The Rebel

“ Love can break all barriers, and make the heart a rebellion.”

Kunwar Partap could not sleep all night. Deep unsettling thoughts disturbed his peace. He was uncertain. About Mewar and the war, its future and its consequences. And of his emotions. From the moment Rao Ramrakh mentioned his father cancelling the marriage alliance a strange emptiness filled his heart every time he saw her. Was it because of the guilt he felt realising what a pure soul Ajbante Baisa was, admitting he was wrong about her or was there something more to it he could not place! He could not help but praise how dignified and understanding Ajbante was. All Kunwar Partap knew was that never in his life he had disobeyed the orders of his parents, big or small, all except in her case when he wrote to her two years back. Could he disobey them one more time, for her? His heart and mind were on a different battlefield where he was an amateur.

As the light of dawn filled his chambers, Kunwar Partap had a certain longing to talk to Ajbante, not sure of what he wanted to say, and he shook his head and walked to the temples. He looked around in between his prayers more than once hoping she would come for her morning prayers but Ratan Baisa informed him that Jija was unwell. Kunwar Partap frowned. They had last talked in the strategy room and she looked fine, how was she unwell? Kunwar Partap walked halfway through the Ranimahal towards Ajbante’s room and stopped to turn. It was wrong to disturb her private space, especially when he was just a guest. He decided to wait till lunch and gather what to tell her in the first place. For the first time in his life, Kunwar Partap was unsure of his words.

Kunwar Partap was happy when Rao Ramrakh Punwar informed him of his decision to accompany the princes at lunch. He knew Ajbante kept her promise and he needed to thank her. It was also perhaps how he could start the conversation he wanted. But she was also absent at dinner making him enquire to Hansa Bai about her health. Hansa Bai’s excuse for fever seemed irrelevant to Kunwar Partap. He frowned at his food and decided to call it a day. They were leaving at dawn and he needed to pack as well. Kunwar Shakta watched him leave his food untouched.

With unexplained restlessness, he began packing his things, dispersing all the servants who offered help. He gathered an idle mind that was a devil’s home. Concentrating on the agenda would help. He also found out that he was probably the worse packer in the universe. None of his things seemed to fit in the trunks. He stared at them helplessly.

Ajbante Baisa had stepped out of her room for some fresh air, in the wee hours of the night. She felt suffocated inside the chambers and needed to breathe. She gathered that her lessons would eventually help her fight every situation. Life never waited for anyone. Perhaps he was her lesson. As she walked into the kitchen she heard the maid gossip that Kunwar Partap had left his food untouched. Ajbante frowned at their words absentmindedly and dispersed them for the night.

“I guess this was a bad idea.” Kunwar Partap admitted to himself aloud seeing the mess his room was in.

“Do you need any help Kunwarsa?” Her words made him turn. Her face looked pale, her hair, not braided, fell over her shoulder, like the first time they had met, and her eyes looked tired, yet she managed a smile and relief swept across Kunwar Partap’s face.

“I think I am the worst packer in the world.” Ajbante’s eyes scrutinized the mess in the room and stopped at his informal tone.

She began to place his things one by one into the trunks, neatly packing them.

“Thank you for convincing Raoji.” He sat down on the couch trying to start a conversation. Her lack of response made him frown.

“How is your health?”

“I am fine.”

“Has the fever receded?”

“Yes.”

“Have you eaten?” His words made him frown. Now he was being pushy. Ajbante Baisa stopped at the trunk.

“I heard you haven’t. Was the food not good enough, Kunwarsa?” She asked looking up at him from the floor.

“Is that why you are here?” Kunwar Partap frowned “To check if your cook didn’t cook a meal as delicious as you do?”

Ajbante Baisa stared at him speechless for a moment. She could not place what was different in him yet… Maybe he was relieved about the families now not expecting him to marry her.

“No. I… saw the servants leave so I came to see if you need any help.” Her tone was formal.

“I was trying to be self-sufficient.” He shrugged “Work helps you get your mind off…” He stopped watching her pack “Things.”

“Yes, it does.” She agreed unmindfully.

“Are you usually scared about wars?” he asked.

“When Daata goes on wars? I guess Ratan is scared, I am more proud.” She smiled “When Maasa does his tilak and ...Were you ever scared to go on wars?”

“I think I am now.” His answer came almost like a murmur as she stared at him and eyes met.

“Because of …” her throat felt dry “…of the internal issues?”

“Because of a lot of things, issues… people. How it affects them.” He stared at her as she looked away.

