Realisation

That year Ranna Puja at the Roy Chowdhury home was special. It was the first time Bondita was supposed to cook the Bhog by herself. Trilochan Babu did not want to give her the responsibility of cooking alone until she was sixteen years old. Trilochan Babu reminiscenced how Aniruddha’s mother used to cook the entire Bhog alone from that age and there was no reason Bondita could not do the same. Aniruddha protested. "Is this the age for Bondita to do these things? Her exams are near." He stopped at Trilochan Babu's glare. Jethamoshai's expression was as if he knew what Aniruddha might say. "Look, she is your wife, you are teaching her to read and write, sending her to school, you don't listen to us, we have accepted that. But being the eldest daughter-in-law of Roy Chowdhury's house is not a responsibility she can ignore. She must follow the rules of our house, I am still here.” Aniruddha stopped at his words.

“Don't you worry? I will study at night.” Bondita assured him. "What else, then work all day to get sick, and don't have to take exams, that's good." Aniruddha taunted. Bondita smiled faintly. That made him even more angry. "Why are you smiling? Am I kidding?” Bondita put the Ghomta firmly over her head. "Who will do this if I don't?" Her tone made her sound oddly like his mother. "Huh, you are young, be like children, it is not at all wise to spoil your studies and childhood by suddenly wanting to grow up."
"Heard, understood, learnt." Bondita nodded like an obedient child. "But am I still a child?" she smiled again, "Don't you see? Do I play dolls anymore?” Trilochan Babu called out, "Bouma, can I have my tea?" Bondita hurried away from the bedroom answering him. Her words suddenly sunk in Aniruddha’s head. It's been a long time since she hadn’t played dolls. Earlier, if Bondita’s dolls got married, there was mayhem at home. Koeli used to cook her favourite food, Batuk used to be the groom’s father and Sampoorna would come too. Sometimes Soudamini also came with a foreign doll for Bondita. Aniruddha had not noticed when that had stopped. What a real Ginni she has become.

People from the village have been arriving at the house since morning. Bondita was also busy in the kitchen. Some women came to help with the cooking. There was no time in Bondita’s hand. Bihari made Aniruddha's tea that day. He took a sip and immediately made a face of distaste. It was well done yet Bondita made it better. Jethamshai always praised his Bouma highly for learning the chores and taking care of every detail around the house. Aniruddha seems to understand its meaning today. He went to the study room with a file in hand. 

Meanwhile, it took nearly the entire afternoon to finish all the cooking. 

"Get ready before the priest comes, Bourani." Koeli suggested as Sampoorna agreed.  "Today I will dress you up." She suggested. Bondita agreed to Didi's wishes. As she did not have children for so long, all the taunt and sadness she had faced was not unknown to Bondita. When she was a child, she used to tell repeatedly how she wished to have a daughter. Dress her up, the way she would like. Mami, however, would get angry at that, "Why would someone say something like that? If it's a boy, the house has a bright future." Immediately Bondita had a question in her mind. "Then is your future dark, Mami?" Mami’s beating answered her questions that day. Sampoorna could not finish dressing her up. With a pigtail on one side, Bondita ran through their yard, with Mami behind her and a stick in her hand. Today she would dress her sister with care. That was her wish for so many years.

"This saree?" Sampoorna held up a red Baluchari saree in her hand. "He brought this from Calcutta for my first puja." Bondita reminisced. "I was young then, I couldn't handle it."

"Now you can." Sampoorna pushed the saree in her hand. "I will get changed, you take out the jewellery from that box, Didi." Bondita gestured at the box that was kept near the mirror. Sampoorna started walking towards it but stopped a little alarmed. She thought about her husband’s warning. They are the Malik. If we don't keep our distance, where will we go if we are in danger? The jewellery box was quite big. Sampoorna was curious. But she stopped herself. Her sister was now the eldest daughter-in-law of the Zamindar Bari. It was natural that she would have jewellery. Bondita was not as unfortunate as her. Bondita came out of the washroom fixing the bottom of the saree. "Didi? Didn't you take out the jewellery?” 

"I don't understand what you should wear, you choose." She smiled. "Let me put on Kajal and Lali."

"If I wear Lali, he will scold me, Didi, don't you remember the last time?"

