Lost Love
It could stay this simple, I won't let nobody hurt you, Won't let no one break your heart.” Never Grow Up
The moment the property manager, Mr Chundawat, opened the doors of the Sisodiya haveli instead of the Punwars, Ajabdeh frowned a little. She was supposed to be back home. Mr Chundawat murmured an apology. The Punwar mansion needed some renovations, which were going beyond the stipulated deadline, and it was Mrs Sisodiya who had instructed him to stay in the Sisodiya Haveli. Ajabdeh inhaled. She glanced over her shoulder at the Haveli, which looked haunted in the darkness and nodded at the man, murmuring a thanks. The moment she stepped across the threshold of the house, Ajabdeh was flooded with memories. The empty hallways were once filled with love and laughter, a corner where Ranima had the jhula Shakti, and she fought over. Over there, behind the table, was Heer’s pillow fortress. Ajabdeh realised her eyes were moist by the time she reached the reclining chair where Karvawati often sat, telling the children stories of the village. Her finger lingered on the handle that had a coat of dust, and she thought it still bore the familiar smell of the old lady’s warmth.
“Are you alright, Ma’am?” She nodded at a concerned Chundawat, who told her he had appointed the caretaker and his wife to come along in the morning and clean the Haveli and cook. She thanked the man who left her with the large chain of keys dangling, and the Haveli was engulfed in eerie silence as soon as his footsteps receded. The driver had already put her luggage in one of the rooms cleaned up for the night, and she had eaten on the way. Ajabdeh pulled her hair up in a bun, checked the locked door just to make sure and turned on the lights in the hall, study and dining areas. She realised that, except for the sound of crickets, she could barely hear anything. Most of the furniture was covered with clothes that had layers of dust, and the grandfather clock was striking 6 o’clock, frozen in time. Ajabdeh sighed and proceeded towards the library as she lit the lights of the study room. The first thing she did was gently pull off the cloth covering the table where they often read books. It's a long study table with about twelve chairs and three drawers. Her eyes immediately fell on a book that was kept in the middle of the table. “Tsk Tsk. Who put this out?” Ajabdeh murmured to herself as she walked up to the book and picked it up, only to sneeze immediately as the dust hit her nostrils. She looked around at the shelves. Some were emptied by Pratap when he took the books with him. Others were full of vintage hard-bound books. The urge to smell them made Ajabdeh walk up to the shelf when she spotted an empty place for the book to go. It was full of cobwebs. That was when she noticed the name of the book, Shakespeare’s Greatest Work. There was a bookmark that opened to the second scene of Romeo & Juliet. Ajabdeh closed the book and placed it back on the shelf. Immediately, she remembered how he found the Shakespearean tragic romance overrated. A smile curved her lips.
Ajabdeh was in a hurry to finish reading Layla Majnun so that she could discuss it with Pratap. As she shuffled through the pages of verses clumsily in one of their reading sessions, Pratap had looked up at her, observed her keenly and reminded her, “A book is a journey to savour. It is not about finishing it. Treat it like you treat life. We all know that destiny is death, but we are in no hurry to reach there; savour the journey.” That had made Ajabdeh slow down. But the day she had finished the book was the very day the lights went off, and in an unexpected turn of events, she was left abandoned and confused. They never discussed the books again. He left for London within a week.
Ajabdeh was woken up by Heer, who reminded her they were at the Sisodiya’s and should be at the breakfast table by 8 AM. She sat up on the bed, scratching her head a little when the events of that night hit her. What was she supposed to make out of it? How would she face him in the morning? Should she talk to him about what happened, or should she pretend like it never did? So many questions ran through her mind as she freshened up and changed into the clothes Heer had left out for her. By lunch, the power at home would be restored, but Ranima had insisted they stay for lunch. Heer’s words hardly registered in her mind as her heart raced in eager anticipation to see Pratap again. As Ajabdeh splashed cold water on her face, her cheeks felt warm, and she looked up in the bathroom mirror as her eyes travelled to her parted lips. The very lips he savoured a few hours back. Ajabdeh inhaled. She needed to keep a straight face in front of the families, but how could she when she was blushing so hard?
It was not until midday that she found Pratap alone in the garden, sitting on one of the lawn chairs and reading a book. She spotted him from the guest room window and eyed Heer busy packing the things to take back home.
“Where is Shakti?” She asked as Heer shrugged. He was probably in his room playing video games again. Ajabdeh walked out of the room and to the backyard.
