over the crowd.
Bondita stared into the eyes of Maa Durga. Was this her imagination that every Bijoya Dashami, her eyes looked teary? She sniffed with a heavy heart as she took the corner of her anchol and wiped the cheeks of the idol. Bondita then put the paan and Mishti over her lips and whispered into her ears. "Abar esho Maa."
Sighing as she stared one last time at the idol, she handed the Boron Dala over to Asha and stepped aside.
Batuk looked alarmed. "We can't stand here for long." His statement made Nikhil and Aniruddha frown.
"Remember last year?" He asked as Somnath nodded. "After they are done with Sindoor Khela and smearing each other with Sindoor, they attack the bachelors." Somnath laughed, "Be careful, Nikhil da."
"I suggest you hide under the bed with me," Batuk spoke, sounding intelligent. "Last year, Somnath Dada got caught. I didn't."
"Great. I will tell them exactly where you will hide." Somnath teased Batuk.
Bondita smiled as Asha put the first round of sindoor from her plate on Bondita's cheeks. She returned the same on both cheeks of Asha as Bina insisted, "Not only the cheeks, smear each other's hairline and Shankhapola too. It's good luck." She showed them how, and they did the same to Bina. Soon, all the women were busy in Sindoor Khela, smearing Sindoor on those they knew and those they didn't. Bondita liked this chaos. She didn't know about others, but at least in her home, during these festivities, nobody asked each other their caste and creed as they participated in colouring everyone the same way.
"Where is Sampoorna didi?" She asked as realisation dawned on her. She held Asha's hand and whispered in her ear. "I will go get Sampoorna Didi to see the goddess before she leaves." Ashapurna nodded.
"Where are you going?" Bondita stopped at Aniruddha's words at the threshold. She turned back as his eyes hovered on her glowing face. The stains of red on her cheeks and nose made his heart beat faster. Bondita looked away, making him aware that he was staring.
"To find Sampoorna didi." She looked up as he nodded. Aniruddha was always proud of this side of hers. How she remembered everyone else, even when people her age were too occupied in their own happiness to notice others.
"Where is Batuk?" Asha asked with a plate of Sindoor in her hand, playfully.
"He just ran away." Nikhil smiled.
"And did you surrender?" Asha laughed, "Already?"
"No. I am just confident I can save myself, Choto boudi." He shook his head.
"Just a small bit of sindoor, from the Goddess. And you will be blessed with a Lokkhi at your house soon." Asha stepped forward. "I know Pishima will love that."
"Why can't you see a happy bachelor? All you married women?" Nikhil made her laugh. He caught her off guard and snatched the Sindoor Thala from her hand, taking her by surprise.
"Bondita. I will come by later." Sampoorna looked awkward as the village women stared at her at the threshold. She drew her white cotton saree further, clutching it across her body, consciously.
"Didi, don't you want to see the idol before she goes?" Bondita dragged her by her wrist into the courtyard amidst the ladies smeared in the sindoor.
"You go see the Goddess. I will go pack some sweets for you to take home. It's Bijoya Dashami. Nobody leaves this house empty-handed."
Sampoorna forced a smile as Bondita let go of her hand. Her hands, too, were red. Sampoorna looked away from her glowing face. The villagers said a widow staring too long at a married woman brought her ill luck. She never wanted that for Bondita. She noticed the women around her giving disapproving glances. Sampoorna inhaled and folded her hands in front of the Goddess of strength. The Dhaak grew louder. So did the smoke of the Dhunuchi.
Ashapurna warned Nikhil as he ran through the crowd with the plate of Sindoor.
"Don't be a spoilsport." She frowned.
Sampoorna turned to see Nikhil running across the courtyard, looking back at someone. She tried to move out of the way. The courtyard was too crowded. When Nikhil moved his head, it was too late to stop himself from colliding head-on with Sampoorna. The plate fell to the ground, grabbing everyone's attention as the women gasped. The dhakis stopped playing.
"I am so sorry I…" Nikhil looked up to see Sampoorna smeared in the sindoor, head to toe. In a reflex, Sampoorna placed her fingers over the traces of her hairline, and the sindoor on her fingertips made her freeze.
