Vows

Pratap was staring at the Havan Kund that was lit up for the wedding as he sat in the mandap doing the Ganesh Puja. Two days and so many rituals later, he was not sure when the wedding would finally be over and he would be allowed to go back to the administration details of Kelwara. All he knew was that, like an obedient and ideal son, he had followed every ritual his mothers and the Panditji told him to do. They said he didn't understand the significance of many rituals now, but he would later on in life. He didn't actually care. All he wanted was to get over the wedding really fast so that he could consider the other important things in life. Did I just think others are important? No, the most important. The enemy was surely going to use his diversion for his own profit. Somehow, he could read Akbar's mind too well. He had been teased beyond his imagination by Shakti as Chakrapani accidentally told him about the Mandir incident. He swore to make his friend pay once he was back home.

 

" She is here." Hansa Bai's voice made him look up as people stared to his right.

Ajabdeh's hands and feet were cold and shivering. Her friends teased that even a dead person's hands were warmer than hers. She needed to breathe out and relax; it was her wedding to the man every woman dreamt of, not the end of the world. The more they gushed about Kunwar Pratap, the more Ajabdeh doubted his mother's choice of her as the bride. What he could have wanted to tell her before the wedding was a question that loomed over her head.

" She looks so pretty that Kunwarsa won't be able to look away." Bhago had said with an agreeing Padmavati in tow. She just smiled, silently blushing red, a little nervous. She was the luckiest girl in the world to princesses all over Rajputana, but what she felt now was absolute scared to death. She had learned not to fear her enemies or regret any actions, like a true Rajputani, but the moment she came to know she was Kunwar Pratap Singh's bride, her definition of fear changed. Every time he was in front of her eyes with those confused, cold stares, she felt like her heart would leap out, and her hands went cold. She was sure that she could never even fumble a word ever again in front of him after the way he stared at her at the Jharokhas. After what Padmavati told her, she had secretly vowed to nod yes to everything he ever told her. Kunwar Pratap was going to be her husband the moment she stepped into that hall. Three more steps. And a new life.

 

She walked into the Mandap, her face covered in the red and gold embroidered veil, the heavy lehenga and gaudy jewellery made it difficult for her to move around. She would miss simplicity in Chittorgarh for sure. She was made to sit down for the rituals beside him.

 

He carefully moved to his right a little as Hansa made Ajabdeh take the place on his left, to avoid body contact. The Pandit had now called the bride's father for Kanyadaan. Kunwar Pratap placed his hand out as the Pandit poured water on it and then said, " Baisa, give your hand in his." A little hesitant, Ajabdeh was nudged by Bhagwati as she stretched her hand out as it was placed over his, his hand moved a millimetre away from hers, thus avoiding touch. To the onlookers, it was not visible. Ajabdeh's father was pouring water over their hands. Ajabdeh smiled inwardly as the moment her hand touched his, he moved a little down. He was chivalrous. So much that he was awkward with his own bride. Something about that was reassuring, especially after what the grapevines said about his father. Pratap was now staring at his hands. Or rather, her Alta. The rings on her fingers. The bangles. He looked away to the Pandit again. As the rituals ended, they quickly removed their hands. Padmavati gladly tied the Gath Bandhan as the Panditji told them to rise for the Jaimala.

 

"Dadabhai, don't bow to Bhabisa, you will have to do so for the rest of your life." Shakti's words made everyone laugh. Pratap stood tall, firmly. I am not bowing down to you. Ajabdeh smiled again, behind her veil, as she put the garland around his head, standing on tip-toe. If you don't bow, I can raise myself to match you! It would be wrong to say that Pratap didn't feel like smiling at her gesture. She was a Rajputani who always found a way or made one. He garlanded her as she made the mistake of looking up at him from behind her veil, and she saw him stare right back at her, that very moment, in perfect sync of timing, as if they read each other's minds. In a fraction of a second, they both looked away. Her semi-transparent dupatta hid the redness on her face, but she could clearly see his embarrassment.

 

The vows were being said by the pandit as they took the Pheras, first four, with him leading, then the pandit told him to step back as she came forward. Then it was time for the Sindoor Daan. Bhago unveiled her as he took the Sindoor on the ring. She looked down at the carpet as he put the sindoor on her forehead. he looked only at her head and hairline, not at her face. Something in him felt strange as she felt her life change forever.

