Skip to main content

Dreams of a past



“What do you mean you left?” Ajabdeh’s raised voice startled her butler, who was pouring juice while she talked on her phone. “You didn’t even tell me.”
“We had a very important event in Delhi, and ....” Hansa was trying to be calm on the other side of the speaker.”... We have to head to London because...umm...”
“Listen, I don’t care. You can go wherever you want; I just thought you would be here, in Udaipur, to see me after Nanosa’s memorial services. I am busy anyway, so I called before fixing my schedule.” Ajabdeh was about to disconnect the call when Heer’s voice stopped her. “Jija. Listen.” Ajabdeh’s hand froze right above the red button as she stared at the screen light up.
“I... have something to say...” Heer cleared her throat.
“Don’t. She won’t understand, she will never understand.” She could hear her father whisper.
“What is it?” Ajabdeh’s voice was firm. “Be quick, Heer. I don’t have all the time in the world to...”
“Mr Solanki asked for my hand for his son and...We are going to London because... because.... umm...”
“The business tycoon?” Ajabdeh’s eyebrows were raised. “Congratulations.” Her monotonous voice was emotionless.
“I know you are upset about Nanosa and us not involving you, but Jija....” Heer cleared her throat. “Maasa thought you would be more upset and...” Ajabdeh smiled to herself. Relationships were never on her priorities, unlike Heer. She knew Heer was emotional and attached to her family, unlike her. Perhaps she even dreamt of marriage. It was important to her. She was also the only one who tried to make Ajabdeh feel she was part of the family.
“It is okay, Heer, you don’t need to explain. I am busy anyway. I have some calls to make now. Goodbye and all the best on your engagement.” Ajabdeh had hung up before Heer could speak and gulped down the morning juice in one go.  Then she stared at the grandfather clock at the end of the hall. It was ticking away. Her eyes lit up.

Around twenty years back, no one knew exactly why, the older princess, heiress to the estate, was sent to Udaipur, to her grandfather’s home, to be raised there. While many villagers believed that it was for her safety, some believed there was some black magic that influenced her, while others suggested that it was just a freighted excuse given for providing her with a better lifestyle in the city. After all, her parents wanted the best for her. But Heer was barely one and she of three when her father, Ramrakh Punwar, made this decision, and Hansa had separated from her elder daughter. And no one questioned the royals. That was the unsaid rule of Surajgarh. Although they met every summer for vacations abroad, something told everyone that this girl had distanced herself from her family. She never came home or celebrated festivities with her family.

 “The royal family has left for a month. You come back once they are back from London, what’s the hurry?” The royal guard was a lazy fellow who did not even move an inch from his place when he stopped Pratap and his father at the gates. Udai Singh sighed.
“I just wanted to inform them that we are back here, in case...” his voice was like a murmur, and Pratap saw the guard smile, amused “And how is your being here or not being here important to Raoji, eh?” He let out a laugh, “Are you some important person?”
“I....” Udai Singh was about to speak.
“We are caretakers of horses.” Pratap’s words made him stare at his son “They had called us for a job, that’s all.” He had turned to his father, “Come now, Daata, let’s go home. They are not here.”
“But we cannot stay here without their permission.” Udai had almost mumbled.
“Then you stay with your age-old views and leave Daata. I am staying here with Badimaasa. Panwarmer is as much my home as their estate.” Pratap’s eyes shone in fury “Twenty years back, they took away your job and asked you to leave, but you never asked them why. Now, you have to ask them to come back home. Why?”
“Because they are our anyadaata Hokum. You won’t understand.” Udai Singh shook his head. “We will come back in a month. Let’s leave for Jodhpur tomorrow.”
“I am not leaving. Not until I have a valid reason to do so, Daata. You can leave.” His words had made Udai Singh shake his head in disapproval.

“Kasturi!” Ajabdeh had stopped her maid in waiting from brushing her hair. “You were at Surajgarh last summer, right?”
“Ji Baisa Hukum.”
“Can you... whom do they inform when they arrive home so that... umm... You know the house is ready and stuff?” She had stared at the maid, thinking.
“Some Chundawatji. He is the manager, I guess. Why Baisa Hukum?”
“Just asking.” Ajabdeh stared at her reflection in the mirror. “Kasturi, I am going on a Himalayan retreat with some friends tomorrow. Pack my bags, please?”
“Ji.”
“And all of you can take a month-long holiday.”
Kasturi had stopped at her words, “A month, Baisa?”
“Yes. It’s a long retreat plan.” She smiled. “And also, I want this manager’s number. Maasa told me to ask him about the estate from time to time.”
“Ji Baisa. I will arrange everything.”
“And also...” She had stopped the maid, “If anyone calls because my phone is unreachable, tell them I'm in the mountains. And...Get that car with Surajgarh’s emblem in the garage cleaned. My friends want to see it.” Kasturi nodded and left.

