Skip to main content

Facing Fears

 1610, Akbarabad

The harem was abuzz with preparations for the upcoming nuptials of Shehzaade Khurram with the Princess of Qandahar in full swing, while guests started arriving from all over the land. Prince Khusrau’s harem arrived from Allahabad, while Prince Pervez’s harem joined from Dakkhan. It was Khurram’s first wedding and an official proclamation into adulthood, hence Jahangir instructed that the event should be nothing short of a festival that would go on for days. The caravans from the Safavid dynasty arrived early and were put up in comfort at Fatehpur Sikri while the wedding was arranged between the two cities. Jagat Gossain herself looked after the decorations while Rukaiya Begum entrusted Mehr Un Nisa to choose and order the wedding attire for the groom. Troops of horses, elephants, camels and foot soldiers were dressed up in wedding glory and bands of musicians played in the Nahabat Khana day and night. Every corner of the fort was lit up, and alms were distributed to the poor. Jahangir ordered that no man should be in rags on the day of Khurram’s wedding and no beggar should sleep hungry. Since it was winter, Rukaiya Begum also distributed rugs and quilts from her own allowance and coins with special minted figures were distributed on the road. The fountains were filled with rose water and children of the harem were gifted sweets and dry fruits.

On this happy occasion, Jahangir appointed a scholar to paint and note the different body parts and species of various birds and animals of the emperor’s interest. All his pet antelopes, rare birds, lions, leopards and dogs were given special collars and food for the month. Jagat Gossain arranged for a feast at the temples of her hometown in Marwar and the Rajput allies joined the party.

It was a month-long festivity and the ladies and employees of the Harem were loaded with work. However, Rukaiya Begum never let Mehr out of her sight unless absolutely needed. She had grown dependent on Mehr and she was compassionate of the lady’s age and experience. Rukaiya Begum scrutinised all clothes that were laid for Shehzaade Khurram carefully and was happy with the heavily worked golden threads on the shawls, Jama, angrakhas, turbans and belts. She was more impressed with the very modern styled Turban Mehr Un Nisa herself had made as a gift to the prince.

Asaf Khan had been waiting at Mehr Un Nisa’s quarters as Ladli chattered away with her Uncle on the new clothes she has been gifted by the Sultana Begum for the wedding. Mehr Un Nisa walked across the threshold and stopped at her brother’s sight. Asaf Khan stood up a smile at his sister.

“How are you, Mehr?” He asked.

“I have been well Bhai Jaan; The Sultana Begum is very kind.” Mehr offered him water.

“I see the new curtains are very... royal...” Mehr Un Nisa’s colour flushed from her face at those words.

“I...”

“Oh, the Padshah gifted those!” Ladli gushed. “And did you see the cooking set he gifted me, Mamu Jaan?” She rushed to show off her new toys.

Asaf Khan nodded in appreciation. Mehr Un Nisa firmly stared at her child

“Ladli, go play with Khatuna in her room.”

“But it is late Amma, you tell me not to step out in the dark.” Ladli frowned.

“Today is an exception.” Mehr Un Nisa spoke, “Now go, I need to talk to your Mamu Jaan.”

Asaf Khan waited for the child to leave before he shut the door carefully behind him after inspecting the corridor.

“What do you think you are doing Mehr?” He asked with a voice displeasing.

“What am I doing?” Mehr Un Nisa looked up at his words.

“The Padshah is sending you gifts, the entire harem is talking of him trying to woo you back, can’t you see?” Asaf Khan frowned.

“There has been some misunderstanding Bhai Jaan. The Padshah sent a few things in compensation for my loss, for which he is directly or indirectly responsible. He is shaking off guilt with the...”

Asaf Khan shook his head “How many times have I told you that the Padshah had nothing to do with whatever happened to Ali Quli? There was some miscommunication with Mirza Koka...”

“And... did you find the proof you promised me to back those words?” Mehr Un Nisa clenched her jaws.

“I hold no grudge against him.” She added softly.

“Then why are you thinking those gifts to be gestures of guilt and not care?” Asaf Khan’s words made Mehr Un Nisa smile faintly.