 

The Vidaai was emotional as Pratap stood waiting to leave for home, and the ladies were sniffing. Ajabdeh was hugging Ratan and crying so much that Jaivanta Bai and Hansa had to separate the two. Pratap couldn't tell why he felt like Ajabdeh was scared and needed his reassurance. He, however, was clueless about how and where he could help. He saw his mother hug her reassuringly and was sure Ranima could handle it instead.

 

As the procession moved towards the Chittorgarh fort, Ajabdeh was wiping away her tears and smudged Kajal with the help of a mirror inside her palanquin. She was alone, and the path was too long. She was adjusting her maangtika when she saw the flash of red on her forehead for the first time. Her eyes stared at her reflection for a moment, sinking into the change. Then her eyes fell on the semi-transparent yellow purdah of the palanquin and what was beyond it. His horse moved beside her palanquin, and she stared to catch a glimpse of him, lost in his thoughts as the procession moved. Kunwar Pratap again felt a pair of eyes watching him as his gaze travelled to the palanquin, and she looked away. He was not sure why he felt she was looking when she was not; he shook his head.

 

Chittorgarh welcomed its first Kuwarani in all its glory. Ajabdeh stared in amazement at the streets, the people, the monuments and lastly the all-famous Kumbha Palace she had read and dreamt of.

Jaivanta Bai got down and told Pratap to bring her to the main entrance with him. Pratap stopped beside her palanquin as all eyes were on him, and he softly said, " Umm... Woh... Ayiye..." At first, she was not sure who he was addressing, but then he spoke up a little louder, unsure of whether she heard him.

" Kuwaraniji, padharo." She stepped out to a warm welcome from the noble ladies and queens. He took two steps back as she walked ahead, held by his sisters, but he had to follow as the Gaath was once again around his shoulders, tying him to her.

 

The aarti was done, and it was time for the ring-finding ritual.

" Dadabhai never loses, so don't lose this time, " Shakti smiled.

" He has never played with Bhabisa." Maan Kanwar defended.

" He's already lost once." The moment Chakrapani spoke up, all eyes were on him and Kunwar Pratap's were... well, swearing to kill him. " I mean, he had to get married." He added fumbling. Ajabdeh was staring at Chakrapani with a slight doubt from behind her veil, but the moment she saw Kunwar Pratap's reaction, she knew what he was talking about. Ajabdeh was satisfied beyond her expectations. He was bothered by the Mandir incident. These were hopeful signs for her. That she did make a difference.

" Start," Maan said, dropping the ring. Both hands were in the bowl of milk, both eyes concentrating on the target.

" This does look like a serious war," Padmavati whispered to Shakti. Hands brushed against each other as he stared at her hesitantly and withdrew his hand a little. She had no idea of it as she kept searching. He resumed immediately. He couldn't lose. She wouldn't let him win.

 

Ajabde's face broke with an innocent smile that Kunwar Pratap was sure would haunt him in his sleep, as she picked up the ring, victorious.

" You... Lost?" Shakti gasped as Kunwar Pratap looked competitive.

" Do this again, I withdrew my hand a little in the middle." Pratap was quick to his defence as the ladies laughed, and Ajabdeh blushed slightly behind her veil.

" Why did you?" Sajja asked as Ajabdeh looked up at him as he went red again, " This is played only once, and Kuwaranisa won it clearly. This means she will have the upper hand in the relationship." Sajja giggled, amused.

Seeing Pratap's disappointed face, Jaivanta said, " This is just a game; true relationships are made with equal efforts from each side, and no one has an upper hand."

" It's time for the muh dikhayi." Jaivanta Bai ordered as the men left the hall, while the ladies unveiled the bride and praised her beauty and showered her with gifts. Pratap was tired and wanted to leave the premises to go somewhere quieter when Sajja Bai suggested,

"But first, let's show Kuwaranisa the Hall of the Ancestors."

Dheerbai got up for the rituals as Jaivanta Bai stopped her.

" I think Kunwar Pratap should take her and introduce her to his forefathers." Ajabdeh's heart skipped a beat as Kunwar Pratap's eyes widened, and then he regained his composure.

" But Jija elders usually..." Dheer Bai protested.

" The husband is older too, and no one knows them better than he does." Kunwar Pratap was happy with his mother's praises, not knowing she would be proved wrong soon enough.