 “Guru Maasa.” The knock on the door, late in the evening, made Pratap open it for Badimaasa. His father had left in the afternoon, and he hadn’t talked since then. He had heard Badima banter to herself about why he left suddenly. She now peeked to see who was at the door. The man who stood there was in his late thirties, well-built, and wearing an official formal shirt with the emblem of Surajgarh on it.
“Chundawatji, padharo.” Her words made Pratap move aside and make way for the man to enter. The man stared at him with a questioning look.”He is my nephew.” Meera was quick, “He has come to stay with me.”
Pratap had left them to talk and walked across the threshold to the open courtyard. He had missed the chilly evenings full of stars. He could still hear them speak clearly in the silence of the evening.

“Rajkumarisa called. She is arriving tomorrow.” Chundawat’s voice was a little restless.
“But Ranisa said Heer Baisa...” Meera frowned.
“Not her. It’s Badi Rajkuwarisa.” The man’s voice was lower than usual “I don’t know what to do, Guruma, she said, not to inform her parents, and that’s an order.”
“Then do as she said, Chundawatji.” Meera smiled, “The bird is finally coming back to its nest. This is the least you can do.”
“As you say, Guruma.” He had bowed, walked across the threshold, greeted Pratap, and left.
“Who is that?” Pratap asked as soon as he shut the door behind him.
“Chundawatji, the manager of the estate.” Meera sat down with her praying beads.
“Now what does he want?” Pratap frowned.
“Nothing, he was here to inform something.” Meera stared at his questioning eyes and smiled, “Rajkunwarisa will be here.”
“So?” Pratap had sat down on the mat at her feet and asked, “What can you do about it?”
“She said her parents shouldn’t know, and Chundawat wasn’t sure...”
“But why?” Pratap frowned.
“I don’t know my child, but the parents must have some reason to keep the child away for twenty years.” She smiled at Pratap.
He asked, surprised, “She hasn’t been home for twenty years?”
“That’s right. She was sent off almost when you left, I remember her.” Badi Ma’s words were fading “Beautiful soul, pretty face, eyes full of hope, Ajabdeh... Time was waiting for you...”
Pratap was suddenly restless at Meera Ma’s usual banter.

“Badimaasa, I just felt I had heard of her somewhere before.” Pratap frowned at his own words.
“Oh, you must have! When your father worked there, you accompanied him, didn’t you?” Meera had cupped his face as he managed a smile. “Besides, they are always in the news...”
“I don’t remember...” Pratap frowned.
“I am sure you will remember when time wants you to.”
“What are you saying?” He looked at her smile, confused. “You sometimes make no sense to me.”
She had patted his head, “I am just an old lady losing her head...”

That night, in his dreams, Pratap saw a figure in a green meadow. He could hear the giggles of a child, and a butterfly locket swung from this blurred figure’s neck. Pratap woke up sweating and reached out for water in the darkness. The jug fell with a noise that startled him, and made Meera come across to his room asking, “Are you alright?”
“Tell me, Badimaasa, did you know someone who would perhaps... umm... wear that necklace you found that day?” He frowned.
“I don’t, dear, but do you?” Meera smiled at him.
“I don’t know, is it possible that something, in reality, merges with dreams?” Pratap frowned.
“Why not? Do you know what dreams are like? They are exactly like the past. Both have no existence in the present, and they are all in here.” Meera had tapped his forehead with her finger and smiled.
“Both are lies?” Pratap asked, wiping his forehead.
“No, my dear, none are lies. Neither the past nor the dreams. They just haunt you at times, that is all. And no matter where we go or what we do, we cannot do away with either of them...” Meera smiled with her voice trailing. “Now sleep.” She switched off the lights and left. Pratap waited for her to go back to her bed and then opened his trunk. From it, he took out the butterfly pendant and stared at it in the moonlight.





