Skip to main content

Distraught Hearts

Over the past months, Ajabdeh Baisa had trained her mind and body to be Bijolia’s Baijilal. Bijolia’s very own “Ajbandeh” was now everyone’s Baijilal, running the administration and defence for the Punwar house. She had grown into what her mother thought was a reflection of the woman she always admired, Maharani Jaivanta Bai. She feared mentioning that even to herself lest wounds be reopened and cause pains that can never heal.

Ajabdeh had made Bijolia and her subjects her life, ever since that faithful day she broke the norms and took an oath as Samanth. She vowed to be the son her father wanted. However, although Bijolia was more than happy knowing they were in Baijilal’s safe hands, she was clear that her position was just as Balwant’s representative and nothing else.

As per the norms, the news had reached the Kumbha Palace. Rawat Chundawat was walking down to the court when he could spot the messenger from Bijolia. His heart had skipped a beat, worried for her. In the court, discussing matters over the Afghan attacks were Ranaji and Kunwar Pratap. He had managed to stop the messenger in time before he disrupted the court with the letter from the place they now wanted to forget. He didn’t blame them, though. Both father and sons were mere Katputlis of a bigger hand at play. He smiled sarcastically at the Ranimahal. He had dispersed the man and read it twice. He had smiled in awe at the seal from the new Samanth. He was now sure she was indeed his soulmate, a fighter for life.

“Ranaji.” He had entered the court beaming, making everyone stare in surprise.
“ Aapke haat mein yeh kya hai, Rawatji?” One of the eager courtiers had asked. He had smiled.
“Bijolia mein…” Kunwar Pratap, rising from his seat, had made him stop.
“Hu…Hum astrashala se aate hai.” He had walked away, not looking up from the carpet. 

His heart had made this weird skip of a beat at the place’s mention, and he hated to admit the ache it caused. The ache she… He was better off with his weapons and horses, away from everything that reminded him of the two people one he had lost, another he had abandoned. Since that fateful day, he had not stepped into the Ranimahal corridors. He had heard both rooms were locked the way they left them; he feared being trapped by memories he needed to forget. Rawatji knew the boy; he had grown ten years in these few months, but from the looks of it, she had grown much more.

“Rawatji, hum nahi chahte Bijolia ka koi bhi baat aap yaha kare, unko koi madat chahiye toh aap dekh lena, lekin iss Chittorgarh mein kabhi uss jagah ka naam nahi lenge koi bhi.” Everyone stared at the visibly displeased Ranaji in awe.
“Hukum.” Rawatji had not dared to correct the concerned father, who walked out after his son. He had kept the letter to himself. Something told him this was important for later.

The Bijolia Palace was shining in the rising sun of the dawn as a song filled the air and gave a peaceful feel.
“Akhiyaan Hari darsan ko pyasi.” 
Balwant was running half-dressed through the corridor, about to fall, when his mother caught him.
“Hum e shama kijiye Ranisa, ve phirse uthne mein der…” The Dasi stopped at Hansa Bai’s cold look.
“Ek taraf Ajabdeh hai jo sab kuch samhal rahe, dusre taraf baki saab jinko koi hosh nahi…”
“Kakisa.” Saubhagyawati interrupted, saving the three-year-old about to cry. “Chodiye na, baccha hai.”
“ Ajabdeh bhi…” Hansa stopped a little teary-eyed as Saubhagyawati’s smile faded. “Uska bholapan cheen liya sabne.” She walked away as Balwant looked confused.
“Chaliye bhai.” Saubhagyawati smiled at the boy.

“kesaar tilak, motin ki maala… Vrindavan ke vaasi.” 
There she sat, eyes closed, in her own simple and graceful way, in front of the smiling Lord as they entered silently. She smiled, feeling their presence as she took the Aarti thaal in hand for the last bit of the morning prayers.

“Baisa…” The Daasi ran through the Rani mahal of the Bijolia palace searching for a folded, wrapped letter in hand.
“Baisa…?” She asked a passing by Daasi.
“Kanha mandir…” She didn’t finish as the one with the letter ran.

