The Wounds of Love
The procession had stopped at a clearing. The women and children needed to rest for the day. The maids and guards who had followed them into this life of difficulty and sacrifice quickly laid the tents for rest. The young crown princess, still a child, was not used to the extreme conditions of the open air and the desert sun. She was slightly feverish. In the tent, her mother put her hand on his warm forehead, worried. There were sounds of footsteps, and she grew alarmed. The tent curtains parted. Ajabdeh Punwar entered the tent she shared with Pur Bai Solankini, a little worried. She managed a smile at Pur Bai as she checked the princess's fever. She checked the medicines kept by the bed and, after a reassuring nod at Pur Bai, stepped outside the tent where an eager Amar waited for her. "Keep vigil on your sisters." She ordered the eight-year-old as a pang of pain hit her. She did not want to take away his childhood and innocence with the weight of responsibilities so soon; he looked worried and tired.
"Will she be fine, Ranima?" He enquired as she nodded. Truth be told, Ajabdeh did not know that, but she did not have the heart to scare Amar Singh. She made her way to his father's tent.
"Is she all right? She still has a fever, doesn't she?" His voice was filled with guilt. Maybe if he had listened to his father, rather than taking it upon himself to liberate their land from the Mughals, his children would have lived the luxurious life he lived.
" She is fine, Kunwarsa, she is only three. She needs to get some rest. They are not used to the sun. Please stop worrying." He clearly saw the worry in her eyes. She could not lie. He sighed heavily and sat down beside her. Taking her hand in his, he smiled wearily. She reminded him of those days when he was calmer, when he used to sleep soundly on his mother's lap without a worry, play sword fights with Kunwar Shakti, much before the Timurid Emperor decided to be his sworn enemy.
"You go and eat your dinner. Everyone will be waiting for you." Ajabdeh stood up. " I will sit with the princess and send Pur Bai over, talk to her."
" What will I say? That I am sorry that her child is sick?" He shook his head, "I am not hungry, I will eat later, with you." Ajabdeh stared sternly at her husband.
" Solankini Bai is scared; she needs reassurance from you. Champa Bai is trying to keep the children in line. Jaso is new. You need to address their concerns, not me." Ajabdeh said sternly. "They will be more reassured hearing things from you."
" I have no words to reassure them, Ajabdeh. I don't know how long all of you are going to be here, and the truth is, once I go to Kumbhalgarh and take my position, anything can happen." He lamented.
"Kunwar Pratap!" Her stern voice stirred him. " They are your responsibility just as Mewar is. You cannot run from that. You have to tell them, just the way you told me. Jaso is new in the family, and it's your duty to make her feel comfortable."
"I did not want to marry her; you forced me to, so take care of her yourself." He shrugged.
" This is not how a Rajput prince behaves." She was calm and firm.
"Really? This is how a princess fights with her husband?" He asked, with a shrug.
" I am not a princess." She looked away. "But I know how to keep my family together and less worried."
" Yes, you are a princess, you are Mewar's Kunwarani, Ajabdeh." He said firmly with a frown.
" Kunwar Pratap!" Ajabdeh was irritated with him. He was being irrational and doubtful of his decision, something she was not used to seeing and it worried her.
Amar Singh was at the threshold of the tent, worried about their fight as they stopped, alarmed. Before Ajabdeh could summon him, he turned and left in a hurry, and Jaso Bai Chauhan peeped in behind him, unsurely.
" I am so sorry, I was looking for Jija." She apologised as she stepped back. " Kunwar Amar said she was here." She grew uneasy. She had found a sister in the kind-hearted and gentle Ajabdeh, who was loved by everyone, yet even after almost two months of marriage, she was scared of Kunwar Pratap's presence. She knew he always turned to Ajabdeh for support, and she was relieved it was that way. She was his wedded royal consort, but not his wife yet. Jasobai felt a sense of relief at her role. She often spent her day with Champa Bai, hearing stories of the family while she helped her care for her infant and made friends with the children.
" It's fine, Behena, come with me." Ajabdeh gave her husband a cold stare. He shook his head reluctantly and gave a half smile to Jasobai before leaving. Jasobai rushed to Ajabdeh's side.
" Has her fever receded?" She sounded concerned.
" No, I am so worried." Ajabdeh opened up about her worry,
" Shouldn't we call the Rajvaid?" Jasobai enquired. "If we sent a messenger..."
" No, it will alarm everyone. I will see what I can do." Ajabdeh reassured her.
" Why don't you ask Pandit Ji to help?" Jasobai suggested.
" You are right, he might be able to." Ajabdeh inferred.
" Can I ask you something, Jija?" Jasobai looked unsurely at her as she nodded.
" Of course, Behena."
" You called Kunwarsa by name..." Ajabdeh bit her lips; it was indeed bravery on her part, but only privately behind the closed doors between him and her. Now that Jasobai knew, it made her conscious. Seeing her blush, Jasobai smiled. " You and Kunwar Sa are indeed just like I heard before marriage." Her words had a sense of longing that left Ajabdeh with a feeling of guilt.
