Struggle of Thoughts

Kunwar Pratap and Ajabdeh had both, by the first week of marriage, observed each other's schedules well, and they made sure that they stayed out of each other's way, be it in the Puja Ghar, dressing room or elsewhere. They were comfortable with giving each other the space to be themselves. Ajabdeh had learned that Kunwar Pratap preferred cold Sharbat and desserts over steaming hot food, he liked to wake up at the crack of dawn, he didn't like any disturbances at work or at the Dangal Sthal, and he loved his mother the most. Kunwar Pratap had learned that she was intelligent enough to decipher unsaid words between the lines of any novel, epic or book she read. She was very much into spending most of her time reading or sewing, and when outside, he always spotted her in the garden tending to flowers with his sisters. What he saw was how similar her lifestyle was to his mother's in a very weird way. She liked things to be simple, preferred to make her own garlands, took the minimum help from the maids, and the taste of her cooking and her singing was eerily similar to that of his mother. Kunwar Pratap had unknowingly observed her a lot.

 
He was on the couch with a Map, thinking of some war strategies, when she was reading Ramayana again in the adjacent room. He felt tired of politics and plans all of a sudden as he folded his map up in a roll, kept it down and walked up to her. She stopped reading as he sat in front and urged her,
" Go on, this is my favourite part."
" The Agnipariksha?" She asked, a little surprised, " It's the most painful part."
" Yes, but then it had a lot of sacrifices that made Mata Sita a very strong and independent character."
" You think only Mata Sita sacrificed?" She asked, surprised. " What about Lord Rama?"
" He chose to... umm... not trust her... That was wrong, I feel." He shrugged, looking at the book.
" He trusted her." A firm reply came. " He trusted her as a husband."
" Really? Then why did he tell her to give the Agnipariksha?" He frowned.
" As a king. As a king, he needed to support his subjects, even if it meant going against his wife." She was calm.
" And you are saying that is justified?" He looked doubtful at her.
" Yes and no, Mata Sita knew him; she knew he trusted his wife. So, as a husband, it was wrong, but not as a king. He was liable to question the queen if the subjects did so. The citizens of Ayodhya were at fault. He was abiding by his Dharma, kingship over kinship." She reasoned. "Isn't that what every royal stands for?"
 
" What is wrong is just wrong, Kuwaraniji" He shook his head firmly, a little in disbelief.
" What is wrong to you may be right to someone else." She spoke firmly. "Here, Rama the king is right, Rama the husband is not."
" Here, he should be the husband first, because she waited so long for him to ..." He eyed her stubborn deliberation, a little annoyed.
" No, someone once told me, a King's first duty is to his people, even before his parents." He looked up at her calm face as she spoke. Eyes met, and she looked away a little coyly as she saw his eyes clearly impressed.
" I still think he was wrong to her; he was a king to her, too." He spoke up after an awkward silence, looking away. "She was his subject, too."
" By giving her justice, he couldn't deny it to the thousand more in Ayodhya." She spoke calmly again, turning the page of her book.
Suddenly, Pratap was angry with the debate he was clearly losing. He got up and left, shaking his head, as she closed the book in anger.

" She is so stubborn!" Kunwar Pratap swung his sword in anger as Chakrapani watched.
" I can't believe this." He exclaimed.
" What?" Kunwar Pratap asked, confused.
" From what you just said, Baojiraj, you two... err... seem to be speaking against each other, for each other." He suggested, amused.
" What?" Kunwar Pratap was confused by what his friend was trying to say.
" I mean... your ideals... she is defending your ideals and you hers." He shrugged.
" Chakrapani, I am not in the mood for your lame philosophies. Please stop before I lose my temper with you as well." Kunwar Pratap had no idea what he was trying to say.
" Accha thik hai. Let's go to my place. My wife's thandaai will cool you down." Chakrapani offered.
 
" I don't understand Bhago!" Ajabdeh fumed. " If he is wrong, he could accept it. So much ego. He walked out on a conversation to win it."
" Why are you always so competitive with Kunwarsa?" Bhagwati was shocked.
" What? No, I ..." Ajabdeh shook her head, drawing her dupatta over her head firmly.
" Yes, you are. You have to win everything that's your nature with him, and this is such a silly debate, Kunwarani Ajabde Punwar. Talk to him." Bhagwati seemed amused.
" About what? Leave it, Bhago. When I heard of him, I didn't know he was so egoistic." Ajabdeh fumed.
" He is not, maybe with you he needs...err... a little authority," Bhagwati suggested.
" What does that mean?" She asked, confused.
" Like you know, he wants to have an upper hand over you." She smiled.
" No, Kunwarsa respects equality in women." She defended as Bhagwati laughed.
" Yes, but you are his woman; it's different."
" Stop confusing me." Ajabde picked up Parvati, who was playing and sat down on the floor with her toys scattered around.
" Aree Aree Kuwaranisa on my floor? If Kunwarsa sees this, I will be hanged. Get up now." Bhagwati teased as Ajabdeh stared at her.
 
Kunwar Pratap entered with Chakrapani, a little startled to find her there. She pulled down the dupatta over her face, seeing Chakrapani as he said to his wife, " I brought Kunwarsa over here for some thandai."
"I'm making some, please sit." Bhagwati left for the kitchen, followed by Chakrapani. Ajabdeh looked away, appearing busy with Parvati, who had just learned to crawl that too, not properly.
 
