Pratap tried hard to ignore Ajabdeh's silence at the breakfast table, followed by her last session with Dr Sekhawat.
"Well." The doctor smiled as Pratap came down to see him off. " She said she wants someone closer to her home, so I recommended Dr Sen to her."
"But Dr Chundawat was looking after her." Pratap frowned. "he had been her doctor since…"
"Oh, not anymore." Ajabdeh interrupted as Dr Sekhawat waved goodbye. "He is your family doctor. I want to get checked by someone else…"
"But he has been your doctor for so long. He knows…"
"Thank you for the suggestion. I am not comfortable sharing my health issues with your mother via him." Her voice seemed distant.
"What?" Pratap looked a little taken aback and remembered. "Look. I am really sorry for everything she put you through, and I was clueless about it." He stopped Ajabdeh from walking away by blocking the doorway.
"I truly am sorry." She looked up at him. Her eyes were stone cold. A sarcastic smile formed on the side of her lip.
"It was not her fault. She was doing what she expected. I was just the wrong person to expect from. Now, excuse me, I have to take my pills. The attorneys will be here any minute." She stomped up the marble staircase as Pratap stood with his hands on his waist and sighed.
"So what is the trouble?" Pratap looked up as his attorney questioned Ajabdeh. "Domestic issues? Violence? Abuse? Affair?" Each and every word stabbed a wound in his heart. He chose to look away indifferently.
"No." Ajabdeh shook her head. "No, no, no. None at all. He's... Been a gentleman. We just grew apart." He looked up at her once. Her eyes were on the attorneys instead. The man smiled.
"Ma'am, this is India. You need grounds for a divorce. Your growing apart will end up with a probation period, marriage counselling and a compulsory holiday. Not a separation."
"We can try that," Pratap said, making Ajabdeh look up at him with a warning stare.
"And if your husband is reluctant to give you a divorce, you may also get some advice, and the court will reject your plea."
"So what do we need to do to get it working?" Ajabdeh asked. Pratap inhaled.
"Well, if you can make a deal on the alimony, we can bring in mutual understanding or false charges."
"I don't want anything. I just want a divorce." Ajabdeh said, clasping her hands together.
"Then if sir wants to do it mutually or accuse you of adultery or…"
Pratap got up, surprising the group of attorneys and Ajabdeh.
"That's it. Nice talk. Get out of my house."
"Excuse me?" The main attorney looked a little surprised.
"All of you. Get out of my house." Pratap said, almost agitated.
"Stop shouting." Ajabdeh stood up, irked. "What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" He asked with a sarcastic laugh. "What's wrong with you?"
"Okay, ma'am. I think you should talk to him about a mutual settlement, and then we can meet at our office. This was rather uncalled for." The man interrupted, packing his things. "We should go."
"I am so sorry." Ajabdeh apologised. "He is not in his senses."
"Oh, really, Ajabdeh? And you are?" He retorted, throwing his arms up in the air. "Look at you. Just look at you. You don't mind being tagged as an adulterer just to get rid of me. Really Ajabdeh? Is that how far we have come?"
"Listen." Ajabdeh breathed in. "I am extremely tired of all this right now. I wanted to be by myself here. You came along. I never gave you any hope. Yet you ignored the issues like they were none. Now you are just…"
"Issues Ajabdeh? Do you want to talk about issues now? How about you? Do you really think all the issues you thought of exist, or are they in your head?" He looked angry.
"Excuse me, Mr Pratap Singh. My issues are not in my head. First of all, this was a marriage of convenience."
"Don't you dare go there!" Pratap shook his head, putting his hand up at Ajabdeh to make her stop. "Just don't."
"Why shouldn't I?" She looked irked. "That was the foundation of this marriage. You cannot deny that. You wanted a marriage for an heir. And you ended up marrying me for protecting me. I was dumb enough to agree to that stupidity and think it would work out. We want different things, Pratap."
"No, Ajabdeh. I did what I did because I wanted to." He was firm.
"Are you sure?" She taunted, "Because to me it looked like you were once again trying to be a messiah of justice. You always do this. You try to make things right."
"No, I don't. And yes, I said what I thought of a marriage to you about an heir because Ranima was after me. Did I ever say that to you when we were married? Did I ever make you feel like a trophy wife, I want children out of?" He looked like he would lose control when Pratap stopped and closed his eyes to check his emotions.
"Then why did you not say so?" She shook her head. "You led me on and made me believe everything I heard."
"Did I, Ajabdeh?" He frowned, "Or did you believe what you wanted to, hide things from me and never really let me in?"
"Oh, I didn't let you in?" Ajabdeh shook her head. "I can't believe this is coming from a man who ignored his wife for two straight days right after she was told she lost her child and can never be a mother again." Tears swelled up in her eyes, and she choked.
