“Everything comes with a price. Your success is determined
by how much you are willing to pay for it.”
The sound of footsteps resonated through
the Kabul palace.
“Rukaiya Begum!” her mother’s warning voice
couldn’t make her stop; Rukaiya almost bumped into her mother and ran to
her room.
“Let her go.” Hamida Banu spoke with a hint
of laughter in her voice “Jalal has sent gifts.”
Rukaiya stopped at the threshold of her
room. She had waited almost a year and a half to hear from him. With every
message that arrived of his success and Khan Baba’s wars, Rukaiya had grown
impatient to see him again. The room was lit up with lamps. It was filled with
gifts wrapped in velvet covers of all shapes and colours. She scanned the room;
clothes, jewellery, boxes of perfumes of all colours and bottles, books, and
paintings. A maid presented herself before her.
“Shehzadi Sultana Begum I am your maid in
waiting. Padshah, send me here at your service.” She approved with a smile. “Did
he… send any messages?” She asked anticipating. The maid shook her head.
Rukaiya’s smile disappeared as she stared
at the room full of gifts.
“Send them back!” She retorted as the maid
stood disbelieving.
“What?”
“You heard me. Go back with your gifts and
tell your Padshah that Sultana Rukaiya Begum is not someone to be lured with
gifts. She is the Shehzaadi of the Timurid blood. She can buy all these
herself. Tell him to gift something Rukaiya Begum can’t buy!”
She watched the maids leave with the gifts
from atop her tower. A gasp ran through the Zenana mahal at her audacity. The
news had reached Hamida Banu as well. She was after all still the Padshah Begum
and such audacity was answerable to the emperor by the zenana head, as per the
norms. Rukaiya Begum had rejected her son’s gifts. Hamida only smiled at the
worried ladies gossiping.
That night, Rukaiya sat alone in her
chambers. Her hair was open, and the breeze played with it. She had removed all her
jewellery and her surma-clad eyes shone in the dark. A fear suddenly crept in.
She had heard it all even when the maids and eunuchs often gossiped in
whispers. They had heard of the Padshah’s growing interest in women. He had
hired dancers to entertain his nobles. He had slave girls gifted by his
subordinates. Concubines. He had even taken a special interest in some of them.
They even spoke of how despite being married he did not want to take Rukaiya
with him to Mankot where Maham Anga stayed to take care of his needs. She had
overheard some princesses talk about how physical unity was important in a
relationship. It scared Rukaiya. The gossip worried her. Had he actually
changed so much? She wept in the silence in her room first for Jalal, how could
he not miss her? Then she shed tears for her father, her kin and all the women
who lived a life dictated by others inside the zenana. Her heart was not so
cold, yet she was afraid that this world could change her just like Jalal. To survive in battles, her father often said, one had to be heartless.
Her dupatta was wet when she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder and wiped away
her tears quickly. It was her mother who sat beside her in the moonlight
falling from the balcony of her room.
“Rukaiya, what’s wrong?” She had asked
patting her head gently.
“Nothing.” She lied. Her mother smiled. She
understood her girl was growing up. Such gossip didn’t escape the ears of the
elder ladies as well.
“You see child, we women are meant for a
life this way.” She said it almost like a whisper, fearing that even the walls
could hear her. Rukaiya stared up at her face with a frown.
“What do you mean?”
“The life of a royal, especially a princess
of the Timurid blood will never be easy. There will be battles, wounds, scars…”
she paused with a sigh staring out at the moon “Scars deeper than wounds.
Caused by kins, by our own.” Rukaiya stared at her mother and placed her cold wet
hand gently over her mother’s.
“Did anyone tell you anything?” she asked
worriedly.
“There will be other women Rukaiya.” Every
word of her mother’s hurt her like daggers stabbing her heart as she felt
uneasy to breathe. “There will be other wives. And you can do nothing about it.”
Her mother regretted being harsh especially when she saw the colour of her
daughter’s face turn pale.
“Why?” Rukaiya said it almost like she
choked. “Why am I, not enough?”