Aniruddha strode towards the commotion and stopped a few paces behind Nikhil. Asha had her hand on her mouth as Somnath arrived beside her. Bondita pushed through the silent crowd with questioning eyes and froze.
"Did he just put sindoor on her?" Someone from the crowd broke the silence.
Bondita's eyes travelled to Aniruddha's, and her heart skipped a beat.
"This looks like a valid marriage to me." Someone else spoke. A buzz went across the crowd. Sampoorna stepped back in tears, and Nikhil looked perplexed.
Bondita suddenly felt suffocated. Like the place was hotter than it was supposed to be. Like all this, she had witnessed earlier. It was deja vu. She held Sampoorna as she stepped back and looked again at Aniruddha. Suddenly, she remembered his seventeen-year-old face. She remembered all of it. The buzzing crowd, the sindoor, the word around, Aniruddha's eyes. And his face. At that moment, her repressed memory became vivid. Her heart beat faster, and her throat felt parched. She was sweating.
It all came back to Aniruddha the moment his eyes met hers. Like that night on the balcony, when he heard her name for the first time. Her sindoor-smeared face looked almost similar to the smeared cheeks she had now. Aniruddha knew she was thinking the same thing.
"How can this be?" One of the older ladies shook her head, "She is a widow, this is a sin." Half the crowd agreed with her. "This Kulakshini has caused mayhem. Punish her." Sampoorna's scared sobs haunted a helpless Nikhil.
"This was just an accident." Nikhil looked confused. "I am sorry for that." He spoke louder, "It was my fault."
"This is her sin." Someone retorted. Bondita's grip instinctively tightened around Sampoorna's arms protectively.
"How is it her sin?" Aniruddha opened his mouth as Nikhil glanced over at him.
"Because she is a widow. Her life is already in the darkness."
"But he bumped into her." He reasoned.
"She shouldn't have been here in a pujo in the first place." Debaditya's kin spoke. "He is a Brahmin, he doesn't have a sin!"
"It hasn't even been a year since he passed away, and she stopped mourning." The other ladies agreed.
"No ...I…" Sampoorna wept at a loss for words. Bondita looked angry.
"Does mourning a loss mean you stop living, Kakima?" The woman looked away at Bondita's words.
"This would have been a valid marriage had she not been a widow. Now, this is a sin. She needs to be purified." The priest said, "Call the panchayat. She needs to do a seven-day penance in neck-deep water." Aniruddha's jaws tightened.
"And the rule would be different had she not been a widow?" He asked. They agreed. "What if it were a widower?"
"It doesn't matter. Men can remarry." One of the Pandits spoke.
"Dada." Somnath tried to intervene, "Where are you going with this?" He sounded alarmed.
"Isn't what is wrong, wrong for all, and what is right, meant for all?" Sampoorna looked taken aback at Bondita's face as the words came out of her.
"Bondita, don't." She whispered, almost begging.
"If you discard it, discard it for all; if you believe, then believe for everyone." Bondita said, "If it's not valid, it never was." Aniruddha looked up at her face, at her words. This was it. This was what they wanted to fight for, and couldn't. This was what she wanted when she raised the question of whether they supported such rituals. No, they didn't.
"And if it is, it's valid for all. Society can't discriminate against the lives of women based on their marriage." He added. Bondita looked at his face, and their eyes met. She nodded confidently. Asha held on to Sampoorna as Bondita moved to Aniruddha's side.
"What does your Shastra say?" She asked the priest, "Does it never speak of the consent of women?" She asked.
"How can something be destiny in one case and sin in the other?" Aniruddha fumed.
"How is a marriage valid when two people are unaware?" Bondita stopped to check herself. Somnath knew exactly what was going on; this was not about what it looked like at all. He ran indoors to fetch the only person who could stop this.
"What's going on here?" They stopped to look at the threshold of the Andarmahal, where Trilochan Roy Chowdhury stood with his ivory cane, followed by Binoy and Bina. Bina frowned at Nikhil's grim face.
"Jetha Moshai." Aniruddha smiled a sarcastic smile. "He is religious and well-read, right?" The villagers nodded, "He will tell us what he thinks."