Baijilal was worried about her flickering Diya. It was about to die when she saved it from the gusty winds with her hands.
“Baisa.” The daasi stopped breathlessly.
“Baijilal.” Saubhagyawati corrected, irritated. She smiled at her friend.
“Kya hua hai Kasturi?” Her smile faded at the letter in hand. The daasi looked down at the carpet, prompting her to get up and take the letter. The seal was from Rawat Chundawat’s place. She frowned as she struggled with the string.

News from Chittorgarh? Was Ranima… Opening it, she froze like a stone-cold statue. Her warrior hands were shaking.
 “Ajabdeh?” Saubhagyawati’s voice shook her. “Kya hai isme?”
“Vivah nimantran.” She said plainly as Saubhagyawati frowned.
“Vivah? Kiske?” She had raised her eyebrows. As far as she knew, Rawatji’s son was still an infant.
“Woh… woh… aise kaise maan gaye?” Her teary eyes made Saubhagyawati’s heart sink as she hugged her friend tighter than she ever did. Ajabde stared blankly at Kanhaji, smiling. Breaking away from the hug, she wiped away the tears.

“Kasturi.” She called the daasi awaiting her orders.
“Humara palki taiyyar karo. Hum… abhike abhi niklenge.”
“Kaha?” Her mother asked in awe as they turned to face her.
“Wohh kakisa…” Saubhagyawati stopped at her hand gesture.
“Vrindavan.” Ajabdeh walked away as her mother looked worried.

The streets of Vrindavan were filled with Krishna’s chants and stories. From the curtains of her Palki, she could make out the temples, the narrow lanes, and the riversides. After travelling for two days, they reached the lonely huts of the Ashram.
“Baisa.” The daasi called softly. “Hum aa gaye.”
“ Humare liye jo vastra abhushan hum ne mangwaye thee, aap laye na?”
“Ji baisa.” The Daasi held out the bundle.

Maharani Jaivanta Bai was just another hermit here. The children called her Mausirani and spent time with her, listening to her stories and lessons. Her days were spent in the Lord’s name, and she had learned to control her urge to know the news from Chittorgarh. She was sure he was in good hands. After all, Ajabdeh was as much her choice as his.

“Sita ji vanvas gaye, bina Ram ji ko sawal kiye aisa kyun?” An innocent voice asked. She smiled, remembering another boy had asked her the same, the boy she had left behind, her life, her heart…
“Kyunki…” A voice behind her broke her trance, “ Sita ji nahi chahte thee ke unke karan Ram ji ka rajdharm vrast ho. Raghukul ki writ hai, Rajdharm ko ve sarvapari mante hai.”

She looked wide-eyed at the one in front of her. Not a single piece of jewellery on her, she was wearing the saffron attire she once heard Meera Ma had adorned, that of the saint, the wanderer. Rudyaksh's jewellery and her hair were left open. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Ajabdeh?” She frowned, worried.
“Ranima.” She smiled with teary eyes before running to hug her. Jaivanta Bai cupped her face in worry and anxiety.
“Hua kya hai?” She dreaded the answer more because Ajabdeh smiled in her tears.

Chittorgarh was lit up in its glory for a marriage. Marriage at the Bhattiyani queen’s will. She had tried to make relations with Marwar again in vain, as Ranaji opposed, but Sajja bai’s sheepish niece, Pur Bai Solankhini, was better than a certain Jaivanta Bai’s reflection any day. With a look and a smile at her, she was already scared of the “Chotima.” The girl seemed half dead at the thought of who she was marrying, adding to that the rumours that flew about the marriage, the wife at Bijolia and his mother. Which princess would even dare talk to him?

“Dadabhai kya yeh sahi hai?” Kunwar Vikram had frowned at Kunwar Shakti for the third time.
“Hush.” He had stopped his brother just as Kunwar Pratap entered his face, all calm, unreadable.
“Dadabhai hum ko apse baat karni hai.”
“ Bhai Shakti hum…” his words were interrupted by a sevak.
“Ranaji ne sabko tilak ke liye bulaya.”  The brothers looked at each other in silence.