“Oh, you are.” Her mother cupped her face
gently with a smile. “You are enough. But… that’s how kingship is. Don’t think
it’s because he doesn’t feel for you…” Rukaiya didn’t find her mother
convincing enough.
“Just… be happy you will be his first and …
never ask him questions.” Rukaiya saw her mother leave. Her words seemed to
suffocate her soul and dreams. Never ask
him questions.
Jalal paced his room, in the dark. He was
restless. The news had arrived. The war was won, and Khan Baba had come
victorious with the head of the enemy. But his happiness was curbed short by
the arrival of the procession that had left for Kabul a few days back.
“Tell
him to gift something Rukaiya Begum can’t buy!”
Jalal smiled in his thought. Only his
Rukaiya could have the audacity to send everything back like that. He called
his nearest guard.
“Tell Khan Baba, I will be leaving for
Kabul tomorrow.” Jalal will give Rukaiya
what money can’t buy. Himself.
“Nasir, see whose procession is at the
gates!” Hamida Begum frowned at the sound of the procession coming from outside
the walls of their palace in Kabul.
Her eunuch Nasir wasted no time running to
the tallest tower and come back huffing and puffing in urgency.
“It’s the Shahenshah, Padshah Begum!” He
gasped.
“Stop fooling around Nasir.” It was Rukaiya
who had just arrived with a maid carrying a plate full of date palms neatly
wrapped to make a sweet dish. She bowed to the mother-in-law and frowned some
more at the Eunuch.
“Where will Ja… the Padshah come from?”
“Kill me if I am wrong Shehzaadi Begum.”
Half of Nasir’s words died in the blowing of horns that announced a royal
arrival while Hamida and Rukaiya exchanged surprised glances at each other. He
was right!
Jalal’s eyes scanned the Zenana Mahal while
his mothers hugged him.
“Such a surprise in your busy…” Bega Begum
stopped at his stare across the hall in search and smiled. “Nasir?” Hamida Banu
asked, exchanging amused glances with her husband’s senior wife.
“Yes?”
“Where is Shehzaadi Rukaiya Sultana Begum?”
Hamida’s eyes travelled to Jalal who chose to look away.
“She was right…” Nasir stopped at the empty
spot “I will go and…”
“No.” The Padshah’s order stopped him “I
will go.” He nodded at his mothers and walked away.
Rukaiya’s heart still beat fast in her
chest. She had tightly shut the door to her chamber and sat down on the cold
stone floor with a smile. He understood her message, didn’t he? For a moment
all the zenana gossip meant nothing to her. He was here. For her.
A knock made her heart leap.
“Open the door Rukaiya Begum.” There was a
hint of amusement in his voice. She could feel that. Her hand stopped at the
lock. She smiled remembering all those days in childhood they spend teasing
each other in every way possible.
“I can’t hear you!” She giggled making him
frown.
“I came all the way from Agra, to spend a
week here… to talk to this… Door?” He frowned with a lingering smile.
“How will I know why you came from Agra?”
She retorted.
“Oh really?” His voice turned sarcastic as
her eyes widened and cheeks grew red “You don’t know why I came from Agra?”
“No, I don’t!”
“Rukaiya.” Jalal’s voice of reasoning was
back. “Enough now, the whole Zenana Mahal can see this!”
“So?” She giggled again.
“I am the Padshah!”
“I am the wife.” He shook his head staring
at the empty corridor a little alert if anyone heard them.
“What can make you open the door?” He
frowned “Tell me.”
“Where is my gift?” She sat down leaning
against the door.
“What? I send… you… told them to…” He was
confused.
“Give me my gift and you will have this
door open every day until you leave for Agra!” Jalal let out a sigh at the
closed door. He narrowed his eyes a little at her teasing giggle then walked
away towards his chambers. Rukaiya heard his footsteps fade, a little worried.
A few feet away the mothers exchanged a worried glance.