"Silly girl, you were young then. Today is a celebration at home, why won't you dress up?" She did not listen to Bondita. She had grown up. She even wore the saree alone without help now. Bondita looked at the clock and quickly started putting on the jewellery. Sampurna left her at the task.

Aniruddha was irked with Somnath forcing him to go upstairs. As soon as he entered the room, his eyes fell upon Bondita. She was sitting on the corner of the bed busy wearing her jewellery. Haath Phool, Mantasha, ring, Sitahar, she had them all taken out of the box. Aniruddha suddenly recognized the saree. He had bought the saree for the first time with great hesitation. It was Jethamoshai’s order. Or perhaps it was the regret of seeing Bondita cry for her mother on Mahalaya. Little Bondita found it difficult to handle the saree that day. After that, he never saw her wearing it. Observing his unmindful stare, Bondita looked up at him. "I put out your Punjabi." She tied the key to her saree and said, " Get ready. Come down quickly." Bondita eyed her husband in fear, what if he saw the Lali and scolded her? But no words came out of Aniruddha's mouth. He just nodded at her. It was as if Aniruddha saw Bondita in a new way. Aniruddha felt uncomfortable with this realisation himself. His eyes kept hovering on her all evening. Once or twice when eyes met it made Aniruddha feel awkward. 

After the celebration, when everyone left and Bondita finally retired to her room, Aniruddha was still in the study room. Tiredly, she took off the garland of Jui from her bun. Removed the jewellery one by one. She was about to take out a saree to change into when Koeli came and said, "Choto Malik is calling you to the study room." Suddenly it angered Bondita. He wanted her to study after such a tiresome day? Do you have no sense, Barristra Babu? She went to the study room with a mindset to fight. There was no way she would study that night. Aniruddha was pacing in the room with a notepad in hand when he said "Come in." without raising his head to the sound of her familiar anklets.

"Have you no mercy?" Aniruddha looked surprised at her sudden angry voice. He noticed Bondita had not changed her sari, her hair was open, her face looked tired, and she was wearing a frown. He cleared his throat. "What?" 

“Now I will not sit down to study. Not at all.” Bondita shook her head firmly. Aniruddha smiled amused. "Who told you to study?" He gave the notes to Bondita, "Read this and tell me what you think." Bondita knew that it was the statement of an accused. Aniruddha sometimes made her read his notes and ask what she thought of them. Bondita didn’t know if she could help, but she tried. She paced the room with the notes in hand, while he sat comfortably on a chair observing her. With his hand on his chin, he looked at Bondita and suddenly noticed, that Bondita had developed a habit of pacing while reading, like him. Her wavy hair swayed on her hip, and the vermilion of her hairline and the tip of her forehead had faded after a long day. The kajal had smudged on her eyes after a tiring day, but the sharp intelligence in the eyes had not been diminished even by the fatigue. Bondita keeps reading and Aniruddha waits for her advice. He stumbled while putting his hand on the table, missing the edge altogether. When the paperweight fell by the jerk of his elbow, Aniruddha realised that he was staring at his wife. Bondita’s attention was captured by the paperweight stumbling on the ground, but she didn't notice how long her husband had been staring at her. Aniruddha breathed a sigh of relief. 

“What is it? How did it fall?” Bondita asked as she picked up the paperweight and handed it to him. 

"I think I was distracted," Aniruddha said turning his face away from her. 

"Where is your mind!"

"Only if you knew that, I would be in trouble," Aniruddha murmured.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"What did you say to me?"

"No, I didn't tell you, I told myself."

"Who talks alone?" Frowned Bondita. Aniruddha knew that if he did not change the topic, Bondita would ask questions. 

"Tell me what you understand, I'm sleepy." 

"Then listen." Bondita waved her hand and explained herself, Aniruddha stared at her absent-mindedly.  Not all the words registered in his mind. Bondita forgot what she was saying at his stare, stuttered and resumed her speech. Anirudha smiled to himself. Even if his wife was unaware, he felt good that she forgot whatever she was thinking just by his glance at her. Was he not fortunate enough to be able to silence a girl like Bondita just with his stares?

ALL CHAPTERS/ Original Version (Bengali)