Reputation

“What are you really scared of?” Ajabdeh sighed as she eyed the Therapist in her mundane beige attire, clicking on the edge of her pen. The all-white office had always been a safe space to vent for the teenager still dealing with her traumas.

“Of making mistakes.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, right?” The woman raised her eyebrows. Ajabdeh nodded.

“And losing people.” She looked uneasy.

“We have gone through this numerous times, Ajabdeh.” She put her pen down and leaned in. “You can’t push people away because you fear losing them. You lose them anyway, then.”

Ajabdeh inhaled. “But he … this friend… his world is very different from mine… we don’t have anything in common.”

“You just told me you felt a connection.”

“Yes, and it was a stupid thought. He did not feel so.” She shook her head.

“Did your… friend say so himself?” Ajabdeh looked up at the question. How could she tell the woman that she thought he was imagining someone else while in bed with her? Was that why he said her name aloud? To keep himself in the reality of things? How could she explain that she suddenly felt disrespected? 

“No. He… showed so.” She inferred. 

“Then, if you are so sure of your decision to stay away from such people, why are we still talking of him?” The Therapist asked. “Have you thought of that?”

“I don’t know. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind.” Ajabdeh hid her face with her palms and groaned. 

“This is hard to admit. I appreciate your feelings. This is progress.” She looked at the woman making notes.

“But there is a lot at stake.” Pratap shook his head as the Therapist looked up at him from her notebook. The reading glass hung from her nose, reminding him of his mother.

“Like?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Like I am not sure if this is a fleeting thing, attraction or something else…” He shook his head. “And I don’t want to hurt her. She is the last person I want to hurt because I am confused.”

“That just shows you are empathetic. Nothing wrong with that.” Pratap eyed the modern painting behind the therapist hanging on the white wall. It reminded him of isolation ever since he had seen it first.

“What is love? Why is it so hard to define?” Pratap frowned as the therapist smiled.

“Tell me, what do you think love is?”

“Companionship. Mutual respect. Care. umm…” Pratap rubbed his chin.

“You left out emotions. And vulnerability.” He looked up at the words of the shrink. Perhaps he was not ready after all.

“Can you associate all of that with anyone but her?” He looked up at the words and shook his head. “I should not associate anything with her.”

“Why so?” The woman made him smile.

“Because love only hurts. It is a weakness.” She sighed at his words as he asked her, “What makes anyone fall in love?” She looked up at his words.

“Hope, I guess.” She inferred.

“Even after getting your heart broken over and over again?” Pratap frowned. “That is just stupidity.”

“Perhaps it is a journey of trial and error. At least I see it that way.” She shrugged. “We all love differently than others. And somehow we expect the same kind of love we give. So our heartbreaks are just the kind of love we don’t need.”

“That is weirdly positive and convincing.” Pratap smiled, admittingly. “I don’t like that.”

“Because you fear vulnerability. Have you ever been as vulnerable as anyone else?” Her question made him shake his head.

“And that is why we are talking of her.”

“Take down everything on the internet about him and that girl from that day.” Jaivanta strolled into the office chamber as her assistant wrote down her instructions. “Nothing should associate him with her. It is bad for the company. Instead…” She showed an image of Pratap from the wedding dancing with Chetna. “Tell them to highlight this as a potential relationship. They like a good story; give them that. Diamond Heiress steals his heart or something. Anything. Take people’s eyes off that girl and her two minutes of fame.” She sat down and sighed. “And find out if he meets her or something.” She dismissed the assistant who went to find their PR team as she looked disturbed. Something in that picture bothered Jaivanta. Yes, it was true that it was not the first tabloid picture he had with a girl. He had been papped numerous times in pubs, clubs, dates and trips. But… Jaivanta zoomed into the picture and sighed. He was never holding someone’s hand this way. Like he was holding on to her. If her plan worked and the tabloids talked of a rumoured relationship, maybe something could happen with the Mishras. A potential business relationship was a good way to extend their business. Jaivanta checked her calendar with a sigh. She had to attend a memorial service for her late ex-husband in the afternoon, thanks to her firstborn. He was not going to be left alone at any cost. She feared he would promise the grieving widow something, or worse, take that girl along. She could not risk that, even if it meant that her mental health was at stake.

Ajabdeh was in two minds about going to the memorial service. She sipped the tea her father brewed and sat across from him on the balcony.

