Hijr: Letter Four

To the One, I dedicated my life,

It's been years since I hoped my scriptures would find you, yet I haven't stopped writing. Every day I wake up in your thoughts; every night, I have a conversation with you before going to sleep. Every emotion I convey to the stars, hoping they will let you know. You are the voice in my head that makes me want to question my sanity. Is it possible for someone else to have become a part of me the way you have? Is it possible for a stranger for years to have become closest? I often dream that we would meet. Sit on a rock near the forest and talk about life. You perhaps look different from when I last saw you; I know I do. Perhaps we have grown apart in many ways, being away for so long; perhaps our minds don't sync anymore. But does that matter? Won't my flute make your heart ache? I daydream about our past. Like it was yesterday. The laughter. The stares. The emotions. Almost like the past is nothing but a dream I had lived.

They say that staying in a Citadel should abide by its rules and regulations. That also means following the cycle of procreation. One is ostracised if one doesn't follow the usual way of life. My family has abandoned me. On the one hand, my people, who send their children over to my humble home for their flute lessons, gossip behind my back. It had become painful staying amidst a crowd and feeling misunderstood. So one night, I gathered my belongings and sneaked out of the Citadel. I knew not where to go. Part of me wanted to go south to find you. Another feared the unknown. So I ended up at our cave. The villagers were kind enough to offer a stay. But every day, I found myself in our cave. I have made it home.

The children take up most of my time. Teaching them makes me happy. All the pain of loneliness that I battle in my quest to remain yours vanishes in their smiles. They are like the family I never had. I end up telling them our story in the guise of a myth, of a cowherd and his devoted lovers. They are fascinated, but the complexity of human emotion is often lost in translation for these pure souls. That's when I imagine a damsel in distress and a saviour knight to their joy. But what about this damsel? She is not in distress. She has willingly tasted the poison of love and is now intoxicated by it. Would the world sympathise with such a lover? One drunk in an ecstasy of the unknown?

Have you moved on? Found someone to hold dear and love? Better than this sorry soul trying desperately to hold on to something that is barely real. I hope you find the happiness I seek with a tired heart and bleak hope. Some day, perhaps accidentally, you can send your offspring up north, and they'd find me. They would have your eyes and smile. I would know. Will I be angry? Jealous perhaps of the woman who could keep you? I smile as I write this. Perhaps not. Because my love is seeking the validation of neither society nor you. It's gone far beyond that in the realms of the soul. Do you understand me? Perhaps not. But it's alright. Even I don't. All I know is that with each passing day, your name, your emotions and my flute overwhelm me. So before I slip away into a world I can't come back from, find me. Once.

Perhaps the voice in your head,

𑀢𑀭𑀦𑁆𑀕𑀯𑀢𑀺

My Everything

Kunwar Pratap stormed into the Mahal at Gogunda amidst uncertainty and chaos. Happy faces of the chieftains and soldiers welcomed him as Rawat Chundawat, and some other chieftains stopped the ongoing Raj Tilak. A visibly scared Kunwar Jagmal looked clueless at a visibly angry Kunwar Pratap. Rani Dheerbai Bhatiyani hadn't expected Kunwar Pratap to show up, that too, despite her conveying to him his father's last wish of crowning Kunwar Jagmal. Twenty-one days after Udai Singh's death, she was finally close to a dream she had dared to dream since Jagmal was born. He was not informed about the Raj Tilak as per Dheerbai's instructions. She eyed Rawat Ji. He must have assembled the chiefs to this revolt against her son, against the dead king. No one except them knew where Kunwar Pratap was staying. It was for the safety of his family. " What are you doing, Chotima?" A disappointed voice was directed at her. She could stoop down so low? For the first time, an anger...