Kunwar Pratap was walking down the corridors with his brothers in tow. Something kind of made him restless. Was it marriage all over again, or the fact that these two, who were always in secret support of Ajabdeh Baisa, didn’t even utter a single word to him against this, even when Chotima instructed no invitation to reach Bijolia… Why was he even thinking of the girl who… He breathed in. Kartavya Kunwar Pratap, Raghukul ke kartavya.

It was time to meet the people of Chittorgarh before the tilak as he appeared in the window of Appearances with his father, who was beaming proudly.
“Kunwar Pratap ki Jai!” The crowd cheered at his humble, folded hands.
“Dadabhai, Chotima aarti ke liye bula rahi hai.” Vikram smiled, beaming. He frowned at his brother’s over-excited pitch before walking away.

“Dadabhai Shakti aap nishchit hai ke…” Vikram whispered.
“Jis Bhabisa ko hum jante hai, ve chup nahi baithengi. Aur agar hum sahi hai, toh… shayed badima…” Shakti nodded, hopeful.

The Bhattiyani queen Dheerbai was dressed up in her glory today. After years of patience, she was finally going to taste victory. Or so she thought.
“Chotima?” Kunwar Pratap’s unsure voice made her turn with a smile, while Kunwar Jagmal looked displeased at his mother’s happiness.
“Chaliye Kunwar Pratap, aarti thaal taiyaar hai, purvajo ke kaksh mein.” She led him out to the hall where the family waited.

Purbai was putting on her jewellery, helped by her mother, aunt and sisters. Some words around the palace still haunted her. 
She was irreplaceable. 
She, who was never to be named. 
She committed a crime, as per the rumours, the crime of taking his mother away. 
She, who always ruled his heart. 
Where was the Solankhini princess going to stand in this palace? She wondered at the happy faces. This alliance was needed. That’s all she knew. For her father, for Sajja Bua. Veiled as per the norms, she walked to the hall of the ancestors. Big room, portraits, and Lord Rama’s idol. She looked around. Smiling faces. His… however, full of responsibility and… sadness?

Kunwar Pratap could actually make out that not a single soul in this room felt what he felt each time he came here, the goosebumps, and the lump in his throat. The feeling he had once shared with his mother and… He closed his eyes and took a short breath, inhaling. For once, he wished this girl felt that way; at least then, they could even try to be friends. But he knew she didn’t. Like all the others, she saw a big room. Nothing else. She was not….” her”

“ Vaar ki maa aarti kare.” The panditji instructed, “Pehle Vadhu ki… phir…”
Rani Dheerbai took the aarti thaal from a not-so-pleased Sajja bai and walked towards the girl. Kunwar Pratap looked away as the scene haunted him with memories.
“Ruk Jaiye Dheerbaiji.” The voice ran a shiver down his spine. 

Udai Singh couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw Jaivanta Bai standing at the threshold of the hallway. Bending down at the threshold, she touched it with her forehead and the Maharani of Mewar walked in, dignified, in all her grace.
“Ranima, Kunwar Pratap’s voice choked as Dheerbai looked at her like she had seen a ghost.
“Jija” Sajja Bai was the first to reach for the hug.

She stared coldly at the Bhattiyani queen before walking up to her husband. As Kunwar Pratap came for a hug, she stopped him with a hand gesture. She was clearly displeased. Purbai was already in awe of this lady’s grace and dignity, but unsure whether to approach her.
“Ranaji.” Her voice echoed throughout the hall. “Yeh sab kya hai?”
“Jaivanta hum…” Udai Singh looked shocked. She shows up after months, in a Sanyasini attire, asking him questions about something he had not decided and had no clue she knew. The Jaivanta he knew, however, didn’t surprise him.

“Ek patni ke hote huye, unke sehmati ke bina Pratap ki koi vivah kaise ho sakta hai?” She stared at her son, disappointed as he looked away. “Bataiye?”
“Waise bhi, aapse kisne keh diya ke hum mahal Ajabdeh ke liye chod ke gaye?” Her words shocked both father and son as Shakti smiled victoriously at Vikram. A gasp followed from the ladies.
“Pratap?  Aapse aise bhool ki toh hum e apeksha nahi thi.”
“Ranima woh Patra…” His mouth went dry. His heart sank, beating. 
She was not the reason?
“Grina karte hai na aap humse, karte rahiye ghrina, lekin humne toh aapse prem kia tha Kunwar Pratap hum prem hi karte rahenge…” 
Her last words haunted him like never before. He should have listened once. Just once.

