Ajabdeh soaked in the salty air that played with her hair and glanced over her shoulder at the people on the deck of the pub, looking over the beach on which she now stood barefoot. The sand felt good on her feet. She smiled to herself. She was glad that HR let her attend this getaway. She needed this. She glanced at her phone and dialled her father’s number to check on him. He had not been quite warm with her since the incident, but she was a dutiful daughter who checked in on him from time to time. She started pacing the length of the beach as he told her not to worry and swept her hair across her shoulder as it played with the wind. She glanced up at the people again, and this time Shivam was waving at her, in a gesture to call her up on the deck.
“I have to go, take care.” She waved back at him, disconnecting the call. She had left her flip-flops on the stairs and quickly collected them and brushed off the sand on her feet before adjusting the kaftan she wore over her bikini top and rushing up the stairs. When she reached the last set of stairs, she knew what the commotion was about.
It had been almost one and a half days in the retreat, and there was still no sign of Pratap. The people enjoyed a gala time in some team activities, good food and beach time, but she did not hear a single one of them mention their boss. She gathered he was obviously not going to be a part of the employees' retreat and was just joking with her. Until this moment, when she caught a glimpse of him being welcomed to the party, his hand tucked into another woman’s hand.
“Who is that?” She heard Kiran ask before she reached Shivam.
“Oh, he always hangs out with other heiresses.” Shivam shrugged. “This one is his family friend, the Oberoi heiress, Vidhi.”
“Oh, not his girlfriend then?” Kiran asked, raising her eyebrows.
“Why do you care? Do you want to marry him?” Shivam chuckled as Ajabdeh joined him with a smirk at Kiran, who shook her head.
“Won’t be bad finding myself a rich husband.”
“Would prefer to be rich myself,” Ajabdeh spoke, taking the cocktail Shivam had ordered and thanked him.
“You are ambitious.” He commented.
“Was that praise?” Ajabdeh narrowed her eyes as she sipped the drink. “Or a judgment?”
“Neither.” He turned to Kiran to ask her something, and Ajabdeh suddenly felt a gaze on her. Her eyes immediately looked up at the crowd, and her eyes met his. He was nodding his head at something his guest was saying, and his eyes were on her as he smiled faintly as their eyes met. He raised his glass discreetly acknowledging her as she nodded slightly with a smile and turned back to Kiran, who wanted to dance with Shivam, who needed some saving. For the rest of the evening, Ajabdeh did not see Pratap around.
It was around 11 PM when Ajabdeh was walking towards her hotel room and stopped at the bar. She was in no mood to go back to an empty room yet. Something in the loneliness that engulfed the silence of having a hotel room to herself disturbed her. She preferred having a drink alone in the bar lounge instead. At least she could see people around.
Pratap let Vidhi’s manicured nails travel across his unbuttoned torso as he kissed her, trapping her between the closed door of the hotel room and himself. She pushed him back playfully, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt as he pulled her in, his hand exploring her features while her lips tasted his skin. It was in the blink of an eye that he was on the bed and she was on top of him, unbuttoning his pants. Pratap sighed, closing his eyes, and an image flashed in his mind’s eye, an image of someone else on top of him, moaning with pleasure. He opened his eyes again to see Vidhi navigate through to his hardness, and her cold fingers made him react. He tried to divert his mind by catching a good view of her by removing the traces of her hair from her face. He suddenly had an urgent need to not wait anymore as he turned her over and was on top of her.
“The light…” She murmured in between moaning with pleasure as his fingers explored her throbbing inner thighs.
“Keep them on.” He managed before his mouth was busy. He could hear her moan. This was not his first time with Vidhi; she had been his date to his college farewell once upon a time. But times had changed. He found himself pushing in, trying hard not to let his thoughts consume him or ruin his pleasure. He could see her face, her breath accelerating, and her reaching the highest point of ecstasy. He closed his eyes, knowing he was far from there. And he couldn’t help but imagine someone else in her place, someone with whom his thoughts never travelled; he was too busy anticipating her next move, trying for the first time in his life to pleasure rather than seek it. He never did any of it consciously, yet in the moment he realised how he had never been so engrossed in someone else’s thoughts in bed with another woman. It disturbed him to the core, making him grunt rather irritated.