Towards You

The Afghans, after Sher Shah Suri's untimely demise, were at loggerheads for power. Their troops near Mewar were now led by Mehmood Shah. They secretly captured territories in the forests and waited to attack Mewari camps when the time was right. Rawat Chundawat and his spies had confirmed the news, and Udai Singh sent a warning to Mehmood Shah to withdraw his troops from Mewar in vain. Now that it was out in the open, it was time they declared war. Mehmood Shah had limited resources in Mewar. His internal rebellion against his commander did not help his cause. His spies clearly suggested that in no way could he win, especially with Kunwar Pratap leading his troops. He was having second thoughts about the war. It was then that one of his aides suggested a perfect plan. Maharani Jaivanta Bai had decided to go to the Mahakaleshwar Temple near the outskirts of Chittorgarh, in the forestlands of Bhilwara. They had travelled a long way and across the Gambhiri river that meandered during...

Purnota: Chapter Thirty Eight

Trilochon was so overwhelmed that Binoy came for the Pujo and Kirtan on Dol Purnima. Their neighbours, friends and acquaintances had all gathered in the Thakur Dalan, first for the pujo when the idol of Sree Radha and Sree Krishna were worshipped in the Dalan, and Horir Loot of Batasha and Naru were distributed. Unlike in the village, people here, especially children, did not fight over the Horir Loot . Bondita and Batuk took part in the ritual like they used to as kids, counting the number of Batasha each of them had, amusing the elders who reminisced about their childhood and how Batuk snatched Bondita’s share and ran as she chased after him, shouting. The Kirtan followed the pujo, the tales of Sree Krishna’s prowess, his Leela and Radha’s sacrifice were sung with the sounds of Dhol and Khanjani . It followed the devotional songs praising Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and his praises to Lord Krishna. Bondita not only liked the stories of Kirtan but also how the crowd joined in the singing and...

His Wife

" Where is the Kesar, Rama? And the Kalash?" Ajabdeh looked visibly displeased at the ladies who ran around. " They are at the fort gates, and nothing is ready yet!" She exclaimed. She was clad in a red lehenga and the jewellery she had inherited as the first Kunwarani of the crown prince. Little Amar ran down the hallway towards his mother. " Maasa Maasa... who is coming with Daajiraj?" His innocent question made her heart sink. " Bhanwar Ji." Sajja Bai called out to him. " Come here, I will tell you." Amar rushed to his Majhli Dadisa., " Ajabdeh." She turned at Jaivanta Bai's call. "They are here." " M... My Aarti thali..." Ajabde looked lost like never before. Jaivanta Bai held her stone-cold hands, making her stop. She patted her head and gave her a hug. The hug gave her the comfort she was looking for as her racing heart calmed down. Jaivanta Bai left her alone with her thaal. " Maa sa!" ...

Purnota: Chapter Forty One

Kalindi stood looking at the Ganga in the distance as Trilochon watched her. It was later in the night, and the stars were veiling the clear summer sky. A cool breeze blew from the Ganga, relaxing Kalindi’s restless heart as she took a stroll. Trilochon had spotted her in the garden from his balcony and walked up to her. She did not turn as he came up behind her and cleared his throat. “I apologise for storming off like that.” He was the first to speak. Kalindi inhaled. “Have you heard that she went to borrow a saree from Bouma to wear to some party?” Kalindi spoke rather monotonously. “Yes, Bouma said so.” Trilochon cleared his throat. He left out the part where Asha enthusiastically told him about Bondita blushing and her idea of telling Bondita to confess her feelings. Instead, Trilochon added, “The senior is very influential. He can have some good contacts for Bondita. Perhaps enough for her to get a job in Kolkata, like you wanted.” Kalindi could hear through his unconvincing...

To Protect You

Kunwar Pratap was in the court with Rana Udai Singh. The Mughals were conquering a huge part of the north courtesy of Bairam Khan and Mewar on their routes to the ports of Surat. " Daajiraj, we need to secure the roads leading to Agra and also towards the west. The attack-prone areas should always be under surveillance." " Yes, Ranaji. Baojiraj is right." Rawatji agreed. In the Rani Mahal, everyone was preparing for a grand lunch. Ajabdeh was making a drink for the princes and princesses, and in a hurry, she forgot to add the Kesar and Badam on top. As she served the smaller princes, including Kunwar Jagmal, Dheerbai came to inspect her eldest son's food. " What is this? Who made this? Kokoiaji?" She stormed to the kitchen with a bowl of sweet dishes. " Kunwaranisa did." Came a scary answer, from Veer Bai. " Ajabdeh Baisa." Her words let out a silent gasp from the lesser queens who stood witness. Calm and composed, Ajabdeh walke...