Pratap had successfully avoided being alone with Ajabdeh throughout the day with the family around. They would go home after lunch and… he grunted. For how long was he going to avoid her? Or not address the elephant in the room? It was almost dawn when he had reluctantly pulled himself away from Ajabdeh, who still looked understandably confused, but her blush gave away her emotions. She had more than once whispered, “What are we doing?” The answer to this was Pratap’s silent kisses. He had no answer then. He had none now. Pratap could not get a wink of sleep. The moment he reached his room and shut the door, it hit him. All his life, he had dreaded this feeling, this day that he had brought upon himself and the possible jeopardy he was going to cause to the family's lifelong ambition, dream and hope. He was always reminded by his father that there was nothing above the responsibilities he was born with, and he had lived his life knowing so. A good boss, a profitable alliance, a marriage of convenience to grow the company… he was groomed for it all. But how could he stop his heart? Pratap sat down on the floor and let out a silent, frustrated scream. What had he done? Where do they go from here? He could not hurt her again. He could not take the risk. If they worked out, the families would be disappointed because of the potential lack of alliance and expansion. Perhaps his mother would be happy. But if they did not work out? Like most relationships in their growing years? That would mean they could never work together, and the business would be split up. They would barely survive alone. Pratap inhaled. He remembered something his grandmother said once while reading the Ramayana. Sometimes we have to make choices that hurt us, for the greater good. But how could he face Ajabdeh and tell her that?
Now here she was, suddenly startling him with her appearance out of nowhere as he dropped his book.
“I was looking for you.” Pratap’s heart sank at her warm tone as she picked up the fallen book and touched it to her forehead before she placed it back on the table. He could sense her nervousness in her faint smile as he got up and reluctantly scanned the windows to see if anyone was watching.
“I… was busy…” He managed. Why did she have to find him? If she did not, then the lie would last a little longer, and he would perhaps hurt a little less. He knew Ajabdeh. He knew his rational reasoning would never work with her. She could never think of the pessimism in the scenario. He had to be the bad guy here, hoping she would understand his reasons better when she was older and wiser.
“I was hoping we could talk.” She spoke again, this time her brows narrowed a little at his pale face. He inhaled. “Are you alright?”
“Yes… I wanted to speak to you, too.” Pratap said in a hurry, hoping his voice didn’t tremble. Ajabdeh nodded. He could now sense the smile disappear from her face as he looked away.
“I changed my mind.” He managed as she frowned. “About?”
“I am going to do my MBA abroad. Even if Jalal doesn’t go.” He shrugged as Ajabdeh nodded, still with a frown. “But you said…”
“Dad was right that not only will a good business school do me good in my career … also… I…” He turned back, appearing to be busy with the book, sensing Ajabdeh take a step behind him. “It will be good to find potential alliances to expand the business.” The seconds of silence after that felt like an eternity as all Pratap could hear apart from the birds chirping and leaves rustling was her breath. It was rapid and silent at the same time.
“Alliances?” She managed, the word barely escaping her lips. Pratap inhaled, closing his eyes as he continued. “You know how our parents married for potential expansion of business with other families and…”
“Do you want the same?” She interrupted with a question. It was hard to tell if she was hurt, angry or disappointed. Her voice was devoid of emotion.
“It is what we should be doing as the firstborns in the families we are born into…” He stopped as he heard her footsteps recede towards the house. Pratap glanced over his shoulder to see her disappear inside the house. He inhaled. “I am so sorry, Ajabdeh.” He murmured to himself as his vision blurred. “It's for the best.” The Greater Good.
Ajabdeh suddenly remembered the day she returned the book to Shakti. “This belongs to your brother; give it back to him.”
“Are you two fighting again? Things seemed fine when you…” Shakti stopped as she appeared busy. “My exams are around the corner, Shakti. I can’t be distracted by storybooks. Besides, he is not my friend, we share a hobby and…”
“So you don’t have a crush on him anymore?” Shakti sounded confused as Ajabdeh looked up at him.
“I don’t. I told you it was an infatuation, nothing else. Nothing… could happen.”
“Are you saying this because nothing could happen, or have you stopped liking him?” Shakti pestered as he eyed Ajabdeh. “You know those two are entirely different things.”
“Will you stop bothering me? I don’t like him. I don’t like anyone. I will never have a relationship.” Ajabdeh controlled her tone as Shakti stepped back.
“Cool down. Okay? I was just asking.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it seems like you don’t know, he is leaving tomorrow. Why don’t you give this back to him, yourself and say goodbye?” He suggested. Ajabdeh shook her head.
“I know that. I heard from Heer. Just give it back.” She shook her head. Shakti shrugged.
“You know, I read somewhere that if you don’t want to get hurt, always try dating someone who likes you, not someone you like first. I should try that.” He left Ajabdeh, thinking as she eyed the pinned-up pictures on her board from the day she performed. A picture of Heer, Shakti, Jalal, Rukaiya and her. She suddenly remembered what Rukaiya said about Jalal. Ajabdeh shook her head and went about her chores till she heard her mother call out to her. It was probably one of the toughest moments in her life, watching him say goodbye to her sister as she stood there, devoid of any emotions. He perhaps wanted her to be hurt. It was some cruel revenge he wanted from her for having feelings for him. Ajabdeh was not going to give him the pleasure. She watched him get into the car as the Sisodiya cars drove away to the airport. She suddenly felt overwhelmed with a lot of questions. Questions that would remain unanswered and unasked, for good, forever.
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