Tarabai travelled miles away from Neelambargarh’s fort into the dense forest lands of Dhuari that covered the roads leading to Suryapali. In the forestland beside the river Maya that meandered in the winters and surged in the rains, Tarabai’s small entourage of soldiers, the palanquin bearers and Sehri stopped at a temple. The temple was small, but its stone-carved figurines told stories of time immemorial, of ancestors of the land who had protected it with their blood. Inside the shrine sat the Lord in his meditative position, the stone-cold statue wet with the single drops of water that fell on his head from the vessel suspended above. The day was windy, and Tarabai had to pull her drape closer to her body as she stepped into the temple premises, welcomed by the tinkling of the thousands of tiny bells that were suspended from the ceiling above. Tarabai folded her hands in prayer. Her mind was at peace, her heart felt heavy.
The past few days had been her best time with the Adhiraja. She observed how happy he was and assumed it was because of Kumar Viraj’s success, but on the previous night, he told her something he had not shared with anyone yet. For the past few months, Tarabai felt like she was back where she belonged. Alone, near the man she loved, sharing his deepest thoughts with her. Tarabai did not know how to react when Ishaan Dev said they were expecting to start a family. At first, she smiled and congratulated the rulers of Neelambargarh formally, then she observed the happiness on his face even when he slept and sighed, realising she had to learn to be happy in his happiness. Her heart was heavy, with mixed emotions that she found hard to decipher. She imagined what it would have been like to have a child of her own. Would she have earned respect in the eyes of those who look down upon her for serving him? Would she feel she belonged somewhere, and someone would truly love her for herself? Tarabai saw Ishaan Dev waking slightly as she tried to step out of his chamber. She stopped at the threshold, realising he was awake and made a request. The Adhiraja was overwhelmed hearing of her wish to travel to a temple at the Suryapalian border, to pray for the well-being of the Maharani and the child.
Tarabai was about to step out of the premises of the temple when she heard the sound of horse hooves. It was not unusual at midday for devotees to come to the temple. She turned to leave and was surprised to find a familiar face walking up the steps of the temple. Trishaan Dev smiled in acknowledgement of her presence as she stood there transfixed.
“Oh, what a surprise!” Trishaan Dev smirked slightly as Tarabai’s jaws tightened at his approach. “I didn’t expect to find a familiar face here.”
“Oh, did you not?” Tarabai smiled slightly. “Then what are you doing on the Neelambargarh side?”
“Why? The same thing you are doing, of course.” His words sounded snobbish. The years she spent in the Suryapali palace made Tarabai a great observer of the people close to the royal family, and one thing she knew for sure was that Trishaan Dev did not do anything without reason. If he had been unaware of her presence in the shrine, he would not have struck up a conversation. This was not the first time they crossed paths, and most of the time, Trishaan Dev did not acknowledge her presence in public.
“I just came here to pray for the future heir of Ishaan’s.” Trishaan Dev smiled as Tarabai looked pale. Ishaan Dev had made her promise on the confidentiality of the matter due to his security concerns. He might tell Trishaan Dev, but it was impossible that they could communicate in such a short time. However, Tarabai was not surprised. Trishaan Dev’s spy network was famous beyond the borders of Suryapali. She tried to excuse herself and leave when Trishaan Dev blocked her way.
“Weren’t you here to do the same?” He asked, folding his arms to his chest, a faint smile appearing at the corner of his lips.
“I… I don’t know what you are talking about.” Tarabai stuttered slightly and avoided eye contact. Trishaan Dev let out a sigh.
“Well, of course. The great Tarabai, whose sacrifice of love will be remembered by the land for time immemorial!” Trishaan Dev let out a chuckle. Tarabai frowned slightly at his tone.
“If you think the correct way to live life is by being selfish…” Tarabai retorted as Trishaan Dev interrupted her with an amused smile.
“Do you know who my mother was?” His question made her frown slightly, wondering where he was going with it. “I thought you would understand me, as I would you.” Trishaan Dev approached Tarabai and surprised her by cupping her face with his rugged fingertips as his cold rings brushed lightly against her warm skin, and looked at her intentionally. Tarabai stiffened at his touch and at his audacity.