"Yes, Kakababu." Bondita walked up to him. "Tell us if this is destiny, sin or just an accident?" Trilochan looked up at their faces. He knew this tone very well. It was when they wanted to prove something.
"The Sindoor did fall from his hand on her hairline. It's destiny." Someone spoke.
"But Shastras defy this. She can't be remarried. It will cause illness and death to the husband; it's a sin." Another made Aniruddha frown.
"WHAT?" He shook Som's hand off his arms, ``Are you kidding me?" He looked around "Are you people, God? How can you decide about someone's life? Who is a sinner and who is not?" He fumed, "as if none of you has ever sinned?"
"Besides, first decide what you believe in, if it applies to everyone or not," Bondita added.
"Enough." Bina ran to Nikhil and dragged him by the hand. "This is no marriage, this is Kulakshini's sin, she will rub on my son."
"Maa, enough." Nikhil shook his head, protesting feebly as Sampoorna looked up at him.
"What?" Bina frowned "I will never accept a widow as my daughter-in-law. This stops here. It's her sin. She will do her penance."
"Maa, I ran into…"
"Shut up, Nikhil." Bina shut his mouth with her hands. "Just stop talking. Let the elders decide."
"Tell us, Jetha Moshai." Aniruddha said again, "Everyone's waiting." He made Trilochan look perplexed.
"Tell them she is not at fault."
"Or accept that it's an accident," Bondita spoke. "Tell them to stop blaming her just because they can." He added. They glanced over at each other as Trilochan faced them. Had he ever thought this day would come?
"Yes, Borda." Bina walked up to Trilochan. "Tell them it's an accident. Marriages don't happen like that." Trilochan looked at his sister. How could he say that? It would imply a lot more than it appeared. But saying the other would mean going against his own beliefs and prejudice against widow remarriages. Was that what Aniruddha and Bondita wanted?
"It's destiny." Trilochan spoke, "Maayer Ichhe. She brings together those she wants to be together. Who are we to choose?" Bina gasped at his words as Aniruddha and Bondita exchanged glances.
"That means you support widow remarriage?" Aniruddha asked. God, could he be more stubborn? Trilochan stood silent.
"Rubbish. I will not let my son's life be ruined." Bina spoke.
"Oh, and how is it okay if someone else's is ruined because of him?" Aniruddha asked.
"This is a sin." The priests fumed, "We will not stay here any longer. Jamidar Babu, do something."
"I am going to get someone from the Brahma Samaj then." Aniruddha started walking away. "Since Jetha Moshai just agreed to remarriage..."
"Wait." Bondita held him back by his wrist, surprising him. "The entire point of this was consent. We have to ask them what they want." Aniruddha turned to face her with a proud nod. She let go of his hand, aware of the eyes on them. She turned to Nikhil as Aniruddha stopped.
"Thakurpo, forget everything else. Forget what Pishima wants, what society says, and what your Dadabhai said. Tell me what you want. Do you believe this? Or do you believe you should take up responsibility and not let her suffer? I need to know what you are thinking." Bondita spoke calmly, "It's important."
Nikhil's throat went dry as all eyes were on him. He couldn't speak.
"Enough, Bondita." Sampoorna wept as Nikhil looked up at her. "Please stop this, Jamai Babu, please." She folded her hands. "I beg you. I will do whatever it takes to be accepted in society. Let me live a widow's life in peace."
"They will not let you live in peace, Boudi." Aniruddha shook his head.
"This is why I told you, I wanted to die with him." Sampoorna dropped to the floor as Bondita rushed to her. "I wanted to…"
"A widow's life is worse than dying." Someone agreed.
"Stop it. Just stop it." Bondita choked before anyone else spoke. "How can you, as women, think another woman's life is only worthy if it's useful to men?" She looked angry at Nikhil. "A woman's life is never at the mercy of acceptance or rejection of a man. Do you understand?" She picked Sampoorna up from the ground. "You can't treat women like trash. Keeping them when you want, rejecting them when you don't. Women should also have self-respect bigger than a man's ego. Don't you dare talk of dying, Did?. Not under my watch." She made Sampoorna look up. "Let's get you cleaned." She shot a glance at Nikhil and then at Trilochan. "She is staying with me."