“Because I don’t want to think that he is still in love with me.”

“Why Mehr? Everyone knows that he is!”

“Because we all know what happened the last time!” Mehr Un Nisa shrugged.

“That is because you were hell-bent on marrying him and being his chief consort, which is not possible as long as he is married to princesses of higher ranks.”

“Bhai Jaan.” Mehr Un Nisa said firmly staring right into Asaf Khan’s eyes “If the emperor sent you here with an offer to be his mistress, then tell him I am the widow of a man of honour. I live for my daughter. I will never let fingers be pointed at her because of my actions.”

Asaf Khan sighed heavily. “He has not sent me with any such offer. If I at all know the man, he will be eager to propose you a marriage rather than treat your love like that of a mistress’. He honours you, he loves you. I just came here to warn you not to make the mistake of being adamant again. You can’t afford to lose everything this time. Ladli’s future is at stake, and our family is at stake. Arjumand’s happiness is at stake.”

Mehr Un Nisa gulped down something heavy in her throat as she said “Why do women always have to make choices thinking of everyone but herself and the men can go around doing whatever they want, not questioned even once?”

“You know Abbu hasn’t raised you that way, Mehr. He taught you everything he taught his sons. Riding, hunting, weaponry...”

“Perhaps that’s why I don’t find happiness if am offered leftover Bhai Jaan. Being his twentieth wife will be like that even if he offers marriage.”

Asaf Khan stared at his sister sternly “I beg you, Mehr. Don’t play with my Arjumand’s future.”

“Don’t worry Bhai Jaan, thankfully I see a lot of me in her, and she admires who I am, I will never jeopardise her future.”

Asaf Khan smiled about to say something when Mehr Un Nisa was quick to add “You may leave.”

Khurram entered Rukaiya Begum’s chambers for breakfast as a spread lay in front of him. Rukaiya Begum was expecting to see her son after his daily appearance at the Diwan E Khas for the arriving guests since a week was left before the wedding and served him food on silver plates herself.

Rukaiya Begum urged Mehr Un Nisa to hand him her gift as she arrived to read to her the letters and firmans of the day.

“I...” Mehr Un Nisa looked uncomfortable as Rukaiya Begum smiled at Khurram “Mehr had hand woven a very modern turban for you, yet she is reluctant to present it to you.”

Shehzaade Khurram smiled at Mehr Un Nisa “I will love to see your hand-crafted turban! Arjumand tells me you are brilliant at it.”

“Arju emphasises things I do. This is just...” Mehr gave him the maroon velvet turban woven with gems and gold threads as Khurram smiled “I will wear it tonight for the Dawaat.” Mehr Un Nisa bowed “Thank you for honouring my gift Shehzaade.”

Khurram kissed Rukaiya’s hands and stood up to leave. Rukaiya frowned.

“But you haven’t eaten it all, Khurram Baba.”

“I....” Khurram looked away slightly red “Have to meet someone.”

Mehr Un Nisa exchanged a quick glance almost in a reflex with the amused Rukaiya Begum.

“But who?” Rukaiya Begum smiled wondering aloud, “Everyone is here.”

“Not everyone....” Khurram realised his mother was teasing him, seeing her smile, “Shah Ammi!” He shrugged and ran off, leaving Rukaiya Begum in soft laughter.

“Come now Mehr Un Nisa, let’s see what you can do to my clothes. I do not like what the royal tailor-made for the wedding, can you add something?” She wondered aloud as Mehr Un Nisa sat down on the floor beside her chair and concentrated on the new project.

Rukaiya Begum noticed her a little absent-minded in between her sewing as she put a Paan into her mouth and asked “Is everything alright?” Mehr Un Nisa was so deeply lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t hear the Begum speak. Rukaiya tapped at her shoulder startling her “Is something wrong Mehr?”

“No my Begum, just ... I didn’t sleep well last night.” She confessed.

“Are you unwell?” Rukaiya Begum frowned “I can call the royal physician to check on you...”

“No... No, my Begum, it’s just... nothing in particular. Must be the weather.” Mehr Un Nisa shrugged.