“How dare you touch me?” Tarabai spoke firmly. Trishaan Dev took his hand away with a sly smile. “I am Adhiraja Ishaan Dev Varman’s concubine. Even your king doesn’t lay his hands on me.”
“Keep that flair of yours intact, Tarabai.” Trishaan Dev seemed amused. “All I am saying is that someday, if you have a child you can call your own and live to see him, unlike my mother, he can give you the respect you deserve.” Trishaan Dev stopped as Tarabai smiled slightly.
“So you are saying if your mother were alive, you would be a king?” Trishaan Dev’s jaws tightened at her mocking tone.
“All I am saying is that people like you and me have to make our way in the world. And none of our emotions matter to anyone if we aren’t powerful enough.”
“I beg to differ, Sire!” Tarabai shook her head, “I don’t have to play dirty games to make my presence felt. The Adhiraja respects me.” Trishaan Dev tilted his head back with a chuckle.
“He gets what he wants from you; you are a slave. Don’t be under the illusion that you matter to him!”
“That is where your perspective and mine differ…” Tarabai shrugged.
“Yes, I am a visionary, Tarabai. I think ahead. Being an emotional fool isn’t my forte.”
“And what do you envision?” Tarabai asked, sighing slightly. Trishaan Dev smiled.
“Imagine the heir of Maharani Priyambada on the throne, and she is enjoying all the power she can. Do you think when your utility is gone, you will be given a place in the palace?” He shook his head, “Remember Nartaki Bai?” Tarabai looked up at his words. She did remember Nartaki Bai. She got injured trying to save one of the Rajadhiraja’s concubines from a drunk man who swung his sword at her leg. She lost a leg and eventually her place in the palace. Nobody helped her or took her in. Tarabai was new then, and often as she followed the older concubines to the markets, she would see Nartaki Bai in tattered clothes on the streets begging. Most people who were aware of who she was before being a beggar on the street refused to give her alms.
“Do you want to end up like her? Or…” Trishaan Dev studied Tarabai’s serious face. It was hard to say what she was thinking, but he continued, “Or… you and I would be the highest influence in Ishaan Dev’s life once she is gone.”
“Gone?” Tarabai’s voice trembled as she looked up at Trishaan Dev. “ What do you mean, gone?”
“You think she will let you or me be near him as long as she is alive?” He shook his head. “Removing her is the only way. Once she is gone…”
“He will have to marry again,” Tarabai added. She is the mother of his unborn child. How evil are you? Trishaan Dev agreed.
“Yes, indeed and once Rajkumari Advika comes in, when was she ever a threat to you or me? Who knows, if we play our sides right, I can be a co-regent and you can be raised to the rank of his queen.” Tarabai shook her head with an amused smile at his words.
“Your dreams are too far-fetched. Have you ever seen a concubine be queen or the son of one as a co-ruler?”
“My dreams can seem far from reality, Tarabai, but I have the perfect plans to execute them. But one step at a time.” He held out a pouch from his belt. “Mix this in food or drinks, and it is effective in a day, and doesn’t show any physical signs. Nobody would know!” Tarabai stepped back with a small gasp.
“You want me to do the sin of killing my queen? Are you out of your mind? I will never be able to forgive myself!” She shook her head. “I will be caught and hanged.” I can never kill his pregnant wife.
“To gain something, you have to take risks. I am also on edge here. There is no way someone from my side can reach her, but you can! And there is no way you will get caught. Ishaan will never question your loyalty.”
But it is his child. "What kind of an evil person kills a pregnant woman?” Tarabai looked shocked as the words came out of her mouth in a reflex, making Trishaan Dev smile at her admission. “How do you even call yourself his well-wisher?” Her voice trembled.
“Oh, stop it! That girl is no good for Ishaan. He has changed! Besides, given a choice, will you save yourself or her? And that child? He or she is a half-Neelambargarhi. Spoilt blood.” Trishaan Dev pushed the poison into Tarabai’s reluctant hand.