“What is it?” He asked keenly as she looked up with a frown. “What is wrong?”

“Why will something have to be wrong?” She asked. He smiled.

“You are sharing tea with me on a Saturday evening, and your phone is not ringing. That means you are not going out. Something has to be wrong…” He raised his eyebrows. She sighed.

“I am not sure if I should go to the memorial service tomorrow.” She shook her head, taking comfort from the heat of the cup with both hands. 

“Depends on who called you there.” He said with a shrug. “If it was him or… his grieving family.”

“It was the widow. I don’t know why I felt like consoling her, and it looked like she liked me.” Ajabdeh frowned. “While everyone had judgmental stares, she … was not like that.”

“Then you should respect her and go. Irrespective of whether he attends or not.” Her father said.

“But what if they see me there and get upset?” Ajabdeh frowned. 

“You are not going to their place, you are going to the deceased’s memorial.” Her father said firmly. “They are as much guests there as you are.” Ajabdeh wished it were that simple. On one hand, the thought of seeing him again stirred her. On the other hand, she does not want to be rude and not go to the memorial service. 

“This can also be a good way of showing you don’t feel anything and proving me wrong.” She was a little jolted at her father’s words. How did he read her mind? She nodded. He was right. 

Ajabdeh was more relaxed about finding Shakti and Jaivanta at the services than Pratap. He had some last-minute urgent business to attend to, she overheard Shakti say to one of his cousins. She was glad she attended as the widow thanked her, and the service was indeed beautiful. The irony of it was that everyone who spoke, including Jaivanta, had good things to say about the late Udai Singh. They talked of his kindness, his work ethic, his impact on their lives and so on. It was an image of a person very different from the one Pratap painted for her. Almost like they were two different people. In life and death. Ajabdeh inhaled as the food counters opened, and she checked her watch and decided to leave. It was getting late. She had done her bit.

“Excuse me.” Jaivanta’s voice made her turn as she looked a little pale and felt … Guilty? What was she guilty of? She faked a smile. “Hello, Ma’am.”

“I heard you were of great service at the funeral. Everyone seems to be talking about you.” Ajabdeh narrowed her brows a little at her choice of words. “You were there to support my son and my ex-husband’s widow when I was absent on such an important day.” Ajabdeh’s heart skipped a beat as she eyed Jaivanta open her purse. “Here is a little bonus for all your services. Even when you are not my employee, you did the job of one so perfectly.” Ajabdeh’s jaws stiffened. She was not sure what Jaivanta meant by services, but there were people around them staring at Jaivanta, offering her tips. She was suddenly not sure what Pratap told Jaivanta she did as a service. 

“I don’t take money for my kindness, Ma’am. It is free.” She smiled politely as Jaivanta nodded. 

“Oh, kindness, is it?” Jaivanta smiled back. “We have a habit of tipping people who work for us. You see, nothing in this world comes for free. Especially when you get two minutes of fame out of it.”

“I do not work for you, Ma’am. And just because I come from a modest background, that does not mean I stoop low for fame from such an occasion.” She shook her head. “Have a good day.”

“I told the paps to remove those pictures.” Jaivanta made her stop in her tracks. “After all, the Sisodiya heir hand in hand with a random girl nobody knows about is not good for his image.” Ajabdeh inhaled and glanced over her shoulder.

“Why don’t you teach your son that the next time he approaches a random girl?” She could see Jaivanta stiffen as she left in a hurry. Ajabdeh felt breathless when she was at the threshold. Thankfully, there were no paparazzi that day, just tons of cars coming to drop off and pick up the guests. She walked down the stairs and opened her phone for a cab.

“Excuse me, Ajabdeh?” She turned at her name to find Shakti behind her. “Glad I caught up to you. I just saw Ranima talk to you.”

“Are you sure you are allowed to talk to me?” Ajabdeh frowned. “Ask your mother first.”

“Please, don’t mind her. I am here to tell you that she sometimes outdoes herself, and she is not a bad person. She is just looking out for Dadabhai.” Ajabdeh nodded.

“Please let her know I have nothing to do with him.” She looked away. “She has nothing to fear.” The cab was still five minutes away. She could not get out of the conversation.

“Dadabhai told her nothing about you. She assumed… from the pictures…” Shakti sounded unsure. “Please don’t doubt him.”