Rukaiya Begum placed her hand gently on her head and tapped the seat beside her for Mehr to sit. She stared reluctantly as Rukaiya Begum smiled.

“Mehr, in these few years, you have become close to me. Almost like family. If something bothers you we can talk and I promise it will stay between us.”

“No, I...”

“Is it the gifts from the Padshah? Did anyone say something about it?” Her words made Mehr stare at her a little taken aback. Embarrassment gripped her as she said, “You know?”

“Everyone knows. I think the Padshah didn’t even try to hide it.” Rukaiya Begum smiled at Mehr “His affection for you isn’t new.”

“Begum I... I didn’t want any of those. I even told him...”

“He told me that as well.” Mehr Un Nisa stared at her face at those words.

“But what I don’t know, is your side of the story.” Rukaiya Begum stared at her “I know you once loved him deeply. I know that love never truly faded. What is it that’s stopping you this time Mehr?”

Mehr Un Nisa’s eyes filled up with tears, as she tried to hold them back. In a trembling voice, she said almost in a whisper “I can’t betray my husband Sultana Begum. I can’t be disloyal to him in life or death.” Rukaiya Begum’s heart skipped a beat as in a reflex she wrapped Mehr Un Nisa in a warm protective embrace.

“Oh no, my child!” She said cupping Mehr’s face, “You will never betray him. I know that.”

“Then how can I do this? How can I be with another man?” Mehr Un Nisa asked.

Rukaiya Begum sighed. “You see my child before any other relationship comes in this world before you are someone’s daughter, sister, mother or widow there is a relationship above all of that. The one with yourself. And if you can’t make that relationship a happy one, no other relationships work. Everyone deserves a bit of happiness. You haven’t even lived half your life, to deny yourself that.”

“But Sultana Begum Sahib, how can I be with him knowing my dead husband would feel cheated on? He had given me everything. A life, respect, and the joy of motherhood. Even when we had miscarriages or there was a problem with conceiving after Ladli, he never pressed for an heir. He never questioned my past even though he was well aware of it.”

“Mehr, your husband reminds me of someone I once knew... But take it from me, once they are gone, you have to protect yourself and your happiness. They will never come back. And all they want is your happiness. I am sure Ali Quli wouldn’t have liked Ladli growing up neglected and alone in the Harem quarters. Doesn’t she deserve better? Won’t you at least give her the chance to ...?”

“I understand that but...” Mehr sighed “I can’t get my mind off the thought that perhaps he was murdered. It was not a mere misunderstanding but a well-executed plan.”

“All right.” Rukaiya Begum seemed thoughtful “If you feel so, don’t discard that feeling. I don’t know what happened, but isn’t being in the harem, in authority a better way to find that out yourself?”

“Pardon my audacity but do you think the Padshah...?” Mehr Un Nisa looked scared as soon as she asked,

“No. I can tell you he is as much in the dark as we are, hence he immediately ordered a probe that went unsolved.” Rukaiya Begum shook her head “Look Mehr, I am not telling you to give in or lose your self-respect. If this harem has taught me anything it is that you come first, above everyone and everything. Because nobody else will watch out for you here. If you have some terms, feel free to tell the Padshah openly without any hesitation, but do not discard his offer. It will mean throwing away a bright future, for you and Ladli.”

“I do not understand... why are you so kind to me Begum?” Mehr looked surprised. Rukaiya Begum sighed. “There is something I see in you Mehr, something perhaps I never saw in anyone else here all my life. I am doing this for the sake of my clan, for my grandfather’s dream and for a bright future. I too am selfish you see.”



READ STORY HERE

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Of Faith and Fate

Series Announcement! Historical Fictions are special, so here is one, short but special tale close to my heart after a really long time! This story is a special one because it is completely historical fiction with very little connection to the fan fiction I have written previously. However, I have maintained the sequence of events, reading history books on the context.  This is not a story of a man and a woman, their love and trust. This one is about the tests time often puts people through, forcing them to change. My protagonists in this one are hence, two princesses of the same age. Ajabdeh Punwar or Ajbante Kanwar Baisa, as she is locally called is the princess of a very significant district of Bijolia in Mewar. Bijolia lies in the seat of political events, at the border of Bundi and Mewar. Having her lineage from the mighty Chauhans, her forefathers once ruled Mewar. Her father is an officer in the army of Mewar under Rana Udai Singh and she is a lady of princip...