“Are you alright?” Vidhi frowned as he nodded. “Stop talking.” He commanded her.
Pratap gathered that turning the lights off might help, as he used his free hand to reach for the lamp. Now the silhouettes moved in the faint light coming from the balcony window, and he could hear her breath, smell her, taste her skin. He was about to reach a high as he groaned, whispering a name. A name that was not hers. With that came memories of a trauma he had managed to sweep under the rug every time he indulged.
Pratap was barely eleven when he walked into his empty home to be greeted at the door by the housekeeper. He was back from school early because his rehearsals for the singing competition were cancelled, and he headed upstairs to his room to freshen up for lunch. That is when he heard the noise coming from his room. A horrified child had walked onto his father and his lover, the woman, moaning loudly. Before he could comprehend what was going on, a slap had resonated across his face, followed by a series of threats to not let his mother know. Pratap was an adamant child. He did tell his mother. Of course, he only knew much later how his father hid the multiple affairs for a long time and maintained a sham marriage because his mother’s side owned the majority shares of his company. He even remarried soon after the divorce. No matter how much Pratap wanted to forget the day, every time he tried to establish any kind of emotional attachment with anyone except his mother and brother, those thoughts haunted him and made him bitter inside. It was as though the trauma of the day he pretended to have forgotten, the fights he witnessed and the dirty name callings he remembered ate away slowly at his soul, and it was now rotten. It was the first time that he indulged with a classmate that he realised that women moaning his name brought back those triggers and made him feel vulnerable. It was since then that he strictly avoided both sleeping with someone repeatedly and moaning names. He had been carefully successful until he slipped the tongue today. What was wrong with him?
“One whiskey.” He had waved his card at the bar counter and sighed, inhaling sharply. He had not finished. This was the most terrible he could feel with his unfinished business, hormonal high, accusations from Vidhi and a confrontation he wanted to avoid. Whose name was he moaning? She demanded to know. He lay on her face. Lied that she heard wrong. Lied that he is not one to moan names. She was hearing things. But could he lie to himself? Did he lie that he did not imagine someone else? Did not whisper her name? What was happening?
“So, that bad, huh?” Pratap’s heart skipped a beat the moment he held the cold glass and heard the familiar voice behind him. He did not expect to see her there at that hour. Ajabdeh had not changed. She was still in her evening clothes. But then so was he, looking more of a mess than she was. Ajabdeh wore an amused smile as she came and sat down on the high chair beside him, putting her cocktail down on the counter, eyeing his drink.
“No wine for tonight?” She asked with a smile appearing faintly on her lips, almost taunting him.
“Why are you here?” He asked, slightly narrowing his brows.
“You invited me here.” She shrugged, a little startled.
“No.” He shook his head. “I mean here, now.” He looked suspicious.
“I was not ready to go to bed yet.” She sipped the drink, brushing her locks aside. He looked over her shoulder at the few people in the lounge—no familiar faces.
“Are you stalking me?” He used the same tone she did last weekend, and that made her laugh. “If I were to, would I make it obvious?” She asked.
“You should.” He emphasised.
“Should I?” She had a teasing tone in her voice as he gulped down his drink. “I thought I was not supposed to.”
“You and I are not meeting after today, are we?” He asked with raised eyebrows. Ajabdeh smiled and inhaled. Pratap glanced at her with anticipatory eyes. Come Monday, she will be back in her office, on a new project with a new client. Without their contact numbers and with no work in between them, they would not meet. Ajabdeh got down from the highchair, making him turn to watch her go. Before she left, she turned back and whispered almost to his ear, her breath feeling warm on his cheek.
“Let's turn your whiskey to wine, then, room number 404 in five minutes?” All he could do was nod. Pratap could feel his heart race as he watched her leave.