"And dare someone talk of sins and penance. They have to first face me." Aniruddha added. He shook his head at Nikhil, disappointed as he looked away and walked away.
"We should get on with the Thakur Bhashan." Somnath reminded everyone.
"We are going home. Pack your bags right now." Bina dragged Nikhil away by his hand.
"Come with me, Didi." Bondita took Sampoorna by her hand by the jheel.
Aniruddha knocked over a vase as he stormed into the study. In frustration and anger, he flung his arm at it and walked over to the freshly placed flowers with his shoes. Koeli came running at the sound of the vase breaking into pieces and stopped at the threshold as Aniruddha shut the door in her face. He couldn't tell what he was more disappointed with, his inability to look after Sampoorna the way Debaditya expected or Nikhil's silence. He always saw Nikhil as a reflection of himself. Until now. He had, on more than one occasion, seen Nikhil care for Sampoorna. Although it disturbed him at first, as he always saw her as Debaditya's wife, Aniruddha had slowly begun to accept that this could lead to a better life for Sampoorna. But he was not sure anymore. Seeing what Sampoorna was going through, Nikhil remained quiet. He was in no way a reflection of Aniruddha. Aniruddha sat down on the couch and inhaled. He remembered when the entire village was against Bondita setting up the school. He just couldn't take it. Was it because of the fact that he knew who she was? No. It was because he couldn't see the wrong that this girl was standing up against, defeating her cause. He closed his eyes.
Bondita let the water from the mug wash away the sindoor from Sampoorna's head. She looked grim. Bondita wiped her tears away, hiding from Sampoorna's glance. Then she took the Gamcha to wipe off her wet hair.
"Don't worry, Didi." She said, hugging Sampoorna from behind. "Everything will be fine."
"You will get wet, Bondita." Sampoorna reminded her rather monotonously. She didn't move away.
"Bondita." Sampoorna looked up at her face. "Whatever happened today is not your fault. Do you understand?" Bondita sat down on the wet steps of the jheel, holding Sampoorna's hand in her own. She looked away silently. "Jamai babu chose you, like you chose him, even after discarding the accident." Bondita looked up at Sampoorna's face and got up. "Let's get you to a room. You will not stay in that hut. It is not safe."
"No, Bondita." She shook her head. "I can't… " she sighed. "Zamindar Babu…"
"It's my house too. You can stay." Bondita was firm. "Barrister Babu won't forgive me if I leave you at the hut alone after all this. Come with me. I have told Koeli Didi to set up one of the rooms on the ground floor for you."
Aniruddha's eyes fell on the coconut phone. He picked it up and slowly began to untangle its rope. He needed to calm down. He couldn't force Nikhil to be who he was not. He couldn't make him believe in either destiny or in love. He stared at the coconut phone in his hand with a longing smile. Even if Aniruddha didn't know Bondita was the same girl from those years ago, he would have perhaps still chosen her over everyone else. She was like the shadow of his soul. Their thoughts synced without trying. For the first time in his life, he had believed in destiny. The thought scared him. He had feared to admit to himself that when he wanted to bring her home, the very moment he had found her letter, the safest excuse he found for himself was her education. He wasn't scared to admit it today, that even if he met Bondita, like the stranger he was to her, and knew her slowly the way he did, he would have fallen for her like he did. He had wanted her back in his life and home at any cost. Yet he was afraid to say it out loud in words then. What if Bondita, being the self-esteeming woman that she was, misunderstood his intentions? This fear lurked in him as did the fear of stealing away her growing years, chaining her to the marriage, and throttling her dreams. Today, as he confirmed how dedicated they both were towards the dream, he didn't fear admitting his feelings, at least to himself. He kept the coconut phone down. Somehow, it was perhaps his fault that he expected something similar from the way he had observed Nikhil. Aniruddha looked up as Batuk knocked on his study room door.
Bondita walked into Nikhil's room as he started packing things.
"So that is it?" She asked, making him stop folding his clothes.
"You are just going to walk away like nothing happened?" She snapped, "That's so brave of you, Thakurpo."
Nikhil inhaled. "What do you expect of me, Boudi?" He looked away. "I ran into her by accident."
"I am not telling you to accept that." He looked back at her face with questioning eyes at her words. "Even I'd say it's an accident."