“If you are here to justify your family, you don’t need to. I do not care enough to think about them, let alone hate anyone. We are good.” She retorted with a shrug.

“I am sorry if any of us disrespected you.” Shakti’s words made her look up at him.

“Why are you apologising? You have been nothing but polite to me.” Ajabdeh smiled, a little amused. Shakti smiled faintly at her. 

“Should I tell you the truth about why I came by?” He waited for her confused nod. “The truth is, I never saw Dadabhai the way he was, holding on to your hand in the picture. I was hoping what I saw was right. Unlike Ranima, who cares for a business association, I truly want him to be happy. He is lonely even when he doesn’t admit it. There is a reason Ranima is intimidated by your presence in his life, and she has never been so with anyone else he had clicked with.” Ajabdeh’s throat was dry as she inhaled.

“I am sorry to disappoint you, Shakti, but nothing like that is happening. Don’t read into it.” She forced a smile. “We are as good as any other strangers we meet.” Shakti’s smile faded at her words as she inhaled. “My cab is here. I should go.” She opened the door of the just-arrived cab and turned to him. “You are a good brother.” She extended her hand as Shakti took it with a smile. “It was nice meeting you, and I don’t say that often about a lot of people.”

“Same here, Ajabdeh.” She smiled faintly as she got in the car. He waved goodbye and turned to see Pratap standing by his car in the distance with a frown on his face and his hands in the pockets of his pants as he eyed Shakti.

“What was that about?” He asked. Shakti shook his head. “Nothing. I will get Ranima, and we can go home.” Pratap suddenly felt a warm wave of jealousy in his ears as he eyed his brother and the cab that had just left. What was going on? Why was his brother sharing a smile with her? Were they flirting?

Ajabdeh locked herself in the bedroom and silently screamed into her pillow. How dare someone offer her money for her services? She had never felt this cheap and disrespected in her life. She truly wondered what he had told or implied to his mother. Why was she in the middle of it all? She was not sure. She inhaled and wiped away her tears. Perhaps this was the Universe’s way of telling her to move on. To show her that her feelings had no place in the world. Ajabdeh got up and grabbed her phone. She unfollowed him first, then removed him from her followers list. Then she opened the phonebook, and her hand hovered between Block and Delete. She inhaled and deleted his number before falling back into her pillow. She was moving on from the rich people's shit for good.

Ajabdeh had walked out of the office the next day to find that it was raining. Her Scooty was parked a little ahead, and she had no umbrella. She contemplated getting wet to reach her scooter. And then by the time she would unlock her raincoat, she would already be soaking wet. She checked her watch. It was already late. She ran across to her vehicle as fast as she could. That was when she felt an umbrella over her head and turned to spot him. Her heart skipped a beat as the scent of the musk hit her.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

“What were you doing with Shakti?” His tone was accusing, and his face was dark, like he had not slept in days. 

“Pardon?” She raised her eyebrows. “He came to talk to me.”

“Yeah, I saw him smiling and waving at you.” He sounded irked.

“And that is a crime because…?” She shook her head and turned to him.

“Listen. He is not like you… he is innocent… stay away…” He stopped at her audible gasp.

“How dare you?” He looked up at her eyes, and she looked angry and hurt. “How dare you speak to me like that? What do you mean, not like me?”

“You know what I mean.” His jaws tightened as he looked away.

“Really? We are going there now, are we?” She inhaled. “First your mother and now…”

“Wait… what about my mother?” He frowned, looking up at her. “Why are you dragging her?”

“I am not dragging her. She offered to pay me for my services, so I assume you have something to do with that?” She could sense the new information hit him as he looked startled.

“She… what?” His mouth opened as she continued.

“Listen, you people are wealthy and you think you can buy the world, but please stay away. I have nothing to do with you or your world or your money or fame or whatever it is your mother assumes I can be after and need to be paid off for.” Ajabdeh turned to the scooter as he held her by her wrist and turned her around.

“What are you saying?” He asked, almost mumbling, tightening his grip on her hand.

“What are you saying?” Ajabdeh jolted her hand away from his grip. “That I was flirting with your brother? At your father’s funeral?”

“He seemed smitten.” He shrugged, a little confused. Ajabdeh gave an amused chuckle.

“He is a kid! What is wrong with you? For God’s sake, Pratap! What do you think of me to be?”

“I was just saying…” Pratap stepped forward as Ajabdeh stepped back. 

