Hijr: Letter Three

To the one, to whom my soul belongs,

You are missing from me, as is warmth from the sunset, palpability from the silence of the night and sleep from the eyes of a dreamer. It has been a long time since I last wrote to you; I do not know if you’re alive, if you’ve forgotten me or whether you’re travelling towards us. What I do believe is that these winds have probably accepted my request. At the behest of my anxiety, the clouds are carrying my words, and maybe you’ll read when it showers in complete majesty.

Such silence has another reason- my choiceless self deciding to fulfil the physical void. Nay, this heart, for all those years back, I left a part of it with you. As our city sprawled with wealth, so did our memories with freshness to life and desires to mingle. The constant cacophony of apparent nonchalance all around made me realise something. The elders look at me for extinction is a fear that has been committed with our settlement. On one such day, when all the futuristic rigmarole was eating my desire to speak to the wind, she came and sat by. Her voice welcomed sunlight into my heart, infested with maggots of our separation. And I said, to what agony did I conceive that a moment of gaze has been spared with these uncountable footsteps? Not an echo came by, and I sat in the ineffable arguments within me. I can sustain the poison in my veins, but as for the longing for touch, my desires consummated with the one my heart never sought.
Guilt happens to be the most powerful emotion felt by mankind, and I am a sufferer of it. One may love, and it may get tainted; one may be angry, and it may get settled; one may be happy, and it may be ruined, but guilt coils around your conscience like a serpent and with every passing sun, it’s choking the life out of my healthy self. So, as my penance, while our souls may meet one day, I want you to be angry and exasperated and vent it out on me. It was your sob that took my breath away, and it will be your anger that will breathe life into me again.

Before I reached the edge, I took a different stone, this time hoping you would read despite knowing that I have found myself in marital bonds. So has our settlement; as the air got much warmer and markets busier, our houses seem more plentiful, and Pashupatinath rides his bull in ecstasy on the perfect grids of the streets. Our bath isn’t humongous like the citadel, yet it is surprisingly aromatic. It happens to be when the chief priest performs a ritual to sanctify a merchant into the priesthood. I see lotuses being carried by my neighbour and women baking seals for Lord Pashupatinath. The evening will be momentous, but in my soul, there is a fracture amidst the perfect smile and vigour. I am tired.

My guilt restricts the scribble, and an incessant pain adorns my mind. I cannot ask for forgiveness from you, but acceptance is what I can ask for. I wish to sleep in your memories and at the edge of my age, when my hair turns grey with ease and confusion dwells in my sight, I wish to dissolve in the silhouette of your being. The night will come for me as it would come for you. A cymbal just disturbed the sleeping winds around me. I think I hear my child amidst the distant commotion. I must go with a heavy heart. The offerings to Pashupatinath are awaited, just as my offerings to the Goddess of my beloved realm.

A sincerely, inured sinner
𑀳𑀺𑀦𑁆𑀤𑀯𑀺

Rituals of weddings or vows of marriage, whether known or unknown before the Vedic age, are not known. However, observing the idea of cities, settlements and families, one may safely assume that the Indus people did have a concept of hierarchy, heredity and family.

Purnota: Chapter Thirteen

Aniruddha eyed Trilochon, sitting at the desk in his room, attending to some paperwork. His reading glasses were on his nose, and he appeared engrossed in a financial document. He stood at the threshold, a bit unsure and glanced over his shoulder at Somnath, Batuk and Bondita. She gestured at him to go on. Aniruddha cleared his throat. That prompted Trilochon to look away from his document at his nephew. “Jethu, if you are busy, I can come back…” He suggested unsurely. “Come in and close the door.” Trilochon glanced over Aniruddha’s shoulder at the others who walked away hurriedly. Aniruddha closed the door, and Bondita tiptoed to place her ears on it. Batuk and Somnath stood at a distance. “So you met her?” Trilochon spoke while cleaning his glasses. Aniruddha nodded. Somnath had introduced them to Ashalata. Bondita, Batuk, and he had met them in a Dhaba off the highway. Although Bondita did most of the talking, initiating a friendly gesture to put the nervous Ashalata at ease, he had...