“I am sorry... Kunwarsa.” Ajbante Baisa rubbed her fingers together “I never wanted to upset you by bringing up personal issues. I was actually...”

“Thank you.” His words stopped her “It had completely escaped my thoughts that...” his voice trailed “Things were never fine at home.”

 His voice made Ajbante face him with a worried frown.

“Is it...” she was unsure whether to ask or not.

“That bad?” Kunwar Partap smiled faintly staring at the flickering lamp instead of her face “I don’t know. I am glad I don’t stay there for long.”

“I am so sorry Kunwarsa.” Her scared voice made him look up at her face as she nervously looked away “I did not want to bring up ...”

“You did the best in the interest of Mewar, and I appreciate that Baisa. Your feedback was valuable.” His reassurance made her stop, “And if you feel like saying anything to anyone for the betterment of Mewar, never hesitate.”

” I wish the war is over soon, and in our favour.” Ajbante Baisa sighed.

“I wish the same.” His voice trailed.

Silence filled the room as Ajbante finished packing.

He stared at her putting on the locks to his trunk and made the same kind of face Ranima did when she realized the locks were heavy. Kunwar Partap couldn’t help but smile.

“Ranima is a lot like you.” He said, making Ajbante stop.

“Or I am a lot like her?” She asked shrugging and making him smile.

“Same thing isn’t it?”

“Not really.” She smiled.

His voice trailed “Is it strange that I am sharing?”

“Not at all. Why don’t you tell me more, about Maharanisa?” Ajbante Baisa smiled “Should I serve you some food here, while we talk?”

“I don’t think you will be convinced if I say no Rajkumarisa.” He made her smile faintly.

“I will bring your plate.” She turned to leave.

“Make that two.” He made her stop “I know someone else who hadn’t eaten as well.” He watched her walk away without responding.

“Ranima is very strict when it comes to duties and responsibilities. She has this very harsh image on the outside.” Kunwar Partap smiled between the morsels. “And Majhli Maasa is just the opposite. She is always in a cheerful mood, no matter what.” Ajbante smiled at his words. “But I am not being partial as a son; I haven’t found a single soul as good as Ranima’s.”

As soon as he said it, Kunwar Partap stared at the one silently having her food in front of him. In a moment he knew, that he was lying, perhaps to himself. He brushed off the feeling and continued “When we were in Jallore, Nanusa used to tell me stories of all our great ancestors. At home, no one except Ranima told us stories, like you tell umm...” He stopped as Ajbante stopped her hand on the food. She had not imagined he would notice her reading to her siblings, but he did.

“With Daajiraj...” his voice seemed distant “Neither does he understand me, nor do I understand him.” A sigh escaped his lips “It must be good to have supporting father figures at home.” Ajbante Baisa nodded a little unsure.

“Can I ask you something Kunwarsa?” Ajbante stared at him thoughtfully.

“Surely Rajkumarisa.” He nodded.

“Why is it important for people to understand us? Just because someone is related closely to us doesn’t mean they will know us, and people who know us won’t care about anything else, isn’t it?” Kunwar Partap stared at his plate for a moment and back at Ajbante Baisa with a smile. “Ranima says so too.”

“There will be many who will never understand, but a few who will.” Ajbante Baisa looked away, getting up from her empty plate.” They always will.” The last words came almost like a murmur before she called on a maid to take away the plates.

Ajbante Baisa noticed Kunwar Partap lick his fingers much like Ratan did when she tasted her cooking. She smiled at his now empty plate satisfied.

“I... we... will be leaving at dawn.” He stared at her unreadable face. Ajbante Baisa assumed it was his way of saying goodnight.

“Oh wait. I will be back.” He watched her go with a frown on his face and come back with something wrapped in a red piece of satin cloth.

“Maharanisa gave this to my mother, almost a decade back.” She held out the bangles for Kunwar Partap “I think you should keep these. Give them back to her when you go home.”

Kunwar Partap stared at her as she said it, a little colour faded from her face and she did not stare at him while he took the bangles from her. Her eyes shone in the light of the flickering lamps in the room.

“I should go. Have a good night Kunwarsa.” She turned to leave in a hurry hoping her tears would hold back till she reached her chambers. Kunwar Partap closed his eyes. With every step she took, the sound of the anklets seemed to fade away and he felt like he was losing his grip on something. It was like Ajbante Baisa was holding him from falling off a cliff and his hands were slipping off hers. On an impulse, he walked towards the corridor to her room.

“Baisa. Stop.” His words made her stop at the threshold, as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. She was quick to wipe it away before turning to face him.