The elevator ride was the longest he had taken in his life. When the door opened on the floor, he could see her door from the elevator. He braced himself and knocked. It took her a few seconds to open the door, and Pratap soaked in the sight of her as she welcomed him in. Her magenta bikini, which was playing peekaboo under her white kaftan, was now all that she wore, and she had a bottle of wine from the minibar in hand.
“Should I pour some of this?” She asked as he breathed in.
“Aren’t you too confident?” His voice sounded hoarse.
“Aren’t you too?” She turned towards him, placing the bottle down and leaning on the writing desk. “I mean you have…” Pratap gave in to the strong urge to kiss her, savouring her mouth with his lips. She tasted like the cocktail she just had, and her soft moan against his lips was all that he needed to get going. Ajabdeh’s hands travelled quickly to his white shirt, unbuttoning it as he held her hand and manoeuvred it down to the button of his pants while his other hand undid her clothes. She turned, making him lean against the desk as she got down on her knees. The sight of her in front of him made Pratap quiver.
“Stop. Slow down.” He almost begged.
“So soon?” Ajabdeh asked as he pulled her up by her hair and threw her down on the bed. It was his turn. Ajabdeh watched him keenly as he seemed to be more raw and rough than he usually was. She had a strong urge to ask him why he was in a hurry. But then she knew by now that he hated conversations. She pulled him down, pinning him to the bed under her and took charge instead, tearing open the protection she found in the pocket of his pants. Pratap watched her as his hands hovered on her features, making him moan in rhythm with her. He knew he could not hold much longer.
Ajabdeh stopped moving and almost froze the moment he whispered her name. His lips were close to her ears as she leaned in on him, her hair flowing over the bedspread, and her sudden stopping made him take charge as he moaned her name again. She thought she had heard wrong the first time. Something stirred in her as her name appeared in his hoarse voice. She had never felt this good. She looked at him longingly as his eyes locked with hers. Was he aware of what he did, or did it just happen? Ajabdeh tried hard to decipher the twinkle in his eyes.
When they lay side by side, breathing heavily, staring at the ceiling, she found his fingers entwined in hers. She glanced over at his sleepy face, and in that moment, she suddenly felt a longing sadness that this was it. Come dawn, and it will all be over. For good. She saw his breath, paced and placed her hand on his chest. She could immediately feel his heart race.
“What’s wrong?” Her voice startled him a little.
“Why will something have to be wrong?” He asked in an irked tone.
“You… seem different.” She said rather coldly. “Fine, don’t tell.” Pratap eyed her, turning her back to him, to her side. On one hand, he had the strong urge to hold her and tell her what was wrong. Somehow, he felt like she would understand. Yet a part of him was alarmed at the thought. She did not know him. She was as good as the next random stranger who would judge him, his upbringing, his parents and his choices. He inhaled, trying to shut his eyes and pretending to sleep.
When Ajabdeh woke up, she checked the time on her phone and sprang up. It was 9 AM. The breakfast was at 8, and they were leaving at 10. The buses had perhaps arrived by then. She looked around at the mess in the room. She needed to pack up. As she had anticipated, he had left, his side of the bed wrinkled in a mere remembrance of a past or perhaps a dream. She had no time to think of goodbyes as she packed her bags, hoping to catch the bus in time.
Pratap changed the radio station for the tenth time to go back to the first one. His head was throbbing from sleeplessness, and the radio seemed to play only love songs in the morning. It irritated him. When he had left her sleeping in the room, it was still dark outside. Of course, many more employees were on the same floor as her, and he could not risk being seen there. He had stepped out of bed and dressed, all the while trying to call Vidhi and check in on her. He was blocked from her number. Inhaling, he felt blessed inwardly because he knew he had no excuses or apologies. He was not sorry. He glanced over his shoulder, almost involuntarily smiling at the sleeping figure as he suddenly felt a little heavy on his chest. He walked up to her side of the bed and carefully bent down before her, removing a lock of hair from her face. He had a strong urge to kiss her goodbye. But he was not that kind of person, was he? He checked himself, walking away, closing the door behind him, without sparing her a last glance. He had checked out before the others and left for home.
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