“Rukaiya should know she is now talking to
a king and not her playmate.” Sultana Begum grew worried at how Jalal’s face
changed. She did not want his wrath on her daughter at any cost. She had heard
how angry he gets nowadays.
“No, it is a wife talking to her husband.”
Bega Begum smiled.”Don’t worry.” She reassured.
Rukaiya was bored in her room for the whole
day. She peeped a little out of the jaali to find the maids in waiting
gossiping. Was Jalal testing her patience? Or had he left for Agra? For a
moment she thought about changing her mind about this play. It was almost midday
when a maid came knocking.
“Shehzaadi Begum” The maid bowed before her
as she opened the door in the most graceful manner “Padshah is summoning you to
the Durbar.” She frowned a little. The courtroom was one place she could never
connect to. It was a room full of intellectuals, leaders, warriors and
politics. The world there was rarely a happy one.
The maids had dressed her up in a gaudy
muslin attire and jewellery of all gems and stones, for her first appearance at
court. Her hands were painted and so were her lips. The maids wove garlands to
braid her hair with. She stepped out of her room pulling the veil over her
shoulder and head and walked with the maid towards the Durbar hall. She
appeared beside his mother behind the purdah and bowed in dignity to the
Shahenshah as per the norms. He nodded his head and hid a smile. Hamida Banu
stared at Jalal and back at Rukaiya and smiled.
“Today, I have an announcement to make.”
Jalal rose to his feet along with the noblemen. “I know you all have loved and
respected my mother as the first lady of my father, she had guided him in all
aspects of his life and had been with him through all his struggles. But today,
she called upon me to say that she no longer wants to hold the position of
being the Padishah Begum of the land.” Rukaiya’s eyes narrowed at his words and
she turned to Hamida Banu who nodded an affirmative. “So, since the empire and
the ladies' house cannot run without a Padishah Begum, I bestow this title upon
Shehzaadi Rukaiya Sultana Begum, as she is not only your queen but also a
princess of Timurid blood.”
Rukaiya’s throat felt dry as the people in
court chanted her name and he stared right at her and smiled. Hamida Banu’s
hand travelled to hold hers reassuringly but a strange fear gripped her.
“You asked for a gift and he gave it.”
Hamida Banu gushed.
A
gift? Rukaiya gulped. Did she want such a gift? She
was raised from being a princess to the wife of her playmate in sudden urgency
and now when she had finally settled into the idea… being the first lady of
his zenana was tough work. She had observed Hamida Banu Begum closely. With the kind of diplomatic decisions she took for the house and the suggestions she
gave her husband, Rukaiya was not sure if she was at all ready for it. She was
barely fourteen. And Jalal seemed so happy… Her eyes travelled to him from a distance.
Suddenly she felt like a stranger to them all. Her eyes wanted to tear up but
she controlled her emotions. Maybe she was just having cold feet.
After the court was dismissed Hamida Banu called her to her chambers and explained her responsibilities as the new
Padshah Begum. Her words seemed like a haze to Rukaiya who stared at her a
little pale, in complete horror.
” The ladies… their allowance… decorations…
ration… festivals… celebrations… weddings… assigning work…” Every word Hamida
Banu spoke seemed like a maze of confusion.
“Tomorrow at dawn, she will start her role
as the Padishah Begum. Help her settle in. Then Bega Begum and I will travel to
Kutch for a few days.” Hamida had instructed her chief maid “Send a firman of
it to the ladies and to Maham Anga to honour Rukaiya Begum with the title and
gifts.” Hamida hugged her mother in happiness. None of them saw how her
face turned pale. No one asked her if she was happy. She silently stepped away
from the ladies gathering in the garden for the celebrations. Walking across
the corridor her heavy dress and jewellery felt like a chain of a prisoner to
her. She had always loved dressing up. She couldn’t breathe in them today.