Purnota: Chapter Forty Three

Trilochon and Kalindi were having tea in the morning in their living room when Binoy walked downstairs in his Pajama Panjabi, pipe in hand and found them. Watching him unusually in his home attire, Trilochon frowned. “Are you sick? I thought you had already left.” Binoy sat down on the single chaise chair beside the couch as Kalindi poured some tea for him. “ I told you, Dada, I am here to retire.” He said, putting his pipe in his pocket. “Today, Som is going alone. We will see how that goes.” Their conversation was interrupted by Asha coming into the house in a white and red saree, with a red sindoor Teep on her forehead. She had a basket with her, and Koeli was accompanying her as she offered them the sweets she had taken as Prasad. “Since it’s his first day at the new position, we went to the temple together.” Asha narrated to Kalindi. “He left for work from there.” “Do you not have school today?” Kalindi enquired as Asha shook her head. She smiled, eyeing Trilochon, who narra...

Endless

Kunwar Pratap reached the Dangal. Ranima had ordered Ajabdeh to practise regularly. She was nowhere around since he woke up that morning. He had assumed she was with Ranima for the morning prayers, but then she was not in the Dangal on time, either. Ajabdeh was never late. He felt a little uneasy as he picked up the sword. A thunder made him look up at the gloomy sky as he felt the first drop of rain. A little wet, he ran through the corridors. Ajabdeh had woken up feeling unwell. He was sleeping after a tiring day, so she decided against calling him and, more, worrying him. She bathed, hoping to feel better, performed her puja and went to the gardens for some fresh air. Still feeling uneasy in the gloomy weather, she decided that playing with Parvati might make her feel better. After some talk with Bhago and playing with Parvati, she stood up from the floor and felt dizzy. Bhago caught her hand. " Are you all right?" " I just felt a little dizzy. I don't know why...

Eternally Yours

Ajabdeh woke up to find neither the pillow nor the husband beside her. That was really unusual. Has she overslept? No, it was dark, and the first birds were singing. She sat up to find that he had neatly arranged the pillows and made his side of the bed, and put his blanket over her. She checked the changing room. No, he was not there, but unlike other days, his clothes were not in a mess. She freshened up and reached the dressing table. His brooch was not there. Where is he? Has the war... Her heart skipped a beat. What if he had left and not even woken her up? " Daasi? Daasi?" She called out as one of them walked in. " Ji Kuwaranisa?" " Where is Kunwarsa?" " He left early in the morning for Dangal and then a visit to the village. Do you need anything?" " No, you may go now." She put on the sindoor in worry. Maybe something urgent has come up. She walked to the Puja room and was shocked. Her garlands were made, the Chandan was in plac...

Destiny

The war was almost won. A few of Marwar’s soldiers were left on the field along with Rao Maldeo Singh Rathore, their king and leader. He was thinking of retreating at the end of this day. As his sword clashed with one of the opponent generals as he eyed the opponent King now open and prone to attack. A little hope flickered in his mind as his eyes instructed his closest aide. The opponent was in a winning situation thanks to their new Senapati. He was just sixteen, yet his bravery and valour reflected his blood and upbringing. He mesmerised the opponents and even Rao Maldeo with his clever war strategies and sword skills. As Maldeo’s aide swung his sword at a taken aback Udai Singh, someone’s sword defended it as his body acted like a shield for the king. He killed the man in one go. “ Ranaji, are you okay?” “ Haan Raoji.” He nodded gratefully. By half the day, the Marwar army had retreated as the air filled with “ Jai Mewar! Jai Eklingji!” From the triumphant soldiers. Rana Udai ...

RAABTA

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