Realities

Apni khusboo jo chupaaye

Main hoon wahi Kasturi.

Tere Mere beech mein hai

Ek hi Parde ki Doori

Bondita's arrival in the motor car attracted a lot of unwanted attention from the villagers. She got down at the given address and crossed over the threshold into the courtyard surrounded by three huts, with her bundle of clothes in her hand. 

"Bondita." A woman clad in white came up to her and hugged her. Bondita recognised her mother. Yet the hug felt alien. She stiffened instead of hugging her back. Sumati realised it and cupped her face. 

"How beautifully you have grown." She smiled. Bondita forced a smile. "Come, let's meet the others."

Bondita touched the feet of the elders. They gushed about her rich in-laws sending her home in a motor car.

"Do you have a large house? And garden, Didi?" Her cousins asked. 

"Will Jamai Babu come to take you?" Someone else asked. Bondita looked at the faces as colour flushed from her cheeks at every question.

"Our Bondita has grown so quiet." Kaki smiled. "Remember how she used to ask questions. " Everyone laughed. Her cousin, who was supposed to get married, came in a new saree while her mother gave a Kaalo Teeka. 

"She is glowing." Someone said, "In her husband's love." Bondita looked up at her cousin. She forced a courtesy smile and looked away. 

"Where is Pishi?" Someone asked. Bondita's Pishima was the oldest of the siblings. She walked in with a cane and sat down on the only bed in the room as people flocked to her. Sumati pushed Bondita towards her. 

"Seek her blessings." Bondita stepped forward and touched her feet. Pishima stopped her by holding her shoulders.

"Why are you not wearing a sindoor?" She asked almost angrily. Bondita's heart skipped a beat.

"Our Jamai babu is London-returned." Kaki gushed. "He must think it's old-fashioned."

"Shut up, Surmani." Pishima snapped.

"You have no Alta. Where is your Sankha Pola?" She made Bondita look up at her face. 

Pishima opened her hand and spotted the ink that had faded on her fingers. 

"What is this you have applied to your hands?" She asked.

"It's ink. When you write…" Bondita spoke.

"You write?" Pishima asked, surprised. "You can read?" Bondita nodded unsurely. 

"Shiva Shiva!" Pishima let go of her hand, making her frown. 

"Why do you not wear sindoor?" She asked.

"I… I don't know what you are talking about." Bondita made everyone glance at each other.

"What do you mean?" Pishima asked. Sumati looked confused. She pulled Bondita by her hand to face her.  "What do you mean, Bondita?" She asked. "You didn't get married after he came back?" Bondita shook her head and looked away. A gasp went across the room.

"Shiva shiva. She has been staying in their house just like that?" Pishima frowned.

"But Zamindar Babu promised me." Sumati looked perplexed. Bondita looked up at her and opened her mouth to speak.

"What did you even learn there?" Pishima snapped.

"I learnt to read and write." Bondita spoke firmly, "I learnt what a family is like."

"Stop." Pishima put her hand on her ears. "It's a sin to even hear a girl talk about education."

"Why?" Bondita frowned. "Barrister Babu says…"

Sumati dragged her by her hand out of the room and into the next. She shut the door behind her. Holding Bondita's shoulders firmly, she asked. "Did Jamai Babu not accept you?" Bondita looked up at her words. It was just an accident. She shook her head. Sumati looked scared. 

"What did they do to you, Bondita?" She let out a cry, "They abandoned you." Bondita looked clueless. "Do you know what happens to a woman whose husband leaves her?" 

"He didn't leave me," Bondita spoke up. "To leave someone, you need to have them first. He never…" she stopped. "And no, nothing will happen to me. I will study. I will get a job. Barrister Babu promised me I would be independent." 

Sumati sat down on the floor with her hand on her head.

" I shouldn't have left you there. Tell me. Did they treat you badly? Did he keep you like a mistress?" 

Bondita shook her head. 

"No. Maa. You are getting them wrong. Nobody did any such thing. I was happy. I was respected. He … he taught me things."

"Then why won't he marry you?" Sumati asked.

"Because whatever happened was an accident. That is not a marriage." Bondita stood up. "And we are firmly against non-consensual children being married off."

"That's her education speaking." Pishima snapped, walking into the room, followed by Kaki. "I am sure he got another one. Didn't he?" Bondita looked up at her words. She suddenly remembered Saudamini. Pishima went on. "These rich men only want poor ones as mistresses."