They walked silently through the corridor and into the room, led by the maids in waiting. The moment Ajabdeh entered the room, she felt a sense of peace and calm as lamps flickered beside the life-size portraits of Mewar's greats, giving her goosebumps as she stared at them.

" This is our ..."

" Lord Rama, the founder of Raghuvansh, hence Kush's descendants are the Mewari Sisodias." She spoke like she was telling her lessons as she looked at the life-size statue. He nodded in approval before folding his hands in front of the lord. She did the same as he proceeded to the first Life-size portrait. 

" This is Bappa Rawal." He said, "He is..."

" The founder of Chittorgarh, the first servant of EklingNath Ji." He stared at her as she went on to tell the whole story of how he met a princess and had a dream that changed the history of Mewar forever, without blinking, as she stared, amazed at the portrait. 

" This is..."

" Rana Kumbha..." " Rana Raimal..." " Rana Vikramaditya..." She went on, as he couldn't help but be amazed at how well and in great detail she remembered everything about the Bravehearts of Mewar.

" Rana Sanga..." Now he was just telling the names and waiting to hear her story.

 

They walked back to Lord Rama's figure as he unknowingly added, "Ranima says her first morning prayers here." She was looking at everything with so much respect and enthusiasm that he decided it was time he talked about something important.

" Kuwaraniji." His reluctant call made her face him. He still looked away at the statue.

" Ji?" She eyed him, aware of the maids around them. Back in her palace, she knew them all by name and nature; here, everyone appointed at her service was new and hence a stranger. It made her a little uncomfortable.

" Since we are here, let me tell you something, and I think no place will be better than this." He continued, contemplating his thoughts, trying to put it right before her.

" At the age of thirteen, I wanted to learn the art of warfare and help Mewar. My friends asked why so early? I said, because the faster I start, the longer I can serve and the better I will be. It's in this very room that I made a vow, to myself and these men, to make Mewar and its people my priority, then my parents. I didn't want any sort of attachments that may be distracting me from my vows. You may be expecting things like any other girl would, but to me..."

" Kunwarsa." Her soft, calm voice stopped him. " Teach me to vow."

" Pardon?" He looked confused.

" Where and how did you vow?" She asked, eyeing him staring at the statues.

" There." He pointed at the lamp at the Lord's feet. She stepped forward and extended her hand over it. He was not sure why.

" Lord Rama, I, Ajabdeh Punwar, Kuwarani of Mewar, want to make a vow to all the great ancestors in this room." His eyes widened as she continued. " I will serve Mewar and its people before I serve my family or myself. I will in any way help Mewar as much as I am needed to. I will forever be in debt for my life to my motherland and ..." She stopped before adding " I will never stand in between Kunwarsa's vows, duties and responsibilities and Mewar."

Pratap stared speechless for a moment, not sure how to react. He wanted her to say this, but she did without him asking for it or forcing her to in any way.

"Dh...Dhanyavaad." He fumbled out a thanks.

" Kunwarsa, I have been born and brought up in this very soil of Mewar. This land and my responsibilities towards it are the same as yours and all other Mewaris." She was still staring at the idol, well aware that he was staring right at her as her heart beat faster. He nodded in approval as Veer Bai came in to take Ajabdeh with her. The maids followed. For a brief moment, he wondered if they would gossip, or if he should have told them to leave him alone with his new bride. Even then, the gossip would be spread. He shook his head as they left. He was left alone in the hall as he stared at the portraits.

"Ranima was right..." he spoke to his ancestors. " about her..."

 

The room was decorated with garlands of marigolds and June roses for the night. Jasmine sticks were decorating the vases. Ajabdeh was made to sit in the middle of the bed as Udai Singh's younger wives teased and giggled before leaving the room. She was sitting on the bed, nervous and anxious. There was something in that Hall of Ancestors that had given her the strength she gathered. Otherwise, she couldn't believe that she had spoken four whole sentences to him. Not that her heart didn't keep thudding at her throat. Her voice didn't fumble, and she thanked the Lord for that. The last thing she wanted was to make him aware that his presence scared her. But what didn't escape her eyes was that he seemed... impressed. Maybe it was gratitude, but the cold look in his eyes was gone. And he fumbled. He actually fumbled.