Purnota: Chapter Sixteen

It had been a month since Bondita had started working in the firm. With Somnath’s wedding date being set for winter, many things were keeping Trilochon and Kalindi busy as they took charge of the smooth running of things leading up to the wedding. They needed to shop for everyone, buy gifts and choose jewellery and sarees for the bride. Despite his attempts, Trilochon found Binoy reluctant to participate in his son’s wedding arrangements. Somnath took him and Kalindi to places they wanted to go, especially Kolkata for shopping, and Trilochon made arrangements to make sure that the first wedding of the generation was grand enough. Bondita tried to help as much as she could as she noticed Aniruddha being oddly aloof from the entire thing. She assumed it was due to Trilochon’s reactions to his lack of interest in marriage. Trilochon kept pestering her to enquire into his reasons while she kept stalling him with excuses. Bondita also failed to know more about Kalindi and Trilochon’s past, ...

Purnota: Chapter Fifteen

A week was all it took for Bondita to get used to work and the new routine. She would wake up early and hurry through her chores, helping Kalindi prepare a tiffin of either Chirer Polao or bread jam and then proceeding to the Roy Chowdhury house. She would arrange the day’s paperwork before Aniruddha arrived at the study room. Occasionally, she would hear him call out to Koeli for breakfast and pack her things, knowing he was almost ready to leave. He would walk into the chamber, check his list, and they would go to work. She would follow him from courtroom to courtroom. She would be sitting in the audience and learning. She would follow him to conferences and client meetings and take notes. They would discuss complicated cases. She would share the tiffin she brought from home. He would at first take a reluctant bite, then eat more than her. She often gave him her share of food discreetly. They usually stayed back after everyone was gone and ordered food for dinner. Some days, he woul...

Purnota: Chapter Seventeen

Bondita opened the curtains of her room at The Park to find the view of Stephen Court and the street below going towards the Maidan. She eyed the double bed and placed her things on one side while lying down on the empty side. The soft bed made her yawn as she sat up, staring at the clock. She needed to change for a quick dinner. They had an early matter at the High Court, and the client’s car was supposed to pick them up around 9 AM. As she changed into a full-sleeve black top and jeans, removed her earrings and adjusted her smudged Kajal, she heard a knock on her door. She opened it to find Aniruddha standing in a pair of jeans and a grey polo-necked T-shirt, his hair brushed back, as he cleaned his thin-rimmed glasses with the edge of his T-shirt. “Are you ready for dinner?” He asked, putting the glasses back on. As she nodded, she grabbed her handbag. They walked into The Bridge, and Bondita was a little conscious of her environment. Many foreign guests, businessmen and even s...

Towards You

The Afghans, after Sher Shah Suri's untimely demise, were at loggerheads for power. Their troops near Mewar were now led by Mehmood Shah. They secretly captured territories in the forests and waited to attack Mewari camps when the time was right. Rawat Chundawat and his spies had confirmed the news, and Udai Singh sent a warning to Mehmood Shah to withdraw his troops from Mewar in vain. Now that it was out in the open, it was time they declared war. Mehmood Shah had limited resources in Mewar. His internal rebellion against his commander did not help his cause. His spies clearly suggested that in no way could he win, especially with Kunwar Pratap leading his troops. He was having second thoughts about the war. It was then that one of his aides suggested a perfect plan. Maharani Jaivanta Bai had decided to go to the Mahakaleshwar Temple near the outskirts of Chittorgarh, in the forestlands of Bhilwara. They had travelled a long way and across the Gambhiri river that meandered during...

Dreams and Wishes

At dawn, the Bhil women took the girls to the Kalika Mata Temple and the Jal Kund. Dressed in white, a nervous Heer followed everything Ajabde knew and did, trying to explain the significance of the rituals to her. They prayed to Lord Ganesh. Kunwar Shakti and Kunwar Pratap were staying at Punja Ji's place, as they were not supposed to see the brides before the wedding. Ajabde was dressed in her mother's lehenga, a mang tika Jaivanta Bai gave her as a family heirloom and the simple nosering Pratap had gifted. They made their hair into a simple bun with wildflowers before putting on their dupatta. Heer was dressed in traditional Bhil jewellery of silver and beads that the women had gifted her. They made her wear a red and white saree draped as a lehenga and a red chunri with it. She looked like a pretty, colourful Bhil bride. Kunwar Shakti was a nervous groom dressed in a traditional bhil dhoti, kurta and cap. The bhil shawl hung from a side, making the white attire colourf...