"He is not like that." Bondita snapped. "You don't know him."

"He did abandon you." Pishima shot her a glance. "I have never seen an abandoned woman with such a loud mouth. Shameless."

"That means she will stay here?" Kaki looked alarmed. "And feed off us?"

"No. I will not. I will study and get a job and…" Kaki gasped. Sumati stood up.

"Stop ranting, Bondita. This is not Tulsipur, nor are we Zamindar. You will not study."

Bondita opened her mouth to protest.

"Now what will we do with her?" Kaki's words made her frown. "Abandoned women are unlucky at weddings. What if her jealous eyes hurt my daughter?"

"Why will I be jealous of your daughter?" Bondita frowned cluelessly. In a span of a few hours, she seemed to have travelled back in time.

The day was relatively quiet in the Roy Chowdhury house. Binoy had left for Calcutta urgently, and Batuk didn't feel like going to school. He and Som sat in his room, reminiscing about old memories.

"Remember when we saved Bhow Bhow?" Batuk smiled faintly. Som nodded. "Bondita fought with Jethu to keep him."

"And when he healed, she fought with us not to keep him," Batuk added. "Is it true, Dada? She will not come back home?"

"I don't know Batuk. It's complicated. Moreover, I don't think Dada will…" he stopped abruptly. 

" If she and Dada don't believe they are married, then they shouldn't be forced, right?" Batuk said.

"It doesn't matter what they believe. What matters is what society believes." Som shook his head. "I can't believe Jetha Moshai hid this from all of us."

"But Dada, if Bondita doesn't come back as his wife, will we never see her again?" Batuk looked sad. "I really miss her."

"I know Batuk. I do too. But you know how Dada is, right? He will not be this easily convinced. Besides, does he even like her like that?"

"He keeps saying we are kids." Batuk shook his head. Silence filled the room. 

Aniruddha had walked down the corridor and stopped at the sight of his brothers sitting in silence. 

"Dada?" Batuk wiped away his tears quickly. "Did you need something?" Aniruddha looked up at his words, a bit lost. He shook his head.

"I just heard your voices.  Why are you two  home ?"

"We didn't feel like going to class since..." Som trailed off. Aniruddha looked away grimly at his words. 

A commotion downstairs made the three of them look down from the staircase.

"You know where to keep it, Bihari." Trilochan snapped. "You have been doing this for ages." Bihari stood clueless with a few farmers carrying sacks of crops. "Malik, it was Choto Malkin who took care of this ever since she came… I…" Aniruddha walked away from there suddenly.

Binoy came home at lunch. Koeli served them as all of them sat around the table silently.

"I met Bhowmik Babu." Binoy's words made Aniruddha stop at his morsel. "I heard what you told Saudamini." He kept his plate away and frowned at his firstborn. "You could have told me."

"I did. You didn't stop." Aniruddha shrugged with a straight, emotionless face.

"I am fed up with your unnecessary rebellions." Binoy snapped. "First, you won't go back. Now, this. Do whatever you want with your life."

"Binoy," Trilochan warned. "Not while eating, please."

"No Dada. I just wanted everyone to know that he can do what he wants. I will, in the meantime, talk to Mukhopadhyay Babu about Somnath and Ashapurna's wedding." He made everyone look up at him.

"What is this, Koeli?" Trilochan snapped. "I don't like sweet Chatni. You have to learn everything?" 

"I apologise, Boro Malik. I will make sure…. Actually, Bondita Malkin…" Trilochan stood up.

"This house has gone haywire in a day without her." He walked away, leaving his food unfinished. Aniruddha got up after him and walked away. Binoy shook his head.

Aniruddha walked into the study. His eyes fell on the coconut phone. A sudden anger took over him. She could have confronted him. Asked the truth. Or demanded an answer. Walking away just like that was not something he associated with Bondita. He pushed the coconut phone away from his sight. It fell on the ground and got chipped. Aniruddha immediately picked it up to inspect it. He sighed. Keeping it down on the table, he walked away to his room, restless.

The next day, Aniruddha avoided going to the study room. He stayed in his room as long as he could. Then, when everyone was asleep in the afternoon, Aniruddha sat down under the study table with the coconut phone in his hand. He inhaled. What was Bondita going to tell her mother? Will the family who refused to take her in as a child accept her back or let her study? He eyed her form on the coffee table. She wanted it. How could she leave? Why did she leave without informing him? Aniruddha closed his eyes. A storm brewed inside his heart. On one hand, there were her dreams. Their dreams. On the other hand, Aniruddha was scared of how the people would treat her. And there was a small part of him that felt different. A small part of him wanted to hold her hand, drag her out of any misery and give her reasons to smile. A small part of him smiled every time he remembered her. Aniruddha inhaled. What was happening to him?