"Then what do you mean?" He asked with a frown.
Bondita walked up to the side table and started arranging his books.
"I meant you will run away from your feelings." Her words made him look pale. "Pretend that you never liked her, or that she never liked you?"
"Your Didi doesn't want it either." He looked away.
"Or perhaps she believed everything society told her. She is incapable of second chances. It's a sin. Loving someone else would mean leaving Jamai Babu behind." Bondita inhaled "You could fight her prejudice. You could fight the world later."
"Boudi." Nikhil sat down, burying his head in his hands. "I am sorry if I let all of you down. But I am not that brave. I am not brave enough to fight for her or stand the opposition of my mother. You are perhaps braver than I, but I can't…" his voice shook.
"What are you teaching him?" Bina's voice at the threshold made both of them stop and turn.
"Pishima I…"
"This is all your fault." Bina made her look shocked.
"You gave so much leverage to that widow; now she is dancing on your head all day. Why don't you think about your own family? Your own future? Try to mend your relationships?" Bina retorted, "Stop messing with my son's head."
"Maa." Nikhil stopped her "She was here to say goodbye. Why are you blaming Boudi?"
"Why shouldn't I? It's because of her school that you stayed back. That widow must have done some black magic on you. I will take you to Kapali Baba soon." Bina sounded alarmed. "And this girl." She snapped as Bondita looked away.
"This family gives her way too much freedom." Bina fumed.
"Maa." Nikhil frowned. "Please stop."
"It's okay." Bondita stopped him. "It's…"
"Aniruddha dared to tell Pishima to leave, and nobody stopped her. Now his wife humiliates us." Bina fumed. "This house is doomed."
"I had no intention of humiliating anyone, Pishima. Thakurpo stayed here of his own free will." Bondita spoke calmly, "And I understand the caged bird doesn't know the value of freedom. I am lucky to have seen the sky to know never to go back in the cage. Barrister Babu says this, too. You won't understand. And it's okay. Sometimes people who do understand aren't ready to take action on anything. They are worse than those who don't understand." Bondita shot a last glance at Nikhil and walked away.
Trilochan paced his room, worried. What were Aniruddha and Bondita doing with their lives? He had heard that she stays in her old bedroom because of her studies. He had agreed to that too, knowing it was for a few more months. After all, she had stayed in his room effortlessly in the initial few days of the marriage. He sighed as he sat down on the rocking chair. But today, they were desperate to prove that mere accidents aren't to be passed on as forced relationships to people. Was that what they thought of their relationship, too? He shook his head. Aniruddha had said he wanted to marry her to give wings to her dreams. But what about after she learnt to fly? Would he not want her then? His mind wandered to the day Aniruddha firmly asserted that she was not replaceable. Trilochan smiled. He still had hope. He looked up at a knock as he saw Batuk peep in.
"We came for Bijoya Dashami." He said hesitantly.
"Come in." Trilochan smiled. Batuk was followed into the room by Binoy, who turned on the lights.
"It's Bijoya Dashami Dada. It's incomplete without your hug." Trilochan smiled as Binoy touched his feet.
"Aree, where is the Dhaan Dubba?" He asked.
Asha walked in with a plate and smiled, "Didibhai is bringing the Mishti."
"I have to touch everyone's feet." Batuk sounded alarmed. "Where did Dada go?" He asked aloud. Everyone else stared at the door.
Aniruddha was hesitant to enter the room, scared that he had perhaps hurt Trilochan in the process of proving his point. He sometimes went beyond limits to prove his point. Something Bondita often kept in check. He looked around inside the room. Where was she?
Trilochan tiptoed to the threshold to catch him off guard.
"What happened, Aniruddha?" He asked as Aniruddha looked away, "Won't you hug your Jetha this Dashami? I have waited for so many Dashamis for this." He looked up at Trilochan's words and hugged him tightly.
"I didn't want to hurt you, Jetha Moshai." He fumbled. Trilochan placed his hand on Aniruddha's head.
"Aree, when parents are old, they learn from their children. It's not hurting or humiliating in any way. It's a part of life. And I know my son, would he ever hurt me and not be affected himself?" He smiled. "Come, let's have Mishti together." He pushed Aniruddha inside the room as he was about to touch his feet. Aniruddha went ahead to touch Binoy's feet and hug Som and Batuk.