“No. I do not wish to hear from you again or see you. Ever again.” She shook her head. “Please just leave me alone.”

“I was …” 

“What? What made you think it was okay to walk up to me and accuse me like that, because you saw us share a conversation? Have you not disrespected me enough?” Ajabdeh took the raincoat out as she spoke and proceeded to put it on.

“When did I disrespect you?” Pratap frowned.

“Oh, please. Let's not go there.” She snapped.

“No, go there. I need to know when I disrespected you. When all I did was put you first.” Ajabdeh turned to face him as he spoke, “Do you have any idea how much I contemplated coming here? I kept asking him, and he said nothing, and it screwed with my head. All I could see was … I was…” he looked at her as she gasped again.

“Jealous?” Ajabdeh’s words made him gulp. “So you find the right thing to do was to question my character when you do the same things and worse?” He looked at her, shaking her head in disgust as he stepped back.

“I know I am a terrible human being.” She looked up at his words with a frown.

“Now, what do you expect? Me to reassure you, are not?” She sighed. “I am tired of you.”

“Of course you are.” Pratap nodded. “I should not have come here.”

“No, you should not have. You should have asked your mother for permission first.” She started the scooter. “And oh yes, your brother did not say what we talked of? We talked about you. He cares like every good brother does, and look at you. Disgusting.” She rode off as Pratap stood there, finding it hard to breathe.

Pratap had stormed into the house to find his mother sipping green tea in the lounge area.

“What did you tell Ajabdeh?” His words made her look up from the book she was reading and eye him over her reading glasses.

“What do you mean?” She sounded calm, and it irked Pratap.

“You offered her money?” He was not going to beat around the bush. Jaivanta kept her glasses down and sighed.

“Yes, I did.” She shrugged.

“Why on earth would you do that?” Pratap sat down on the couch across from her rocking chair. “Why would you disrespect her?”

“What is there to disrespect in offering a person in need some compensation for their time?” Jaivanta raised her eyebrows.

“She was not doing it for the money.” Pratap looked at his mother firmly. “She was…”

“Why was she there then?” Jaivanta asked her firstborn as he looked away. “Why did you take her there?” Her question was met with silence. “I told you not to go.”

“And I thought I was an adult ready to make my own choices.” Pratap retorted.

“Not when your choices are immature and lack foresight.” Jaivanta scolded. “Listen, you have messed up your life enough, so now you are going to do what I tell you to.”

“What if I refuse?” Pratap narrowed his brows.

“Do you want her to be in trouble for you? I mean her reputation is already at stake…” Jaivanta eyed Pratap and shook her head. “Don’t tell me you have feelings for that girl.” Pratap suddenly remembered Ajabdeh’s last words to him.

“I don’t.” He inhaled. Jaivanta got up and looked up at his mother.

“Very good, then, coming week we are going to meet the Mishras. We are going to announce your engagement with Chetna soon. It will be good for the company and all of us.” Her words made Pratap smile faintly.

“What is funny?” Jaivanta narrowed her brows and asked.

“That you mentioned the company before us. Why are you in a hurry?” Pratap watched his mother keenly.

“Because your reputation in the circles is enough to not bag you a good alliance, and Chetna, despite your rudeness, has taken a liking to you. Her parents have connections that will help you in the future, and it is time we put our PR to good use.” Pratap inhaled as she walked away. Perhaps this was for the best. He was honest with Chetna about not being emotionally available, and she persisted in marrying him. He wondered why. His heart ached as he suddenly remembered Ajabdeh’s words. He now needed to do one last thing and apologise to Ajabdeh. 

Pratap dialled her number for the hundredth time to find it switched off. He wished to find Ajabdeh and clear his misunderstandings before she found out about his engagement. He grunted. What had he done? How could he not think before he said what he said? He remembered how his therapist said jealousy always came with possessiveness and lack of trust. None of those traits was healthy for a good relationship. No wonder he messed up. Even the word relationship made him feel scared. But he needed to apologise to her and he needed to do it right. He tried to visit the office, only to find out she had left the job. Nobody knew where she worked any more. The home address he found in his company database was also that of an old rented apartment she no longer stayed at. His number was blocked, and she had unfollowed him on social media. Pratap was clueless about how to find her. It had been almost three months, and Jaivanta was ready to make the big engagement announcement soon.