Popular posts from this blog

My Everything

Kunwar Pratap stormed into the Mahal at Gogunda amidst uncertainty and chaos. Happy faces of the chieftains and soldiers welcomed him as Rawat Chundawat, and some other chieftains stopped the ongoing Raj Tilak. A visibly scared Kunwar Jagmal looked clueless at a visibly angry Kunwar Pratap. Rani Dheerbai Bhatiyani hadn't expected Kunwar Pratap to show up, that too, despite her conveying to him his father's last wish of crowning Kunwar Jagmal. Twenty-one days after Udai Singh's death, she was finally close to a dream she had dared to dream since Jagmal was born. He was not informed about the Raj Tilak as per Dheerbai's instructions. She eyed Rawat Ji. He must have assembled the chiefs to this revolt against her son, against the dead king. No one except them knew where Kunwar Pratap was staying. It was for the safety of his family. " What are you doing, Chotima?" A disappointed voice was directed at her. She could stoop down so low? For the first time, an anger...

Purnota: Chapter Thirty Six

Bondita opened her door in the usual hours of the morning and found Thamma and Jyatha Moshai on the couch in their living room, sipping tea. She had half sat on her bed, leaning against the pillow all night, imagining her plight when she faced Aniruddha in the morning. What if he did not think of it as much as she thought of his actions? What if that was his uncomfortable way of comforting her because she was upset? But what about his eyes, his gestures? Had she misread all of it? Bondita blushed to herself the moment she remembered how his eyes followed her around for the past two days. Bondita was hurrying through her daily chores, eyeing the clock, for she would be late for work and overheard Trilochon lament about things not changing since Binoy left. He thought that things were getting better at home, but as soon as Aniruddha had left for Sunderban, Binoy informed him that he had changed the attorney in charge of his case. Bondita frowned slightly as her hand stopped at wearing th...

Purnota: Chapter Thirty Five

“The bride is older than the groom.” Aniruddha heard one of the older villagers speak in a judgmental tone. “No wonder the higher castes don’t attend such atrocities.” He eyed the younger man he was talking to, who smiled. Aniruddha was sitting beside them on a bench in the open courtyard of a house where the wedding rituals were taking place. Tirio and Tumdak were playing rhythmically in a corner as some women danced to the tunes surrounding the new bride and groom. The men sat on the other side of the courtyard.  “Forget about the Brahmins, we don’t expect them to come.” The younger man shook his head. “As for traditions, what is wrong if the bride is older?” He smiled sheepishly at the older man. “What’s wrong? Everything. Master Moshai, you can be educated, but our ancient traditions have reasons. The groom must be older than the bride. It has some reason.” He shook his head. The teacher, in turn, educated the man that it was a perfectly normal Santhali ritual to marry older wo...

Purnota: Chapter Thirty Seven

“Why will Bondita not come for Holi?” Asha asked as she inspected the colours, Abir, Pichkiri and balloons Somnath had ordered from Baro Bazaar. He shrugged. “She is scared of colours, I think.” Asha smiled, a little amused at her clueless husband. “She is not ten anymore.” He looked up at her words with a sheepish smile, “Well, I never saw her play Holi, perhaps Dadabhai knows the reason.” Asha contemplated her husband’s words. She did not share a relationship with Aniruddha frank enough for him to share things about Bondita. It would be easier for her to ask Bondita instead. “If you wish for her to come,” Som said, like he could almost read her mind, “Perhaps you can invite her. She won’t say no to you.” Asha nodded. “It will be good to have the whole family together. It's not been so since the wedding.” She smiled. Som agreed as he matched the list with the things. “Yes, and Baba will be coming too, he told me not to tell Jethu, but I was surprised by that.” “Maybe because he an...

Purnota: Chapter Thirty Eight

Trilochon was so overwhelmed that Binoy came for the Pujo and Kirtan on Dol Purnima. Their neighbours, friends and acquaintances had all gathered in the Thakur Dalan, first for the pujo when the idol of Sree Radha and Sree Krishna were worshipped in the Dalan, and Horir Loot of Batasha and Naru were distributed. Unlike in the village, people here, especially children, did not fight over the Horir Loot . Bondita and Batuk took part in the ritual like they used to as kids, counting the number of Batasha each of them had, amusing the elders who reminisced about their childhood and how Batuk snatched Bondita’s share and ran as she chased after him, shouting. The Kirtan followed the pujo, the tales of Sree Krishna’s prowess, his Leela and Radha’s sacrifice were sung with the sounds of Dhol and Khanjani . It followed the devotional songs praising Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and his praises to Lord Krishna. Bondita not only liked the stories of Kirtan but also how the crowd joined in the singing and...