"Ah. The Mishtis smell delicious." Batuk spoke the moment Bondita entered with the plates, making her smile.
"Such a greedy bear you are." She shook her head and proceeded to touch Trilochan's feet.
"Saubhagyavati bhava." Trilochan patted her head, making her smile.
"No Dada", Binoy interrupted, "I would bless her by saying, may you get the best marks in your matriculation and make the Roy Chowdhury name proud." Bondita smiled, touching his feet.
"I'd do that too." Batuk urged.
"As soon as you understand 2 and 2 make 4," Som spoke as everyone laughed.
"Baba!" Batuk sulked, "Tell him not to tease me today."
"Now give me some Mishti." Binoy urged.
"No, Baba. The doctor told you not to have those. I made Barfi for you." Bondita smiled. "Have these."
Binoy looked disappointed.
"And Batuk." Ashapurna smiled. "There is a separate jar of Narkel Naru kept for you."
"Is there?" He smiled as everyone laughed.
"You see, Binoy, how these two take care of the little things around here." Trilochan praised them as Bondita smiled at Ashapurna.
"Come on now, Batuk, we are waiting, touch our feet." Somnath smiled.
"Start with me." Bondita urged.
"You are bullying me." Batuk sulked. Trilochan eyed Aniruddha unusually quietly.
"Start with Dada. He has missed a lot of pujo." He patted Aniruddha's back, making him smile faintly.
"No, don't." Aniruddha stepped back as Bondita was about to touch his feet. Asha stopped touching Som at his sudden words, but proceeded as Som blessed her. Bondita looked up, frowning.
"It's tradition, Aniruddha." Trilochan reminded him, "Let her. "
Bondita was about to again when he stopped her hand, "You are supposed to be equal, not inferior." He reminded her, making her look up at his face.
"But you are older than I am." She reasoned.
"Som is older than you, too. He touched your feet as you are equal to me, then how did I become older?" He raised his eyebrows as Bondita frowned, searching for a comeback.
Trilochan shook his head. "Let's go sit in the Thakur dalan, Binoy. This debate will continue all evening." He sounded amused as Binoy laughed, making them stop consciously.
"I want the Narkel Naru now." Batuk ran as Asha walked behind him to keep pace. Somnath laughed.
"Don't eat everyone's dinner too." Bondita laughed at his words.
Bondita was about to follow behind them out of the room as Aniruddha held her back gently by her wrist. She stopped, a bit alarmed and glanced over her shoulder at him. He noticed her cheeks still had a tint of red, even after the Sindoor was washed.
"Is Boudi okay?" She nodded.
"Bina Pishima and Nikhil Thakurpo boarded the train too. Bihari Babu dropped them there in the afternoon." She looked up at him.
"Are you okay?" She asked, sounding worried. He smiled faintly. "I am. I guess I am just disappointed. I had hopes for Nikhil." She nodded at his words. She did understand.
"Close your eyes." She made him frown at her weird request.
"What?" He asked.
"Just do it." She urged. He knew this voice. It was her, not going to back down. He closed his eyes and sighed. He opened his eyes as she touched his feet.
"I told you not to." He frowned.
"This is for my Guru, I need his blessings to study." She smiled.
"May all your dreams come true." He placed his hand gently on her head as she smiled.
"Did you even go and take the blessing of the idol before it left?" He shook his head at her inquiry.
"Ohho." She patted her forehead with her palm "I reminded you in the morning. Anyway, Maa Lokkhi is still there. Touch hers at least." She frowned. He looked at her, intentionally making her stare back, cluelessly. She was about to leave when he made her stop.
"Wait. Close your eyes." She frowned at his words.
"This better not be a pen and paper stationery kind of gift." She frowned, closing her eyes and stretching her hand out in front of him. Aniruddha smiled faintly.
He sat down on his knees, staring at her closed eyes and anticipating her face. Then he touched her feet. As soon as his palms brushed her feet, she moved away, almost in a reflex.
"What are you doing?" She looked wide-eyed.