Preparation

It has been a tradition since time immemorial in the face of the earth that the men marched to war, seeking glory for their states and kings, adorning their bodies with bruises no less gaudy than the most precious gems of the land, while the women waited and prayed for their safe return. No war was easy or certain. At least that is what they grew up learning. But does it stop the war? Or the need for power? Absolutely not. The royal blood demands shedding it. Kumar Viraj could have left Maanwari as a child but Maanwari had not left his veins. That was perhaps why he was braver and more skilful than men his age. When Adhiraja Ishaan Dev offered him Neelambargarh’s mighty troops to capture Maanwari, he knew they would surely outnumber his uncle’s one by hundreds. But he made sure he refused Adhiraja's personal help. Battles made Ishaan Dev’s adrenaline rush. He wanted to lead Kumar Viraj to victory. But when Kumar Viraj said that it would only demean his claim to be ready for the thr...

Eternally Yours

Ajabde woke up to find neither the pillow nor the husband beside her. That was really unusual. Has she overslept? No, it was dark and the first birds were singing. She sat up to find that he had neatly arranged the pillows and made his side of the bed and put his blanket over her. She checked the changing room. No, he was not there, but unlike other days his clothes were not in a mess. She freshened up and reached the dressing table. His brooch was not there. Where is he? Has the war... Her heart skipped a beat. What if he had left and not even woken her up? " Daasi? Daasi?" She called as one of them walked in. " Ji Kuwaranisa?" " Where is Kunwarsa?" " He left early in the morning for Dangal and then a visit to the village. Do you need anything?" " No, You may go now." She put on the sindoor in a worry. Maybe something urgent has come up. She walked to the Puja room and was shocked. Her garlands were made, the Chandan was in place and ...

The New Capital

“Some dreams are once broken often come back as haunting nightmares.” The Padishah Begum received the news of the birth of a baby boy to Harka Bai at Sikri. She had arranged for a feast and celebration at Lahore and thanked the Almighty herself for this happiness. She prayed that the boy was safe. Hamida Banu had herself sent a messenger to the Padishah Begum at Lahore. The ladies celebrated for a week. The Padishah Begum had given away coins, and clothes to the needy and new clothes to the kin. The Emperor was on his way to Sikri as well. She had smiled at the happy faces savouring the wine and sweet dishes. She greeted and congratulated everyone around the Harem. The Timurid blood would be safe on the throne.   Jalal had visited once in the past few months, giving her the good news of Harka Bai conceiving again. He feared that people were conspiring at Agra. Hence, Harka Bai’s firstborns died, unnaturally. Ridiculous rumours were spread, about the Emperor killing his o...

What If...

Ajabdeh, played all night with the newfound puppy who was already keeping her on her toes. First, he jumps into the trolley bags and inspected her clothes, alarming Heer and making her laugh. He had fallen in love with a pink lingerie Ajabdeh tied to his head like a bow, laughing harder as he tried to open it, going in rounds. Heer saw her carefree laughter with a smile. She may not like the guy, but he did make her sister laugh. Heer shook her head. Something in her felt really awkward as she cleared her throat to ask "Jija??" "Hmm?" "Do you... umm... like Kunwar Pratap?" Heer looked scared to ask. "What?" She frowned and then smiled as the puppy licked her face. "Of course I like him! He is a friend." "Jija I meant..." "Good night Heeriye." She hugged her sister then picked the pup up and snuggled in her blanket as Heer stood watching. "Let's name you baby?" She heard Ajabdeh talk. "Umm...