“You need anything Kunwarsa?” Her words made him step forward while she stepped back, as he crossed the threshold into her room.

“I think you should keep these.” He walked up to her holding out the bangles for her and making her frown. His face showed no emotions.

“I think you did not understand Kunwarsa.” Her voice was composed. “Ranisa gave the bangles to her…” Ajbante stared at him with a confused frown.

“I understood exactly what you said, but you do not understand what I am trying to say here.” Kunwar Partap took her hand by the wrist, opened her palm, and placed the bangles he held in his other hand, on her palm “Keep them. Ranima will want that too.”

Ajbante Baisa stared with wide eyes at Kunwar Partap unsure. For a moment, Ajbante thought she was imagining this conversation. Then she stared at the bangles on her palm and his cold fingers around her wrist. His eyes twinkled in the light of the lamp.

“You know what Ranaji…” She tried to find her voice of reason.

“I know exactly what situations are Ajab.” His calling her by the name her mother often did make her stop and stare at him speak.

“I do not rebel without a cause; that is not me. You know me better than that.” His voice shook a little making Ajbante’s heart skip a beat.

“But...If” Ajbante freed her hand from his “You are doing this because you feel pity...” She looked away.

“Ajab.” For the second time, her name felt so familiar from his mouth like there had been an eternity beyond this life, where he had called her ‘Ajab’ and she had heard his voice in her dreams.

His eyes shone with tears. “If I ever felt pity towards you or your family it would be only before I met you.” She stared at his face in confusion as he continued with a lingering faint smile at her “Because ever since I know you I have seen many sides of you that deserve everything except pity. And I wouldn’t have been here now, changing my mind, if I pitied you.”

“Then why now?... After what happened...” He watched the tears trickle down her cheeks as her hand trembled on the bangles. He smiled at her with his eyes teary “I am not a very emotional person Ajab, I do not know the when why and how of things. I just feel this is what feels right for me. For Us.”

“You had made a decision two years back Kunwarsa, and I respected that... But I need to understand what makes you change your mind, especially when the war... and Ranaji...” He stared at her words in admiration.

“I don’t know what I was thinking then, but I guess I lacked the maturity you had, towards…us.” He stared at her holding back her tears. “I lacked the vision I have now. Ranima was right. You need a home to come back to after every battle in life.”

“Are you… sure of this?” Ajbante sounded scared. This meant more than just his commitment, it meant going against his father or his own agendas for a personal cause. He knew what was at stake, didn’t he?

“Yes I am, otherwise I would have left without a conversation. But I can’t leave you; I can’t lose you. I do not understand relationships Ajab, and neither do I think about them. But I wanted you to know that with you, things are different. They always will be. With you, I feel more at home, than anywhere else in the world. I want this exact feeling of home to return to, after every battle.”

“Kunwarsa, I do not know what to say.” Ajbante’s words choked as she stopped scared.

“You can give the bangles back if you want; you have the right to choose. But I want you to know that no one else will have them.”

He extended his hand to take back the bangles as she stared at them in silence. For a moment, Ajbante felt entitled to make the decisions of her life. She felt, unlike what everyone said that she had the right to make life-changing decisions. He made her feel like an equal. Holding on to the bangles, Ajbante sat down on the floor, letting her tears flow. He sat on his knees, on the carpet in front of her as he wiped away her coming tears. He wiped away his teary eyes too and smiled as she stared at him. Had she ever imagined this warrior could cry? Then holding her hands firmly in his, with a faint smile he placed the bangles on her wrists. They stared at their fingers entwined in each other’s and the silence spoke more than they ever could, about their emotions, feelings and worries to each other.

“You know what this means right Kunwarsa?” She asked in a low voice once again as he smiled at her, tightening his grip on her hand “I will never let us go, no matter what this will cost, I am willing to pay the price. Are you with me?”

Ajbante Baisa could only nod in silent happy tears.

“You are my first cause of rebellion Rajkumari Ajbante Baisa. You turned a warrior into a rebel today.” He saw her turn a little pale “Does that scare you?”

“It could, but when it comes to Mewar’s bravest warrior, it does not scare me.”  Her words made Kunwar Partap pull her into an embrace while Ajbante smiled in happy tears, hearing his heartbeat for her, in rebellion.

While Bijoiya still speaks fondly of Kunwar Partap choosing his bride, history clearly indicates a fallout between Udai Singh and his sons, more than once during his reign. True or not, even if he had not rebelled, Ajbante Baisa was married to him in the rainy season of 1557.

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