“Ajabdeh.” His voice shook as the hall full of people stared at him. In months, he had taken that name out loud, and yes, his shaking voice proved much more than guilt. He missed her, his shadow; he was miserable and alone, and none could replace her ever. He had hated to admit all those to himself, but he knew it. His voice made Pur Bai look up and smile faintly. She who ruled his heart. It was all true!

“Ha Ajabdeh.” Jaivanta’s voice was calm and firm.
“Jija, accha hua aap aa gayi thoda vishram…” Dheerbai stopped at her cold stare.
“ Ranaji apko lagta hai jis Ajabdeh ko hum ne beti mana tha uske upar aarop lagake hum mahal chod denge? Kyun?” Her question made Udai Singh restless.
“Lekin phir kaun…” Sajja asked what Shakti wished she did.
“Umm woh ab…” Dheerbai started as Jaivanta Bai answered, “Wohh abhi baad mein dekhenge.”
“Ab?” Shakti asked, staring at a visibly moved Pratap. “Bhabisa ke paas kaun jaega?”
“Aur yeh vivah?” Purbai’s mother looked troubled.
“Vivah avashya hoga.” Jaivanta Bai answered, smiling. “Hum vachano se murte nahi hai. Lekin, Ajabdeh ke sehmati se.”

Her words made Kunwar Pratap look up. He knew what he had to face now. An apology was not enough for what had happened, and then there was a wedding. A wedding, Ajabdeh will need to approve. The Ajabdeh he knew would cry out to her Kanha, but approve it with a smile as brave as it would scare him. He had seen her do that before. For the greater good.

“Ajabdeh Baisa Bijolia mein nahi hai.” Rawatji entered as the crowd stared at him.
“Kya? Kya matlab nahi hai?” Udai Singh frowned.
“Ve teen din pehle hi waha se nikal gayi, kisi ko nahi pata kaha gayi hai.” Rawatji nodded as Kunwar Pratap looked distraught. 
Jaivanta smiled, instructing Dheerbaiji.
“Jab tak yeh vivah nahi hota hum yehi rukenge, aur haan humare ek khaas Atithi ayenge kal, unko bhi humare kamre mein rehne ki vyavastha karva dijiye.”

“Kaun Atithi?” Udai Singh frowned.
“Humare Pratap ke vivah hai.” Her voice was clearly taunting, “Aur humne ek Atithi bulai, uspe sawal? Koi humare kamre mein nahi aenge. Hum ko shanti chahiye, aur vivah hote hi hum chale jaenge.” She spoke firmly.
“Kunwar Pratap.” She touched his shoulders lightly, and he felt like crying, hugging her. 
“ Hum e pata hai, jo sahi hai, aap wohi karenge.” Her smile made him guilty. Where was Ajabdeh?




Popular posts from this blog

Begum Sahib: Forbidden Love

2nd June 1634, Burhanpur. " My heart is an endowment of my beloved, the devotee and lover of his sacred shrine, a soul that enchants mine."  The Raja of Bundi had arrived at Burhanpur after a win in the war of Paranda. He had met the crown prince Dara and was honoured with a sword and elephant before he came to pay his respect to the Padishah Begum as per the norms of the court. Jahanara was writing in her room. Her maid came with the news, “Begum Sahib, the Raja of Bundi has arrived at court; he is at the Bagh to pay you his respect.” “Tell him to sit in the courtyard of my bagh, I will be there.” She had risen from her place, covered her face in the veil of her dupatta and walked to the place where he waited. “ Begum Sahib," he had acknowledged her presence with a salutation. She returned the bow with a nod. She was sitting inside the arch while he was on the other side of the Purdah, the sun shining over his head as he took his seat on the velvet carpet th...