 

The sound of the door creaking made her turn as he entered, carefully looking away. The moment Kunwar Pratap was alone in the Hall of Ancestors, he realised that he had totally forgotten to tell her about his reasons for the visit and the Mandir amongst other things. He decided to bring it up. Something bothered him. The fact that she seemed unaffected by his coldness at first, or the fact that she won over him, time and again, or the fact that he was impressed by what she vowed. She seemed to have an effect on him faster than he thought, but this was more like respect for what she said and nothing else. He hadn't stared at her face to admire her beauty like Chakrapani had teased he would be " Mesmerised by her beauty." Pratap Singh was not someone to be attracted to any lady by their looks. He admired intelligence and bravery. She had clearly shown intelligence today. What bothered him was that she was still cold towards him, maybe because she mistook his reasons for visiting to judge whether the Samant girl was " qualified" enough to be his bride.

 

Ajabdeh expected him to sit on the corner of the bed, so she shifted a little, fully aware by now of how he avoided contact. He sat on the couch beside the dressing table instead, looking at the floor as he started.

" I... err... I am not who you think I am." She stared, confused, as he continued, not looking up at her.

" I was ... in Bijolia, not to judge you or raise a question about your family in any way. The Punwars have been a Mewari loyal member ever since the time of Rana Kumbha, and I would never... I went there because I didn't want to marry someone as of yet, and Ranima had suddenly made a choice, so I wanted to see for myself if ... I mean I wanted to know who you are and if you can understand my priorities or...."

" I understand, Kunwarsa. I understood it from what you said at the hall today, you need not explain." Came a soft but firm reply, and relief swept across his face. He looked up and saw her faint smile, reassuring him. He looked away and said " Woh at the ... Mandir..."

" It was a misunderstanding." She added.

 

There was an awkward silence as both of them stared away at the flickering lamp, as she decided she should change out of the gaudy wedding attire. She got up to leave, knowing full well that if she didn't move, they would spend the rest of the night like that. The door to the adjacent room and her private puja Ghar was to the right of his couch. As she moved towards him, Kunwar Pratap's eyes were full of doubt. Why is she coming towards me? He shifted a little to his left as his expression made Ajabdeh smile inwardly as she declared.

" I should go."

" Where?" He had a strange tone to him as he realised she meant the changing room and nodded, embarrassed. She left the room. He got up quickly and brushed away the flower petals from the bed before arranging his pillows on the right.

 

Ajabde came out in a white and red lehenga, a simple light one, with just her bangles, mang tika and nose ring as she saw him arrange a border of pillows between the bed in a line, separating both sides quite prominently. Her Payal made him move away quickly as she occupied her left side. He decided to leave for his turn as he turned back from the door and said, "Kunwaraniji... this is your room, make yourself at home, and if you want any particular arrangement or decoration, you can have all that the way you want it." She nodded, adding, " I am not used to sleeping in the dark, kindly let the lamp on my side stay." He nodded back before she looked away. " Ranima said... I need to give you this..." He kept the ring Ranima had chosen for her on the bed, then he added, " And ...whatever Padmavati might have told you about me, she was playing a prank." He walked away really quickly as she stared at his retreating figure with wide eyes.

 

When Kunwar Pratap came out in his white kurta with red borders, he saw she was already sound asleep, turning her back to his side. He blew the lamps out, leaving the one on her side and tried to make himself comfortable on his side. As Ajabdeh moved in her sleep, the sound of her Payal and bangles bothered him. Kunwar Pratap was always used to sleeping alone, and such noises were... disturbing. He decided to take his pillow and shift to the couch, but as he walked towards it, a thought occurred. What would she think if she woke up and saw me there? He sat a little on his corner of the bed as he thought, Wah, look at her sleep, not bothered at all. He lay down again, his back to her. Ajabdeh opened her eyes with a worried look. He was not used to sleeping in such a small space, maybe that is why... Padmavati was playing a prank... What did he mean by that? 

 

As new dawn broke in Mewar, two known souls, two complete strangers tied by the sacred bond of marriage lay sleepless in thoughts, unaware that the other part of the soul was lost in the very same thought, unaware of how they were thinking of each other so easily without even realising or maybe too scared to admit how they affected each other. Both so strong-headed, both such strong individuals, yet so vulnerable in front of each other. Why? Kunwar Pratap Singh and Kunwarani Ajabdeh Punwar both had no answers, yet!