Towards You

The Afghans, after Sher Shah Suri's untimely demise, were at loggerheads for power. Their troops near Mewar were now led by Mehmood Shah. They secretly captured territories in the forests and waited to attack Mewari camps when the time was right. Rawat Chundawat and his spies had confirmed the news, and Udai Singh sent a warning to Mehmood Shah to withdraw his troops from Mewar in vain. Now that it was out in the open, it was time they declared war. Mehmood Shah had limited resources in Mewar. His internal rebellion against his commander did not help his cause. His spies clearly suggested that in no way could he win, especially with Kunwar Pratap leading his troops. He was having second thoughts about the war. It was then that one of his aides suggested a perfect plan. Maharani Jaivanta Bai had decided to go to the Mahakaleshwar Temple near the outskirts of Chittorgarh, in the forestlands of Bhilwara. They had travelled a long way and across the Gambhiri river that meandered during...

Endless

Kunwar Pratap reached the Dangal. Ranima had ordered Ajabdeh to practise regularly. She was nowhere around since he woke up that morning. He had assumed she was with Ranima for the morning prayers, but then she was not in the Dangal on time, either. Ajabdeh was never late. He felt a little uneasy as he picked up the sword. A thunder made him look up at the gloomy sky as he felt the first drop of rain. A little wet, he ran through the corridors.   Ajabdeh had woken up feeling unwell. He was sleeping after a tiring day, so she decided against calling him and, more, worrying him. She bathed, hoping to feel better, performed her puja and went to the gardens for some fresh air. Still feeling uneasy in the gloomy weather, she decided that playing with Parvati might make her feel better. After some talk with Bhago and playing with Parvati, she stood up from the floor and felt dizzy. Bhago caught her hand. " Are you all right?" " I just felt a little dizzy. I don't know why...

The Difficulties

“The best of our characters are often reflected in our children.” Kunwar Shakta had visited the court at Udaipur after a Turk marriage offer was turned down by Rana Udai Singh for the third time for one of his Princesses. The Ranimahal at Chittorgarh buzzed with rumours of him warning his father about the consequences of enemity with the Turks and also about the impending doom of Mewar. He had apparently irked Kunwar Partap by suggesting a peace alliance with the Timurids was beneficial to Mewar. Rana Udai Singh, in his anger, had banished him from his court. Kunwar Shakta had sworn not to be associated with the royal family any further and to join allies with the Turks. Rawat Chundawat was calm enough to pacify the angry prince and offer him to shift to Bassi and give his decision a second thought. However, Kunwar Partap had refused to abandon Chittor, defying his father’s orders for a shift to the newly founded capital with his Ranimahal. He wanted to stay at Chittorgarh, which...

His Wife

" Where is the Kesar, Rama? And the Kalash?" Ajabdeh looked visibly displeased at the ladies who ran around. " They are at the fort gates, and nothing is ready yet!" She exclaimed. She was clad in a red lehenga and the jewellery she had inherited as the first Kunwarani of the crown prince. Little Amar ran down the hallway towards his mother. " Maasa Maasa... who is coming with Daajiraj?" His innocent question made her heart sink. " Bhanwar Ji." Sajja Bai called out to him. " Come here, I will tell you." Amar rushed to his Majhli Dadisa., " Ajabdeh." She turned at Jaivanta Bai's call. "They are here." " M... My Aarti thali..." Ajabde looked lost like never before. Jaivanta Bai held her stone-cold hands, making her stop. She patted her head and gave her a hug. The hug gave her the comfort she was looking for as her racing heart calmed down. Jaivanta Bai left her alone with her thaal. " Maa sa!" ...

Purnota: Chapter Forty One

Kalindi stood looking at the Ganga in the distance as Trilochon watched her. It was later in the night, and the stars were veiling the clear summer sky. A cool breeze blew from the Ganga, relaxing Kalindi’s restless heart as she took a stroll. Trilochon had spotted her in the garden from his balcony and walked up to her. She did not turn as he came up behind her and cleared his throat. “I apologise for storming off like that.” He was the first to speak. Kalindi inhaled. “Have you heard that she went to borrow a saree from Bouma to wear to some party?” Kalindi spoke rather monotonously.  “Yes, Bouma said so.” Trilochon cleared his throat. He left out the part where Asha enthusiastically told him about Bondita blushing and her idea of telling Bondita to confess her feelings. Instead, Trilochon added, “The senior is very influential. He can have some good contacts for Bondita. Perhaps enough for her to get a job in Kolkata, like you wanted.” Kalindi could hear through his unconvincing...