His Wife

" Where is the Kesar, Rama? And the Kalash?" Ajabdeh looked visibly displeased at the ladies who ran around. " They are at the fort gates, and nothing is ready yet!" She exclaimed. She was clad in a red lehenga and the jewellery she had inherited as the first Kunwarani of the crown prince. Little Amar ran down the hallway towards his mother. " Maasa Maasa... who is coming with Daajiraj?" His innocent question made her heart sink. " Bhanwar Ji." Sajja Bai called out to him. " Come here, I will tell you." Amar rushed to his Majhli Dadisa. " Ajabdeh." She turned at Jaivanta Bai's call. "They are here." " M... My Aarti thali..." Ajabde looked lost like never before. Jaivanta Bai held her stone-cold hands, making her stop. She patted her head and gave her a hug. The hug gave her the comfort she was looking for as her racing heart calmed down. Jaivanta Bai left her alone with her thaal. " Maa sa!" A...

One Night

Happy Valentine's Day, readers! Hope you put your self-love and your love for reading right at the top when you celebrate today! The night was eerie; the veil of stars shone in the clear sky, occasional clouds travelling with the wind, playing hide-and-seek with the crescent moon. The leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, and somewhere in the forestland, the call of an animal broke the silence. Owls hooted somewhere, and in the darkness, one could see across the arid land, beyond the water of a lake, a fort wall was lit by the torches of the guards who were awake and alert. The sandstone castle in the middle of the small township was asleep. The corridors of the Mardana Mahal, where noblemen and princes were stationed, were heavily guarded tonight. The prince of Mewar was travelling through this small town, on one of his many campaigns.  The square-shaped palace had an inner courtyard for the ladies. Opposite the Mardana Mahal was the Andar Mahal, where the women resided. They shar...

Scheme of Things

The ousting of Shams Khan and his troops from Chittorgarh earned Kunwar Partap Singh overnight fame across the land as tales of his bravery made their way through the dunes and hills, across rivers and borders to lands far and beyond. At thirteen, he had commanded an army troop to take over the fort of Chittorgarh and restore Mewar’s borders to their former glory. People started comparing him to his forefathers, the great Rana Kumbha, who built forts across Mewar and his grandfather, Rana Sanga, who had united all Rajputs against external threats. As bards sang praises of the prince, gossip soon followed. Gossip was the most entertaining one could get in the mundane city lives and village gatherings, and it often travelled faster than the fastest Marwadi horse. So alongside the tales of his absolute bravery and how he hoisted the Mewari flag on the fort, were the stories of how his life was in danger, the king and queen did not quite get along and how he was made to live in poverty by ...

Begum Sahib: An Introduction and chronology

Note to the readers: Women behind men in history fascinate me. I had been reading about the mothers and wives who changed men’s fortunes. But what about daughters and sisters? A few months back, I was looking for books on Mughal Ladies, mainly Noor Jahan and her work. In the bibliography credits, I had chanced upon “The Life of A Mogul Princess” By Jahanara Begum, the daughter of Shah Jahan. I had no idea about the book and thought it was another autobiography. Previously, I had read only about how she was imprisoned along with her father at Agra, and her involvement with Dara Shikoh, her younger brother, in connecting the two realms of Hinduism and Islamism and the establishment of Sufism. All of these and the chronological events of history can be found in various books. As I read each page of her diary, cross-checking each point with Jagunath Sircar’s “History of Aurangzib” and R.C. Majumder’s “Mughal Empire” as well as numerous other sources on the Mughal Harem, I discovered ...

The Wounds of Love

The procession had stopped at a clearing. The women and children needed to rest for the day. The maids and guards who had followed them into this life of difficulty and sacrifice quickly laid the tents for rest. The young crown princess, still a child, was not used to the extreme conditions of the open air and the desert sun. She was slightly feverish. In the tent, her mother put her hand on his warm forehead, worried. There were sounds of footsteps, and she grew alarmed. The tent curtains parted. Ajabdeh Punwar entered the tent she shared with Pur Bai Solankini, a little worried. She managed a smile at Pur Bai as she checked the princess's fever. She checked the medicines kept by the bed and, after a reassuring nod at Pur Bai, stepped outside the tent where an eager Amar waited for her. "Keep vigil on your sisters." She ordered the eight-year-old as a pang of pain hit her. She did not want to take away his childhood and innocence with the weight of responsibilities so so...