Parvati stared at Kunwar Pratap, who was looking at the little baby rather awkwardly. She pouted slowly before she started crying, much to Kunwar Pratap's dismay.
" Parvati."
Ajabdeh picked her up and started to distract her by making sounds with her bangles. Parvati was not easily distracted as she kept looking at Kunwar Pratap and crying. He even scares innocent babies with his ...
" Did you say something?" His voice startled her. Was I thinking aloud?
" No," she replied.
 
By now, Parvati's eyes fell on the large ruby ring on his index finger. She crawled from Ajabde's lap towards him as he shifted uneasily, not sure how to react. His scared face made Ajabdeh smile in secret. Parvati tugged at his ring as he looked confused.
" She... wants it," Ajabdeh suggested.
" I... here." He quickly removed the ring and placed it on the floor as Parvati crawled to it.
" Don't", Ajabdeh's cry scared him as Parvati stopped and turned her attention back to the Kunwarani of Mewar.
 
" She is too small for things that can choke. Here, see it from my hand, Paro."
She picked up the baby and the ring as she played. Parvati giggled at Kunwar Pratap in happiness for giving her the ring, as Ajabdeh couldn't control a giggle as well.
" She likes the ring, don't you, Paro?"
She giggled with the baby as Kunwar Pratap smiled as well. They didn't know when they were staring at each other, smiling amused at Paro's love for his ring, forgetting their war when Bhagwati came out with the glasses, asking, " What is so funny, Paro? What did you do?" Ajabdeh kept a close vigil, a little embarrassed at giggling like that in front of him.
 
" I should go." Kunwar Pratap got up after the refreshments and promptly took the ring from the baby, shocking Ajabdeh and making Parvati cry again.
" Why is she crying?" he asked confusedly as Ajabdeh picked Paro again.
" Because you took away the ring." Bhagwati smiled.
" Crying? For such a simple thing?" He asked, confused.
" Babies are like that." Chakrapani laughed at his clueless nature.
Ajabdeh was out on the porch, showing Paro around to distract her, when she heard the conversation and smiled to herself. The bravest in Rajputana is scared of a little baby.
 
He walked into his room post-lunch and expected to see her sewing alone, like the other days, but instead, he was greeted by a room full of Princesses and royal ladies. His room had turned into a mini-class as everyone sat listening to Kuwaranisa's simple yet deep thoughts. All eyes were on him except hers as they greeted him. He expected her to tell them to leave when he arrived, but she didn't. Instead, she shifted the class to the Puja room. He sat on the bed. If he looked to his right, behind the semi-transparent curtains, he could see her, while everyone sat in front, away from his line of visibility. He opened his rolls of scrolls and resumed his work.
 
" We all as humans learn from our mistakes, Lord Krishna said it's never wrong to admit your mistakes and learn from them. It's not wrong to lose once in a while. It's not a loss, but a setback. It means we sometimes can be wrong, and it's okay."
Kunwar Pratap's hands stopped over his map. Somehow, he felt the lines were directed towards him. He stopped and shook his head. It's not bad to lose once in a while. Someone teach her that! He walked away with his papers as she watched him leave.
 
When he returned to the room that night, the moment he entered the room, she was sitting on the bed waiting, but as she heard him enter, she lay down and covered herself with the blanket, making him frown. In the past few days, she had been polite enough to ask him about his work or tell him some stories she had heard from his mothers while they got ready for bed, but today she was acting asleep. Kunwar Pratap was confused. He had thought they were not fighting but debating. Then what made her so angry? He walked up to the bed and spotted the pillows already arranged in the middle. He sat on his corner, and to make her talk, he spoke first.

" I... umm... Ranima called me to say... You might be going to Bijolia to stay for a week for Pakphere." She sat up with a smile, forgetting to cover her head, in her childish enthusiasm as she asked," Sach? Ranima said I can... go home?"
Something in her happiness made Kunwar Pratap feel bothered. Whether it was because she still called Bijolia home, or because her statement was like she was leaving forever or the fact that she was happy about leaving Chittorgarh that he couldn't tell. He nodded in agreement before Ajabdeh quickly regained her composure and pulled the dupatta over her head.
" She said she will talk to you about the details herself."
" Umm... Shubh Ratri." She nodded. As he turned to leave, and she was about to lie down, Kunwar Pratap stopped.
" Kuwaraniji?"
" Ji?"
" I ... Ummm... Dhanyavaad."
" Ji?" She asked, confused.
" For... umm... fixing my Bajubandh a week ago, I forgot to thank you." She nodded with disappointment. Why? She couldn't tell. Maybe she wanted to hear something else, something..... she didn't know what.
Kunwar Pratap was sure he wanted to say something else, but what? He couldn't tell. When he came back into the room, he lay on the bed, utterly confused. One moment she is angry, then she giggles, then she taunts, and now she is happy. Ladies are really confusing. I'm glad Ranima is so simple, not at all like this. He suddenly remembered how his father always said I never understand your Ranima's thoughts. He shook his head. Maybe it's when they are wives, then. He gathered.