Trilochan paced his room. Aniruddha was right. The ones who refused to take in a small child would never treat her right. Trilochan looked perplexed. But how could he bring Bondita back? What would he say? She would refuse now that she knew the truth. Trilochan cursed fate. How could she find out? He sat down on the edge of his bed, perplexed. If he knew Bondita, the only person who could bring her home was Aniruddha. If he knew his nephew, he was too stubborn to accept something as destiny. Trilochan felt the situation was out of his hands. In a life full of control and power, he had never felt this helpless ever. The house was running smoothly under him after his sister-in-law passed away. He raised her children. He took care of the house. But in these few years, Bondita had taken over the house and made it home with her little hands. She had made sure everything was right. Trilochan sighed.  She must have felt deceived. He couldn't even apologise to her. He wanted to.

Bondita was woken up by her cousins to go to the pond at dawn. 

"Hurry up." They called one another. "Before the men come around."

Bondita walked behind the girls, keeping pace, with the earthen pot her mother had given for the bath. She had wrapped her saree around herself, leaving the blouse, and inhaled at the sight of the pond. She sat down on the edge and blinked. 

"How are the ponds like in Tulsipur didi?" One of her cousins asked. She stared at the child. Another said, "Oh, they must have a private pond." She nodded. They did. Every morning, Kakababu would take a dip there. Then pray at the temple. He must be doing that now. Then the bells would wake up Batuk. She would pester him to hurry up and come for breakfast.

"Didi?" The child shook her. "Did you have a pond?"

She smiled. "I had a bathtub at home. He did. Anyway." Her smile faded.

"What is a bathtub?" The girls stared cluelessly.

"It's like a Gamla in a room," Bondita explained. They looked in awe.

"Didi, you have a bath indoors? Like princesses?" They gasped. Bondita looked away. She picked up some water from her pot and poured it over her head.  The cold water gave her goosebumps. She closed her eyes, and she could suddenly see his sleeping figure on the bed as she tiptoed in and out of the washroom. She opened her eyes and was quick with the remaining bath.

They walked back home in a hurry. Crossing the threshold, she noticed the Tulsi Mancho. Every day her morning started with lighting the lamp on a similar tulsi mancho at the Roy Chowdhury courtyard. It was one of the very first things that Trilochan had taught her about running a home. 

She dropped her wet clothes and pot and ran to the Tulsi Manch. She found a lamp already there. She took another one and tried to light it from the already ignited one. Someone slapped her hand. The lamp fell from her hand and broke into pieces. She looked up to see Kaki.

"What do you think you are doing?" She snapped. "You can't light the lamp. Only married women can. And your husband abandoned you." Bondita's brows narrowed at her words.

"But I used to…"

"You were a married woman then. You aren't now." Kaki walked away, cursing. "These women apparently know how to read and write, and don't know simple things. She would have made my Tulsi Manch unholy if I hadn't seen her."

Bondita looked up at her words, taken aback. She set the wet clothes to dry in a trance and came into her mother's hut.

"You must not be used to this heat." She spoke, pulling out a hand fan. "Could you sleep last night?" Bondita nodded silently. Then folded her hands at the little rack of idols her mother had in her room. Unknowingly, she was living the life of a married woman at the Roy Chowdhury house. And she thought she was Kakababu's daughter. How could she be so naive?

Aniruddha woke up with a tired body. He stared at the clock. It was almost afternoon. He wondered why nobody woke him up. His head felt heavy. He was awake the whole night, going through her copies. She had progressed so much. How could she leave it all in a whelm? He walked out of his room and kept walking down the corridor. She'd run down it, calling at someone or the other every now and then. She had the whole house up the moment she woke up. He stopped on the stairs. His eyes travelled to the half-shut door of the now-empty room. Aniruddha couldn't resist walking up to the threshold.