Protectors

Rao Surtan was at the Fort gates as the soldiers tried in vain to attack with arrows from above the towers. His troop was stronger and more competent than the one Balwant headed at the Bijolia Fort Gates. They had managed to hold the troops back for a day, but they feared they could no longer do so. “Break the door”, Surtan ordered the elephants. “Where is Ajabdeh?” Hansa looked around the cellar. “Jija!” Ratan exclaimed. “She was on the roof last time I saw her.” “Ajabdeh.” Hansa Bai opened the cellar door and stepped out, followed by Ratan, who was equally worried. “Stay back!” Sajja Bai called in vain as Jaivanta Bai too walked out and up the stairs to the corridors of the Rani Mahal in search of Ajabdeh.  Surtan’s troop had entered the palace, and he made his way to the Rani Mahal. He was having different thoughts now. Killing Jaivanta Bai won't yield him anything… Maybe capturing a few young maidens… Ratan froze in the corridor, seeing the man approach. Behind...

My Everything

Kunwar Pratap stormed into the Mahal at Gogunda amidst uncertainty and chaos. Happy faces of the chieftains and soldiers welcomed him as Rawat Chundawat, and some other chieftains stopped the ongoing Raj Tilak. A visibly scared Kunwar Jagmal looked clueless at a visibly angry Kunwar Pratap. Rani Dheerbai Bhatiyani hadn't expected Kunwar Pratap to show up, that too, despite her conveying to him his father's last wish of crowning Kunwar Jagmal. Twenty-one days after Udai Singh's death, she was finally close to a dream she had dared to dream since Jagmal was born. He was not informed about the Raj Tilak as per Dheerbai's instructions. She eyed Rawat Ji. He must have assembled the chiefs to this revolt against her son, against the dead king. No one except them knew where Kunwar Pratap was staying. It was for the safety of his family. " What are you doing, Chotima?" A disappointed voice was directed at her. She could stoop down so low? For the first time, an anger...

Forever

" The Day Amar Singh was born, Mewar celebrated like it was Diwali. The palace was decorated, and so was Ajabde's room. Amar was lying in a golden cot when I saw him for the very first time. He looked like my Pratap used to as a kid. Today, when I look at Amar, I see a lot of Ajabde in him." Jaivanta Bai smiled at a beaming fourteen-year-old. " Ranaji too was so happy with Mewar's uttaradhikaar." Her smile faded at the memories. The differences started afterwards. " He was so happy that he founded the new capital that year only." She spoke up. " What about Daajiraj and Badi Ranima?" Kunwar Chand, nine, enquired. Solankhini and Jasobai interrupted the conversation. " Come now, all of you, Kunwar Amar, Kunwar Chand, Kunwar Bhagwandas, and Rajkumari, it's late. Time for bed." Solankhini spoke. " Please, Majhli maa. A little more. " Bhagwan Das, a five-year-old, pleaded. " Haan Majhli Maa... let Dada bh...

Wedding Bells

Udai Singh was adjusting his turban when a smiling Sajja Bai entered to take something from the room. He smiled back at her, asking, “ So Solankini Ji, are you happy now?” “ Ji Ranaji. This all still seems like a dream." “Yes, seems like yesterday Kunwar Pratap and Kunwar Shakti used to run about the palace.” “ And fight!” She added.  “ They used to fight all day but could never stay away from each other.” “ Remember that time Shakti got hurt?” “ Kunwar Pratap cried more than him!” Jaivanta Bai smiled as she heard the conversation. “ These two are like each other’s shadows. Remember when five-year-old Pratap asked me what marriage was?” They all laughed at the memories. “ Yes, and Jija told him that some girl will come and be his friend forever and in exchange, you have to share everything with her.” “ And Kunwar Pratap!” Udai Singh Laughed. “ Pratap was wailing that he never shares anything with anyone except Bhai  Shakti.” “ And Kunwar Shakti was t...