"I didn't ignore you, Ajabdeh. You ran away from the hospital. You pushed me away. Every time my face made you sad and you suffered. I stayed away to make you suffer less." Pratap fumed and sniffed. "And wow, your child? Your loss? You think it's all about you, don't you?" Ajabdeh looked up at his words. For the first time in the last few months, she saw him as a reflection of a broken man. Her heart skipped a beat as he sat down on his knees on the carpet floor and looked up at her with tears and hurt in his eyes.
"It's all about you. Because you can show it, and I have to be strong. Because you can be sick and get treated, and I can't even share my feelings openly with anyone. Do you have any idea what I am going through?" Tears rolled down his cheeks as Ajabdeh sat down on the floor on her knees in front of him.
"Pratap…" She tried to put her hand on his shoulder, and he pushed it away. Ajabdeh had never felt so selfish in her entire life.
"No. I lost someone, too, Ajabdeh. Just because you felt the physical pain of it and I didn't doesn't mean I felt nothing. I was trying to be strong for you. I had planned a future with you. And I had always thought that no matter what, you would always be there. And that's all I needed to be happy. You were home. You snatched that away without a conversation with me. You just reached a decision on our marriage on your own. Based on your conclusion. Yes, I was hopeful because I always thought our relationship had something promising. I wanted to rekindle what we had. But never in my wildest dreams could I imagine you would be ready to strain your character over trying to get rid of me. "
"Pratap. I…" he got up, pushing her away suddenly as she jolted back, surprised.
"No. Don't." He said, wiping away his tears. "You want to get rid of me. I will give you that too, Ajabdeh. Because I always do that. I will sign whatever gives you back your freedom. You earned it. You ended the little faith I had in relationships." Before she could react, he turned to leave.
"Please. Stop. Where are you going?" Ajabdeh tried to follow him out before he drove off at breakneck speed. Ajabdeh sat down on the porch as tears rolled down her cheeks, and she cried. Kasturi came up alarmed and hugged her.
"Ma'am. What's wrong? Are you okay? Do you want to call someone?" She asked, alarmed at the wailing mistress.
Pratap didn't know how long he had driven aimlessly on the highway until he found a small cliff-like diversion. He parked his car there and sat on its bonnet looking down at the ridge and the range of Aravallis on the horizon. What was he even thinking? He knew about Ajabdeh's depression. Her trauma. He shouldn't have lashed out at her. Yet a part of him was badly hurt. He had lost a battle he was fighting alone. Against her. Could he ever win against her for her? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he lashed out wrongfully. He perhaps needed to apologise.
Ajabdeh rang up everyone she could possibly know from his phone. He had left it right at the table. She paced the room as Shakti and Jalal called her with no news. They both reassured her he was fine. Ajabdeh felt restless. Maybe because for the first time, she started seeing everything from Pratap's perspective and realised she was being self-centred too. He was right in his own way. In her quest to make him happy, she had perhaps damaged him. She was scared about his whereabouts. Where was he? Was he safe? She popped in the pills Kasturi offered and sank back on the couch. There was so much she wanted to make him understand. The promise of a family and the importance of an heir for their clan were not worth throwing away for her. She was always a misfit for him. She knew she had to be calm, calculating and practical. She looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. He was gone for over half of the day.
"There he is." Pratap looked at the figure on the couch, a little alarmed as Kasturi spoke. "I will go inform the family, ma'am." She left in a hurry as Ajabdeh looked up at him, lifting her face, which was hidden behind her palms. Her worried face changed instantly as she got up agitated.
"Where were you? I was so…" her eyes teared up. Calm, calculative and practical were all forgotten at the moment as she hugged him tightly.
"Never run away like that." She sobbed.
Pratap stiffened the moment she hugged him. He had thought of a proper apology all the way back. He had also decided to let her go if that was what made her happy. He was supposed to apologise.
"I love you." He hugged her back as Ajabdeh inhaled at his words in her ears. She had waited five years, hoping for a day to come when he would say that he loved her. But when it didn't come, she had assumed theirs was a marriage very common to those around them, arranged and responsible, not meant for love. Today, a day away from losing her forever, he had chosen the wisest words to tear her heart apart.
"Don't." He stopped her from saying something as he placed his finger on her parted lip. "Not today."
She wasn't sure what he thought she would say. Honestly, she wasn't sure either. Her brain froze the moment his finger lingered a little longer on her lips. The next thing she knew, she was up on her toes, sealing his lips in hers.
The night went by in a beautiful haze. Pratap hoped the clock would stop, and he could hold her in his arms forever. Ajabdeh prayed that she didn't wake up from it all like a dream. Pratap kissed her forehead, removing the locks of hair from her face, thinking she was asleep. Ajabdeh opened her eyes, and her eyes were locked in his.
"I will never forget tonight." She said almost in a murmur. He slowly slipped his body away from hers at her words. Before she knew, he had slipped back into his clothes and left her room. Ajabdeh inhaled. What was she going to do?