At night, the guards announced that no one should leave the group alone, as danger lurked in every corner of the forest. They would resume their journey at noon the next day. As she lay half awake, Ajabdeh kept an eye on the tired Pur Bai and the sick princess as Amar slept beside her quietly. The tent curtain parted as Ajabdeh's heart skipped a beat, and she reached for a dagger when she saw Kunwar Pratap come in. She sat up, startled.
" Hush." He made a hand gesture at her. " You will wake them."
He came and sat on the other side of the bed, watching his children sleep.
" Kunwar..."
" I just came by to see my children." She knew arguing was in vain. She watched as he placed his rough hand gently on Amar's curly hair, so that he did not wake and walked over to do the same to his daughters in the cots and finally to the sick princess. Pur Bai woke as he gestured at her to be quiet, and she exchanged a puzzled glance with Ajabdeh, watching him kiss her sick daughter, with worry reflecting in his eyes.
"She is fine now." Pur Bai reassured him reluctantly. She knew Jija expected that. He knew she was equally worried and lying.
The next day, they woke to an alarming noise of guards and maids looking for someone. Kunwar Pratap stepped out of his tent and saw the maids of Jaso Bai crying. His heart filled with concern. Ajabdeh rushed to their side. " What is wrong?"
" Baiji Sa, we woke up, and Choti Kunwarani Baisa was not there. We searched for her everywhere."
" Hey Eklingji, I hope she did not leave alone in search of the river," Ajabdeh murmured worriedly.
Pratap rushed to the armoury chest, took out his sword and, getting on his horse, he ordered Ajabdeh, " Nobody leaves this spot until I find her." She nodded, praying softly as he rode away.
Kunwar Pratap searched all the way to the rivers calling her name in vain. He rode across the clearing in search of her. His anger turned to concern for his new bride. In a clearing, he thought he heard a twig break. He got down from the horse and started looking for clues. Suddenly, there was the sound of footsteps. He turned in time to catch Jaso Bai, almost falling at his feet; she was breathless.
" I saw a wild cat, and I was so scared I..." She murmured.
" Who told you to go alone?" He held her up, supporting her with his hands.
" I..." She was suddenly aware of her proximity to him and his touch on her arms as she looked flabbergasted at his angry face.
More noises in the clearing made them turn towards the sound. Kunwar Amar stepped out of the trees, surprised to see his Choti Maasa and father in what looked like a hug to him. He had come in search of her, himself, as Ajabdeh insisted otherwise in vain.
" Amar..." Ajabdeh's call was heard as she appeared behind him, taken aback. She dragged Amar by his shoulder, ignoring what she thought to be a private moment between her husband and his wife and scolded him, " I told you not to go on your own, the jungle is not safe. Start listening to your Maasa." They left for the tent.
Kunwar Pratap let go of Jaso Bai's arm and called the maids to take her to her tent. He knew what Ajabdeh thought she had witnessed. He walked back to his tent. On the way, he witnessed Amar helping his sick sister sit on a rock while the other princesses played around her, making him smile faintly at them. Ajabdeh was singing bhajans while making a garland of wildflowers for her Lord Krishna. His footsteps stopped her, but she didn't turn to look at him.
" Ajabdeh..."
" Kunwar sa you should have a bath and get dressed, we are leaving in an hour or two." She looked away.
" There is no one here." He frowned.
" I know." She nodded.
" Still, you are calling me Kunwar Sa? What's wrong ?" He enquired.
" Nothing." She shook her head. "The food is ready, we will have to move soon."
" What you saw there..." He cleared his throat.
" You don't need to explain your personal life to me." Ajabdeh shook her head.
" Yes, I do." Kunwar Pratap sat down by her side. Although he had his wives, Ajabdeh and he never shared the awkwardness of witnessing his private moments with them, which was usually once or twice a month when he visited their chambers. Their eyes met, and he knew she had cried. He knew this would eventually hurt her. His throat was dry.
" Nothing happened, she fell and I..."
" She is your wife; you owe me no explanation." Ajabdeh's voice was calm.
" I knew this! I knew you would be hurt someday. I did not want any of this." He sounded agitated. " I told you I don't need another wife. Time and again I..." Ajabdeh knew her mistake. She was not supposed to show him she was hurt; he would be reluctant to ally with marriages then, and it would also be unfair to his other wives. She called out as he was about to leave.
" Kunwar Pratap." He stopped to turn back and look at her. She smiled at him and walked up to him. Their eyes met, and she hugged him as he looked a little startled before he hugged her back. He smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead. They smiled at each other, and Ajabdeh moved away, saying, " Go now, get dressed, Amar will come back." He saw her blush, afraid of what he might do next, in a tent, under broad daylight, and he walked away with a smile, leaving her to her Pujas.
Back in her tent, as the maids treated her wound, Jaso Bai smiled at the closest she had got to Kunwar Pratap in the last few months, and the worry she witnessed in his eyes. She said to herself, Pur Jija was right, maybe someday I will get his respect, if not love, and be his wife instead of an alliance.
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