“Not as spoilt as you.” Tarabai’s words made Trishaan Dev stiffen.
“Don’t be a fool. Rajkumari Advika can give him as many heirs as he needs. YOU can bear his first child. Help me, and I will make sure your child gets legitimacy. Think about it. Think about Nartaki Bai. Think about your future. Your chance of having his child. Your chance at never losing him to her. Think about what is best for Ishaan. Our loyalty or a Neelambargarhi influence?”
“What if I refuse you?” Tarabai spoke firmly, “What if I don’t want to be part of your dirty politics?”
“Oh, Tarabai!” Trishaan approached her as Tarabai stepped back, intimidated by his stare and proximity. “Don’t be naïve! You know me well. You know better than to disobey me. I will ruin your life!” Trishaan Dev went ahead to tell her how he would fabricate the fact that she came to meet someone here in secrecy, and he caught her with the poison. Ishaan Dev would trust him when it came to the security of his unborn child. He would tell further that Tarabai betrayed his trust and let some of the rebels know that the Maharani was expecting. Tarabai gasped, teary-eyed at how trapped she was either way. Could Trishaan Dev’s vision of the future have a chance, or was he just being manipulative? Her fingers involuntarily grasped the pouch of poison between her palms.
Tarabai stood transfixed in her position, her heart beating in her throat, unable to find her voice as he left through the side pathway of the shrine and heaved a sigh as Sehri came to check on her. The girl had been waiting too long for her to come back and was surprised to find her alone, standing like a statue, when her gentle pat jolted Tarabai.
“It is me.” Sehri looked confused and scared. “You look pale.”
“I am fine.” Instinctively, Tarabai hid the pouch that was on her hand beneath her drape. “Let’s go back.”
“I got some offerings from the nearby shrine while you were praying. They said these offerings were very divine. Should we give them to the queen?” Sehri asked, handing over a dried leaf full of sweets to Tarabai, who smiled faintly. “That is a good idea, we can ask Adhiraja for permission to do that.” She said absentmindedly.
“But Unmukt, are you sure she is with child?” Rani Surachana spoke in a whisper as the general, disguised as the fruit seller she bought fruits from, nodded. Surachana lowered her voice, “That changes everything, doesn’t it? Removing Ishaan Dev will no longer be enough for my Priyam…”
“The ally I spoke to is working on it.” Unmukt offered her a pear as her hand stopped at it. “Working on it?” Surachana raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“We have to make some sacrifices for the greater good, Your Majesty,” Unmukt spoke as Surachana turned pale.
“You will kill her?” She asked in a trembling voice. Unmukt sighed. “Your Majesty, it is always the son on the throne that counts, you know that.” Surachana’s throat went dry as she said a soft prayer.
“Besides, even if we want to stop them, the ally won’t stop; it is too late!”
Surachana’s hands trembled a little as the fruit seller picked up his crate and left, whistling down the forest path, while the guards eyed him. Priyam Dev came out and reached his mother. Watching her standing absent-mindedly with a frown on her face, he proceeded to take a fruit from her hand. It jolted Surachana as she dropped the fruits, making Priyam Dev frown some more at his mother.
“Why are you so jumpy all of a sudden?” He asked, shaking his head, before going into the house as Surachana followed him inside. She sat down by the window overlooking the tall banyan tree at the back of the house and sighed. Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered the first time Priyambada had stepped into womanhood. It was she who spent the day with her daughter, telling her all the secrets of womanhood. It was she who had teased her daughter on the announcement of her Swayamvar that she would pamper her grandchildren to no end. Her grandchildren would grow up to be the greatest kings. Her grandchildren, the blood of … Surachana wiped away her tears and straightened her jaw. The seed of Suryapali was growing in her womb. That was unacceptable to any true Neelambargarhi. Her husband once said, when they were young and he was the heir to the throne, that it was the duty of the wind clan to eliminate the seeds of the Sun, the enmity with whom was never to end. Was she making him proud now?