Before he realised Aniruddha was in Bondita's room. He picked up the anklets that stuck out of the jewellery box. He stirred it a little to make the familiar sound that made him smile faintly. He opened the wardrobe. A few sarees fell out. He sat down on the floor, brushed his hand against them and sighed. A teardrop came to his eyes and trickled down his right cheek. He stood up, holding the saree, and walked up to her bed. He sat down on it, holding it close to his chest. All of a sudden, he remembered her hug. He pulled the saree closer to his chest and tried to feel the same in vain. He felt a void in his chest. A hollowness in his soul. Aniruddha slid down on the floor, teary and sat clutching his knees. He was scared. Scared to allow himself to accept the truth. Scared of how he contradicted his own morals. Scared that it was too late. Scared that the dreams were slowly slipping away into reality. Scared of losing Bondita.

The sound of Conch shells and Ulludwani made Bondita stare out at the courtyard. A crowd had gathered. She got up to reach the crowd as Sumati pulled her back.

"Stay put." She scolded. "You are not welcome in any wedding rituals." Bondita looked back at her mother and sat down on the floor. She noticed the tattered saree her mother was wearing. 

"Give it to me." She offered. "I will use my time to mend it."

"You know how to?" Her mother cupped her face. She nodded. "Kakababu taught me everything. And Pari didi taught me embroidery too." Her smile faded instantly.

"Who is Pari Didi?" Her mother asked and was met with silence as Bondita concentrated on putting the string into the needle. 

She stitched half-heartedly, lost in thought. Saudamini will be perfect for Aniruddha. She remembered them dancing. She remembered Pari Didi teaching her embroidery. She sighed. Pari Didi was perfect for him. She finished mending the torn cloth and opened her bundle to take out a book. She sat near the window with it and opened the bookmarked page. 

Binoy walked in, making Trilochan stop pacing the room. He looked up as Binoy forced a smile.

"Are you alright?" Trilochan asked.

"I don't feel that good. I forgot to take my medicine in a hurry."

"How could you be so careless?" Trilochan asked.

"Bondita packs them when I…" Binoy looked up as Trilochan smiled.

"You see, even you can't do without her presence in the house." Trilochan shook his head.

"Where is Aniruddha?" Binoy asked.

"He was running a fever in the morning, so I kept Koeli from waking him up and also served his lunch in his room." Binoy nodded, concerned.

"I am coming from the Mukhopadhyay house as we speak. I fixed Som and Ashapurna's wedding. He will come by with the fixed dates." Trilochan looked up at his words. "I sent Bihari to buy some Rosogollas to share this good news."

"That's it." Trilochan's eyes lit up.

"What?" Binoy looked clueless.

"She can come back as a guest, too." Trilochan walked past Binoy into the corridor.

"Who? What?" Binoy frowned.

Bondita looked up as Kaki placed a plate of leftovers before her. All the guests were gone, and the Aiburobhaat of her cousin was done. Bondita stared at the leftover rice, Dal, and two pieces of cold pumpkin. 

"Eat it. Otherwise, you will complain Kaki didn't feed you, and then your Pishima will scold me." She glared at Sumati. "And let your daughter know this, Didi. She will only get leftovers in this house. We don't have the luxury of giving her four meals a day like Roy Chowdhurys." She walked away. Bondita stared at the meal, then concentrated back on her book. She wasn't hungry. Outside, where the women had gathered for the Alpona, she could hear them gossip.

"Such rich people didn't even accept the girl." Someone said, "Pushed her burden on the poor Kaka."

"Something must be wrong with her, too." Someone else spoke. "You never know. I heard studying can make you infertile." A gasp went across the courtyard. Bondita inhaled and shook her head. She then drew the plate nearer. She tasted the leftovers as a teardrop blurred her vision. She remembered how he fought everyone when she was given boiled food. Sumati placed her hand gently on her shoulders, making Bondita look at her mother with a reassuring smile.

Aniruddha was pacing the rooftop at night. Trilochan walked onto the open roof, and Aniruddha stopped and looked away. He hid her embroidered handkerchief back in his pocket. It was a gift. Her only gift to him. She had just strolled into the study one morning, declaring she was trying her hand at cross-stitching and that was for him. He didn't ask why. He just took it. Little did he know he'd want to keep it with him all the time.

"Aniruddha." Trilochan walked up to him. "I am worried sick." He looked up at Trilochan's words. "I sense you were right. They will never treat her well. Let alone letting her study. But I was thinking…" Trilochan sat down on the swing as he spoke. "We can invite her over for Somnath's wedding and talk her into staying back." Aniruddha was about to open his mouth to speak as Trilochan continued. "I know it will be difficult. She is adamant. But she wants to study as much as you want her to. Maybe that can make her stay… I am not forcing you to accept the relationship. But I can tell you to give it a thought."