Understandings

After counting days, Ajabde was happy that she was going to Bijolia. She knew how eager her mother and Ratan would be to know about her new life. She couldn't wait to hug her mother and feel like... Home. She was selecting gifts for her parents and her siblings as per Ranima's instructions. Then suddenly an idea struck her mind. Her new family welcomed her with so much love and support. Especially Ranima and Majhli Maa Sa. She wanted to give them something. Suddenly she remembered that Ranima had loved her embroidery work on dupattas back in Bijolia so she called a Dasi and ordered some plain Chunris and embroidery threads. She had a lot of work to finish in a day before leaving.   Kunwar Pratap came back into the room to see her on the floor, right in the middle of the room with red, green, yellow, and pink all sorts of dupattas scattered. " What's all this?" He asked not sure if he should be asking. " I am making gifts. For Ranima, Majhli ma, Rani Dheer Bai...

Neelambargarh

  The fort of Neelambargarh was named so because it stood on a cliff above the low-lying plains surrounding it as if it was ready to touch the sky. The fort was surrounded by hilly forestland on three sides and extensive plain lands used for agriculture on another. The road winding up to Neelambargarh was guarded by three gateways and a secret tunnel, known only to the Neelambargarh royal family, led down from the five-storey palace to the river in the forestland. The kingdom of Neelambargarh was known across the land beyond the Heemdevi Mountains for its art and architecture. True indeed, like the myths it held, the stone walls of the fort and the castles shone in the sun like fire swayed by the wind. The gateways had extensive architecture and tales of Neelambargarh’s rich past and kings, engraved in stones, alongside nymphs and the several forms of their chief deity, The Wind, and his tales of miracles. Above the gate in local scriptures was poetry written in honour of the past ...

Sadh Puron

  Rasmo ka mela yaha pe khel rahe hai saare Aaja shamil ho isme zara thoda muskura de Seven months into her pregnancy, Bondita realised, almost to her amusement, that there were certain prejudices that even Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury gave in to. Ever since Koeli arrived, to help her out, as instructed by Kakababu, to her utter surprise Aniruddha gave in to Koeli putting a kajal tika behind her ear every time she stepped out, to avoid bad omens. He even willingly gave up the bedroom at one phone call from Trilochan insisting that the woman needs her space during her pregnancy. He ended up having a makeshift mattress as a bed, in the middle of the living room in the apartment, and he was more than willing to sleep there while Koeli stayed with Bondita. Although she liked to have the entire bed to herself, she sometimes missed their pillow talks. Aniruddha also made sure the household never ran out of supplies of pickles and sweets. Koeli didn’t lose a turn to tease Bondita about how th...

Patralekha

Mujhse ye rishta jo, aa usse hai sawaare Chal sayane se thoda nadan bann ja tu Ashapurna walked out of the room with questioning eyes as Somnath shook his head. He had called Aniruddha as soon as Bondita complained of pain and uneasiness. He was already off to court and his house owner had reassured him that the news would reach him soon. He was supposed to come with the allopathic doctor. “I think it is time.” Ashapurna almost whispered to Somnath as Koeli rushed in with wet towels to comfort Bondita who appeared in a lot of pain. “Talk to Jetha Shoshur Moshai, please.” Somnath nodded and rushed downstairs where Batuk paced the room as Trilochan and Binoy sat on the couch. Ashapurna’s mother had taken Ashutosh with her for the day as soon as she heard.  “What do we do now?” Somnath broke the silence. “She was not due so soon.” Batuk frowned as his uncle gave him a disapproving stare making him stop. “Som, go and call Dai.” He insisted as Somnath remained frozen in his place. “We c...

Trouble In Paradise

Kyun na jaane teri chinta ho rahi hai mujhe Har ghadi ab kyun hai dhyan tera. "Eyes on the road." Aniruddha scolded almost in a reflex, putting his right hand vigilantly over the steering wheel. Bondita's painted hands were on the wheel but her eyes kept wandering to the cattle on either side of the road. "You can't be distracted while driving. You will kill someone." He said in a rather monotonous voice. His hand didn't leave the steering wheel nor did his eyes leave the road. But he made sure instinctively that his hands stayed furthest away from her touch. Bondita breathed in as the morning breeze hit her face. She had removed the saree from over her head when they had stopped by the road to exchange places.  "If you push the car into a tree again, it's your last lesson." He had warned while she giggled.  Bondita couldn't tell Aniruddha why she was distracted the last time. It was almost dusk and while he instructed her on the wheel,...