This new identity was something Rukaiya
couldn’t connect to. It was like she was not herself. Jalal, his mother, and
everyone else was happily trying to make her someone else altogether. She sat in
the darkness of her room and took a deep breath. The floor was laid with a fine
Persian carpet tonight, and her room was decorated with perfumes and flowers
under the supervision of their mothers. She dressed up again, after bathing for the Padshah was here, and the ladies giggling around her made her feel
uneasy. They sprayed scented water on her clothes and teased her endlessly as
to how perhaps the emperor had come for a week’s stay only for her.
As the night grew old, she removed all
the jewellery they made her wear and put out the lamps as the maids slept
outside her chambers. Tonight, she did not feel like dressing up for Jalal. She
stared at the stars in the dark night sky and sighed heavily. The night was
completely silent and something in her was disappointed. She had no idea where
he was at all. And she knew that in the morning along with starting her role as
the Padishah Begum she had to meet the expecting eyes of their mothers as well,
as his wife. They would be disappointed to know he was not there.
The door creaked and Jalal frowned at the
darkness that engulfed the room. He assumed she would be as excited about her
title and new position as he was when he wore his father’s turban for the first
time. Nervous but excited. But Rukaiya never liked her room dark. He reached
for the nearest lamp when she turned to him.
“Let me do that.” He stopped to watch her
carefully light the lamps of the room like those were some precious discovery
of hers. He looked around at the decorations and eyed the jewellery she had
removed. She walked across the room as the scent of her flowers and scent
tickled his senses. He stared at her face in the flickering light for some
time. Unreadable and calm.
“Your life will change tomorrow.” His words
made her hand stop at the lamp. She smiled faintly.
“It changed the day I married you…” she
stopped. She noticed his gaze travel to her and the twinkle in his eyes.
“I knew you will love my gift.” Rukaiya’s
eyes met his. For a brief moment, Rukaiya felt that the person standing before
her was a complete stranger. Her friend, playmate and husband once understood
things she did not even speak of.
“Yes.” Her voice grew softer “I loved your
gift.” She smiled at him and looked away at the lamp flickering.
“Come. Let me tell you about places I
visited.”
He sat down on the bed dragging her by her wrist to take a sit beside
him and started talking about the politics of the land. Rukaiya sat leaning
against the cushions listening. Nothing seemed to register in her head except
how his eyes sparkled as he talked of those.
“How…” she interrupted making him stare at
her. “How are you?” He frowned at first at her words then smiled pleased. He
held her hand in his and stared back at her.
“How are you?” He repeated her question
making her look away.
“I wait… for you… it’s difficult…” She
tried hard not to make her voice shake. “… Can I come with you?” She looked at
him with hopeful eyes. He saw a teardrop appearing in the corner of her eye.
“You know that is not possible now and
besides, you have to understand and take care of the harem here…” He stopped as
she took her hand away from his grip.
“I understand.” She smiled “I am glad you
are here.”
“Me too.” Jalal smiled at Rukaiya. “I
promise that once things are less turbulent I will…”
“It’s okay, I understand Jalal. I do.” She
smiled faintly as he smiled back glad.
“You looked beautiful at the durbar today.”
His words made Rukaiya stare at him, a little uneasy at his different gaze. As
Jalal leaned in to pull her in an embrace Rukaiya realized that perhaps tonight
was the night she became a woman; the night that perhaps put some of her
insecurities to rest as she saw him sleep beside her in a content smile. The
fourteen-year-old Rukaiya’s heart had transformed. She was probably now, in all
senses, his wife.
The night was her dawn of realization as
well. She had no idea her scent could stir his senses or that whatever she
asked of, in the heat of those moments, was granted easily without much of a
thought. She smiled at the pain she felt in his expression of love. The night had given her a weapon perhaps, a weapon she could use, to survive in the
politics of the zenana. His love for her.
For a moment, even her own thought disgusted Rukaiya. She watched him sleep
peacefully beside her. Then she remembered her mother’s words and her heart
didn’t feel disgusted anymore. A woman’s smile, charm and beauty were her
deadliest weapons; she had often heard the ladies say. She was going to use
hers to survive in his heart. What was wrong with that? She was now waiting for
dawn to start a new journey, clueless about how it would affect her, Jalal or
their relationship.
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