"Jetha Moshai." Aniruddha made him stop and look up at his face. "I thought about it, too. There is no way her education should be stopped. And if that means…" he stopped to close his eyes and inhaled.

"You gave her mother your word. Whatever the reason may be, it's your respect at stake." He nodded. "I understand that."

Bondita sat in her mother's furniture-less hut as Sumati lit a lamp at the feet of the gods in her room. Bondita looked up at her in the flickering light of the lamp.

"You and I will not step out of here until the wedding is over, understand?" Sumati spoke. "Then I will take you back to Tulsipur and beg them to keep you." Bondita inhaled.

"You are not going to do anything like that. They didn't tell me to leave. I left." Sumati looked up at her words. "Why? Are you out of your mind?"

"With what relations do you expect me to stay there?" Bondita asked. 

"No matter what you or he believes, that marriage is as valid as any. Your refusal doesn't make it untrue." Sumati snapped. "That's your home. And your people."

"I am not going back." Bondita shook her head.

"Then what will you do?" Sumati snapped. "Let these people torture you? Humiliate you on every occasion without reason? Remind you every day how helpless you are? How does the absence of a man make you an ill omen?" Sumati sobbed. "You are a naive Bondita. You want to light their dark roads with education, but these people have their eyes closed. They can't see the light. They never will." Sumati sobbed. "I don't want you to end up like me."

"I will not go back until I have a reason to stay there, a relationship with that house." Bondita shook her head. "I am aware of the things a lonely woman faces. I can do that better than being a doormat at someone's house."

"Bondita." Sumati placed her hand on her daughter's head. "You can request him to accept you." She shook her head.

"Your Bondita didn't learn to beg, Ma. She doesn't take what isn't hers." Sumati stared at her adamant face. The people rejoiced outside. Sumati shut the window and came and sat beside her. 

"Stay out of trouble tomorrow. You know how the groom's side is at weddings. I don't want anyone insulting you." Sumati's words were met with a nod.

"Aniruddha?" Trilochan frowned, staring at Aniruddha's straight face. A flicker of hope made Trilochan smile.

"I will go write a letter to Bondita. She has to come to the wedding." Trilochan looked happy. "Then we will talk to her."

"Jetha Moshai." Trilochan stopped at the threshold as Aniruddha called after him. "I have a better idea." Trilochan raised his eyebrows in question.

"Let's go there." He spoke. "First thing tomorrow."

"She won't come back. You know how adamant she is." Trilochan shook his head.

"Bondita Das won't come back, but Bondita Roy Chowdhury has to."

Trilochan looked up wide-eyed at Aniruddha's words. He opened his mouth to speak. "Really?"

"I thought about it, Jetha Moshai. Not only had you given her mother your word, but also, I am sure, her relatives, villagers and guests will trouble her over it. She has no fault in this; she must not suffer. Whatever happened in the past must never affect her future and dreams." Trilochan looked hopefully at his words. "Besides, Bondita is someone who can't be caged. She is meant to fly." Aniruddha's eyes sparkled with pride. "We can help her fly. She wants to study. And I will never let anything stop that." 

Trilochan nodded. "I am glad you are thinking practically." He spoke, patting Aniruddha on his back. "But it will take more than this to convince her. Bondita is self-esteem." Trilochan reminded him. 

Aniruddha nodded slightly. Trilochan hugged Aniruddha in joy. "I will go with you, we will talk to her."

"Dada." Somnath and Batuk stood at the threshold. "We will go with you, too." They, too, were smiling in glee.

"So will Baba." Aniruddha looked up at his father, who smiled at the threshold with a nod. 

"I am just going so that Dada doesn't say I don't care for my children." Binoy shook his head.

"Let's go bring her back. I am not able to remember my medicines." Binoy laughed.

" I am bored without her chasing me around." Batuk smiled.

"I am tired of hearing your complaints," Som added.

"And give the keys back to their rightful owners." Trilochan agreed, feeling relieved

"Let's bring our Grihalaxmi back home." 

Bondita sat staring out at the moon on the floor of the hut that night. She couldn't help but remember him breaking down the door of one such hut and rescuing her from her misery. Her eyes shone. You promised me I would never fight my battles alone, Barrister Babu. Then how could you call me an accident? She closed her eyes as tears trickled down her cheeks. Bondita inhaled. In her battles, she had perhaps lost her heart.