The sun was about to set on the western horizon. The sky was now a palette of red, yellow and orange across the vast blue canvas, with occasional clouds around the setting crimson disk between the hills of the Aravallis. Lake Pichola reflected the colours of the sky, on itself like a mirror. The boats rowed on it. Tourists, artists, photographers, honeymoon couples… enjoying the beauty and serenity of the sunset.
Further, eastward somewhere up near Bhilwara, the waterfalls reflected the colour of the red sky as though blood streamed down to the pool below. The gentle breeze blew, sweeping aside the unmanned hair from the face of the lone being that stood there, watching the water create ripples on the pool and reflect the sky. The Bhimlat was quiet, except for the turbulence of her heart and the waterfall.
Do you still remember the sunsets?
“Do you remember how you loved the sunsets?”He smiled, watching the sun ready to go home for the day, from the private boat he was sitting in on the Pichola. “Do you remember how you used to say, You love darkness, the uncertainties, the sky with the thousand stars…"
“Do you still hate the darkness?” She wondered, staring at the crystal clear waters of the Bhimlat.” Do you still fear uncertainties?”
“You always smiled at sunsets with Hope. And I at you.” He smiled unmindfully.
“You always feared darkness; you feared getting lost in it someday.”
“Isn’t that why I always called you the Light of my Life?”
“And I always called you my Sunshine!” She looked up at the bright red clouds. They looked as if someone had coloured them wrong on the canvas.
The red was moving fast between the hills. Now he could see only half of it.
“Perhaps this is the colour you would have worn that day, isn’t it?”
“Perhaps this is the colour you would have filled my hairline with?” She breathed in deeply, trying not to let the heavy heart affect her tear glands. “I hate it now; It hurts my eyes, all I can see is blood and wounds.”
“I love it because it reminds me of the heart, where you reside.” He sighed.
“You always said, every great story didn’t always deserve a happy ending. Is that why we didn’t make it, Pratap?”
“You always assumed happy endings were the eternal truth of every Love. What about the love that couldn’t fight society? Was it no Love Ajabdeh?”
“Love is not true until you fight for it, Pratap. You were a fighter. I thought you would…”
“I thought you knew my soul like a mirror reads a face, Ajabdeh. I never said we won’t. I said Not now.”
I was wrong.
The sky was a shade darker now, like someone had just added a colour tint of midnight blue to it. Slowly, the sunlight was fading away, giving the clouds back their original grey.
Her driver interrupted a little awkwardly.
“Madamji, I think we should leave for Bijolia now. It’s getting dark.”
“Hukum, should I turn the boat homewards?”
I want to stay a little longer.
One by one, the stars were now visible in the evening sky. The moon appeared a little faded and yellowish in its crescent shape. Soon, its beam would spread across the night sky, but the grey clouds hovered around it. The moon, however, seemed happy dancing in the reflections of the water.
“Do you remember our nights, Pratap?”
“Your poetry of thoughts, always calmed by mind, Ajab.”
“Those midnight snacks, those festivities, those Gangaurs we fasted together.” She smiled.
“Those sneaking away into the darkness, those peaceful silences.”
“Did you replace me, Pratap?”
“Did you forget me, Ajabdeh?”
“How can I ever replace you, Ajabdeh? You taught me to love. You taught me to go where the heart takes me. Every time I try to love someone, I will end up falling in love with you. All over again.”
“How can I forget you, Pratap? None can forget the breath they take for life. You are my breath of fresh air. The one who taught me to live with my self-respect, and never bow down until I am wrong. But I lost you in what you taught me, irony, isn’t it?”
“Could you be more stubborn, Ajabdeh? Could we just not run away from all these? You knew the property and inheritance didn’t matter to me as much as you did, ever.”
“You taught me to fight for what is right, Pratap. You taught me not to run when I am fighting a righteous battle. You told me to face the world. Face my fears and feelings. How could I let all that just go, to be with you? Just to be yours?”
“Does society really matter more than our love? Do we not know we were always each other? With or without social consent? You are my strength, Ajabdeh. I survive with hope every day, just to see you once. Be with you, once again.”
“You are my weakness now, Pratap. I never want that to come in the way of who I have become. I have travelled a long way, struggled against my own kin, just to be this independent soul, who doesn’t care anymore. I can’t lose myself for you. Not anymore.”
“I wish I could see you just now, hold you and say… Look, Ajab, I'm not scared of the darkness anymore. I want to hold your hand and fight. I love the darkness as much as I…”
“I wish you would move on, Pratap. You must be happy in your princely world.”
“Have you ever imagined what life could have been, Ajabdeh? How could we have been? As man and wife?” He smiled sadistically.
“Have you ever had my dreams, Pratap? The ones in which we wake up every day, to a simple life, you serve me breakfast in bed, surprise me with a sunflower.”
“And you perhaps, running across the house behind the naughty kid, he would have had your laughter… it would resonate through the whole house.”
“He would have had your eyes, brown and dreamy.”
Darkness engulfed the Bhimlat. The stars made occasional appearances like the moon as the clouds became thicker. She looked up at the sky and smiled faintly.
“You remember our star-gazing nights, Ajab? The ones where you talked of constellations and I, your eyes. How you blushed at my stares, smiled at my thoughts.”
“Do you remember how nature felt alive once upon a time, holding your hand? Or the files, business, empire and … probably a fiancé weighs you down to a social life away from all these Pratap?” He breathed in the air scented with nostalgia.
“Do you still love the darkness, Ajabdeh? Or you enjoy the sun with someone… perhaps plan a future? Does he love you as much as I do?”
“Do you feel suffocated in those papers? That big room? Responsibilities? Do you feel like running even today?”
“You taught me to fight Ajabdeh. You taught me that things will happen as they are meant to be. I fight on with hope.”
“What if we meet someday? Will we talk like old times? Can I smile at you without regrets?” She shook her head.
“What if I tell you, I am as lonely as you are, Ajab. What if it's all fate?” What if it’s a cruel joke Destiny is playing on us…”
“What if time leads us to healing pains and forgetting regrets? If it leads me to you again, I'm sorry, Pratap. I will not embrace my weakness; you lost me for yours. I don’t take back what life takes from me once.”
The gentle breeze suddenly grew stronger. Winter rains were pretty much rare here, but here it was! She felt a droplet on her cheeks, hoping it was just a raindrop. He stared up at the occasional droplets.
“I lost you like a cloud loses these, never to get them back again, the cloud loses itself.” He held out his hand at the droplets falling on his palm.
“I lost you because I was weak to love you, Ajabdeh, I don’t deny that, not today!”
“You lost me because you taught me things you couldn’t live up to, Pratap, when you should have. I wish you had held on.”
“I wish I hadn’t let you leave.”
“But now it’s too late.”