"You touched my feet because I am your Guru. I touched yours because you are this Ghorer Lokkhi. You only said to take her blessing." He made her look wide-eyed at him. "You only say that every woman has the goddess in her?"
"When did my words become like Shastra?" She raised her brows, surprised.
"Not that I believe them either." He shrugged and got up. "Listen carefully now, tomorrow onwards…"
"I know. I know. I will be back to the routine. Two more months." He nodded at her words. "You make sure Sampoorna Didi is safe." He took her hand in his. "I promise you, I will." He reassured her with a smile. "I promise you, I will study too." She smiled.
He watched her walk away with a smile. Bondita's words came back to him. Women were always at the mercy of someone's acceptance or rejection. He remembered their conversation about her studies at the Choruibhati. How her eyes lit up. How she defeated him in chess. Every little nuance of hers made him think of her as different and unique. He remembered the day she had arranged his books for the first time. He remembered the day he had hugged her, hoping to heal a void he felt inside himself. He remembered his argument with Jetha Moshai. And how Bondita questioned their acceptance. Aniruddha smiled faintly. Finally, he knew that slowly his heart was winning the war against his head. And this time, he was at the mercy of her acceptance.
Bondita sat down, tired by the windowsill and stared at the moon. The Thakur dalan was empty. A lamp was lit there, in memory of Maa Durga. One more year. Dashami always made her cry. First for the goddess, then for the mother she barely knew. This year was different. She didn't miss having someone's hand over her head when she was in trouble. She was worried, tired and tense about whatever had transpired in the morning. She sighed. She was worried for Nikhil and Sampoorna. Mostly Sampoorna. Her future was at stake here. All the words of the villagers about widows came to haunt her. Bondita fought away her tears. These people stood in front of the woman they worshipped as a goddess of strength and kept abusing another woman. Oh, the irony of it.
Then she suddenly stared at her feet, drawn by Alta. She remembered his words. Bondita smiled faintly. Then everything he did to push her away came floating into her mind, conflicting with her heart. She remembered their first meeting. How the letter he had taken from the Thakur Dalan upset her. Then she remembered how he stood up for her. Always wanted to push her toward her dreams. How everyone said she was lucky to have him. Seeing Nikhil today, she felt blessed. She was not sure how their relationship would unfold, but she never had the uncertainty of being left alone or disrespected by him. She never had the fear of being abandoned or being treated unfairly since the marriage.
Bondita suddenly remembered his face in the Jalsaghar. How the woman lurking over him disturbed her. She couldn't tell why. And she couldn't tell why she felt bad when he refused to treat her the way he treated Saudamini at the dance lessons. Bondita shook her head. Was she jealous? All these months, she was used to having his attention on her. She was used to him having the answers to all her questions. She was not vulnerable even in her weakest moments with him. Was this what love was like?
Then she perhaps loved him before she knew what it was, or why she was here. Perhaps that's what hurt her more than Kakababu. His rejection. But he didn't really reject her, did he? He came for her. Bondita blushed. Suddenly, she remembered his words. Her smile faded. He wanted to give her wings to fly. He was focused on making her independent. She has an identity of her own. She remembered the coldness, the locked doors, stolen glances and excuses. They haunted her every night she slept alone in her old bedroom, remembering their pillow talks. They would talk of their days, problems, what bothered them, their fears and flaws and often share a few jokes before falling asleep amidst the conversation. She missed that.
She was perhaps in love, but he wasn't. To him, she was a student, a project and perhaps a person he wanted to set an example by. Bondita's eyes shone. Their relationship was pure. Maybe not fit into the regular way relationships were, but she couldn't complain, could she? After everything he had done for her? Bondita decided to accept the relationship as it was. Not to push him, or expect anything more. He was her mentor, and she was his student. That was it. Only, now she knew that she had to hide in her, a truth she admitted today, the deepest darkest secret she ever kept that perhaps changed the way she saw everything in retrospect. She was in love with her Barrister Babu.
Words:
Paan: Betel Leaf
Misti: Sweetmeat
Boron Dala: a plate-like thing meant to welcome and bid adieu to the goddess
Anchol: end of saree/Pallu
Sindoor: Vermillion
Narkel Naru: Laddoo-like things made of sugar/gur and coconut