“Mother.” Priyam Dev’s hand on her shoulder made Surachana look up at her boy. “I see that you are worried, but it's done now. The poison has reached Neelambargarh.” Surachana let out a small gasp as she stood up and faced her child. Barely ten now, he had almost reached her height.
“You know?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. Priyam Dev nodded with a serious face.
“I am the heir to the throne, the rightful king of Neelambargarh. I have some duties.” His eyes sparkled as Surachana frowned a little. “I am growing up, Mother. Leave your worries to me and Unmukt.” A smile formed on her lips. Her child was indeed fit to rule.
When Tarabai entered the palace of Neelambargarh, she could hear the ladies giggling in the courtyard. There were all the noble women, their children and Urvi, who was braiding Priyambada’s hair. Tarabai suddenly noticed the glow of happiness in her cheeks as she smiled. Tarabai was about to step out into the courtyard from behind the long curtains when Sehri stopped her.
“What are you doing?” Sehri gasped. “They will see you.” Tarabai glanced at the girl’s face at her words. Yes indeed, one of the protocols she had learnt first in the palace was not to show herself in front of anyone unless asked for.
They were the invisible creatures living unnamed around the palace like maggots waiting to be removed. Their existence was that of embarrassment, as if it were pretended that they never existed. It sometimes amused Tarabai how the men derived pleasure from women like her night after night and forgot them at daybreak, almost like magic. Tarabai shook her head at her thoughts. Perhaps Trishaan Dev was getting into her head. The Maharani and Adhiraja were never like that. Were they? It is true that ever since their relationship took a turn, she had to wait longer than usual for his summons, but wasn’t that natural?
Tarabai walked to her damp, cold chamber and lit a lamp. She removed her drape, yet the heaviness of her chest refused to go. She placed the pouch and offerings down and eyed them in the shadow of dusk. Did she not deserve a life like any other woman? What was her fault that her drunk father sold her off for some coins? What was her fault that she fell in love with the man she served as a master? Tarabai closed her eyes and lay down on the small bed. She envisioned a life that could have been. She would perhaps be married by now, to a farmer or mason in the village and have children to take care of. She would feed them, talk to her husband about his work, cook and clean and occasionally learn to read from her boys. A smile curved her lips. That was a good dream.
A lone tear trickled down her cheeks as she remembered the first time she had realised she loved Ishaan Dev. He had come home injured from war, and she had seen him groan in pain for quite a few days. Her eyes were teary after coming back to her room in the morning, and the other concubines had reminded her that she was not to be emotional about her master. She tried so hard not to be. Until he started sharing his deepest emotions, fears and dreams as though they were friends. Ishaan was young and inexperienced then, Tarabai had learnt the tricks of her trade from the concubines of the Rajadhiraja.
To him, she was an enigma, a mystery waiting to be unravelled, a puzzle waiting to be solved as he savoured her. To her, his touch was more than just a physical union. She had felt her soul connect to his. Tarabai tried to stop her thoughts as she muffled a cry, fearing she might be heard. Of course, she had the dream of raising his child, having someone to love and be loved back, unconditionally. Someone who was part of him, part of her. But what about Priyambada? Tarabai sat up on the bed and wiped away her tears. No, Priyambada didn’t deserve any of what happened to her, yet to Tarabai, she was the luckiest girl in the world. Ishaan Dev loved her in ways she had never imagined him capable of loving anyone. She was the mother of his child. Trishaan Dev’s words seemed to be whispered clearly in her ears. But think about your future! Do you want to end up like Nartaki Bai or be by his side forever? Tarabai placed her palms on her ears, hoping the voices would stop. Why was she even thinking about this? Why was she even sad?
A knock on the door jolted her as she heard the soldier say, “The Adhiraja has summoned you.” Tarabai glanced at the sand clock and gulped. It was too early for him to summon her. What was wrong? Did he find out she met Trishaan Dev? Did Trishaan Dev put her in trouble? He was capable of destroying her. She knew that.
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