You Deserve More

Ajabdeh woke up with the song of birds as she felt something warm on her hand. Her eyes went wide. Her hand was on the pillow in between them, between his hands, clasped as he slept. She thought of removing it slowly, but he was holding on to it so tightly. Ajabdeh's heart beat faster and faster. What do I do now? How do I not wake him? What if... why is my hand in his? She was utterly confused. " Am I...In love?" Pratap was staring at the sleeping figure on the bed as he stared back at the rain. Then he frowned as he noticed that she shivered. He closed the windows of the room to make it cosy, then sat on his side of the bed. A lamp flickered on her side like always, and he stared at her sleeping figure as he put his blanket over her as well. She shifted a little in her sleep to make herself cosy again. Her payals and bangles made a rhythmic sound, breaking the silence of the room. Her hand was out of her blanket and on the pillow in between. He tried to slowly put it ...

My Everything

Kunwar Pratap stormed into the Mahal at Gogunda amidst uncertainty and chaos. Happy faces of the chieftains and soldiers welcomed him as Rawat Chundawat, and some other chieftains stopped the ongoing Raj Tilak. A visibly scared Kunwar Jagmal looked clueless at a visibly angry Kunwar Pratap. Rani Dheerbai Bhatiyani hadn't expected Kunwar Pratap to show up, that too, despite her conveying to him his father's last wish of crowning Kunwar Jagmal. Twenty-one days after Udai Singh's death, she was finally close to a dream she had dared to dream since Jagmal was born. He was not informed about the Raj Tilak as per Dheerbai's instructions. She eyed Rawat Ji. He must have assembled the chiefs to this revolt against her son, against the dead king. No one except them knew where Kunwar Pratap was staying. It was for the safety of his family. " What are you doing, Chotima?" A disappointed voice was directed at her. She could stoop down so low? For the first time, an anger...

Purnota: Chapter Fourteen

“Why can’t she work? I will too.” Bondita had barged into the Roy Chowdhury living room early in the morning, still in her loungewear, as Aniruddha looked up at her through his glasses. Trilochon was showing Aniruddha some paperwork from one of their investments as Bondita stood by the coffee table, wearing a frown. Aniruddha looked confused. Trilochon cleared his throat as he shook his head at Bondita. “It's different. She is going to be the daughter-in-law.” Aniruddha eyed Trilochon and Bondita, who shook her head in disappointment. “So?” She questioned, “She can’t have a life?” “When a woman marries…” Trilochon stood up, straightening his Panjabi “Her life is about being a good wife and mother.” Bondita gasped. Aniruddha’s jaws tightened as he kept the papers down. Bondita spoke before he could. “Then by that logic, men should also concentrate on being husbands and fathers.” “Then who will earn the bread?” Trilochon rolled his eyes. Bondita eyed Aniruddha, expecting him to speak...

Purnota: Chapter Twelve

Bondita woke up to the alarm clock ringing as she struggled to get her hand out of the quilt wrapped around her. She sat inside the mosquito net, rubbing her eyes and staring at the clock, trying to remember why she had set the alarm at 3.45 AM. Then her eyes shone in delight. It was Mahalaya. She remembered that during her days in Dehra, she had educated her roommate on the tradition of starting pujo with the voice of Birendra Krishna Bhadra echoing through the air. She was uninterested, and Bondita had borrowed her headphones to hear the program and deeply missed home. She remembered that as a child, while her father was still alive, he would gently wake her up, and take her on his lap to the huge Banyan tree near the Panchayat where people gathered near the Pradhan’s radio, putting flower garlands and lamps around it and folding their hands as they heard Mahishashur Mardini killing the Asura. When she arrived in Kolkata to get her law degree, she thought things would be different. B...

RAABTA

Search This Blog