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Next Time

Ajabdeh's hand trembled at the two red dots that appeared on the pregnancy test kit. She didn't know for how long she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub before she managed to pull herself up and her eyes fell on her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes automatically fell on her stomach as she observed herself. No, it probably didn't show this soon. Life was growing inside her. She felt funny. Anxious, scared, happy and funny. They hadn't been trying that long. This was pretty much sooner than expected.

The first thought she had was to wake Pratap up with the news. She was pleasantly surprised at how their first talks of family planning had turned out. 
"Are you sure?" That was all he had asked. Immense happiness reflected in his eyes at her nod. There was absolutely no need for further words to ruin the moment as he kissed her. 

But Ajabdeh stopped at the threshold. Sometimes these tests were not correct. She should have a test with her doctor first before spinning the surprise on him. She dialled the doctor and booked an appointment.


Pratap looked up at her glowing nervous face as he read the reports twice over. 

"Really?" Was all that he could manage before hugging her tightly. He hugged her so tight that she feared the baby would suffocate between them. She knew that was not possible. They decided to be sure of the ultrasonogram before breaking the news to the others.


"That's your baby." The doctor had pointed to a pea-sized thing on the monitor. Both of them looked disappointed. 

"It's so small." She almost gasped. 

"It doesn't look human." He looked confused.

"Oh wait for the growth. It will look human in the next few months." 

Jaivanta was probably the happiest at the news. She immediately organised a havan at home and tied a Raksha Kavach around Ajabdeh's wrist. Every day she went to work Jaivanta did her Nazar utaran thrice. 


Heer came over to surprise her one weekend. Shakti, Jalal, Rukaiya and she planned to design the baby room themselves to surprise Ajabdeh. She sat looking at the happy faces around her planning for the happiness that awaited them in the future. Pratap made sure she didn't wait up for him anymore. He tried to get home by dinnertime and if at all he was late he would always come home to her asleep figure and plant a kiss on her forehead. She smiled in her sleep.


It was a few days after the first trimester that one-night Ajabdeh felt a sudden span of pain in her stomach. It was similar to period pain and it alarmed her. Scared to even get up her hands reached out for Pratap's sleeping figure. By the time they reached the hospital, she was bleeding.


In between her sobs and Jaivanta's reassuring hug, Dr Chundawat assured her, "Such things happen to many the first time around. Don't lose heart. The next time will be better."

She had looked up across the room in search of Pratap.

"He will be here," Jaivanta reassured. Shakti went out in search of him as she kept staring right at the door. Rukaiya looked alarmed at her pale face and informed Heer to fly down.


Shakti found Pratap on one of the benches, his hand hiding his face. He sat down beside his brother and patted his shoulder.

"She is looking for you." He said. Pratap looked up, wiping away his tears. "Don't Cry in front of her." Shakti reminded him as he nodded. "The next time will be better." He reassured Pratap. 


By the time he entered her chamber, only Jaivanta was sitting by her bedside. She moved away, teary and walked out of the door to meet Khan Uncle as he approached the bed. He placed his hand gently on her head above the faded vermilion. She opened her eyes and saw him. He managed a smile. A teardrop trickled down Ajabdeh's eye as he caught it and shook his head. She let out a muffled sob. Pratap immediately hugged her, teary-eyed. The embrace was long and both tried to find a piece of their heart in the other. The piece that was hurt and missing. He let go of her and wiped his tears. He kissed her forehead and smiled reassuring her. 

"We will try again." He reassured her. "Next time it will be better."


She had Heer by her side for the next few days. The doctor diagnosed no issues and said it was a fluke accident. A fluke that killed her first child. It wasn't long before Jaivanta suggested they should give it another chance. Ajabdeh was not a person to believe in second chances. But this once, she wanted to believe with all her strength and willpower.

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